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And to think I almost missed it this month! Oh, the humanity!

That’s right, folks! Once again the sun rises (OK, so I’m a few days late – don’t have a cow, man!) on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what’s happening at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

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Too Silly to be True Dept.

Remember the joke about the guy stealing ball bearings? Every day he tried to leave the plant with a wheelbarrow full, only to be stopped at the gate and all the BBs confiscated. Then they sent him on his way with an empty wheelbarrow. Turns out he was stealing wheelbarrows.

I wonder if that’s how this guy managed to steal over a million screws from the factory where he worked? (He was auctioning them on E-Bay!) He only got caught because the people buying them finally (!) noticed his prices were ridiculously low. Really on the ball there, guys.

Heads Off, er, -Up Dept.

A set of pearls, reportedly worn by Marie Antoinette and now incorporated into a diamond-and-pearl necklace is going on sale in December. They were “taken by a friend” to Britain for safekeeping. Uh-huh. Well, at least it was probably pretty easy to um, get it off her, uh, neck…

It will be sold by Christie’s, where, in an ironic choice of words, the story says the necklace will “go under the block” (bwa-ha-ha-ha!) and is expected to sell for up to $800,000. (You know, you could wait your whole life for an opportunity like that.)

We’re On a Roll Dept.

It seems Fon du Lac County in Wisconsin has a thief that specializes in, well, stealing toilet paper. Yep, six rolls a day. Authorities figure he’s either planning a big party… or, um, has an *ahem* big problem. Nevertheless, they expect the thief will be caught eventually. I wonder why they think that?

There’s an interesting admission in the story, though. The theft hasn’t been a big loss, because “they don’t buy the best toilet paper”. Yeah, but government spending being what it is, I bet they’re paying top dollar for it. Can you spell A-U-D-I-T? (If you can’t, just use this handy guide.)

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Dept.

The mayor of Oak Lawn, Illinois has decided to try something different to get people to notice and obey stop signs. Some of them have been changed, now saying things like, “Whoa!” or “Stop, in the naame of love” (a line from the classic Supremes song).

Not sure it’s going to work though. While the mayor was proudly posing next to one of the new signs for a photo opp, a driver sped by without stopping. Ironic, huh?

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB”. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Hey, even though we’re in the midst of serious change… it never hurts to stop every now and then to smell the onions!

So once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – it’s that time of the month once again (no, silly, not that time of the month); the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

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How to Know Your Wife is Trying to Kill You Dept.

Man, talk about your heavy sleepers! A Florida man woke up with a headache so severe he asked his, ahem, darling loving wife to drive him to the hospital. Naturally, they popped him into an X-ray machine which revealed (much to the man’s surprise)… a bullet in the head? Yikes! (Click on photo for larger view… if you’re not squeemish!)

Anyhoo, in a brilliantly-planned move obviously planned to avert suspicion, the man’s wife immediately jumped up and fled the hospital in a panic. But not to worry, folks, she didn’t get far. A quick search of their home revealed the weapon, whereupon she confessed (i.e., she cracked like an egg), claiming she “accidentally” shot him while he was sleeping. Um… yeah, sure, whatever.

Fame and Fortune Dept.

Have you ever wanted to be so rich and famous that you made it to the cover of Wired Magazine? Well, have I got a deal for you! Now, you don’t even have to be rich OR famous to get there – you can put yourself, along with the headlines of your choice on a Wired Magazine cover all by yourself! Give it a try! (Click on photo for larger view… but send the children out of the room first!)

Amaze your friends! Impress your co-workers! Play a joke on a family member! To be the first on your block to have their mug on a magazine cover, have the digital photo of your choice ready, then go to this site. But please… be nice. (Thanks to my buddy Dennis McMullin)

Blame it on Global Warming Dept.

It used to be the atom bomb. Then it was the internet. Now all manner of evil things are being blamed on the latest big hot button issue: global warming (sound of terrified scream). Yep, next time you see a stray cat wandering the streets, blame it on global warming. Too many Scottish grey seals? Global warming (once again, with feeling - terrified scream). Not enough prostitutes in Bulgaria? Yep, you guessed it: global warming (sound of - well, you know).

Hey, why not? Personally, I think the phenomenon called global warming is essentially a no-win debate. I mean, for every proponent on one side, no matter what their credentials, there are always equal or better on the other.

But that’s not even the point. Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t it seem pretty silly to blame everything on it?

Dept. of Stupidity

A 20-year-old Estonian blind man was arrested while driving his car the other day. Yep, you read it right; he’s blind. Not only that, but this is the second time it’s happened! The story goes on to say that not only was he drunk, but there were three people in the car giving him directions. So who’s the most stupid person in this story?

Now, of course, the police want to confiscate his car. Gee, ya think? Oh, the inhumanity! (Click on photo for larger view.)

What’s My Lion? Dept.

Further proof that if there’s something you like doing; something that really gives you a thrill, whatever you do, don’t try to make a business of it! That giant whooshing noise you hear might just be all the fun being sucked out of it.

A fellow named Scott Mueller, of Baraboo, Wisconsin (wouldn’t you just love to be able to say, “I’m from Baraboo?” I just love that name!) is finding that out the hard way after finally achieving his childhood dream of being a lion-tamer. The worst and hardest part of the job is (sound of drum roll) the paperwork! Um, is anybody out there surprised?

Seems there are about a million forms and documents involved in the day-to-day mundane activities of such a profession. I mean, you got your dangerous predator forms, your travel document forms, your health code forms (for the lion, not for him; one can assume that if a lion-tamer is still upright, he must be OK) for practically every county he has to pass through, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

But before you go “Aww, that’s a shame”, I have to tell you that in my humble opinion, when it comes to complaints Scott hasn’t got a leg to stand on (and no, it’s not ‘cause it got eaten!) Wanna know what he used to do? He was, er, um, in the insurance business.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB“. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Once again, folks, the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
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Dept. of Culinary Adventurism

Ever tried to do your best, but sometimes, your best sadly isn’t good enough? You know the feeling, right? That no matter how beneficial whatever you’re doing is, it seems there’s still a downside that somehow, well, steals your glory? Well, then you know just how the Chinese government must feel…

The massive Three Gorges Dam project in China is just one example of how something absolutely necessary to China’s growth still has a downside (I mean, other than flooding a humongous amount of land and drowning many cultural artifacts – but alas, you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs, you know). One particularly loathsome and unexpected result of the project, now that the water level is really rising, is there are about 2 zillion displaced rats, er, flooding the surrounding Central Chinese countryside. Ew, yuck!

But never say the Chinese people don’t know how to take advantage of an opportunity! Local folks have discovered there’s a market for rats – as entrees! Yep, seems the rest of China is putting the little darlings on their dinner plates in huge numbers. Geez, some folks will eat anything that doesn’t eat them first! (Oh, wait…)

Unclear on the Concept Dept.

Talk about being, er, unclear on the concept. A Largo, Florida man called 911 while being told by police to “move on” during a ruckus in a bar. I mean, here he is, surrounded by police, so he calls 911 for help because he’s… “surrounded by police”?

Hey, What’s That Brown Streak? Dept.

I don’t know, this may more properly fall under the “things I really wish I didn’t know” department, but what the heck; we don’t make ‘em up here at the Zone, we just report ‘em…

Did you know that the development of Western literacy was helped along by the spread of, er, underwear? Seriously, folks; the proliferation of underpants (according to some) is what jump-started the book industry, since one of the prime ingredients in paper-making was… rags.

Yep, you read it right! Used underwear in the form of old rags were one of the materials used to make those very old books. So next time you bibliophiles think about purchasing that Middle Ages manuscript, you might want to think again about what it’s made from. Er, maybe that “old book smell” isn’t what you thought it was!

Dept. of Improbable Research

And finally, from our friends at Improbable Research (yes, Virginia, there really IS such a place) comes a paper with really, really impressive authorship credentials (I mean, ya gotta see this!) titled, The Effects of Peanut Butter on the Rotation of the Earth.

I’d say the report speaks for itself. That’s it, and that’s all. So, enough said. The end. Finis- (sound of blunt object hitting back of head)

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yep, sho‘nuff! So if you’re interested in even more of the strange, the unusual, and stuff that is just plain whackola, you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB” (or, you know, click on OOB). In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(NEW FEATURE! If you have any great suggestions for future editions of OOB, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use yours, I’ll mention your name and link back to you.)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________

Dept. of Wildlife Management

Surely you’ve heard (yes, I know – don’t call you Shirley!) some ring tones that just drive you up the wall, right? Whether it’s a short clip from whatever song happens to be popular to assorted sound effects, it is absolutely ridiculous the things you hear popping up in elevators, shopping malls and church sermons. Especially those irritating animal sounds; dogs barking, cats meowing, eagles screeching … ugh! I don’t know about you, but it’s enough to make me want to get out the BIG hammer.

Well, great news! Those goofy, idiotic, and downright stupid-sounding ring tones might just have some useful applications in the real world after all! In Ahmedabad, India, they’re using cell phones programmed with the sound of goats bleating and cows mooing to lure, uh, leopards into traps! All they have to do is strap a cell phone inside a cage, play the sounds, and pretty soon a leopard walks in, looking for an easy meal. Not bad!

In fact, lots of animals respond to certain sounds. Who hasn’t tried to call a cat by opening a tin of cat food, or a dog by shaking a bag of dog food? Luckily people are wired differently, don’t you think? Uh, sorry I gotta go. I can hear a tub of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream being opened in the kitchen…

Miscellaneous Dept.

The other day I accidentally stumbled upon this intriguing website called One Word. The concept is pretty simple. When you push the button, you get one (1) randomly-selected word and sixty (60) seconds to write something – anything – you care to write; there’s a handy form to put the words in. So what’s the point, you ask? Hey, we don’t really need no stinkin’ point, do we?

Okay, okay; if you’re one of those people who must know more, you can read the help page.

To be honest, I’m not sure just what the purpose of this site is. You can, however, check out what others have written, which makes an interesting read. One thing it does illustrate is the vast number of different directions you can go from a single starting point. Pretty cool, if you ask me. Go ahead, try it at least once.

Dept. of Unusually Normal Months

Oddly enough, there didn’t seem to be as many strange things going on this month (which is pretty strange in itself!) so I’ll just close here. (But it does make me wonder: was I just not as observant this month? Hmmm…)

But don’t worry, folks, just tune in next month for the next exciting edition of OOB!

(Note: Interested in previous editions of OOB? Just click on the OOB category over there on the left!)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Dept. of International Relations

There’s a Spanish website that can, among other things, translate your name into several different languages, including Japanese, Chinese or Hindi. What you see here is Robert (rough English meaning: bright fame) supposedly translated into Chinese, although it’s problematical whether it’s an accurate translation or not. It could really mean something like weird crazy insane man (which, come to think of it, may not be far off). (Via The Thinking Blog)

Dept. of Political Science

I’ll tell ya, those politicians in Taiwan sure know how to do it right, don’t they? Fist fights, paper throwing, water spraying – and that’s just to decide who gets the last donut! But on the other hand, don’t you just get tired of the “genteel” sort of politics we see here in the U.S. and maybe you guys in Europe do? I know I do.

Don’t you sometimes wish, when there’s an important bill to be considered, OUR politicians would just “have at it” and dispense with the smarmy back-room deals and shady innuendo? I know it’s a bit, well, crude. But still, ya gotta wonder…

Dept. of High Powered Jobs

Hey, if you’re one of millions looking for a really high-powered job, well my friends, get a load of this one! (courtesy of Glumbert.com) I have no idea what exactly it is these guys are doing, but it looks pretty high-powered to me! The best part is the quote at the very end of the video – it’s worth waiting for.

Dept. of Legacies

And Bill Clinton was worried about his legacy? Sheesh! Well, that’s something Roger Bennatti won’t have to wonder about – he already knows what his will be.

It’s a 30-year old Twinkie.

That’s right, a Twinkie. Don’t ask, just read.

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Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.

And finally, for those of you who are perhaps new to this site, or unfamiliar with the concept of OOB. It stands for “Out Of the Box” and rhymes with, well, “oob” (well, it does!) If you’re feeling REALLY lucky, you might want to check out the earlier episodes (#1 explains it all):

OOB #1 OOB #2 OOB #3 OOB #4 OOB #5 OOB #6

OOB #7 OOB #8 OOB #9 OOB #10 OOB #11

Then again, you might not (but remember, one day you will be assimilated).

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Once again, folks, the sun rises on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Don’t forget to write your entry for the current Writing Project: What I Learned From…

In the meantime, there’s thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what’s been going on at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been happening out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________

Dept. of Herpetology

Ah, those whacky Google folks; it’s never just an ordinary day at the office over there. Especially on Sunday, April 1. Seems one of the New York Googlers (affectionately known as NYooglers), well, sortof… um, lost his pet snake in the building. Naturally, what with it being April Fool’s Day and all, there was a certain, er, skepticism on the part of the authorities. Not to mention the one they pulled on us all (did you sign up?)

But luckily, the snake was found the next day, and all returns to crazy insane normal (come to think of it, “crazy and insane” probably fits) at the ol’ office once again…

NOTE: FYI, this isn’t the same snake (click on photo for bigger view); it’s just a creepy photo of some fool nitwit guy with his pet snake “Baby Lois”.

International Relations Dept.

Thanks to Chip for pointing me to this little jewel. You can check, in real time, whether or not your blog is accessible in China! Actually, if you check that little ClusterMap thingie over on the right, you’ll see there are already a few folks in China dropping by every now and then. Thanks; a tip o’ the cowboy hat and a ni hao, y’all!

Dept. of Threats and Intimidation

Don’t you just love the fact that the web is just chock full of all kinds of useful little things you can use in your everyday life, no matter who you are. For instance, kidnappers now no longer have to spend hours (or sometimes even days) clipping those little letters from newspapers and magazines in order to produce a really good ransom note. No, sirree, Bubba! Now you can go right to the Random Note Generator and make your own! What a country! What a world! (click on the picture for a bigger view)

Improbable Research Dept.

Attention, all scientists! And all outstanding Heads of Scientists! If you happen to have long, flowing hair (yes, you read it right!), you may be qualified to become an exalted member of the amazing Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists. (And, just so ya know, Dr. Piero Pravadino proves it’s not gender-centric.) If you happen to have long, flowing hair (and you are, of course, a scientist) just click on the link and follow the instructions for submitting your application. Do it! Do it now!

And for the rest of us short-haired non-scientist types, believe it or not, there actually IS an Improbable Research department. Check it out.

Dept. of Transportation

And yet again those charlatans whack jobs amazing folks at Google make you wonder if ANY of those millions Google earns is being wisely spent, particularly on the help. Just for fun, here’s a set of instructions for you to follow (it’s OK, just trust me on this):

1. Go to www.google.com
2. Click on “maps”
3. Click on “get directions” (at the top right, under the blank info bar)
4. Type “New York” in the first box (the “from” box)
5. Type “London” in the second box (the “to” box)
6. Scroll down to step #23

And don’t forget your water wings.

(via my buddy Fred C.)
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Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.

And finally, for those of you who are perhaps new to this site, or unfamiliar with the concept of OOB. It stands for “Out Of the Box” and rhymes with, well, “oob” (well, it does!) If you’re feeling REALLY lucky, you might want to check out all the earlier episodes (#1 explains it all):

OOB #1   OOB #2   OOB #3   OOB #4   OOB #5

OOB #6   OOB #7   OOB #8   OOB #9   OOB #10

Then again, you might not (but remember, one day you will be assimilated).

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Since today is the end of the work week, and March is about over as well (and it’s a day ending in “y”), it looks like a good time to post something totally frivolous. (Of course, pretty much every day is like that here at the Middle Zone, but what the hey.)

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
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Dept. of Statistical Anomalies

Michael DeWitt points out at Spooky Action that statistical analysis has demonstrated a disturbing correlation between the increase in ice cream consumption and (are you ready for this?) a corresponding increase in violent crimes, including murder and rape.

“Hundreds of statisticians have examined this evidence and not one has disputed the validity of these statistics!”

I guess we should accept his authority on this since he lives in probably one of the consistently hottest places in the United States: Phoenix, Arizona. (Favorite quote heard on the street: “I don’t care WHAT they say about “wet heat” or “dry heat” – it’s punkin’ HOT out there!”)

Conclusion? Well, that’s easy. If you see anyone eating ice cream – Run! Run for your life!

Home Improvement Dept.

If you’re doing a little remodeling in the bathroom, you might be interested in this new line of tiles. Artist Jim Termeer recently created bathroom tiles with designs derived from satellite imagery of major world highway interchanges. Now that’s what I call “different”!

When viewed as art, highway interchanges turn out to be quite beautiful. On the other hand, when viewing these things from “inside the art”, so to speak, you get a different perspective. And after seeing how amazingly complex these things are, the thought that these interchanges are actually real places full of cars all trying to figure out how to successfully get from point A to point B is really scary!

Lost and Found Dept.

Alert the media! I think we found him.

Mathematics Dept.; Anyone for Pi? Division

In case you’re ever at a loss to know the value of pi, you can easily determine it yourself, and without a calculator! That’s right, folks, all you really need are… (may I have a drum roll please) frozen hot dogs!

Pretty simple, really, and according to the article, and it really does work. ‘Course, you have to repeat the process, like, 1000 times!

Let’s see now, assume setup time takes about 30 minutes. Now, if tossing a package of a dozen dogs one at a time takes about 30 seconds, recording the results takes about a minute, picking the dogs up and getting ready to start should only take another 30 seconds. Oh, and cleaning up the mess on the floor should take another hour. (Men, make sure the wife is out for the day. Ladies - surely you wouldn’t be caught dead doing this, would you? Yes, I know - don’t call you Shirley. Unless your name IS Shirley.)

I figure you can fling a dog 1,000 times and have your answer in about, oh, 4 hours and 16 minutes. Sheesh! I could drive to the Wal-Mart in the next town over, buy a calculator, push a few numbers, and have my answer in a lot less time. But then again, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun…

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Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.

And finally, for those of you who are perhaps new to this site, or unfamiliar with the concept of OOB (it stands for “Out Of the Box” and rhymes, appropriately enough, with “boob”), you might want to check out the earlier episodes (#1 will explain it all) …

OOB #1
OOB #2
OOB #3
OOB #4
OOB #5
OOB #6
OOB #7
OOB #8
OOB #9

… and then again, you might not. (But remember, you will be assimilated!)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!