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Expectations, n. things looked forward to; things regarded as likely to happen

All right; I’ll admit it right up front. The main reason we chose Hawaii as the destination of choice for our honeymoon was because I wanted to go someplace exotic and out-of-the-ordinary. Having been born and raised in Houston, Texas, it was a place so far out of my experience that I knew it would make our first few weeks together all that more memorable. Thus, I had rather high expectations (and not just because it was our, you know, honeymoon).

Now, before I go on, let me just say this: the entire experience was far beyond anything I ever imagined. Although we spent all our time on Kauai (except for the airport on the big island), we still managed to pack in quite a bit of excitement, adventure, and wonderful experiences. Truthfully, it was enough to last us a lifetime.

I have to say, though; at the very beginning, my expectations took a bit of a beating.

Expectation #1: Nice Digs

For instance, we reserved a suite at this resort, complete with lanai (which is essentially a large balcony) and a king-sized bed. Naturally, we expected a nice place - I mean, this is Hawaii, right?

Well, the room was pretty nice, I’ll give it that. Although it was pretty much the usual tropical resort-type place, it did have a fantastic view of Hanalei Bay (the room in this particular photo is pretty much exactly like our room and our view), and the lanai had a nice table and chairs on which we ate breakfast every day. But (and this was a BIG ‘but’, baby!) it had a double bed, not a king!

Now, I can tell you from experience, someone my height won’t fit on a double bed. So we called the owner of the suite and complained (not that there was much that could be done about it at this point, but still). She didn’t seem bothered at all that she had lied to us about the size of the bed (we specifically asked for a king). I mean, she had our money, so there wasn’t much we could do.

But the kicker was when Mrs. MZM told her I was too tall for the bed. You know what the owner’s brilliant solution was? And I quote: “Oh, no problem; just pull the couch over to the end of the bed and he’ll have plenty of legroom.” Unquote.

Well, as I said, we had certain expectations as far as accommodations. Alas, the reality was somewhat, er, less.

Expectation #2: Sunshine

I’ve already written (earlier this week) about the fact that our stay was somewhat, er, “solar-radiantly-challenged”. (This photo is exactly what Hanalei Bay looked like. Except for the gray, rainy skies. And, er, brown water. Click on it for a spectacularly larger view.)

Hey, when you go to Hawaii (or any vacation island destination, for that matter) one generally assumes there’s going to be plenty of sunshine and blue skies. I mean, it’s in all the pictures, right? (Yes, I know it rains a lot in Hawaii; how else would that lush foliage survive? But they still generally have plenty of sunshine, too.)

Again, the reality was less that expected.

Expectation #3: Great Island Experiences

I think I also mentioned the fact that our visit happened to be during the “off” season. What that meant was that many of the quaint little shops were closed, and in fact a lot of the more “mainstream” tourist attractions were, too.

See, in Hawaii, there’s at least one experience you simply must enjoy; it’s the epitome of the Hawaiian experience: you must, at all costs, attend a luau. Usually, the biggest challenge is picking one; they’re literally everywhere (at least during the tourist season, that is).

An authentic luau can be quite elaborate, with wonderful entertainment, native costumes and the inevitable hula lessons (something you can’t avoid if you’re going to visit Hawaii). Naturally, the best ones are at night (flaming torches makes the best lighting), and held outdoors (that photo is the sort of thing we’d, um, hoped for).

Alas, because this was the, you know, off season, the choices were somewhat limited. In fact, there was only one available on the entire island! But, we shrugged and went anyway, hoping for the best.

Well, this one was held in a sortof large barn-like structure with open sides; not out in the open like we’d hoped. (Probably a good thing since it pretty much rained most of the time anyway.) And, it had electric lighting, no torches. To make matters worse, the food was really not all that great, and the man across from us was totally drunk and rather obnoxious; we could tell his wife was pretty embarrassed.

Ah, well; yet again, it was less than expected *sigh*.

The Key to Managing Your Expectations

By now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Man, this guy has nothing good to say about anything! Who is he, anyway - that new superhero, BummerMan?” But hold on there, Buckaroos; we’re headin’ for a point if I can just figure out what it is (sound of crowd grumbling and getting restless).

OK; so here’s my point.

Expectations are good things to have; in fact, I’d even go so far as to say we need ‘em. They give a point of reference, and - dare I say it? - even something to hope for. They serve as indicators that let us know what we’d planned or expected would happen, actually has.

The problem, though, is that expectations can sometimes get, for want of a better term, too big for their britches. You know what I mean, right? Let’s say you’re planning something (it doesn’t matter what), and you’ve got every last detail worked out. I mean, there is absolutely nothing left to chance. Everything is going to go your way, and that way is… perfect.

Um… yeah.

You know it’s true: hardly ever does anything go perfectly. In fact, the more planning that’s required, the more likely whatever-it-is will go awry, if you know what I mean. You might as well just face the fact that life is never perfect. It follows, then, that if when you have expectations, then sometime, somewhere, you’re going to experience disappointment.

So what’s a person to do? Never ever plan, hope or even dream, again? No, of course not, ya big galoot (sound of fist pounding on desk)!

The key to managing any expectation can be summed up in one single word: flexibility. Yep; that’s the secret. And that one word is the thing that saved us from disappointment on our trip. Oh, don’t get me wrong; we were still disappointed when some of our expectations weren’t met; at least temporarily.

But by allowing ourselves to be flexible enough to creatively respond to each disappointment, we turned what could have been a not-so-great moment into one that, even now, still brings back fond and wonderful memories.

For instance, to this day we hardly remember that ridiculously short bed. What we do remember, though, are the breakfasts we enjoyed every morning on our lanai, surrounded by lush tropical vegetation and entertained by a couple of cardinals that seemed to think we had invaded their own personal space. They were so unafraid of us, they practically hopped in our laps as we ate!

And the lack of sun wasn’t really that much of a problem, either. It certainly didn’t stop us from checking out all the incredible sights: picturesque waterfalls, beautiful beaches, incredible mountain vistas and spectacular ocean views. (Although because of the constant rain, all our pictures came out sorta dark and gloomy.) But because we were willing to stay flexible in all things, why, everywhere we went, we’d stumble across yet another surprise (like, f’rinstance, that time we accidentally stumbled - literally! - upon a couple of nude sunbathers!)

Expectations can be good; they give you something to look forward to. But managing your expectations with a liberal dose of flexibility will allow you to enjoy life so much better. That way, even when things don’t - quite - go like you expect, well, you can still have an experience just as good (or even better).

___________________________

Yes, today marks the 26^th Anniversary of the day Mrs. MZM and I gazed into each other’s eyes and proclaimed to all who happened to be present those two powerful, life-changing little words: “I do.”

I find it rather appropriate, then, that we just sorta happened to end this series of posts with that particular word, flexibility. Honestly; it wasn’t planned.

But if there were one single word that characterized how Mrs. MZM and I have coped with the ups and downs of our years together, it would be that one. Of all the blessings God could have given us, that one quality is what continues to turn every day into an amazing adventure that never ends.

You know, I am still completely overwhelmed with the amazing and wonderful fact that, of all the people God put on this planet, this wonderful woman agreed (finally!) that I was the one - and said “YES!”

That is something for which I will be forever grateful.

Happy Anniversary to the Love of My Life!

__________________________

For the rest of our Hawaiian Honeymoon adventures, see:

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 1: Dignity; Always Dignity

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 2: When Skies Are Grey

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 3: Underwhelmed

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

NOTE: To further celebrate our upcoming Anniversary this week (May 1), I’m sharing some of our honeymoon adventures.

Despite the fact that Kauai is absolutely chock-full of remarkably beautiful sights, we still managed to find a few that left us somewhat, er, underwhelmed at best. (Question: I know it’s possible to be overwhelmed, but can one simply be “whelmed”? But I digress.)

Old Russian Fort

For instance; remember that main road I mentioned earlier? Our trusty guidebook (yes, the same one that led us to the infamous Barking Sands) mentioned that somewhere on the southwest part of Kauai was an old Russian fort; the only one in Hawaii. Well, this seemed worth visiting, so we headed on over.

Off the main road, we discovered a sign confirming our arrival. There was nothing else in sight except a small parking area, in which ours was the only car. Hmmm… obviously not exactly a tourist hotspot, but what the hey.

Although there were no directions, a rough path lead us toward a clump of low trees and overgrown vegetation. After walking for about 5 minutes or so, we found ourselves surrounded by low, heavily weed-covered mounds. Within another few minutes, we came across a sign detailing the history of the fort, and it was then we realized we had been walking right through the middle of it!

I mean, c’mon! Granted, it’s a genuine chapter in Hawaii’s history, but in the condition it’s in, it’s not exactly exciting, you know? In fact, the only reason we remember it at all is the actuality was so much less than promised!

Spaulding Monument

One of the things we discovered on Kauai, and was later confirmed during our stay on Aruba, is that when you’re on a small island, there are only so many things worth looking at. Although Kauai is seven times larger than Aruba (552 square miles vs. 75), only a small part of it is easily accessible by car (the island is basically one big, and luckily extinct, volcano). So we ended up with little more than the same area to explore. (Besides, since we were on our honeymoon, I had no desire to try more physical means of exploration, such as hiking, etc.; I mean, you understand, don’t you?)

Anyhoo, it got to the point where we were almost desperately searching for something new to see. Therefore, every time we found a road we hadn’t explored yet, we just pointed the car and went.

Well, this one time, the road we picked at random (the ocean was the other direction, so at least we knew there wouldn’t be a big wet surprise at the end of it!) seemed to just go on and on. For several miles at least, we drove down this dirt road seeing nothing but cane fields on either side. And, just to make things more interesting, the cane was so tall and dense (at least 8-9 feet) there were no landmarks, either. It was like an endless, roofless green tunnel.

Every so often, we looked at each other and asked ourselves, “Keep going, or turn around?” However, the spirit of adventure still being present, we kept going. Finally, we came upon a small sign that read: “Spalding Monument” with an arrow that pointed ahead. This struck us both as kinda funny, since there was clearly nowhere to go but straight ahead.

After a few more minutes (which seemed to take forever), we finally came upon a split in the road. There was a small cleared space in the “Y” that had a low, stone and concrete “thing” on it. “Aha!” we thought; “at last, the famous Spalding Monument!”

Well, once again, the promise, such as it was, was somewhat, er, less than expected. It turned out this particular monument had been erected by a former cane plantation owner to himself! Ah well, at least there was a great view, the cane having receded enough at this point.

Oh, well. All I can say is, if you ever visit Kauai, don’t bother with either of these two spots. I’m just sayin’.

Promises, Promises

So what can one learn from this, anyway? Well (and you no doubt knew this was coming), allow me to point out something.

Here’s the thing. When you make a promise, you need to make sure the promise is what it seems to be. By that, I mean make sure the recipient gets what he or she thinks they’re going to get. Notice, now; this is a little different from the statement, make sure the recipient gets what you promised.

Why the distinction? Well, you have to remember; perception is critical, especially when it comes to promises. That first statement is from the recipient’s point of view, while the second one is from yours. Here’s the question: Which one is more important?

I’ll leave you to make whatever application you want here, but suffice it to say, it’s important to make sure what they hear is what you meant to say.

See, when we saw something mentioned in the guidebook, we naturally assumed it would be actually something worth seeing. I mean, who wouldn’t? Thus, an implied promise was made. But, when we arrived, the result was disappointing at best. Although neither the book nor the signs made explicit promises (come see the stupendous Old Russian Fort! Thrill to the sight of the Spalding Monument!), in our minds there was at least a promise of value, so to speak.

The result is, of course, disappointment. Interesting, don’t you think, that those disappointments are still well-remembered, even 26 years later?

_____________________

For our other Hawaiian Honeymoon adventures, see:

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 1: Dignity; Always Dignity

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 2: When Skies Are Grey

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[NOTE: To further commemorate our upcoming Anniversary (May 1), this week I’m sharing some of our honeymoon adventures.]

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.

- First verse (of a surprisingly large number of verses) of You Are My Sunshine, the official song of the State of Louisiana.

If you’re anything like me (and if you are then you have my sincere condolences), you’ve probably experienced plenty of life’s ups and downs. Come to think of it, even if you’re nothing like me (and let me be the first to say, congratulations!), you’ve no doubt experienced what some pundit once called the “yo-yo of life”. (Hmm… could it have been… Yo Yo Ma? Sound of rimshot. Er, sorry.)

The fact is, everybody has what you might call sunny days, and some… well, no so much. The $64,205,178 question of the day, then, is, how do you handle it when things just don’t seem to be working out the way you expected?

Welcome to “Sunny” Hawaii

26 years ago, Mrs. MZM and I spent 10 days on the island of Kauai in the Hawaiian Islands. Now, for those of you who didn’t know; besides being called the “the Garden Isle”, it is also known as, among other things, the “honeymoon island” because so many couples either get married or spend their honeymoons there. (We happened to be in that latter category.)

Without a doubt, Kauai is an amazingly beautiful island. And don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining - we had an absolutely wonderful time. But there was this one little, minor, niggling detail…

See, two years prior to our arrival, Mt. St. Helens (in Washington State) had spectacularly blown itself to smithereens, scattering billions of tons of ash into the atmosphere in a gradually dispersing cloud that eventually circled the planet. One of the long-term consequences of this event (yes, even two years later) was that it had caused (and was still causing) an unusual amount of rainfall in many places around the world, including the Hawaiian Islands.

Consequently, by the time we arrived, Kauai (which, ironically enough, is already home to the wettest spot on Earth) had already had a year’s worth of rainfall, and here it was only May! So, what would normally have been mostly-sunny skies with occasional rain tended to be, well, pretty gray with continual rain or drizzle most of the time. It was still incredibly beautiful, mind you; just… somewhat “solar-radiantly” challenged.

On the other hand… once or twice a day, the sun did manage to peek out from behind the clouds. Alas, the problem was it never seemed to coincide with our planned beach times, you know? Not to be deterred (hey, we’re in Hawaii, fer cryin’ out loud - we’re gettin’ some sun if it kills us!), we worked out a plan. (No, wait; let me put sneer marks around it: … we worked out a ‘plan’.)

See, we made sure we always had our swimsuits on, under our clothes, and never went anywhere without a fully-stocked cooler, a beach blanket, and towels. That way, whenever the sun popped out - well, we immediately made tracks for the nearest beach and flopped down to catch what few rays were available.

In this manner, we managed to get at least a couple of hours of tanning time in over our two-week stay.

What To Do When Skies Are Grey

And therein my friends, if you’ll pardon the expression, er, lie the keys to enjoying yourself (sorry), even when the skies aren’t sunny, and things don’t seem to be going as you’d like. Though trite and worn-out, the expression is nevertheless still so true: When life throws lemons at you, you can indeed make lemonade. Here’s how:

Plans - First off, nothing’s going to happen if you don’t make plans. I know it sounds elementary, but that’s how a lot of folks operate; they expect good things to happen to them, sortof “just because”. When we chose to go to Kauai for our honeymoon, there were lots of details to work out; things like where to stay, arranging for a car, what sights to see, etc. I mean, we didn’t just “show up”, you know. See, most good things take at least a little groundwork and planning. Besides (and trust me on this), you’ll enjoy and appreciate the good times more if you’ve worked for them, rather than just had them handed to you on a platter.

Flexibility - If there’s one thing those of us who’ve traveled extensively have proven, it’s that you have to allow some flexibility in your plans. It’s pretty much a guarantee that everything won’t go the way you think it will. And the amount of enjoyment you get out of life may very well be a measure of the amount of flexibility you’ve allowed in it, you know? One of the things we discovered upon our arrival in Kauai was that May is (or was, anyway) actually the off-season. Thus, some of the things we thought about doing simply weren’t available. Did it bother us? Well, not for more than a few moments; we simply chose to do something else - and had a great time.

Opportunity - It quickly became evident we’d have to be creative in order to get in some tanning time. So we prepared ourselves and simply waited for the opportunity to present itself. We made our plans (we always kept a map handy for the most direct route to the nearest beach); we kept ourselves flexible (we were willing to change our itinerary at the first glimmer of a sunbeam); and, when the opportunity presented itself, well, we hit the beach like the Allies at Normandy! Using this method eventually gained us enough beach time to get that famous Hawaiian tan.

OK; as we noted at the beginning, life certainly has its share of ups and down. Alas, there’s no shortage of disappointment when things don’t go our way. That is, as they say down on the funny farm (and here at the Zone, for that matter), life.

The challenge, however, is to take what life throws at you and see what you can make of it. One thing I can tell you for sure, though. If you practice these three principles, even incorporating them into your daily living, well, I think you’ll find that life can actually be a lot more interesting, and (dare I say it) even more fun!

So, the question of the day is, how do you handle it when things aren’t going the way you thought they should?

________________________

For our other Hawaiian Honeymoon adventures, see:

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 1: Dignity; Always Dignity

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[NOTE: To help celebrate our upcoming Anniversary (May 1), this week I’m sharing some of our honeymoon adventures on the Hawaiian island of Kauai.]

Now, before I go on, let me just say to those of you who actually, you know, live in Hawaii, that I’d really appreciate it if you’d help me out here. After all, if anyone should know…]

Ever since I was a kid (um, that’s human, not goat), I’ve always wanted to visit exotic places. Like, er, Mars. Alas, despite the amazing advances in space exploration over the ensuing years, that opportunity has yet to present itself. The bottom line is, when it came time for our honeymoon, Mrs. MZM and I had to settle for something, well, a bit less exotic. So we went to Hawaii.

One thing I’ll say about Hawaii: that’s one place where, I’m telling ya, everything is exotic! The plants, the birds, the scenery - I mean, everything is such a far cry from the sort of things we usually see down in here in Texas (and pretty much the rest of the U.S.).

The Barking Sands

Y’know; when you’re on a relatively small island, at least you can never get lost. (‘Course, you can only go so far before you have to do your fish imitation, but I think you get my meanin’.) After all, on Kauai there’s really only one main road; it starts near Princeville (about the middle of the northern side) and goes clockwise about three-quarters of the way around the island to its westernmost point at Barking Sands. (The rest of the coastline is too rugged for wheeled vehicles.)

There were (and still are, of course!) plenty of great things to see on Kauai. Amazing waterfalls, lush tropical forests, beautiful beaches; we wanted to see it all. Naturally we had our own handy guidebook to show us what to see and do. Therefore, when the guidebook said we should visit Barking Sands, we did.

Now bear in mind, this was 26 years ago. I understand the public may not now be able to actually get to Barking Sands anymore since it’s a military base. (Was it a base back then? I don’t know.) But I do remember standing on the beach at Barking Sands and looking across the water at the island of Ni’ihau. It was late afternoon and very windy, and quite sobering to think the next landfall due west was Taiwan, about 5,000 miles away.

Anyway, I honestly don’t have that clear a recollection of the beach itself, other than it was, you know, picturesque. I mean, after you’ve seen so many beautiful beaches with incredibly white sand, they all sortof run together, if you know what I mean. But there was one thing the guidebook told us that, to this day is still a mystery. I sure wish we still had that book, because it’s something I’d really like to know. 26 years later, it still makes us wonder.

I don’t mind telling you, I’m fascinated by unusual place names. And by now you’re probably wondering, as we were, just how the heck did Barking Sands get its name? Was it in honor of an ancient chief’s dog? Perhaps it was the local equivalent to a dog park? Wait, I know - it was the annual migration point for barking seals, right?

Well, according to the guidebook, it was none of these oh-so-logical-sounding things. Nope; not even close. Now bear with me (like I said, it’s been 26 years), but to the best of our recollection, according to the book the name Barking Sands derived from “the distinctive sound the sand makes when thrown into the air”.

Yep; that’s what it said.

Now undoubtedly your brain is racing along, as ours did that day, quickly reviewing your high-school physics classes and attempting to find some measure of logic behind such a bizarre-sounding explanation. I mean, c’mon; we didn’t just fall of the turnip truck, you know. How could such a ridiculous thing possibly be true? Sound of a dog barking, indeed.

Mrs. MZM and I stood there for a few minutes, pondering the imponderable and contemplating the inevitable. Presently, she looked at me with all seriousness and said, “Well don’t look at me; I’m not doin’ it!”

So What Would YOU Do?

Yes, that indeed begs the question, doesn’t it?

On the one hand, we could have simply laughed and gone our way, never knowing if the act of tossing said sand upon the gentle breezes of the Hawaiian Main somehow magically caused a distinctive sound to whisper upon our amazed ears.

On the other hand, we could also be unwitting guests on the island version of Candid Camera, with a sneaky hidden camera nearby, ready to capture the spectacle of two idiotic tourists who believed anything they read in a book.

What to do, what to do?

Well, not being one to shy from a challenge (although I must admit to checking the area first to see if anyone was watching), I gathered as much dignity as I could muster, bent over and scooped up a double handful of sand, and flung it into the air. We both mightily cocked our ears in order to capture the slightest possible resulting and distinctive sound.

The result was pretty much as you would expect: nothin’.

We looked at each other for a moment with an I-told-you-so look, and I tried it again. Still nothin’. Ah, well. We moved on, back to see the rest of the wonders Kauai had to offer. To this day, I still have no idea if it was a prank or what, inserted into the guidebook just to see if anybody would fall for it. But I can tell you this; it certainly made for a memorable moment.

Still… maybe there’s a lesson here after all.

Dignity; Always Dignity

You know, most of us hate to look ridiculous, especially in front of other people (I mean, it’s bad enough when you’re alone!) But when you get right down to it, what’s the real harm? So what if someone else discovers the truth - that you’re just not all that? (One of the great humbling things about marriage is you can no longer hide it from your spouse.)

Take the upcoming SOBCon for instance. Last year, I remember it as a wonderful, exciting time; meeting new people and hearing some great speakers. In fact, it’s one of the things that helped clarify my purpose as a writer, and not “just” a blogger.

But in some ways, last year’s SOBCon was, well, a lot like a first date. I mean, there I was meeting these folks for the very first time, and naturally I wanted to present my best foot forward, so to speak. I made sure my shoes were shined (there was a handy machine for that in the men’s room), periodically checked my teeth for wayward bits of breakfast or lunch, and generally did my best to keep that watchword, dignity, in mind. Like I said; a first date.

As far as I know, nothing untoward happened (well, no unwitting faux pas that I can think of, anyway). Thus, mission accomplished. (‘Course, the downside is, being that stiff can make one come across with all the warmth of a piece of wood. Just ask Al Gore.)

But you know what I’ve discovered since then? It’s this: playing the fool isn’t so bad! After all, it’s one reason I can relax and have so much fun with my writing now. If you were to compare my earlier writing style with today’s, you’ll see that I certainly have a lot more fun - and consequently have made lots more friends over the last year - simply because I don’t mind acting silly.

Yep; there’s a lot to be said for being upright and dignified. And yes, as hard to believe as it may sound, I can manage it, if necessary. But, if you want to see the real me, well, just give me minute!

So how about it, folks? Are you sometimes afraid of letting go? Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself? Does clinging to your dignity occasionally cause you to miss out on having a good time?

Don’t you wish, for once, you could hear the sand go arf, arf, arf?

________________________

OK; I know it’s a bit late, but if you’d like to come to SOBCon08, there’s still time to register (it’s May 2-4 in Chicago); just click the link for more details. If you do make it this year, come tap me on the shoulder and introduce yourself. Just look for the hat.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note from the Proprietor: This, as you have no doubt surmised (can’t put anything past you folks!), is part 2 of an unusually lengthy (for me, anyway) two-part post. In case you just escaped being abducted by aliens, fell off the planet and just climbed back on, or otherwise missed it, Part 1 can be found here. In order to capture the nub of the gist, you’ll need to read it first.]

Use It or Lose It

Well, I hear ya, my friends, and I’m here to tell ya - been there. So it’s OK; go ahead and leave your head in the sand a bit longer. Hey, you deserve a break, my friend; we all do every now and then.

Not to split hairs, but to my mind (which admittedly is a very strange place) it’s not really the decision itself that’s the problem. No, I think what really makes us sweat are the imagined consequences of that decision. Remember, it’s perception, not necessarily reality, we’re dealing with here.

I mean, when decision-time comes along, what you really spend most of your time doing is pondering those pesky consequences of your life-cha- what do you say, for convenience (and to avoid that pesky screaming), let’s just call it an LCD, why don’t we? - your LCD, right? You might end up mentally juggling two, three (or ten, for that matter) possible outcomes. (That’s why they’re LCD’s, don’cha know.) (Juggling metaphor, by backpackphotography)

But here’s the thing. See, learning to handle LCDs is not only something to be expected - hey that’s just life - but I say “big” decision-making should be something to look forward to, and maybe even profit from (sound of needle scratching across a vinyl record).

Alright, about now I can hear you saying to yourself, “Man, this whack job has finally lost it! Now he thinks I should be happy to agonize over LCD’s!”

Well, before we go on, lemme just clarify a couple of things: a) I haven’t finally ‘lost it’; I actually lost it awhile back. To tell you the truth, I don’t really miss it; b) wasn’t an agonizer booth a Klingon punishment device in that weird alternate universe where Mr. Spock wore a beard? And c) you should really do something about that ‘talking to yourself’ thing; people are beginning to, you know, stare.

So what the heck do you mean, you ask? Hey, am I glad you asked! See, decision-making is like anything else; to get really good at it (and to realize the benefits from it), well, it’s a skill you have to practice.

One can liken it to the way a body-builder prepares for the Mr. (or Ms.) Universe competition. They don’t start over at the big weights, you know. No, they start small and work their way up, giving their bodies - specifically their muscles - time to develop. Even more importantly, once they start, they never stop.

What, you think Lou Ferrigno was born that way? (Uh-oh; excuse me while I try to shake off that image.) No, silly; he diligently worked at for years.

See, if you spend all your time avoiding decisions (c’mon, admit it; you’ve done it now and then, haven’t you?), well, your decision-making ability begins to atrophy (which is a technical term that means roughly Hey, nice trophy; so you accomplished something once. But what have you done lately?) Yep; it’s very much like a muscle in that respect; you only have two choices: you either use it or lose it.

Alright, maybe it’s about time I got around to making my point.

What to Do - and What You Get

The problem, as I mentioned before, is actually one of attitude. After all, if you can’t change the fact that LCDs are as inevitable as the onset of chest-of-drawers syndrome (you know, where everything at chest level eventually ends up in the drawers), then maybe we need to concentrate on what we can change: our attitude.

So, how does one go about changing one’s attitude about something they’d rather avoid at all costs? Well, I’m here to tell you: it’s simple… but not easy.

Face it - OK, first things first. Until you face up to the fact that LCDs are both necessary and inevitable, well, you might as well stop reading right here. (On the other hand, since you’ve come this far, you might as well finish this post. You may be glad you did.) It’s like any other problem challenge you face; until you acknowledge it’s there, you can’t possibly do anything about it - or learn something from it. (Mirror 1, by leifE)

Step back a bit - Think about it (sound of gears grinding); when you find yourself facing an LCD, doesn’t your world sorta narrow down to that one issue, and that one issue alone? It’s almost like you put blinders on and you find it almost impossible to think of anything else. Like being on a racetrack, going ‘round and ‘round and… OK, enough metaphors. It’s sorta the nature of the beast. But probably the best thing you could do is take a large economy-sized step backwards and take a look at the bigger picture. How does this LCD fit in with the rest of your life? How does it affect your world, your friends, or your family? Asking yourself these questions might even be the key to an innovative solution you may have been missing.

Talk it out - Alright; speaking as a human being of the male persuasion, I can honestly agree that most of us don’t like to ask for help. I’m sure you ladies experience the same thing to some degree (at least, I’d like to think so!), but it does tend to be particularly difficult for us guys. Sometimes, though, the best thing we can do is open up to someone we respect and trust and just lay it out there. For one thing, talking about it somehow makes it easier to face. For another, by simply saying it out loud, you might find it’s not as bad as it sounded in your head. Finally (should you be willing to ask), getting another’s point of view might be surprisingly useful in providing a solution you didn’t think of before. I know; it’s happened to me countless times. (Conversation, by jurek D.)

Involve the affected - The fact is, most LCDs affect more than just you. If you’re married, if you have children, if - well, you get the idea. But if you don’t involve them in the decision process, you’re going to be in for some stormy weather ahead, lemme tell ya! Once again, multiple viewpoints make for multiple solutions. Even better, they encourage consensus as well. What’s the big deal about that, you ask? Well, consensus builds support. Need I say more?

Practice making decisions - What’s the best way to get good at making big decisions? Make lots of small ones! There’s a great scene from the movie You’ve Got Mail, in which Joe Fox points out that Starbucks has done people a favor: they force coffee drinkers to make six decisions at the start of each day (regular or grande? caff or decaff? etc.), just so they could practice their decision-making ability. Go ahead and laugh, but it’s a valid point. (The Choices, by Orin Optiglot)

Now, assuming you’ve started putting the above principles into practice, once your decision-making muscles start to build you’ll begin to notice some interesting benefits.

Confidence -One thing you’ll notice is that you’ll start to be more confident in your decision-making ability. And there’s no more powerful feeling than (well-placed) confidence in your own ability to assess those LCDs when they rear their ugly heads! Now, instead of dreading them like you used to, you’ll find yourself ready to evaluate, consider and respond. Instead of agonizing over days, weeks, or even months, you’ll enjoy the ability to make the decision and move on to other things, with very little, if any, grief, agony, or gnashing of teeth.

Power - Closely related to confidence is the feeling of power. You’ll look in the mirror and see a much more powerful person standing there. No longer reduced to a sniveling mass of icky goo (yuck!) every time an LCD pops up on the radar, you’ll be ready to face whatever life has to offer, no matter what - and what’s more, you’ll enjoy it!

Now do you see how you can change your attitude about LCDs? Like I said; it’s actually pretty simple - but certainly not easy. However, with effort and practice, and yes, a little help from your friends, you too can become a brand new person when it comes to those big, honkin’ decisions. Maybe still not quite able to leap tall buildings at a single bound, but still…

So what about it? What would you add to the list above? How do you manage those pesky LCDs?

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[NOTE: Since this post ended up‘waaaay longer than usual (eek! 2670 words!), rather than subject you to an excruciatingly lengthy read today, I decided to split it into two parts. This here, as you can no doubt surmise from the title, is Part 1; Part 2 comes tomorrow. Assuming, of course, we’re all still here tomorrow. I mean, you never know…]

Hey, we all have to make decisions, but don’t you, at times, absolutely hate having to make ‘em? Yuk. Especially the big, honkin’, “earth-shattering-consequences” ones. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.

And you know what I hate the most? There’s nothing you can do to avoid them! (Can I get an “amen” here?) Oh, sure; you can pretend they’re not really all that important and hope they’ll go away.

But that’s not really a valid solution, as you hopefully have come to realize (uh, you DO realize that, don’t you?) Yep; sooner or later she comes home to roost. And even not deciding to decide, er, decides it, if you know what I mean. (Photo: decisions, by cuellar)

Well then! Since we seem to agree that big decisions are pretty much as inevitable as Star Wars Episode 33, or Rocky XXVII - and, since everybody has to make ‘em, like it or not - well then maybe, just maybe it’s not the decision that’s the problem. (I can hear you responding with something brilliant like, “Urk! Huh?” Hey, not to worry; I’ll explain.)

As I said, maybe it’s not the decision, but it’s (can I get a drumroll, please?) the attitude. If that’s the case, well, perhaps (hang on; lemme open up the ol’ toolbox and get out the BIG hammer) it’s time for an attitude adjustment.

That First Step is a Dilly!

Hey, I know all about big decisions. Back in 1985, we were in quite a quandary (which I believe is an old Ecuadorian saying that translates roughly as deep doo-doo). Mrs. MZM and I had been married in 1982, and during the first three years of our marriage, we experienced quite a few sudden surprises. For instance…

Mrs. MZM retired during our first year (yes, it was planned; about the only thing that was). However, in one of those decidedly non-serendipitous little surprises life sometimes throws at you now and then, I was unexpectedly laid off exactly one week later. Consequently, the new house we were building… well, let’s just say that dream sorta crashed and burned in a somewhat spectacular fashion (sound of crashing, burning… and sobbing).

Then, on our 1^st Anniversary, Mrs. MZM’s father changed his home address to Heaven. Naturally, there were some personal upheavals (he is sorely missed!), along with all the complications such an event typically ensues.

The last brick on the pile was the engineering business was experiencing a severe downturn (like most industries, it tends to follow cycles) and work was getting pretty scarce in the Houston area.

As a result, we began to consider leaving Houston for the first time. (It’s not that we didn’t want to; it’s just that her father needed looking after.) Now, having both been born and raised in the same town (Houston), we had a hard time imagining life “somewhere else”, you know? I mean, sometimes it’s hard to leave comfortable surroundings for the (sometimes not-so-) great unknown.

But, that indeed seemed to be the message the ol’ finger was writing on the wall, so to speak. So we did our best to try to evaluate the pros and cons as best we could.

Finally, we could wait no more; there was simply no work available in the ol’ homestead. So one fine Monday morning, Mrs. MZM and I said a prayer, took a deep breath, and mailed 175 resumes (yep; you read it right!) to assorted locations all over the U.S. This was it; the whole job search was totally in God’s hands now. All we could do was simply wait and see what happened.

Amazingly, within two weeks I received several calls from various agencies, and it was with an excited, yet slightly nervous heart I accepted a contract position in the completely mysterious locale known as Greenville, South Carolina (don’t worry; I had to look it up, too). As it turned out, the engineering job slump we were experiencing in Houston was actually somewhat localized; the job market was actually pretty hot in South Carolina at that time. Who knew?

Anyway, not having done this sort of thing before, I understandably went with a sortof “checking it out” attitude. So Mrs. MZM stayed home for the first month or so, just long enough for me to get a feel for how long the job might last (continuity of income has a tendency to score rather high on the priority list, you know).

However, it quickly became evident there was plenty of work (several years, at least), so we took yet another deep breath, and moved - lock, stock and barrel. (Although to this day, we can no longer find our lock, stock or our barrel; guess the movers lost those too. If you’ve ever moved cross-country, you’ll know the feeling.)

Decisions, Decisions

Go ahead; ask anybody! Making big, life-changing decisions (flash of lightning; crash of thunder; sound of terrified scream) ain’t easy. We’ve all had to make our share of ‘em. What’s even more irritating is, they keep on comin’, getting bigger and more dramatic as time goes by. In fact, you may be facing, or be in the middle of one, right this minute. Hey, it’s all part of the adventure we call life.

When you were still a kid, you hadn’t been required to make that many big decisions yet, and thus didn’t have the confidence (gained from experience) to know you were, you know, doing the right thing. That’s why, at that age, most decisions seem to be practically all life-changing decisions (once again: lightning, thunder, screaming).

Then, when you got to the dreaded teen years, you were pretty much involved with school, friends, etc., at least until it came time to start thinking about life, higher education and careers. It’s too bad it comes at such a tender young age - but then again, I guess we gotta start sometime, right? Things start getting hairy about then (er, sorry).

Questions like, Who should I hang out with? Or, What university and/or career should I be thinking about? Should we have sex now, or wait? Should I cheat on that test or not? Not to mention the ever-popular, God, are you really there?

Well, you remember. You began to realize: it’s tough (and really not much fun) making big decisions. Alas; it never gets any easier (sound of heartfelt sobbing).

As we reach adulthood, consequences get even bigger. The question of who to marry (should it ever come up), our belief in God (and what we’ll do about Him), which job to accept (should you be blessed with a choice - not everybody is, you know), where to live - well; the list goes on and on.

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OK, folks; thus ends Part 1 of the riveting real-life drama, As the Worm Turns (otherwise known as Life in the Middle Zone). Stay tuned for tomorrow’s dramatic conclusion: Use It or Lose It!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Things getting a bit backed up for ya? Is there too much “noise” going on in your life? If you could just take a few minutes for yourself… would you?

Back in 1970, my family and I spent the spring and summer in Europe as a side benefit of my Dad’s work assignment to The Hague in the Netherlands. Suffice it to say we spent a lot of time on weekends doing the usual tourist thing. (One nice thing about Europe - everything is conveniently close, compared to driving around the U.S.!)

However, this trip was different - we were on our way to Italy! My dad had taken a couple of weeks off, and we drove from Den Haag down to Rome and back in a marathon do-it-yourself tour of central Europe. Naturally, we tried to hit as many of the typical tourist spots as we could, of course, but every now and then we found a little, out-of-the-way gem that made the extra stop worthwhile.

Therefore, I have no idea where we were at the time (I think it might have been somewhere in Germany), but there was this one place we stopped…

The Quietest Place on Earth

I remember how beautiful the weather was. Blue sky with a few clouds, temperature in the mid-70s (°F), and a light, warm breeze caressing us. We’d stopped pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but I have no idea why - maybe my Dad just wanted to stretch his legs. It felt good to get out of the car for a few minutes.

Stretching out beside us was a huge, grassy field, sloping gently upwards to the top of a low hill nearby. The grass seemed to be a nearly uniform 3 feet high or so, and I recall it being very green (actually, the grass looked nothing like the photo above; it’s just the best one I could find that conveys the sense of it); it almost made me think of, well, green fur. The breeze caused the long slender blades to sway gently, creating a very gentle, low-level shushing sound that sortof tickled the senses in some indefinably pleasant fashion.

Since there were no fences, I strolled away from the road and wandered into the grass. (Isn’t it funny how, as a kid, we’ll pretty much go anywhere without giving it a second thought? All we’re interested in is adventure. However, as an *ahem* responsible adult, I’d probably lose a lot of time wondering what I couldn’t see: bugs? snakes? alligators? mole people?)

Heedless of any potential catastrophe, I started up the hill to, like the chicken who crossed the road, “see what there was to see”. At the top, though, was simply more grass, stretching into the distance. I could see the ground rolled gently, like a loose blanket on a bed, creating little depressions, folds, and other green-clad but otherwise mundane features.

In fact, directly in front of me was a small depression, forming a shallow bowl about, oh, maybe 50 feet in diameter and about 10 or so feet deep. Totally unconcerned for my personal well-being (no thought of, for instance, giant ants, bottomless pits or quicksand), I wandered down to the low spot, and almost immediately noticed it:

Silence… complete and utter silence.

I’m tellin’ ya, it was downright spooky. Because of the raised edge of the hill (it was sorta like being in the middle of a giant, soft green donut), the breeze didn’t even stir the grass at the bottom. Everything was completely and totally silent - no blades stirring; nothin’.

It’s amazing how much background noise there is - when you can no longer hear it! On top of the hill, there was the breeze, the grass rustling, an occasional passing auto, and other assorted noises. But here, there were none whatsoever. You could practically hear your hair grow. (Come to think of it, it was like - the cone of silence!)

I walked back to the top of the hill and called the rest of my family to join me, and together we descended back into the hollow. It was really weird; although we spoke in completely normal conversational tones, we could hear each other clearly, no matter where we were in the space.

So what did we do? Why had lunch, of course! My sister and I immediately headed for the car and fetched the picnic basket, and together we ate lunch in the Quietest Place on Earth. After an hour or so of eating, relaxing, and generally just enjoying ourselves, we got back in the car and resumed our trek; surprisingly refreshed beyond measure.

Talk about a restful, peaceful place - I’ve never found any place like it since. Quite the experience, I’ll tell ya! Over the years, I’ve come to value those times when I can, well, isolate myself from the world, even for a short time.

A Prescription for Personal Peace

You know, isn’t it amazing how much “background noise” fills our lives? We all get so busy, sometimes just finding the time to relax becomes a major effort. Even then, there’s still that “background noise”, coming from all over.

Well, maybe… maybe you should do what we did: Find a way to get completely isolated for a time (and I do mean isolated - no cell phone, no Blackberry, no email… well, you know the drill). It doesn’t have to be long - anything from a few minutes to a few hours will do. More, if you can spare it. You might be surprised how refreshing it can really be!

How long has it been since you totally relaxed? No, I mean really relaxed? Well, neighbor; that’s just too long!

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Funny thing; I don’t recall being all that tired BEFORE we stopped to have lunch. But once we got to that spot, everything else seemed to just melt away for awhile. We ate, relaxed, lay around in the grass for a few minutes… basically just isolated ourselves from the world. It was truly the most refreshing time we had on the whole trip.

But by the time we pulled the car away and headed on down the road, I’m tellin’ ya, we were ready for anything! Even had Godzilla chosen that particular moment to invade the Earth in a flying saucer, to raze the countryside with his giant feet and radioactive breath!

So here’s my question for ya: When was the last time you completely… and utterly… relaxed?

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!