Why Home Improvement Gives Me Cold Sweats
When Mrs. MZM and I bought our first house (it was a small used home), the first thing we did was upgrade a couple of items that had seen better days: a window-mounted air conditioner (you can’t live without some form of A/C in summertime Houston!) and the water heater.
Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever replaced either one in your home, but generally speaking, they’re both essentially a “pop out the old & drop in the new” type of operation. Oh, sure, water heaters have a hose or two to detach/attach, but otherwise, they’re no big deal.
Unless, of course, you’re me. (C’mon, you HAD to know that was coming!)
Part 1: The Air Conditioner
Replacing a window-mounted air conditioner is usually pretty easy. He said. All you have to do is a) unplug it, b) remove a couple of screws from the mounting brackets, c) slide out the old one, and d) slide in the new one. Then replace the mounting screws, plug it in, and bask in the cool breezes.
Naturally, the experience was nothing like that for me.
The first problem was I couldn’t find a replacement unit that fit the old brackets, so those had to be replaced, too. Not really a big deal, just an additional step. Next, I slid the old unit out and set it aside, then installed the new brackets. At least that seemed to go well. After unpacking the new A/C unit, I slid it gently into place. So far, so good. I plugged it in… turned the switch…
Yep; you guessed it – it didn’t work (sound of teeth gritting).
Anyway, after much weeping and gnashing of teeth, I finally took the stupid thing out of the window, put it back in its box, returned it to the store, and got a replacement for the replacement. Luckily, after returning and installing that one, everything worked fine (he said, cautiously).
Results: after spending at least 4 hours to perform what should have normally been a 15-minute chore (i.e. “normally” as the meaning applies to the rest of the world, that is), the next job I looked forward to was replacing the water-heater.
Now I’m really worried.
Part 2: The Water Heater
Pop quiz: What’s the best way to make sure a job goes right? Yes, you in the back, the one with the pink bunny slippers on. Hey, right you are: Create a checklist, of course!
So Mrs. MZM and I spent a few extra minutes thinking this one through to make sure nothing would be overlooked. I mean, granted, there was no way to tell the stupid A/C unit was inoperable, short of pulling it out of the box and plugging it in at the store (a step, alas, I skipped with the first unit, but not the second – can’t fool me twice!)
Therefore, the first thing I did when I picked up the water heater was open the box and take a look at it. I even slid it out of its box about a foot or so to verify it was still packed properly. (Messed-up internal packaging is a sure sign something’s been returned and is no longer new. Ya gotta watch for that sort of thing.)
Anyway, it all checked out, so I closed up the box, popped it into the car and brought it home. Step 1 complete; now for step 2 – installation.
(Oh, did I mention I’d already removed the old water heater? Needless to say, it was therefore somewhat critical that this installation go well since the neighborhood frowned on using, you know, bonfires for heating water.)
So here’s the checklist:
- Installation instructions – check
- Tools – check
- Hoses – check
- Sealing tape – check
- Big ol’ glass of iced tea (the national drink of Texas, you know)
Well, it checked out and we were ready to go. I took my utility knife and cut the box open lengthwise – zzzzzzzt! We split that baby right open like an overripe pea pod to reveal (sound of drumroll, please) – a gigantic dent in the side of our brand new water heater!
Yep; you read it right! Sure enough, near the top, about a fifth of the length was one giant dent. It was up where I couldn’t have seen it – unless I had taken it completely out of the box at the store. Argh! Rats! Gosh and darn!
If it hadn’t been for the fact that I didn’t have a cast-iron foot, I would have cheerfully drop-kicked the stupid thing across the garage. As it was, I loaded everything back into car, then took it back and showed the store manager the evidence. He pulled another one from storage, and together we completely unpacked and examined it before loading it back into my car.
Several hours later (by now it’s really late in the evening), we had a water heater (sound of crowd cheering). At last, hot water was on the way. At least it was holding water (something we were understandably a bit paranoid about).
So what did I learn from all this? Well, a couple of things.
Stuff Happens – Yep, it’s the old Steinbeck standard: “the best laid plans of mice and men…”, and all that. No matter what you do, how well you plan, or how extensive your experience – well, sometimes ya just gotta accept that stuff will go wrong. You know, the same thing that happened to Jurassic Park. You simply can’t plan for everything. Naw; the best thing is to spend as much time as is reasonable, then try to be as flexible as possible outside of that.
Nothing’s Perfect – Remember, somewhere out there is the tail end of the bell curve – where the defects are. (It just so happens that we seem to find an inordinately large share of ‘em, but what the hey.) The thing to remember is, when you find ‘em, just make sure you can recover as quickly as you can – and keep movin’.
Do What You Say – Finally, if you’re going to check things out – check ‘em out fully. That box was in perfect shape – no dents, cuts, or any other evidence there was anything amiss. The obvious conclusion is the manufacturer packed it that way. Who woulda thunk it? I mean, somebody at the factory had to see it – but simply didn’t care! Here’s the kicker, though: if I’d pulled it completely out of the box (as I had said I was going to do), I would have spotted it and saved myself a trip – and some aggravation. Ah well, c’est la vie.
So Tell Me
What about it, friends? Have you ever had a similar experience? Remember, these were appliances – generally easy to tell if one is damaged before you install it. But what about electronics? When those are bad in the box, there’s absolutely no evidence – until you set ‘em up and plug ‘em in.
On a more general note, have you experienced the joy of seeing your carefully-laid plans, um, fall a bit short of your expectations? What did you do?
16 responses so far
Middle Zone Musings is a comfortable place to stop, have a cup of coffee, swap a few stories and share practical ideas for the real world. I don't ask for much, just a bit of your brain every now and then. Have a seat, take a load off, and relax...
Unfortunately, my skills in this area are woefully lacking. Fortunately, I have a daughter who is a whiz at putting things together (she should be writing assembly directions instead of reading them). So my motto is “when in doubt, farm it out.”
Brad Shorrs last blog post..Warren Zevon and the Art of Humor in Writing
That’s pretty much become my method of choice as well, Brad. Not that I was EVER any good at it!
Hey, is your daughter willing to travel to her next job? :-\
I can’t normally move beyond the instructions stage.
Can’t make head nor tail of them. Don’t know which bit they’re referring to, which way’s up or down. The diagrams never seem to bear any relation to what I’m looking at. The whole things seems to have been written and designed for aliens – or to make me feel completely stupid.
I farm everything out too, then feel virtuous about supporting the local economy
Joanna Youngs last blog post..Are You Clear On Your Blogging Purpose?
Sounds like a plan to me, Joanna! Hey, I’m always willing to do my part to support the local economy, don’cha know.
I always say “It wouldn’t be a home project if band-aids weren’t involved.”
Once we put together a play-set for our kids — combination fort, slide, swings, and monkey-bars. The instructions said it should take between 6 and 12 hours, depending on your skill level. Ours must have been negative, because it took over a month and a case of wine to finish it.
Sterling “Chip” Camdens last blog post..links for 2008-06-25
Heh, now there’s a home improvement motto I can get behind!
Yup; know what you mean, Chip. Although I suspect the case of wine might have contributed to the duration. I think you’re supposed to drink it AFTERWARD, don’cha know!
I agree with Chip, above, although in my case, I am past the bandaid stage, I go directly to the emergency room. The classic was a simple case of removing a door from its hinges, you know that little post. Well, this one was stuck, the bottom one, so I decided to pry it up and out with a screwdriver, pry, pry, PRY, slip and the screwdriver came through my upper lip. Boy, did THAT hurt.
Excuse me, GL, while I cringe in pain! But hey, congratulations on winning the Tim Taylor Home Improvement Emergency Room Award!
Sheesh, now I gotta figure out how to erase that image from my brain…
Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Heads Up, Folks! July WILF Coming Soon!
I must be the worst person at DIY on the planet. I used to have to get my ex-girlfriend to do those sorts of things around the house just purely for the sake of safety.
One time I was lying in the bath and remembered where I had a spare strip light bulb to replace one in the bedroom. Did I wait to install it? Did I get out of the bath and carefully dry myself off before installing it? No I rushed straight out of the bath, grabbed the bulb and slotted it into place. I almost fried myself and jumped about 6 feet into the air.
Funny! So, how many people DOES it take for you to change a light bulb? Remind me never to ask, er, you!
I once had to install a window A/C unit in our office. The problem was the boss wanted it in the wall which was made out of concrete bricks. Measure twice, cut once, I know… But I’ve never had to cut through concrete so long story short the opening was about 3 inch too big!
Another story, we bought a replacement furnace. Installation went fine but the furnace did not work. Turned out, the ignition module was missing! The supplier wouldn’t believe us, so we had to take the furnace down and bring it back. Needless to say, I double check everything I buy now, including taking a look inside.
I know it’s awkward, and sometimes downright inconvenient, but what you say is pretty much the way we do it now too. The more trouble it is to install, the more likely it is there’s something missing, or so it seems! It’s not much fun, but there it is.
Hey, thanks for dropping by Michael! Glad to see you made it to the Zone just in time!
Thanks Robert. I’m glad I found it!
Come back soon, and next time, bring cake. I like cake.
No offense anyone… but there is something about the men and putting things together. Whenever something needs to be installed/connected/adjusted/fixed my husband genuinely tries first…. well, he calls me in about 10 minutes telling that “this thing is not working properly and needs to be returned to the store”. I press a few buttons and the thing works just fine. Last month we had a leakage in the ceiling on the first floor of our house. We called the plumber, who was expected to arrive in 2 hours. But my husband couldn’t wait that long, He needed to see “what’s there “. So he makes a huge hole in the ceiling. The water is still dripping, the source is unknown. “Yeah, now let’s for the plumber”. Needless to say that the problem was in the pipe upstairs, was fixed quickly, but we had that enormous hole in the ceiling for 1 month, before construction people finally fixed it.
Obviously you’ve been talkin’ to Mrs. MZM, Kate!
Hey, thanks for dropping by!