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Well, waddaya know! The end of the first quarter came and went, and I almost missed it! Well, at least we lived to tell about it! Hey, who knew life of this little ol’ green earth could be such a riot?

Anyhoo - since it’s that time of the month again (no, silly, not that time!), here’s a roundup of just a few of the more unusual things I’ve run across out there this past month…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen - the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

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Dept. of Justice

According to a recent study by the Pew Center, more than 1% of the U.S. population is in prison. Why, that’s more than… let’s see… multiply by 29… carry the 8… that’s more than two dozen!!! But alas and darn; it seems there are still a few folks worried about what they claim is a huge drain on resources - or some such blather - because of that number. (Not that they have any better ideas, mind you.)

However, a NYTimes article (you know, that paragon of journalistic integrity) reports that Paul Cassell, a law professor and former U.S. Federal Judge says they’re only looking at half of the equation. See (he says), that figure corresponds to a very real reduction in crime and its associated costs - which actually translates into a humongous benefit.

What happens, is, now that the criminals are behind bars, there’s a whole lotta crime that doesn’t happen. Hey, that seems pretty clear to me!

So, could we further postulate reducing the crime rate even more by incarcerating more U.S. citizens? Prudence (and a healthy fear of crime) dictates that if 100% of all U.S. adult citizens were put in prison, the crime rate would drop to a level acceptable to almost everyone.

Culinary Dept.

And they said it couldn’t be done… You may remember last month’s OOB feature about cheeseburger-in-a-can, right? Well this month, thanks to ol’ eagle-eye Brad Shorr, we now have the perfect condiment for it! Come to think of it, this may actually be the most perfect condiment ever!

Yessir, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to (sound of drumroll)… bacon flavored salt (sound of crowd cheering wildly)! Yep; you read it right folks! My new favorite people, Justin and Dave, have turned their dream (”to make everything taste like bacon”) into a reality, and I’m tellin’ ya, I can’t wait to get my hands on some!

Check out their website and, yes, their blog. Oh, and their Facebook group. And, uh, MySpace page…

Dept. of Geology

HOLD ON EVERYBODY! Stop the presses! I just received this late-breaking notice from my good buddy Dennis McMullin…

Apparently there are (albeit admittedly) spotty reports of a highly-localized, yet devastating earth tremor that caused heavy damage to the Lincolnshire Museum of Etch-A-Sketch Artwork in England. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many details as yet, but early estimates place the damage in the millions.

(Click on the photo for a much better view of the, er, carnage…)

War Dept

I think we might just have found a solution to the ever increasing arms race! Yessir, just take a look at what these folks have created for I-have-no-idea reason - the world’s largest air cannon. Actually, it’s being used to advertise a sandwich shoppe’s 20^th Anniversary, but who came up with the idea and how they figured it out isn’t divulged. But who cares - this thing is major amazing!

Watching videos of the air cannon in action, though, a great thought occurred to me (sound of dull thud). Wouldn’t it be fun to get all the warring nations of the world to face off with each other using these babies? Oh man; I can see it now…

Plus, imagine the ramifications if we could scale these up even bigger! Place a battery of ‘em along the U.S. Gulf Coast and blow oncoming hurricanes away with one big puff! Set a new sailboat regatta speed record! Hurl Evel Knievel’s son across Snake River Canyon! Bungee jump up!

Yep; the sky’s the limit! (Er, sorry!)

Dept. of Sanitation

And finally, rounding out this month’s edition with a helpful home care technique via Chip Camden, I give you: How to clean the toilet without using that nasty brush. Just trust me and go there - you’ll thank me for it.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the extraordinarily whacko (that is, as opposed to just plain whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on that cute little Archives button up there at the top, then scroll down the categories list and click on OOB. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you. But hurry! This offer expires on Dec. 31, 2597!)

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