Howdy, Bubba! Hey, if you're new around these parts, I just want to say how much I appreciate you dropping by! Oh, and you may want to subscribe to my feed. Thanks, and a tip o' the hat to ya!

Don’cha just hate it when roadblocks get in your way? Yup; me too.

Of course, a lot of times, all a roadblock does is make you try a little harder! I mean, what’s  a great sense of accomplishment - without at least a little adversity, right?

But… what if that’s not the lesson?

First, the Rains…

Not too long ago, we had a few really heavy rainstorms pass across the Houston area. I’m tellin’ ya; these babies turned into some real humdingers! How bad were they? Well, lemme put it like this: After about six hours of almost continuous, torrential rain, I bet more than a few folks were lookin’ out the window, checkin’ to see if there was an Ark nearby and ready to load up.

The heaviest rains came down around mid-afternoon, when it got so dark the streetlights came on. Then… it got even darker. In fact, I remember tryin’ to look out the window about 4 o’clock to see how things were goin’ - and wondering who painted it black! I’m not kiddin’ folks - it was dark - and we’re talkin’ “Jonah-inside-the-belly-of-a-whale” dark.

As with all things, though, the storms finally passed. Skies lightened up a bit (meaning you could see without a flashlight), the weather actually turned delightfully cool for a change, and folks did their best to pick up where they left off. Now there was a different problem to face: getting home!

The Long and Winding Road

See, it was a forgone conclusion that roads all over the area were probably pretty much flooded out. Sure enough, as soon as I turned on the car radio, my worst fears had been rather neatly confirmed; not only was the Interstate flooded (due to their design, an extremely rare occurrence), but side roads everywhere had standing water on ‘em, too. I silently groused because my usual 30-minute, 10-mile route home had just vanished like the remains of the day’s antiperspirant.

I’m tellin’ ya; finding a way home when the usual routes are all blocked is one heck of an exercise in creativity, ain’t it? I mean sure, there’s always those folks who, despite everything, are still locked into following their usual routes - even when they KNOW they’re blocked. But not me, Bubba; I’m not afraid to blaze new trails. He said.

I hauled out the ol’ trusty Key Map and quickly scanned it for little black lines heading in the general direction of my house. Unfortunately, there were fewer than I liked - not to mention that some, if not most, might actually be impassable - but whaddaya gonna do, right? After hearing from the radio the growing list of roads blocked by high water, I quickly came to the slightly disheartening conclusion that I’d probably have better luck just wingin’ it.

Truthfully - the drive home was pretty much everything I’d expected. Obstructions all over the place, pavements filled with twists and turns, thrills & chills - and that was just tryin’ to get outta the parking lot!

Pick a Direction, Any Direction

Once on the actual road, though, my plan (no, wait - lemme use sneer marks for that, i.e., my ‘plan’) was to at least try and stay within 90 degrees of my target direction; gradually working my way closer to home in somewhat “stair step” fashion. Twice, a road I was sure would get me through turned out to be blocked by hastily erected barricades. Both times, you couldn’t see the actual problem - they were usually out of sight around a bend in the road or something - but you had to assume they were there for a reason.

Halfway home, on a small, rather isolated two-lane country road, I suddenly realized an Awful Truth: I no idea where I was! (Notwithstanding my membership in the Manly Men’s Association, if there had been anybody around, I would have gladly stopped and asked ‘em, “Where the heck am I?”)  I briefly imagined myself travelling in endless, aimless circles, only to wind up out of gas, stuck on the side of the road, and left with no choice but chewing on my leather seat covers for sustenance while waiting for someone - anyone - to find my soon-to-be mummified remains.

Help From an Unexpected Resource

Just before I lost consciousness, though, a thought finally sneaked its way into my feverish forebrain like a tiny ray of light peeking through the ominously gathering fog: Maybe, I said to myself, I should try using the GPS built into my “smart” phone to find out where the heck I was! Well duh! Talk about your forehead-slapping moment. (Which is why my forehead is so flat. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a hard to admit; but I think my cell phone is finally smarter than I am.)

I whipped my trusty phone out of its holster and fired up the locator app. Lo and behold, as the little circle on the map demonstrated, there I was! What’s more; I quickly discovered if I zoomed out a bit, I could even plot a course that might see me eventually restored to civilization. My heart leaped! No need to await the rescue squads (surely they had better things to do); all I had to do was go back a few hundred yards, turn right on this road, go that way a few miles…

You know how, when you get really close to a really important goal, you can almost smell it? Well, I could tell I was nearing paydirt! According to my trusty handheld map, there was only a mile or so left until connecting with another major artery I knew was clear and water-free (or so the radio claimed, at least). It was a heady feeling!

I almost hummed in anticipation. The road before me was straight and true, those vast expanses of standing water all around me were well below the road level, and the clouds even looked like they were starting to break up a bit. I began to feel like that lunch of several hours ago hadn’t been my last meal, and a continued Earthly existence was slightly more assured than it had been shortly before.

Not Just “No”, but “NO!”

Unfortunately (isn’t it sad how many happy endings are interrupted by that word?), after turning onto what should have been my last back road, I scanned ahead and dimly made out, far ahead, something unwelcome in the distance. Closer, and it resolved itself into yet another barrier across the road! Shoot! Alas and darn!

As you can see from the photo above, the road eventually disappeared under a tremendous sheet of water. It called a halt to my progress as eloquently as if there’d been a sign proclaiming: ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE, leaving me frantically pushing the “locate” button on my phone, hoping all was not, indeed, truly lost.

As luck would have it, there was another road back a little ways; one I hadn’t noticed as I passed. Well, nothing ventured…, I thought to myself, and turned back to follow it. Truthfully, though, after so many disappointments, my hopes were not exactly high.

To my surprise, though, it led me, albeit with a few more twists and turns, to yet another road paralleling the blocked one I had just left. And best of all, following it led me right to that main artery I’d mentioned earlier! Halleluiah; I was saved!

Home At Last!

As you can see, I managed to survive the truly horrendous ordeal (!) of an excruciatingly convoluted drive home and lived to blog again. (Otherwise, I’d just be a… ghost writer? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Sorry.)

Total elapsed time for what is normally a 30-minute trip home: about two hours. Distance traveled? Who knows? One day I’ll map it out and see. Then again, maybe not; might find out I coulda driven to someplace like Mars quicker.

5 Things I Learned From Driving Around in Circles

Anyhoo - reflecting upon this *cough*cough* wonderful experience, there’s actually quite a few good lessons to be learned about life, the universe, and everything. (That should come as no surprise to you, right? After all, that’s what we do here.)

Here’s a quick list of 5:

• It’s Gonna Rain - Yup; that there is whatcha might call a truism, ain’t it? And while lotsa folks talk about the weather, when you get right down to it, no one can really do anything about it. As in life, you might as well get used to the fact that no matter where you are - or for that matter, who you are - a little rain’s gonna fall. One major problem we all face these days - especially when things seem to be goin’ good and we’re facing little opposition in our day-to-day endeavors - it becomes easy to forget how to deal with a little adversity. Yep; we need to stay on our toes pretty much all the time, y’know? After all, you might just have a rainstorm on its way right this minute. Are you as ready as you CAN be?
• “The Usual” Won’t Always Work Any More - Like my normal route home that had been suddenly turned upside down, in today’s world, hardly anything is like it used to be! It’s aggravating, but there it is: in everything we do, from job-hunting to sales, we’re faced with learning new ways of doing the same old things - if we want to survive, that is. The best way to handle it? Well, I’ve read plenty of good articles about that very subject (and I’m sure you have too), but lemme make it easy for ya and sum ‘em all up in just one word: Learn! Yep; that one word pretty much says it all, don’t it? Oh, and ya better learn fast, too. Just sayin’.
• Pick a Direction - You might as well expect it: every now and then, you’re gonna find yourself completely flamboozled. You know what I mean, right? That’s when adversity raises it’s oh-so-ugly head, all the usual things don’t work anymore, and you’re wondering just what the heck is the right choice, anyway. Hey, it happens to all of us, sooner or later. You know what the best thing to do is? Yup; you pick a direction and start movin’! Oh, I could probably regale you with several platitudes that illustrate the topic nicely, but instead I’ll credit you with already knowin’ what I’m talkin’ about.
• Ask for Help - Ah, pride! It’s amazing how many of us simply won’t ask for help when it’s obvious we can’t figure something out on our own. Instead, we continue to beat our heads against a wall, hoping something’s gonna change, when in fact the thing that needs changing is… us! I’ve been there more times than I can count, y’all, and to tell you the honest truth, it is hard to ask for help. But the rest of the story is that help is out there, just waitin’ for us to ask! It’s true. Try it if you don’t believe me. Over the years, I’ve become less and less hesitant to let folks know when a situation is looming over me. Don’t think of it as an admission of failure (remember, those who never fail have never tried anything worthwhile); instead, think of it as an opportunity to learn.
• No Sometimes Actually Means NO! - You’ve all heard the same things I have - that anything we set out to accomplish is possible. But the truth is, there may be some things that just aren’t possible, no matter how badly you want ‘em. I mean, I grew up wanting to be a spaceman (not an astronaut, mind you, but a spaceman), but at my age I’ve come to realize the hard truth: that particular ship has finally, y’know, sailed. So what do you do? Why, choose something else! There are still plenty of opportunities if you just take the time to look for ‘em; opportunities you may have missed for the simple reason you were focused on something else. Hey, maybe it’s time to take a second look? Maybe that “no” really means, “try something else”.

What About You?

The fact is, you can make it through tough times just fine, thank you very much, if you’ll just keep these five lesson in mind. Yes, I know; nobody knows the trouble you seen, right? Well, maybe so. But the truth is, what you face isn’t so unique. Not that it ain’t tough, mind you; just not unique.

So if you’ve been playing tag with adversity lately, take heart!

Hey, it happens to everyone, sooner or later. Learn to roll something new from it. Pick a direction and see where it leads, why don’cha? Remember, there’s a world of folks out there with the experience to help you through it - if you’ll just ask. Besides, with a little creative thinkin’, you may just find out that what you wanted wasn’t the best thing after all - and there’s actually something better waiting for ya!

I’m just sayin’.

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Photo: Roadblock! by Robert Hruzek

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Have you ever done something so dumb, you felt like this poor fellah here? Y’know; “nobody home”?

OR; how about that shameful episode you’d just as soon forget about? You know the one I mean, right? That time you got your hand seriously slapped for doing something you shouldn’t have (or not doing something you should have)?

Hey, don’t worry; I won’t tell.

But you can!

Now, you may be askin’ yourself, Allright, Bubba; why on earth would I want to share something like that with the whole world?

Well, lemme answer your question with another question. (Don’cha hate it when people do that?) What did you learn from that incident? Yup; that’s the nub of the gist, all right. And, since the Main Thing here at the Middle Zone is to celebrate lessons learned from life, then what better way to do it?

That’s right, y’all; starting next Monday, July 6^th, we kick off our next WILF project, and the topic is What I Learned From Bloopers, Mistakes, and Embarrassing Moments. (Whew, now that’s a mouthful, ain’t it?)

So what’s a WILF project, you ask? Well, it’s where you write a story telling us about a lesson you learned from whatever the topic happens to be (a new topic is chosen each month by yours truly). Then you post the story on your blog and send me the link! Simple, really.

[Note: If you happen to be one of the 27 people left in the Universe who've never heard of WILF before today, then I want you to run, not walk, to the WILF Archive and read all about it. While you're there, you can also peruse a few of the 673 entries we've garnered so far.]

Worried that folks will think less of you if you admit to making a mistake? Don’t be; the truth is, it actually makes you more human. (And if you’re not human, then please don’t hunt me down and, y’know, eat my face or anything.)

Your entry can be as eloquent or as brief as you like. You can make it relevant to your blog’s theme or not - it’s totally your choice. (You can even submit it to me as a guest post if you like. Just drop me an email about it at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net.) You get to choose your format, too; so far we’ve had everything from multi-part prose (up to 5 parts) to poetry. (I’m still waitin’ for the first video entry; I figure it’s only a matter of time.)

So get ready to grab the writing device of your choice, y’all, and come join us next Monday, July 6^th for the kickoff!

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Photo: Brainless, by Robert Hruzek

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Whenever you find yourself surrounded by walls (figuratively speaking, of course), do you find yourself forgetting there was ever life outside of ‘em? It can happen; especially when it starts to drag on and on…

The Green Mile

The other day I was driving along a sortof a back road; a 2-lane, plain asphalt road running through some of the sparsely populated areas north of Houston. The thing is, both sides of the road were bounded by this amazing high and thick, green wall of vegetation. Some places it was so deep you literally couldn’t see through it at all. I was struck by how “canyon-like” it felt; sorta like driving down a Green Mile.

Have you ever been in a canyon - some place where the rock walls tower above you on at least two sides (maybe even three)? It can feel pretty confining, can’t it; especially when the walls are high and the light is dim. This road was no exception; trees on both sides were so tall it gave everything a dim, muted feel. (Ulp; glad it was daylight! No tellin’ what monsters and other assorted evil creatures lurked in the darkness at night.)

One thing about canyons - they can block your view, don’t they? What I mean is, the walls of the canyon are so close, so “in your face”, it can be easy to forget about what an unobstructed view is like.

In fact, it’s sorta like when you’re facing a major trial of some kind, isn’t it? You get so caught up in the immediacy of what needs to be taken care of right now, you can easily forget there ever was an unobstructed view, once.

But as we all know, challenges are there for us to conquer, right? Ramparts can be conquered, barriers knocked over, and seemingly impenetrable green walls… well, let’s put it this way. Notice the sky peeping through the green in that photo? I drove a little farther along, and you know what was on the other side - only a few feet away? A huge, open pasture, full of horses merrily grazing away at the bounty at their feet!

Just goes to show ya; if you let a wall stop you, you might be missing something… delicious!

Just sayin’.

Faced Any Walls Lately?

Ever faced any walls? (And if you answer “no” to that question, well, I’m afraid I’m just gonna hafta call ya out as a low-down dirty dog liar! Kidding!)

Maybe… you’re in one now? Are you having a hard time remembering what it’s like when the sky is wide and the land is flat and open? Hey, why don’cha get it off your chest and tell us about it? We’re here to lend a hand - or at least an encouraging word or two.

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Photo: Impenetrable, by Robert Hruzek

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Sitting there waiting for the light to change, I glanced over at the big truck next to me and behold, there’s this big ol’ shiny wheel! After a moment’s contemplation, I decided what the hey, whipped out the ol’ phone, and took the shot. (Amazing how camera phones have exponentially increased casual photography among the general population, isn’t it?)

I often take shots of seemingly random objects or scenes these days, since it’s usually a complete mystery what I’m gonna write about from one day to the next. That way, the day I a need a photo of a big, shiny, truck wheel, voila! there ya go! (Sometimes, though (as in today), the photo inspires the post.)

The other day I got to thinkin’ about that wheel, and it occurred to me there might be a lesson or two in it. See, a wheel has several important characteristics. For instance, it supports the tire and gives it its shape. It’s part of the chain of items that transfers power from the engine to the road. It also turns, and turns, and turns…

The Island Syndrome

Let’s think about those first two for a moment, support and power transfer.

John Donne once wrote, “no man is an island”. I think some folks have a hard time rememberin’ that, though. The truth is, everything we do both supports, and is powered by, a vast array of other folks - and their endeavors. The moment we start thinkin’ we’re all alone out here on this big rock we call Earth, that’s when we start to getting into trouble.

Are you a writer? Do you imagine yourself hiding out in some secluded spot, hammering out that Great American (or German, or Scottish, etc.) Novel, isolated from your fellow man and working totally on your own? Well… that turns out not to be the case. (Translation: Wrong!) Are you using a computer to write? Who built it, and sold it to you? What about that place you’re in? Where did that come from? How did you get there - drive or fly?

No, every one of us is dependent upon a vast supply chain of products and services that help us accomplish whatever it is we want - every single moment of every single day. Like the drive train for that wheel, it helps shape our lives and support what we want to do, using a continuous chain of energy transfer from one person to the next.

Big Wheels Keep on Turnin’

Although we often use the image of an endlessly turning wheel as a negative image (think: treadmills, endless repetition, doin’ somethin’ over and over, etc.), the fact is, that ability to rotate enables something quite extraordinary.

F’rinstance; let’s say that wheel-and-tire combo you see in the photo has a diameter of, say, 30 inches. OK, according to the rules of mathematics, that makes the circumference… (let’s see; the formula is π x D - oops, not enough fingers; gotta take my shoes off for this one…) about 7.85 feet. Not really all that far, is it? But, if you roll that wheel along its axis, slightly more than 672 times, it’s travelled a whole mile!

You know that sayin’: “Practice makes perfect”? Well, it’s sorta like a wheel, turnin’ and turnin’ and turnin’. If you practice something enough, you’re bound to get it right - or at least, better at it, right? Pretty amazing to think that, just like a wheel, by doing a very simple thing, such as repeating an activity over and over, you may actually accomplish some pretty great things, can’t ya?

Just Curious

It occurs to me that most of us are workin’ on something - doin’ our level best to get better at it. As for me, I’m tryin’ to be an author, so I practice writing. Every story is another turn on the wheel. Ever wonder why lawyers and doctors call their work a practice? Because every time they do what they do, they learn something new, and - presumably - get better at it.

So what are you practicing? What are your plans? What is it you’re doing, over and over again? Color me curious…

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Image: Big Wheel, by Robert Hruzek

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Have you ever been flying? Well I have!

And not just in airliners; I’ve had an adventure or two while taking flying lessons in a small plane a while back (see Fear of Flying). Besides, that’s not that big a deal, right? Lots of folks have floated above ol’ Terra Firma in everything from hot air balloons to spacecraft

But I’m not talking about flying in an airplane - or actually, a flying machine of any kind. No, I actually learned to fly ‘waaaay sooner than that! In fact, I was still just a kid.

The Summer

To be honest, I really can’t remember how old I was at the time; seems like I must have been somewhere around 10 or 11; maybe as old as 12. Back then, we lived in the town of Bellaire, one of the many small cities that exist like a seed within an orange, completely inside the boundaries of the huge city of Houston, Texas.

Anyway, this was during the summer, when kids of all ages spend their summer vacations just doin’… well, in my case, a whole lotta nuthin’. But it was a fun lotta nuthin’, that’s for sure, especially with the herd of boys I ran around with.

Lessee now… what did we do, anyway? Well, we hung out in the big, empty, corner lot down the street, where, among other things, we built several big wooden platforms high up in the boughs of the largest trees. (Mine was always the highest one because at the time I was the ‘lightest’ kid. Not necessarily the smallest one; just think: very, very thin.)

We also discovered how to make and use an old-world sling (slingshot) like David (of David and Goliath fame). I’m tellin’ ya; it was astonishing how far a rock would go with one of those things! One kid accidentally (no, really!) knocked out a school window over a hundred yards away. Who knew it would go that far! (He ‘fessed up, though. It was one of those times when, even though it got him into trouble, the truth was so spectacular he had to tell it.)

Oh, and I’ll never forget an afternoon spent playing “base-bee”. It’s sorta like baseball, except… well, here’s how it worked. You find a big, blooming wisteria bush and position yourself about 30 feet away. Then you entice bumblebees to fly at you by throwing big rocks into the bush. A bee would note the direction the rock came from (how they did that was anybody’s guess) and immediately come flyin’ out, right towards you. Meantime, you’re holding a board (sorta like a cricket bat), and, at the last minute, you neatly sidestep the oncoming bee and whap! The poor hapless bee would go flyin’ away like a home run knocked outta the park! (Oh, did I mention I was both young - and stupid?)

And then there was the aforementioned Day I Went Flying.

The Hill

One of our favorite activities (when we got tired of doing the above) was go exploring on our bicycles. Hey, if I could add it up now, I bet we rode our bikes for thousands of miles! Seriously. So when the mood struck us, we’d travel far and wide without hesitation - or at least as far and wide as a pre-teen kid could, anyway.

Now, this was back in the days when Houston was building some of the first major freeways around town, including what is now the Loop 610 and I- 59 intersection. (It’s one of the busiest freeway interchanges in Houston these days, but I was there when it was first bein’ built.)

Naturally, in order to build the overpasses necessary for such a major interchange, they needed lots of, well, giant piles of dirt. And, as we all know, giant piles of dirt - hills, really - had the power to attract small boys with about the same inevitability with which Anakin Skywalker was attracted to the Dark Side.

Anyhoo, on this particular day, the most enterprising of our number expressed the following thought out loud: “Gee, I wonder how fast you would go if you rode a bicycle down the side of one of those hills? Wow, it would be kinda like riding down the Hill of Doom!”

Instantly, the whole herd of us became embroiled in a lively debate on the relative merits of such a stupendous idea. The phrase, “Wow, that would be fantastic!” was heard, along with various other, less enthusiastic responses, such as “You’d be goin’ a million miles an hour at least!”, “I don’t think it would work,” or “You wouldn’t get me to do it!”

By the time the dust settled, though, I think the general consensus settled into something along the lines of, “You’d probably kill yourself, you idiot!”

The Dare

As you know, in any random group of folks there’s bound to be someone who fits the category of “will do anything on a dare”, right? Alas, it’s also true that groups of kids tend to have a somewhat larger than average share of ‘em. (Probably because they haven’t lived long enough to fear spending the rest of their days in a wheelchair.)

So, as we looked around at each other, wonderin’ who would be the first to actually do it, our eyes turned towards the oldest one of us to blaze the trail. (I had secretly sworn to myself that it would most certainly not be me!) You had to admire him, though; pushed into a corner and realizing the inevitability of the situation, he bravely accepted the challenge - if not wholeheartedly, then at least willingly. (Besides, there’s no pressure like peer pressure, is there?)

The rest of us arrayed ourselves at the bottom, each silently making bets as to whether or not he’d survive the ordeal. We watched as he laboriously climbed up the hill, pushing his bicycle all the way. (Have you ever tried to walk up one of those things? They’re really steep!) Finally, he reached the top. He took a few minutes to regain his breath, then settled himself firmly onto the seat. Time seemed to stand still as he stood poised at the brink of the precipice. We held our collective breath as he leaned forward…

It was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen in my entire young life!

The Plunge

He quickly gathered speed - literally flying down the hill like a lightning bolt and hangin’ on for dear life. I don’t remember if he screamed or not (he was probably too terrified to do anything but hold on), but I can tell you for sure the rest of us were enthusiastically shouting for all we were worth!

After zinging by us like a rocket sled on steroids, he finally managed to slow down and turn around. Pedaling back our way, he took a well-deserved victory turn around our little band of brothers like the champion he was that day. It was stupendous! It was amazing! I’m tellin’ ya; it was the best day ever!

Once the celebration died down, though, the discussion got down to who was going to be next. Some kids absolutely refused to do it at all. But for some strange reason, I found myself volunteering for the job. I truly don’t exactly know why I decided to try it (believe me when I tell you I wasn’t the most daring of souls - then or now), but I soon found myself up there at the top of the hill.

It’s amazing how looking up a certain distance never seems as far as looking down the same distance. Although it didn’t seem quite so far when I was at the bottom of the hill, the view from up at the top looked like it was about a million miles down. From this height I could see all my friends arrayed like little ants - no, wait; those were ants - but my friends appeared really, really small as well.

Yeesh, what had I gotten myself into? I mentally promised never to volunteer for anything, ever again. (Who knows, maybe that’s why I never joined the Army.)

The Choice

Standing up there, facing impending doom and practically certain I was about to breathe my last, I realized there were only three - no, only four possible outcomes.

1. I could choose NOT to do it. Yep; I could have just said the heck with it (when I was a kid, heck was the absolute worst word I could think to use in these situations) and walked back down the hill, to the inevitable catcalls and razzing of the other boys - from then until the end of time. It was a tough choice; on the one hand, I’d probably never live the ignoble episode down. On the other hand, at least I’d be, y’know, alive.
2. I could ride down the hill, killing myself in the process. Yeah, it was pretty easy to imagine all sorts of dire things happening on my way down the mountain: the wheel could fall off, my seat could come loose, I could get a foot caught in the chain… with the inevitable result: I’d tumble off the bicycle and roll endlessly downhill, to wind up a horribly mangled pile of pulp. (Imagination is easy to a kid, you know.) Oh, well, at least they would be able to talk about how brave I was there at the funeral. Small consolation, that.
3. I could ride down the hill and live to tell the tale. Way down there near the bottom of my mental list of possible - no, better make that probable - outcomes, there was the slightest chance I could actually do this thing. I’ll tell ya; I had to squint pretty hard to see it, but there it was. I knew if I could do this, I’d really have something to talk about among my peers. I could visualize myself, a giant among men (or at least, boys), one who could always point to this incident and say, “No, I’m not going to wrestle that giant man-eating cobra, saving that gorgeous babe in the process and earning her everlasting appreciation - but at least I rode down that hill on my bicycle back when we were kids!” To which they would always have to shuffle their feet in remembered shame because they, y’know, didn’t.
4. I could be killed by a falling meteor. I know, I know. Besides, even a billion-to-one chance was at least a chance, right? At least I’d go out in a blaze of glory.

Anyway, since I obviously lived to relate this sordid tale, then neither #2 or #4 happened. So which option did I choose, you ask? Well, it’s like this…

The Flight

Yessir, ladies and gentlemen, I actually did muster up what little courage I had and (sound of terrified scream) down the hill I went! I must’ve broken the sound barrier within moments, the wind howling so loud past my ears I couldn’t hear a thing. The pedals spun around so fast they became invisible, and I had to just lift my feet up, gripping the bicycle with only my hands and my, er, butt cheeks. (You’d be surprised how effective that can be - particularly when your butt’s continued existence depended upon it!)

I was at the bottom within a matter of seconds (perhaps six, or maybe seven at most), and microseconds before I got there, I realized something important. The one thing I hadn’t thought about was that sudden transition from down to horizontal. It looked… well, kinda abrupt, if you get my meanin’. I mean, there were probably a few places I could have selected that had a somewhat smoother curve to ‘em, but if so, well, the spot I was gonna hit wasn’t one of ‘em!

No, in my case the bicycle (and, of course, me too) changed direction so fast it compressed my whole body down onto the bicycle seat far enough to flatten the seat’s springs. (Good thing it had a thick metal plate in it; things might’ve been pretty unpleasant otherwise!)

Now, you’re probably familiar enough with the expression, “what goes up, must come down”, right? Well, my friends; I can tell you - and from personal experience, yet  - the opposite is also true: “what goes down, must come up”!

Yep; when all that downward energy was released, it literally catapulted my body upward in such a way that I suddenly became airborne! Luckily (and probably the only reason I’m still able to talk about it today), I barely - just barely, mind you - managed to hang onto the handlebars.

The surprising result was that, instead of completely wiping out, for a spectacular few seconds I executed a rather incredible handstand over the handlebars as I zinged past my stunned audience. Then, in a Grand Finale performance worthy of Cirque du Soleil, my butt neatly plopped right back down on the bicycle seat! It happened so quickly - and smoothly - it was as if I’d planned the whole thing all along. I’ll tell ya; there’s no doubt in my mind my Guardian Angel was workin’ overtime that day!

Folks, that was one of the most frightening - and exhilarating - events of my life (and that includes the time I accidentally answered a, uh, former girlfriend’s question, “Do these pants make me look fat?”) I’m almost sure my heart stopped beating as soon as I left the top of the hill. I’m positive I didn’t take another breath until I was able to start braking down to a speed that was something less than insane.

The Challenge

So what does careening uncontrollably down the Hill of Doom on a bicycle - nearly meeting my Maker in the process - have to do with life, anyway? Well, it’s sorta like this.

There’s no doubt about it, y’all. These days, folks all over are facing things they’ve never had to face before. It’s like they’re tearing along in one direction, then - maybe even through no plan or fault of their own - they suddenly changed direction and found themselves launched headlong into space! What’s more, they’re so busy lookin’ for a soft place to land, they haven’t even got time to figure out what to do.

I’ll tell ya, friends; I’ve been there more times than I want to remember!

So here’s your Questions for the Day:

What do you do when you inadvertently go flyin’ into the wild blue yonder? What can you do? How do you handle it when something comes along that literally takes the planet right out from under you? Can you truly prepare for the unknowable?

C’mon, what do you think?

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Photo: untitled, by Jon Hanson

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Hey, if you’re a regular reader of the Middle Zone, I have a favor to ask of ya. Heck; even if you’re NOT a regular reader (and I promise - I won’t go there!) I’ll ask the same favor of you, too.

I’ve Entered a Fiction Contest!

For the last month or so, the Editor Unleashed Forum has been accepting entries of flash fiction for a contest called Flash Fiction 40. (In case you’re unfamiliar with the term, “flash fiction”, it’s generally understood as “fiction under a thousand words in length” - about two single-spaced pages.)

Why should you care, you say? Well, I’ll be the first to admit you may not. Hey, I’m OK with that. Really.

But I’m askin’ you, as a favor to me, to perhaps rethink that a mite, and here’s why: There are 283 entries in the contest, and the best 40 will be published in the upcoming Editor Unleashed/ Smashwords Flash Fiction 40 anthology. The top story wins $500!

I’ve entered a story of my own, and now we’ve moved into the (sound of terrified screaming) judgment phase. But here’s the important part: YOU can help propel me into the top 40!

Yep; you have within your power to do something truly amazing, and it’ll only take a little of your time. (Well, OK, it make take more than a few minutes. But still…) The fact is, I NEED YOUR VOTE!

Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to cast a vote. Unfortunately, there’s a few hoops you have to jump through in order to do it. So, to make it easy, I’ve spelled out all the steps right here.

How to Cast Your Vote

1. Go to the Editor Unleashed Forum (link opens in a new window). If you’re not already a member of this forum, you’ll have to register to cast a vote. (It’s totally free, so please do so). Click on the word “Register” and it’ll walk you through it.
2. Once you’ve registered, go back to the Forum and log in. (If you get lost, close that window and click the link above again.)
3. On the next page to appear, click on the third entry, “Flash Fiction 40 Contest”.
4. Here’s where all the entries are listed - all 14 pages of ‘em! BEFORE you go any farther, PLEASE READ that first entry, “Sticky: Story Voting Rules”. This will tell you HOW to cast your vote. (It’s simple. Really.)
5. OK, now see the page bar over on the right there? Like I said, there’s 14 pages of entries. Mine is on page 14, so click on “Last” and you’ll go straight there. (They’re in chronological order of entry; I submitted mine on the first day.)
6. Scan down the page for the story titled “One Fine Day…” (you’ll see my name under it), and click on the title. Read and enjoy!
7. Now, to cast your vote, look for that “Rating” tab just above the story. Simply click on the little white triangle and a drop-down menu appears. Click the radio button for the number of stars you’d like to give - 5 is best, 1 is, um, not. (Don’t worry; I won’t try to tell you how many stars I think it’s worth!)
8. Log out and you’re done!

Of course, if you’re interested, feel free to read and vote on as many as you like. But I’m warnin’ ya now, make sure you have plenty of coffee or tea on hand; at about 10-15 minutes per story, you should be able to read all 283 of ‘em in about 5 hours or so!

Hey, I want to thank you from the bottom of my Texas heart for your help and support; a big ol’ tip o’ the hat to ya!

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Last week I spent a few days (on business) in the tiny Western U.S. town of Vernal, Utah.

OK; chances are, after reading that opening statement, you probably fit into one of several categories:

1. You know exactly where Vernal, Utah is and have maybe even been there (A special hat tip to fellow Bubba: Terry Starbucker. I’m tellin’ ya; that guy’s been everywhere!)
2. You don’t know where Vernal is, but might like to know.
3. You don’t know where Vernal is… and don’t particularly care.
4. You’re only reading this post because your dog ate your homework and this is the best you could come up with for a replacement assignment. (Good luck with that, by the way.)
5. Other (Sorry, just had to throw this one in).

Oh, don’t worry; it really doesn’t matter which category you fall into. A couple of guys wearing genuine Italian pinstripe suits with big lapels, carrying violin cases, and that answer to the name “Guido” aren’t gonna be knockin’ on your door anytime soon. (Unless, of course, you owe ‘em money. But that’s another bucket of fish, if you get my meanin’.)

Nope; for me, the great thing about going to Vernal, Utah is pretty simple, actually: It’s a place I’ve never been. In case you’re wonderin’, it’s a very small town located near that big arrow on the map up there. Hey, I don’t know about you, but I love breakin’ new ground! So many opportunities for new vistas, new people to meet, and more than likely, great lessons to be learned!

I’ll tell ya; Vernal was no disappointment. Here’s just a couple of the interesting things I discovered (or rediscovered) while there.

A Town’s Identity Is Important - and Personal

Every place has its own, well, “thing”. You know what I mean, right? The “thing” it’s known for, far and wide. ‘Course, in the case of big places, it may be more than one thing, y’know? But for really small towns, there’s usually one that really stands out.

Something I didn’t know (and you may not have, either) is that Vernal, Utah is where some of the first dinosaur bones in America were discovered. Now don’t that put the fuzz on your peach!

Yup; there’s old dinosaur bones in the mountains and hills around here; a fact alluded to by this giant, pink (and apparently, lady) dinosaur located at the outskirts of town on Hiway 40.

In fact, dinosaurs seem to be the official mascot for everything in this town; I’m tellin’ ya, they’re all over the freakin’ place! For instance, we stayed at the Best Western Dinosaur Inn (where, if nothing else, at least the pool was open!) Even the hanging baskets were graced with their presence.

Dinosaurs also invited us to do everything imaginable, including join ‘em in the wading pool, see ‘em in the OK Corral, and buy, among other things, oil tools. Plus, on the other end of town from our friend Pinkie, there’s a rather motley-lookin’ T Rex; I’m told they decorate this fellah to suit the time of year. The decoration du jour: Graduation Day. (And apparently, someone’s birthday.)

The bottom line is, here’s a town perfectly comfortable with its identity, y’know? They take their dinosaurs seriously, and that’s a fact. Now this, my friends, is a town I woulda loved to grow up in. The kid I was then woulda had a field day with this!

Interesting Factoids Are Everywhere!

I’ll tell ya; in my extensive travels, I’ve visited quite a few small towns across the United States (and a few in other parts of the world, too, for that matter), and the truth is, every one of ‘em has its own flavor. That’s because there are remarkably individualistic souls all over this world, y’know?

Ah, but the really fun part is when they congregate together. I mean, you just never know what amazing little detail you’ll uncover; something that turns any given place into something truly unique.

For instance, one of the folks I spent two days with in our client meeting told us this one: Back when they were shooting Starship Troopers (the truly awful Hollywood version of a relatively decent Robert Heinlein sci-fi book), they shot many of the outdoor battle scenes (humans vs. the evil alien bugs) right near Vernal, out in the Utah wilderness.

In fact, most of the extras in scenes such as this one (all wearing futuristic body armor so you couldn’t tell who was who anyway) were high school seniors from all around the area. They got paid something like $25 per day - not exactly big money, but still. The guy who told me this was disappointed he was only a Junior at the time, since to be in the movie they had to be at least 18 years old.

And that’s only ONE fellow’s story (and he is, no doubt, sticking to it). Imagine the great things I’d have learned had I time to spend with more of the local folks!

When Was the Last Time You Broke New Ground?

Amazingly enough, not everyone enjoys breaking new ground, you know. The very idea of exploring distant horizons send a chill up their spine. I must admit; its an attitude I’ve never understood.

I once ran across a woman whose only dream in life was to never be farther than 5 miles from where she lived - ever. And she was serious! (If you like, check out “Here Be Dragons“. Ironic title, considering the nature of, y’know, this post. Get it? Dinosaurs? Dragons? Oh, never mind.)

Anyhoo -

So what was the last time you went someplace completely new (at least, new to you)? What’s the most unusual place you’ve ever visited? Did you learn anything from the experience? Care to share a few tidbits with the rest of us? Hey, the floor is open!

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Dinosaur photo, Pink is the new ‘black’, right? by Robert Hruzek

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!