Reflections
[Note from the Proprietor: This is one of an ongoing series of posts called Scenes From a Sidewalk. Want to know what it's all about? Follow that link to read the series introduction.]
The time was late afternoon and the work day was over. As I waited by the curb for my carpool to show up, I noticed these odd-looking reflections on the drive right in front of me. (The fact that I actually noticed something is nothing less than amazing, considering the fact that my brain has a tendency to sorta shut down once, y’know, Elvis leaves the building.)
It’s kinda hard to tell from this photo (click on the images for larger views), but those reflections are actually X-shaped, where each X is formed by two curved lines, as if written in cursive script. Kinda interesting, actually.
What made the ol’ gray cells take notice, though, was an idle thought about where these curved reflections came from. I mean, all I could see behind me were flat window panes everywhere. Check it out for yourself in that next photo a little lower down.
It did spark a thought, though…
No Wait! What I Meant, Was…
A while back a friend of mine and I had something of a blowup in our relationship. Oh, don’t worry; in the vast scheme of things, it wasn’t all that serious. But you’ll be understandin’ if I don’t get, y’know, too specific?
Anyway, let’s just say the problem stemmed from the fact that he got one impression of a particular situation, while all along I had actually meant an entirely different thing. And the problem, it seems, is that he got a somewhat, well, distorted picture of me – via someone else.
I’ll tell ya; there’s practically nothing more flabbergasting (and yes, it can be disappointing and traumatic, too) than finding out someone you personally know has developed a, shall we say, “less than optimum” opinion of you – based on someone else’s opinion, is there?
Now, I know you’ve never had that happen to you, right?
Reputation Management
Here’s the thing, though. As a writer, I’m very interested in folks gettin’ the right impression of me (and just so we all understand; by “right opinion”, I mean, y’know, “my opinion”). After all, one of the main reasons I started Middle Zone Musings was for “reputation management”, if you get my meanin’.
So what’s the best way for that to happen, you ask? Hey, I’m so glad you asked!
Well, in a perfect world, folks will drop by the Zone, read the articles, leave a comment or two, and basically get to know me as a person, right? That way you’ll recognize my many *ahem* wonderful qualities and, should the opportunity arise, you’ll be well-equipped to tell folks what a fine fellow I truly am!
[Note from the Proprietor: OK; I realize the previous paragraph sounds an awful lot like your humble writer is sorta, um, blowing his own horn here. But what the hey, don't we, as writers, all really want that for ourselves? I'd say we're probably in reasonably safe territory as long as we don't, y'know, break an arm pattin' ourselves on the back. I'm just sayin'.]
But in this case, what happened was, my reflection (from that other person) was, well, not what I thought it would be. Like those reflections on the driveway, instead of a straight picture, they got a somewhat, er, twisted view.
Bring It Back Home
OK; time to bring this baby home. Here’s a series of questions you might want to ponder:
Has anything like that ever happened to you? What did you do about it? Have you ever been in a situation when there was nothing you could do about it? Suppose someone you don’t know just wrote something bad – and wrong – about you? What would you advise someone who is facing such a thing?
____________________________
Photos:
Reflections 1, by Robert Hruzek
Sunlight and Shadows, by Robert Hruzek
________________________________
15 responses so far
Middle Zone Musings is a comfortable place to stop, have a cup of coffee, swap a few stories and share practical ideas for the real world. I don't ask for much, just a bit of your brain every now and then. Have a seat, take a load off, and relax...
Bob, Great post and great questions. Sure, I think all of us are misunderstood at one time or another, sometimes with severe consequences. What I try to do and would recommend to others is try your darndest to keep the lines of communication open. Nothing worse than two people digging in their heels and carrying a grudge. That said, it’s usually wise to let things simmer down before using those lines of communication! We say things in the heat of battle we would never see once we’ve had time to reflect.
By the way, you do a great job of using your blog and comments to get your true self across. When I picked you up at the airport last year it was like I had known you for years. No surprises – you were even wearing the hat, I think.
Brad Shorrs last blog post..Silly Sales Wordplay – Invest versus Spend
Honestly, I’ve been in the “nothing you can do about it” situation many times. Sometimes it has been my fault; I made a mistake (these were not deliberate) and beyond apologizing and trying to rectify it (not always possible), the only action seems to be bearing the consequences. Patience is important here. Even though I’m not a very patient person in many circumstances, patience is made easier by the fact that the other person may not have wanted to have anything to do with me for awhile, so patience is imposed. My mother used to say “time heals all wounds,” and it has turned out that most times this has been true. It also works when an affront was taken unjustly; time brings reconsideration.
Beyond this, I think it matters who the person is and how much you want to reconcile. If the someone who offends me is not a close friend or family matter, I’m fine with writing them off along with the offense. If I’m guilty of the offense and apology does not dent the anger, I can only continue on trying to do better next time. I guess my basic advice is to realize that a false impression is not the end of the world; ultimately, people who matter judge us in our totality and hopefully with a grain of salt.
Terros last blog post..Ducks and Roses!
@Brad – Good advice there, Bubba! Lemme see if I can sum it up for ya: 1) Keep talkin’, and 2) Remember that
time wounds all heelstime heals all wounds.Yes I did wear the hat in Chicago last year – I figured no one would know who I was without it.
@Terro – Also good points, Terro – see above. That reminder that sometimes resolution depends entirely on the other person is good, too. I’d venture to say that’s probably the hardest thing to endure. Most of the time we want to, y’know, fix things ourselves. Perhaps there’s where the lesson is really – to be patient!
Depends on what was said or written and the effect to my reputation.
A general “Your writing sucks and you’re an idiot” doesn’t merit response.
However, an incident where a former managing editor lied about giving me a good reference and trashed my reputation to potential employers – that would have led to a lawsuit had I known. I was unemployed for nine months after quitting the newspaper to devote my energy to a fulltime search for employment, never suspecting why no one would hire me.
It was more than 10 years later when I found out. An editor told me he was hesitant to hire me because of the managing editor’s bad recommendation. Fortunately, he said my work examples and other references merited him giving me a chance to prove myself.
The advice I’d give regarding the problem you outlined – seek a fair hearing by anyone you think may have actually listened to the lie who may in turn see you in a negative light. Then, present your defence.
I’ve never confronted the managing editor because I dislike confrontation and it was easier to just edit her name off the reference list.
-Sam
Sams last blog post..Stimulus Bill Boosts Cobra Benefits
Robert, I’m glad the blow-up is behind you and yes I’ve had that happen. It is frustrating and my response has been to cry, pray and then you know think clearly. In retrospect, it does hurt to be wrongly viewed but I think it’s even more painful to have your integrity or sense of self challenged. There’s that moment when you question if that opinion is what others think too. That self-doubt even if short lived can make you feel off balance. My advice is never react in anger. Go directly to the person (when calm) and work through it. Most arguments or disagreements are the result of a miscommunication which is fixed by you know communicating.
@Sam – Yeah, sometimes the lemons ya get handed don’t make the best lemonade, eh Sam? Time, however, has provided you a remedy you can live with, it seems. I can’t argue with your advice, either.
@Karen – Communication; the key to every relationship!
I’m 120% agreed with your thought here, Robert, especially with the reputation management. Reputation is important for everyone of us, and it’s not wise to jeopardize it and put ourselves in trouble!
Robert:
Dilution. Sometimes that’s the only answer. Keep doing good, keep focused on what you know is right, keep helping people the way you do.
Reality is really only everyone’s perception of what is going on. Focusing on the other person’s misunderstanding of you and/or the situation will make it bigger in your reality than it should be.
If you’d tried to fix the relationship, talking, praying & leaving a door open to talk again — and nothing works, then it’s time to dilute. When you can’t do something about the bad, focus on the good.
just my opinion of the solution….
Chris
Chris Browns last blog post..Are You Using Branding to Help Meet Your Marketing Goals?
I jumped from your blog to another one of my favorite SOB07 & SOB08 bloggers, Tammy Lenski who writes Conflict Zen. How appropriate. Her blog is absolutely filled with wonderful relationship healing thoughts and messages.
I just couldn’t resist clicking back here to let you know about her blog. You probably met her in Chicago too, I think we all went to dinner together at that Greek restaurant Saturday night.
Chris
Chris Browns last blog post..Are You Using Branding to Help Meet Your Marketing Goals?
@Wilson – Sometimes you can’t help what others decide to think. All you can do is build your own reputation on a solid rock of information. Hopefully it will be enough.
@Chris – At first I didn’t get it, but now I understand what you mean by the word, “dilution”. That’s exactly what I intended by the Middle Zone. At this point, if someone, for some strange reason, decided to attack my reputation, they’d have a large body of work to subdue, if you get my meanin’. Hopefully it will always be enough.
In fact, some time ago I was falsely accused of something, right here at the Zone! But it never amounted to anything because I dealt fairly and accurately with the situation. I had no way to change how that person felt, but in the long run, my reputation sustained me.
And yes, I know Tammi; she sat with us at that restaurant for dinner. She’s even contributed to a WILF or two.
[...] Reflections [...]
[...] Reflections, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings [...]