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This month’s What I Learned From… group writing project is under way, y’all! But don’t panic, you have plenty of time left. I’m accepting entries through Sunday, May 18th! So don’t just sit there - write somethin’!

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Typically, when an organization wants to make large, dramatic or fundamental changes in the way they operate, and they have trouble or simply can’t do it themselves (due to lack of available personnel, not enough expertise, or whatever), they usually call in a consultant.

Now, I’m going to go out on a limb here (sound of limb cracking ominously) and say that generally speaking, all consulting engagements consist of the same basic steps. It generally doesn’t matter if it’s a financial institution or a manufacturing facility, a new customer service initiative or an improvement in process throughput; they’re all the same.

So what exactly are these mysterious steps? I thought you’d never ask!

Step 1: Visualize the Future

Most consulting gigs begin when a client identifies some condition they’d like to change, typically followed by a vision of where they’d like to be in relation to it. This vision may be prompted by financial considerations, operational issues, or possibly the CEO’s attack of indigestion. (The truth is, there’s almost always room for improvement.) Whatever the case, the client has presumably given it some thought and decided they want to move from one condition to another.

It’s important to note; that future state is likely a bit nebulous at this point. That’s because it hasn’t been completely thought through yet (hence, the need for help). But at least there’s a vision; that’s the starting point.

Step 2: Perform an Assessment

Once the consultant becomes involved, the first thing they usually do is assess where exactly the client is (in relation to where they want to be). In accordance with the vision as it currently stands, the assessment usually consists of a series of interviews with appropriate personnel, along with the collection of pertinent historical data.

This provides that critical point of reference (the “you are here” spot). See, no improvement is possible without knowing where you are first; it’s just the way it is. This is also where specific elements that must be changed get identified. These are usually called Key Progress Indicators (KPI’s), and will be the means of measuring progress later during the implementation.

Step 3: Conduct a Gap Analysis

OK; once the KPI’s are identified, the idea is to define the differences between the future state of each KPI and the current state. That gives you the “gap”. Now the client knows exactly how much improvement is required, and the consultant can build a plan that will (if they did their job correctly), get them there.

It’s important to identify all the KPIs that are pertinent to the expected change; no more and no less.

Step 4: Create an Implementation Plan

The implementation plan is a detailed list of steps required to move every KPI from point A to point B. Unfortunately, this is where most consulting gigs come to a grinding halt (sound of grinding halt). For instance (assuming the plan is a good one), making the change turns out to be bigger than the client thought at first (a not unusual discovery) and they become nervous about expending that much money, time, or resources.

There may also be other factors at play as well; outside influences, uncertainties in the market, etc. Alas, way too many implementation plans end up as a nice set of binders on a shelf somewhere, gathering dust instead of doing what they’re supposed to do: foster improvement.

Step 5: Implement the Plan

Finally, the plan now created gets put into place. A famous quote comes to mind here: “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.” Although often attributed to Patton or Eisenhower, it was actually Helmuth von Moltke who is first credited with the saying (although I’m sure every commander since time began has had a similar thought!)

In any case, no truer words were ever spoken! The thing to remember about implementation plans is they must be detailed enough for easy execution, but flexible enough for modification when necessary (notice I said when, not if).

Step 6: Monitor and Correct as Needed

Although called a “step” this one is really a continuous action. Once implemented, presumably conditions have improved to match the future envisioned at the beginning and detailed during the project. However, it’s important to keep an eye on things since there are always a few (or many) things that get missed and/or need to be “tweaked” a bit.

Think of it as a “living program” that goes back and constantly compares the KPI’s to make sure the improvement is “permanent”. Eventually, the future state becomes second nature, and then it’s time to start thinking about yet another improvement… and thus, the beat goes on.

C’mon, Make It Personal

You know, what’s really amazing is these steps aren’t just for big corporations; they can be almost universally applied to any growth or improvement, whether you’re dealing with a large organization or (and here is where it really gets good) a single individual (that’s you!)

I know, I know; there’s bound to be a few skeptics out there. And right about now you may be sayin’ to yourself, “OK, Mr. Smarty Pants, can it really be that easy? What if I want to… write a novel? Or learn to fly (an airplane, that is - if you want to learn to fly like Superman, well, you’ll have to check with Jor-El), or otherwise change my life in large, dramatic and/or fundamental ways?”

Well, first of all, please note that I did not say it was easy! Simple - maybe - but in consulting, as in life, execution is everything. Second, I’m here to tell ya; you absolutely can use these steps to accomplish pretty much anything that’s actually, you know, possible. (However, if you want to do something that’s genuinely not possible, it’s like I said: you’re on your own, Bubba!)

About the only prerequisites to move yourself from point A to point B are 1) the desire to make a change, and 2) the motivation you’ll need to stick with it until it’s done.

So how would you implement a major change in your life? How would you translate those steps above into something useful for you? What would you add or change?

(Image credit: A friend of mine dropped this comic on my desk some time ago. It’s from a Dilbert desk calendar, but I have no idea what the date is, although the year appears to be 2003. Or 2005. Or maybe 3002.)

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… assuming, of course, you’re goin’ somewhere…

[Note from the Proprietor: As you can see, this is part 1 (obviously) of a short series on the topic of Big Change. Part 2 is, as they say in the movies, “coming soon”.]

How do we get where we’re going, anyway? Come to think of it; how do we get anywhere?

Oh, sure; we make plans all the time - map out strategies, set goals, etc., etc., ad nauseum. But what if the goals you set are a bit too big to accomplish all in one go? What do you do? Move on to something else? Give up? What?

[I heard this story a while back from a fellow who claims it actually happened. Being a somewhat trusting soul, I believed him; after all, he IS a consultant. Er, come to think of it, so am I. In any case, it makes a great point. Trust me.]

Some time back, Don (the name has been changed, not to protect his identity, but because - the ol’ brain cells bein’ what they are these days - I can’t remember it *sigh*) had an important appointment at a small manufacturing facility somewhere in the mountains of central Tennessee. The nearest airport was Memphis (located on the western end of the state), which meant he’d have to drive for some distance through unfamiliar territory.

He did his best to prepare, getting directions and downloading maps of the area. Thus, when he arrived, he headed out with confidence. Unfortunately (as so often happens in life), and despite the helps, he took a wrong turn somewhere along the way and managed to get himself completely lost.

Anyway, after driving around for a while without another car in sight (somehow, he managed to get on some obscure back road), he finally came across a small wood-framed house on the side of the road. An old man sat on the front porch in a somewhat weather-beaten rocking chair, puffing away at a corncob pipe.

With some relief, Don pulled up to the house and got out of the car.

The old man took his pipe out of his mouth and blew a huge cloud of smoke. “Howdy, young man,” he said amiably. “Kin ah he’p ya?”

Don pulled out his map and joined the old fellow on the porch. “I hope so,” he replied. “I wonder if you can tell me where I am?” Together they spent some time looking at the map. Alas, it turned out the old fellow couldn’t read very well; he wasn’t much help.

“If ya don’t mind my asking,” the man finally said, “where ya goin’? There ain’t much up in these here parts worth visitin’, less’n yer a hunter.”

Don told him, “I’m looking for the XYZ facility; I have an appointment there in about an hour. I tried using my cell phone, but these mountains block the reception and I can’t get through to anyone.” [Note: the XYZ facility makes alphabet soup.]

The old man looked at him in surprise. “Oh, ah know that place,” he said. “Ah kin tell ya how to get there.” [OK; I made that up about the soup.]

Well, at least he didn’t say, “you can’t get there from here”, Don thought to himself. Aloud he said, “Great! I’d appreciate the help. Just let me get something to write on and I’ll be right back.”

The man quickly replied, “No need fer that, son; it’s ra’ht easy.” He stood up and used his pipe to point back the way Don had just come. “Ya take that thar’ road and ya go three C’s until ya come to a crossroads. Then ya go left fer one C and yer there.”

Don just looked at him blankly. “Three C’s? Gee, that’s a new one on me. How far is a C?”

The old fellow smiled. “Oh, that’s right; ya ain’t from around here. Well, young feller, a ‘see’ means ‘as fer as ya kin see’. So what ya do is, ya get on this here road, and when ya get to the top of that thar’ hill - well, as fer as ya kin see is what we call a see.” He looked at him and smiled. “Ya see?”

Comprehension dawned. “Ah, I get it. If I do that three times, turn left and do it once more, I’ll be there, right?”

“Yep,” the old man replied, sitting back down and reinserting his pipe. “Good luck,” he added, resuming his rocking.

Don thanked the man, got back in his car, and drove off, still harboring his doubts. But since he had no better ideas, he decided to follow the old man’s suggestion. To his amazement, three ridges later he spotted a crossroads ahead. Turning left and topping the next ridge, he was gratified to see the facility he’d been searching for about a half mile away.

That old fellow knew what he was talking about after all! He made his appointment with time to spare.

Long Story; Short Point

If you’ve set yourself a big, hairy, audacious goal (that’s a BHAG, don’cha know), then good for you! Having at least one going at any given time can be a good thing; it helps to keep you from getting too __________ (pick one or both: comfortable, complacent).

The only thing, though; BHAGs can be a mite overwhelming, if you know what I mean. Consequently, you can’t just finish ‘em off in one single step. Hey, I understand perfectly; it’s the nature of the beast.

For instance, let’s say you… want to write a book. (I’d say that certainly qualifies as a BHAG.) Now, would you immediately sit down and start to write? Of course not! (Unless, of course, it was for NaNoWriMo.) That’s because writing a book takes planning, outlining, research, etc, right? Most BHAGs are like that.

So what to do?

Well, you have to break the BHAG down into easily achievable steps. Take the excellent advice of our unknown mountain man: just go for a ‘see’. Once you get that far, go for another - then another. Don’t worry so much about the big, hairy, audacious part; just concentrate on getting to the top of that next ridge. Then rinse and repeat as needed. I think you’ll find that as you accomplish each little step, then what to do next usually becomes obvious, while the rest of them kinda line themselves right up for you! Pretty cool, actually.

So how about it, folks? Let’s say I’ve got a big ol’ BHAG right here in front of me (actually, it’s the one I used as an example up there: I’d like to write a book), and I’m having some trouble getting started. Hey, I’m listenin’; what would your advice be?

[As I mentioned at the top there; this is Part 1; stay tuned for Part 2!]

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note from the Proprietor: This is my entry for yet another group writing project (Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!) sponsored by Laity Lodge, a retreat center located right here in the great state of Texas. Check the bottom of this post for details on how you can win a free retreat.]

Have you ever been to a retreat? I’m not talking about like in those old Westerns when the Indians start massing and the bugler sounds the horn, recalling the troops back to the stockade ‘cause things aren’t lookin’ too good.

No, the kind of retreat I mean is a place where you can go and sortof catch your breath. It’s a place to both get away from the daily bustle of life and maybe, just maybe, take stock of things. Even make some life-changing decisions without the distractions of daily life getting in the way.

If you’ve never done it, well trust me, you might want to give it some serious consideration. On the other hand, if you have, then no doubt you probably know: downright powerful things can happen, just because you took the time to get away from it all.

A Singles’ Retreat

Quite a while ago (this was just before I met Mrs. MZM) I attended a church-sponsored retreat for Single Adults that quite literally changed my life. Oh, it isn’t that anybody but me would have noticed, exactly (not like I grew a third eye or something - at least, not where anyone else could, um, see).

No, it was more of a change in outlook. But wow! What a difference it made!

See, what happened is this. For the first time in a while, I spent some time really taking stock of who I was, and compared that with who I believed God wanted me to be. Now I won’t go into specifics here, but suffice it to say I discovered there was something of a discrepancy between the two. Uh-oh.

You know what I mean, right? You imagine yourself to be thus, but when you really take the time to check things out, you discover the unpleasant fact that you’re, well, not quite there yet.

So what to do, what to do?

Well, I had to face up to the cold hard fact that it was time to make some changes. Again, without specifics, let me just say it was an eye-opening time for me. BUT (and that’s a BIG ‘but’) it put me on a path to personal growth that had at least one significant outcome. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

The Divine Miz M(ZM)

Not long after that, I met the future Mrs. MZM, and lo and behold, we hit it off pretty much right away. (I’ve shared parts of this story before.) But as we got to know each other, we discovered something interesting.

By comparing notes (so to speak) we found that, among other things, we’d both been in this church’s Singles group for quite some time. The question was, how had we not met, or even seen each other before now? Then on further investigation, we came to the astonishing conclusion that we’d even gone to many of the same events - yet completely missed each other every time!

For instance, a few weeks before we met, I had taken my camera to the Singles’ 4^th of July picnic, determined to photograph every single person who was there. I kid you not; I had literally hundreds of shots; I was positive I’d captured everybody. But here’s the weird part. We went back and examined every one of ‘em, and would you believe there was not one photo of her? (Although we did find her hand in one shot - she recognized a ring she had on at the time.)

Another time, there was this restaurant the Singles went to after church one day. Both of us could, and did, name the same people sitting next to and across from us. We finally concluded that we must have been actually sitting directly across from each other - yet still never met! Weird, to say the least.

Different Paths, Different Outcomes

So what’s the big, significant outcome of that retreat I mysteriously alluded to earlier? Well…

It’s just that, if I hadn’t gone to that retreat, and consequently spent that time in self-discovery (and just as importantly, made the decision to grow), I honestly think we might never have met. Or had we met, we would probably have never hit it off so well. Why? Because I simply wasn’t the man she needed me to be.

Thank God I was listening that day!

Oh, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that, had we never met, I would have become completely destitute, or perhaps shriveled up and died, or even turned into some sort of antithesis of who I am today. But at the very least, I certainly would have missed the incredible blessing of knowing - and being married to - The Most Wonderful Woman in the World.

As far as I’m concerned, I definitely chose the best path.

[If you’d be interested in possibly winning a free retreat up in the Hill Country at Laity Lodge (trust me - it’s in some of the most beautiful parts of Texas), then click this cute little link here and check it out. PLEASE NOTE - To qualify for the free retreat, you must enter by Friday, May 9^th (yes, it’s short notice - sorry!) But if you miss it, all is not lost; you can also earn discounts on two other retreats as long as you get your entry in by May 31^st.]

(photo credit: which way? by jgrantmac)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note from the proprietor: this is my entry in this month’s What I Learned From… group writing project. If you’d care to participate (and you’re welcome to!), just click on that cute little link up there and read all about it.]

As you know, the Main Thing is to always keep the Main Thing the Main Thing, right? And the Main Thing here at the Middle Zone is lessons learned, from that universal schoolmaster we know as life. Not only that, we encourage you to tell your stories as well. After all, the whole point of our What I Learned From… series is there are lessons to be learned pretty much anywhere. All it really takes is to pay attention.

However, unlike “normal” writing projects (as if you can call anything we do around here normal), instead of a single topic, this month there’s lots to choose from. So as I began to ponder the list of topics above (in case you were wondering what that grinding noise was), it suddenly hit me (sound of dull thud): I’ve learned something from every one!

So, without further ado (because further do would be just plain silly) I give you: What I Learned From All Kinds of Stuff:

School

Well, it kinda goes without saying that we all learned something in school, right? Reading, writing, arithmetic - I mean, that’s the whole point. But what’cha might call an education is not the only things I learned, if you know what I mean. There were a few other pretty important things… such as: 1) Chalk does not taste good (don’t ask!), and 2) there’s an incredible amount of pressure put on kids to conform. My advice is to teach them early: it’s OK to be different. Wish I’d learned that one earlier.

Television

Honestly now, don’t you think Television has kinda gone to the dogs lately? (Er, no offense intended to dogs.) I mean, with all the so-called “reality” shows, crime dramas, brainless comedies and “news” shows - well, it ain’t pretty! But in my opinion, it’s also a somewhat disquieting indicator of where society is headed at the moment (shakes head sadly). Too bad.

Movies

Mrs. MZM and I love old movies. You know; the sort of thing you find on TCM. Despite the fact that these are all imaginary worlds, there are still plenty of powerful lessons that can be gleaned, if you just pay attention. For instance, if you’ve ever been caught between a rock and a hard place, watch (and take notes!) how Humphrey Bogart handles a humdinger of a pickle in Casablanca. Or, if your spouse were to come back from the dead (so to speak), you can learn how not to handle it from Cary Grant in My Favorite Wife.

Planes

When I was little, my first experience with air travel went something like this: I was taken to a place I’d never been before, followed a bunch of people into a long, narrow room with lots of seats, sat down, buckled in, and read a book. About an hour later, I got up, followed everyone out of that room and voila! I was in a completely different place! Amazing! It was like… a Star Trek transporter. (Except without the, you know, cool sound effects. And it took longer.) But still… on that day I discovered the whole world was within reach - and I wanted to see it all!

Trains

It’s actually one of my favorite ways to sightsee - to simply have a seat and let the scenery come to me. Man, you can’t beat that with a stick! The only problem is, when I see something interesting, it disappears pretty quickly and I can’t go back. *Sigh* I think it’s a good lesson, though. Life is like that train, and if you don’t get a good look at the scenery, you may miss something good.

Automobiles

I owned a car many years ago that developed an intermittent electrical problem that made getting anywhere a rather chancy thing: the entire electrical system would “flicker” on and off whenever the car went over a bumpy spot. (It also taught me the meaning of the phrase pray without ceasing!) I interrogated what few car-repair-related brain cells I had (which weren’t many, I’ll tell ya!) trying to solve it but never could. Then late one night I took it over to a friend’s house, and as I turned into his driveway he witnessed a shower of sparks shoot out from below the car! Well! That was all the clue I needed to finally track down the problem. Looking back, I realized there were two things I needed to solve this aggravating, problem: 1) the dark of night, and 2) a friend! Interesting metaphorical applications there, don’cha think?

Writing

This one’s easy. Early last year (2007) I discovered that telling stories was what I did best. That’s the point where I really began to, you know, write. But here’s the fun part: by daring to write, I learned that I could! How do I know that? Because you guys tell me so! Believe me; your wonderful support and encouragement is very much appreciated - so a big tip o’ the hat to ya!

Recreation

You can learn a lot about “plays well with others” when you play team sports. Teamwork can be a powerful force - particularly when managed properly. I’m still putting to use the lessons I learned as a kid from playing little league baseball, volleyball, and my sadly short (not quite two days) soccer career. You’ll never understand the power of synergy without it.

Friends

“A true friend is one who is walking in the door as everyone else is walking out.” Don’t know where I first saw that, but it’s always stuck with me. C’mon now - who hasn’t realized that life can be pretty darned lonely without friends? (Although I have to admit; I was a slow learner on this one.) Luckily, I turned out to be teachable. In fact, I’m enjoying a double blessing on this one: my own best friend also happens to be Mrs. MZM!

Food

Could food just be one of those “penultimate” fundamental metaphors for people? (That means near-universally applicable, in case you’re wondering.) I mean, think about it (sound of grinding gears); there are just about an endless variety of colors, flavors, textures, looks, smells, and tastes; you can mix and match for new and enjoyable combinations (and some not-so-great); some are better when cooked, while some are perfect just as they are - I could go on and on. Quite a smorgasbord, wouldn’t you say? [Ed. - Thanks for the correction, Brad! I knew there was somethin’ I forgot to check!]

Time

When I was a kid I used to imagine what it would be like to be able to stop the flow of time at will. Silly idea, I know, but who knew there were other, more effective ways to alter the flow of time - and you don’t even need a fancy machine to do it, either! For instance, as we get older, time seems to accelerate. Also, isn’t the surest way to slow time down to a crawl is to have to wait for something really wonderful to happen? And surely you’ve noticed how quickly time can fly when you’re having fun? See? Turns out we’re all masters of time!

Technology

If there’s any ONE thing I’ve learned from technology, it’s to not be afraid of something you can’t understand. ‘Cause frankly, there’s a LOT I don’t understand! Alas, I’m almost strictly a user these days. But back when personal computers started to appear on the scene, I just started tinkering… and learning… and pretty soon I discovered how to do stuff with ‘em. And now look - they are literally everywhere! Good thing I wasn’t afraid to try something new.

Children

It comes full circle, doesn’t it? We spend all our time as a kid trying to grow up so we can be an adult. Then, when we become adults, we realize how much fun we used to have as a kid. But the truth is we can have the best of both worlds if we just “let ourselves go” even a tiny bit. Go ahead; try it: do something completely childlike. You might be surprised how much fun you’ll have.

Relatives

There’s an old saying: You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose; but you can’t pick your friend’s nose relatives. It’s always entertaining to take a look at the ol’ family tree, isn’t it? I mean, if you stop to think about it, there’s an awful lot of interesting stories in there. But unless we take the time to dig them out, they just sorta crumble away. I have to admit to falling somewhat short on this one, but I’ve learned that folks who have lived a few years, well, they have some interesting things to say. Might be worth lookin’ into, don’t you think?

Heroes

To be honest, I’ve never been one to really get into the comic superhero stuff. Even as a teenager, although I sometimes enjoyed reading comics featuring such superheroes as Superman, Batman or the Archie and the Gang, I knew these guys couldn’t be, you know, real. But then came Spiderman. Now here was a guy I could empathize with: he was a geek, he was too embarrassed to talk to girls, he had trouble finding balance in his life - and even after becoming Spiderman, he seemed to spend most of his time, not fighting crime, but just tryin’ to figure out how to make ends meet! In fact, he was a lot like me (other than the cool costume, and the ability to, you know, climb walls). I actually gained a measure of self-confidence from that.

Pets

If you’ve ever had a pet, then you’ve learned about the care and feeding of a creature that pretty much totally depends on you. Up until I was a college student, we usually shared our lives with a cat and/or a dog, and I can’t think of too many better lessons learned about responsibility. I learned a lot from those guys, like faithfulness, patience, acceptance… the list goes on and on.

Space

As a science fiction fan, I learned at least one thing: there’s room out there for almost anything! I just love the endless variety of possibilities you can find in sci-fi; it’s about my favorite brain stimulation exercise. Come to think of it, don’t you think endless possibilities is what life is all about, too?

Mountains

So many metaphors, so little time… but let’s try this one. While on a ski trip to Breckenridge, Colorado, one evening I stepped outside and found myself looking down at the town below us. (Our condo was on the side of the mountain above the town, so we had a great view.) The night was spectacularly clear under a star-filled sky. Off to one side, the moon’s gentle light gave the snow a soft, mysterious glow. Below us, the little town looked exactly like a string of multi-colored Christmas lights dropped into the snow. It was incredibly beautiful… and it made me realize something. “Up here”, one could find peace, quiet, tranquility and time to think. “Down there”, one had restaurants, clubs, shops, people and activity. What you experienced depended entirely on where you happened to be standing. The fact is we need both points of view.

_______________________

So there ya go; lessons learned from just about everything! Come to think of it, writing this post has been fun, and it sparked so many memories, well, don’t be surprised if you see some full-fledged posts on these topics over the next few weeks and months.

Well whaddayaknow; yet another lesson: how to brainstorm blog topics!

[Hey, if you’d like to participate in this month’s What I Learned From… group writing project, well, we’d love to have ya! The good news is, there’s still plenty of time - unlike the usual WILF project, this time you have two weeks to write your entry! That’s right; we’ll be open for entries through Sunday night May 18. So don’t just sit there like a bump on a pickle; read the kickoff post for all the details, then come join us!]

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Howdy, y’all! Today is the first Monday of the month - and we all know what that means, right! Yep; it’s WILF day (sound of crowd cheering enthusiastically)! And as promised, this time we’re tossing in yet another bit of a challenge, just to keep you on your toes.

OK, this is going to take a bit of background, so bear with me a bit. But I just want to say right up front; it’s Mike DeWitt’s fault. See, it’s sorta like this…

Not long ago (April 2th) I published a post titled Peace… and Quiet, a story about my discovery of The Quietest Place on Earth (I think its somewhere in Germany). Within moments, the blogosphere erupted in a frenzy of activity as the ramifications of my obvious genius completely flummoxed experts round the world. No doubt someone’s already built a shrine there.

Well… what actually happened was (I’ve always considered myself a legend in my own time mind), er, it picked up a few comments, including this thought from Mr. Mike:

“It’s not often you get Godzilla and Get Smart in the same post…” [Ed. - you’ll just have to read it]

OK, so sometimes Mike and I get to exchanging quips back and forth. It’s like, as Liz Strauss put it once, “playing in the sandbox”. Anyway, I responded that all we needed was “Tiny Tim tiptoeing through the tulips”, and the picture would be complete. Which sorta initiated the germ of an idea, and I told him so. (Mike’s comment: “Better hide the wimmen and childrens”!)

I said to myself, “You know, Self, he’s right! You don’t often get such diametrically opposed topics in the same room, much less the same post!” Well naturally it made me think of a mashup!

You know what a mashup is, don’t you? (No, silly; It’s not like mashed potatoes, where you take one thing and, well, mash it.) Naw; it’s where somebody combines two or more things together and produces something really really good. Like how Google Earth enables you or me to upload photos, and tie them to their actual locations on the globe. Or something really practical, like putting peanut butter on my chocolate.

So this month, we’re going to mash it up!

I’ll warn you now, though; this one might cause you to exercise a few extra little gray cells than previous WILFs (sound of audience stampeding for the door).

Gee, that went well, don’t you think?

OK; for those of you unable to escape still here, now we get to the challenge (and don’t worry; it’s easy). Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to write your usual What I Learned From… entry, except this time, you get to pick two, three, or as many topics as you like from the list below! And, just to make it a real challenge, special bonus points go to those of you who use multiple topics in your post.

See? I told you it was easy! Here’s the topics (there are 18, in no order whatsoever):

Heck; why not really impress me and go for a bunch - or maybe all of ‘em? In fact, as a bonus, the outstanding participant who incorporates the most topics will earn a special place of honor in the WILF Hall of Fame.

Now, you can decide how you want to do it; as you know, I’m pretty easy-going. For instance, you can write a post that includes one or more of the above topics in it. Or, you can go the other way and write something about any number of ‘em (hint: that’s the direction I took for mine - you’ll see it tomorrow). As long as the end result illustrates “lessons learned”, then ya got it!

What to Do

Hey, you know the drill. Like I said; you can pretty much write anything you like, as long as it illustrates a lesson (or lessons) learned, and in this case incorporates at least two or more of the topics above. Be specific. Be non-specific. And, since I never impose a restriction on length, be as eloquent as you like (you don’t have to write a book - although you can if you want to!)

But most of all, be yourself - and write something! And don’t forget the details…

Now, normally, WILF projects are open to contributions for only one week. However, in consideration of the fact that a) the challenge is a bit harder this time, and b) some of you (myself included) just got back from a very full weekend at SOBCon08, I’m going to give you TWO WHOLE WEEKS for this one (sound of crowd going, “whew!”) Yep; that means we’re open for business from now thru midnight, Sunday night, May 18.

[Let’s not forget the disclaimer, though: As usual, should you or any of your team be caught or killed, or, you know, break a fingernail or something during the execution of this project, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your existence.]

To participate, here’s all you have to do:

1. Write a new post on your blog with a link to THIS POST (uh, the one you’re reading now). As I said, feel free to be as eloquent (or concise) as you like. C’mon; show off for us!
2. Include in the title the phrase: “What I Learned From _____” (or something similar)
3. Send me an email (rhruzek@sbcglobal.net) containing your name, the title of your post, and the permalink of the post. (To make sure I don’t miss it.)

(By the way; help me out - make it obvious which topics you used. I may be slow… but at least I’m dense!)

That’s all there is to it! Next Monday, May 19, I will post the entire list of entries right here at the Middle Zone, so be sure and drop by to check ‘em all out.

As always, we have just two simple rules around here:

• For the sake of the general blogging audience, please keep it G-Rated. (Also please note: this is a request, not a demand, since after all it’s your blog and you can do what you want. Fair warning: I can choose to link to you or not.)
• Be nice.

All right, ladies and gentlemen; you know what to do! Grab the writing instrument of your choice and start writing!

[Note from the Proprietor - I realize it takes a little time to write your entries, but would you mind too terribly not waiting until midnight on Sunday night, May 18, to notify me? Sometimes it can be difficult to get them all compiled by Monday’s 6 am post time! I surely thank you, and as a token of my appreciation - have yourself a cookie!]

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Oops! Just a tad late due to the Honeymooner’s Special going on all week here at the Zone (if you missed it, click to see Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 or Part 4). Plus, I’m in Chicago today for the Big Bash of the Year, SOBCon08. But what the hey; better late than never, I always say!

Anyhoo - since it’s that time of the month again (no, silly, not that time!), here’s a roundup of just a few of the more unusual things I ran across out there this past month…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen - the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Hero Dept.

A policeman in Eugene, Oregon earned the rank of Hero after rescuing a woman from the hungry jaws and threatening coils of a Burmese python, who apparently decided to make a meal of her. Upon arriving on the scene (and no doubt letting loose his best Tarzan yell), he managed to pry the snake’s jaws open enough to let the woman loose.

Now that’s what I call “above and beyond”! If it had been me, I have no problem admitting I’d probably have screamed like a girl and run as fast as I could the other way. I think I’m with a lot of other folks who would wholeheartedly agree with Indiana Jones’ succinct and somewhat pithy assessment of similar situations:

“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?”

Why Didn’t I Think of That Dept.

For those of us who remember when public phone booths were useful for more than just making a phone call (for instance, you could use them to change into your super crime-fighter costume, or travel through time and/or space) it’s disheartening to say the least that they are becoming fewer in number.

The reason: the practically ubiquitous cell phone. Yep, by spreading through our societies like a plague, these things are turning the old phone booth into a totally useless and practically obscure technological oddity, like vinyl records, transistor radios, and Macs.

Unfortunately, the transition has not been easy. One of the most irritating things about these, er, things is the fact that people will whip one out no matter where they are. Then they start talking on ‘em with their “outside voice” such that anyone within throwing distance is ready to pick up the nearest rock and do just that!

But not to worry! Thanks to a chance-discovered link, I’m here to tell ya, artist Nick Rodrigues has a solution: the Portable Cell Phone Booth! Yessir; you carry it like a backpack, and whenever you feel the urge to make that call, well, no matter where you are, you reach over your shoulder, flip it over your head, and voila! instant phone booth!

So if you’re one of those folks who simply don’t know how to speak softly on a cell phone (I wish I could say you know who you are - but alas, you usually don’t), well I’m here to tell ya: get one! You can trust me on this; everyone around you will thank you!

Dept. of Strange and Unusual Holidays

In South Korea, on Valentine’s day, women give gifts to men. Alright, guys, altogether now: “That sounds OK to me!” And, in a trend that’s been sweeping Asia, a new holiday called White Day (March 14) is when the men give the women gifts (sound of millions of women cheering).

But in North Korea, they have one more related day, called Black Day (April 14), in which those who haven’t managed to find love can, er, celebrate commiserate their poor fortune. But, it’s the way they celebrate that makes this story qualify for the OOB column.

They, um, dive head-first into a vat of noodles. Yep; you read it right.

Head first. Vat of noodles.

Oh, well; when you consider the date (right next to April 15^th, which in the U.S. is affectionately known as Tax Day to the local denizens), maybe we Americans might just feel like doing the same.

(Image: Ooooodles-of-Noodles-Posters)

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the extraordinarily whacko (that is, as opposed to just plain whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on that cute little Archives button up there at the top, then scroll down the categories list and click on OOB. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you. But hurry! This offer expires on Dec. 31, 2597!)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!