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OK everyone, not only is it the end of another exciting month here at the Middle Zone; hey, it’s the end of another incredible YEAR! So for the *sob* last time this year, here’s a roundup of some of the more unusual items going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
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Dept. of Stupidity

Isn’t it nice to know that unseen forces, working for the common good, are feverishly laboring behind the scenes, constantly uncovering ways to make our lives better? Man, I know I’m relieved!

On that note (F-sharp, I think), here’s an absolutely stunning development I ran across recently in News of the Weird:

“Software engineers told Fortune magazine in November that they are constructing a filter to eliminate stupid messages to online forums and bulletin boards.”

That’s right, folks! No longer will you have to put up with stupidity and idiocy on the internet; you can filter it right out! Of course, there might be a, well, small detail to consider. I mean, without stupidity and idiocy, at least 90%… no, 92%… or maybe 95% of internet conversation might simply vanish!

But alas; the filter doesn’t work yet. How can you tell? Well, it was unable to delete this story.

Legal Dept.

The Michigan anti-lawsuit group M-LAW has come out with the winners in this year’s annual Whacky Warning Label contest. The grand prize winner came from Pennsylvania and was found on a small tractor (from the picture it looks like a “Bobcat”): “Warning: Avoid Death”.

Let’s see… there’s also the one found on a baby-stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns, “Do not put child in bag.” Then there’s the label on the Vanishing Fabric Marker that cautions users: “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.” Dang! I bet you wish you’d thought of that one yourself!

But my personal favorite, and a sure candidate for the next Extreme Ironing video, is the one from an iron-on T-shirt transfer sticker that includes the line: “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

Dept. of Improbable Research Part I
In case you’ve never heard of it, there really is a publication called The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It’s a compendium of strange and unusual scientific studies on varied and sordid subjects, most of which will have you scratching your heads and uttering intelligent phrases like “Huh?”

But every now and then it’s worth a look see, just to keep an eye on what those whacky scientists are up to. Last month, for instance, there was a fascinating article about the effects of caffeine on honey bees. Needless to say, it’s pretty riveting stuff.

See, the idea behind scientific research is to identify all pertinent factors, then figure out how to individually control them; thus you identify the effects of each one on the whole. (It’s quite different from practical research, i.e., “I wonder what would happen if I poke that rabid dog with this here sharp stick?”)

But it did bring up an interesting question from fellow Investigator Oliver Baker. He wants to know how they controlled for the *ahem* buzz? (sound of rimshot – followed by sound of gunshot)

Dept. of Improbable Research Part II

And just to prove this particular Dept. isn’t all work and no play, that whacky AIR gang also conduct a monthly limerick competition to prove they have the je ne se quoi (a French word that means long white coats with pocket protectors) it takes to properly evaluate a particular scientific study.

This month the study was “Maximum Angle of Stability of a Wet Granular Pile,” Sarah Nowak, Azadeh Samadani, and Arshad Kudrolli, Nature Physics, vol. 1, August 15, 2005, pp. 50-2 (which, in case you were wondering, is a study of, well, how sand castles work.)

The winner is from Investigator Brant Boucher, who penned these soon-to-be-immortal words:

When building a castle of sand
Keep a bucket of water on hand;
Choose your particle size:
With the angles be wise,
And maybe your castle will stand.

Not to be outdone, Limerick Laureate Martin Eiger gives us this rejoinder:

I went to the beach on Nantucket
With a shovel, a pail, and a bucket.
I would have done better
If the sand had been wetter.
When my castle fell down, I said, “Perhaps the technical
literature explains this.”

Who says those scientist guys don’t know how to have a good time? Although they may need to re-read the official Limerick Construction Instruction Manual.

Seasonal Dept.

(Sound of shots being fired) …and just let that be a warning to ya, Santa! – At least, that’s the conclusion of one hapless would-be Santa recently in Rio de Janeiro. Reuters reported:

“Drug traffickers in a Rio opened fire on a helicopter carrying a Santa to a children’s party, apparently mistaking it for a police helicopter, police said Tuesday.”

But don’t worry, kids! As you no doubt have observed (a few days ago now), Santa isn’t one to give up easily; he successfully completed his appointed rounds by, er, car.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB”. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

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