A while back, Mrs. MZM and I were toolin’ along through a fairly nice neighborhood when we noticed a pile of stuff stacked out by the curb of one particular house. There were, let’s see, several big palm leaves, assorted sticks and branches (obviously some trimming going on), and three or four large cardboard boxes.

But what caught our eyes were several of those bi-fold louvered doors like the one you see in this photo, stacked on top of the whole pile. As a matter of fact, it just so happened we’d been searching for some (they make good decorating items – and who says you can’t find ‘em, y’know, free!), so we pulled over to check ‘em out (sound of car, screeching to a halt).

How many times have you found something wonderful amid a pile of old stuff? Have you ever looked? If not, you might be surprised at what you’re missing! For instance…

It’s a Kind of Seque…

Did you know there’s an amazing amount of really good stuff located deep in the archives of the Middle Zone? (And how’s that for a segue?) Like what, you ask? Well, stuff you may have missed completely, or maybe even *ahem* forgotten about. And I’m tellin’ ya, there’s some pretty nifty gems there! In fact, each one of ‘em is sorta like a door, right? (cue the Twilight Zone music) A door to another time, and another place… well, you get the drift.

Anyway, I’m gonna make it easy for you to check some of ‘em out. So every now and then (particularly when things get a little busy ’round here), I’ll post a few links so you can check ‘em out. If you’ve already read ‘em, no worries. But if they’re posts you missed, then it may behoove you to go have a gander. Just sayin.

Let’s start with something I no longer do anymore: OOB. What in tarnation is an OOB, you ask? (And my, aren’t we full of questions today?) Well, it stands for “Out Of the Box”, and for about the first two years of the Zone’s life, it was a monthly collection of unusual, strange, and odd stuff discovered during the course of each month. The way I put it for OOB#1 was, “a few odds and ends that don’t necessarily have anything to do with anything”.

I stopped collecting these a while back, but still, I get a kick out of rereading ‘em every now and then. They’re filled with some truly memorable items, if I do say so myself! (And I believe I just did, right?)

Here’s a couple from ‘waaay back you might find worth a look:

OOB#3

OOB#4

OOB#5

Y’all have fun! (Also note, some references may be to things no longer ON the Middle Zone.)

__________________________

Oops! Just a tad late due to the Honeymooner’s Special going on all week here at the Zone (if you missed it, click to see Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 or Part 4). Plus, I’m in Chicago today for the Big Bash of the Year, SOBCon08. But what the hey; better late than never, I always say!

Anyhoo – since it’s that time of the month again (no, silly, not that time!), here’s a roundup of just a few of the more unusual things I ran across out there this past month…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Hero Dept.

A policeman in Eugene, Oregon earned the rank of Hero after rescuing a woman from the hungry jaws and threatening coils of a Burmese python, who apparently decided to make a meal of her. Upon arriving on the scene (and no doubt letting loose his best Tarzan yell), he managed to pry the snake’s jaws open enough to let the woman loose.

Now that’s what I call “above and beyond”! If it had been me, I have no problem admitting I’d probably have screamed like a girl and run as fast as I could the other way. I think I’m with a lot of other folks who would wholeheartedly agree with Indiana Jones’ succinct and somewhat pithy assessment of similar situations:

“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?”

Why Didn’t I Think of That Dept.

For those of us who remember when public phone booths were useful for more than just making a phone call (for instance, you could use them to change into your super crime-fighter costume, or travel through time and/or space) it’s disheartening to say the least that they are becoming fewer in number.

The reason: the practically ubiquitous cell phone. Yep, by spreading through our societies like a plague, these things are turning the old phone booth into a totally useless and practically obscure technological oddity, like vinyl records, transistor radios, and Macs.

Unfortunately, the transition has not been easy. One of the most irritating things about these, er, things is the fact that people will whip one out no matter where they are. Then they start talking on ‘em with their “outside voice” such that anyone within throwing distance is ready to pick up the nearest rock and do just that!

But not to worry! Thanks to a chance-discovered link, I’m here to tell ya, artist Nick Rodrigues has a solution: the Portable Cell Phone Booth! Yessir; you carry it like a backpack, and whenever you feel the urge to make that call, well, no matter where you are, you reach over your shoulder, flip it over your head, and voila! instant phone booth!

So if you’re one of those folks who simply don’t know how to speak softly on a cell phone (I wish I could say you know who you are – but alas, you usually don’t), well I’m here to tell ya: get one! You can trust me on this; everyone around you will thank you!

Dept. of Strange and Unusual Holidays

In South Korea, on Valentine’s day, women give gifts to men. Alright, guys, altogether now: “That sounds OK to me!” And, in a trend that’s been sweeping Asia, a new holiday called White Day (March 14) is when the men give the women gifts (sound of millions of women cheering).

But in North Korea, they have one more related day, called Black Day (April 14), in which those who haven’t managed to find love can, er, celebrate commiserate their poor fortune. But, it’s the way they celebrate that makes this story qualify for the OOB column.

They, um, dive head-first into a vat of noodles. Yep; you read it right.

Head first. Vat of noodles.

Oh, well; when you consider the date (right next to April 15^th, which in the U.S. is affectionately known as Tax Day to the local denizens), maybe we Americans might just feel like doing the same.

(Image: Ooooodles-of-Noodles-Posters)

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the extraordinarily whacko (that is, as opposed to just plain whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on that cute little Archives button up there at the top, then scroll down the categories list and click on OOB. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you. But hurry! This offer expires on Dec. 31, 2597!)

Well, waddaya know! The end of the first quarter came and went, and I almost missed it! Well, at least we lived to tell about it! Hey, who knew life of this little ol’ green earth could be such a riot?

Anyhoo – since it’s that time of the month again (no, silly, not that time!), here’s a roundup of just a few of the more unusual things I’ve run across out there this past month…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Dept. of Justice

According to a recent study by the Pew Center, more than 1% of the U.S. population is in prison. Why, that’s more than… let’s see… multiply by 29… carry the 8… that’s more than two dozen!!! But alas and darn; it seems there are still a few folks worried about what they claim is a huge drain on resources – or some such blather – because of that number. (Not that they have any better ideas, mind you.)

However, a NYTimes article (you know, that paragon of journalistic integrity) reports that Paul Cassell, a law professor and former U.S. Federal Judge says they’re only looking at half of the equation. See (he says), that figure corresponds to a very real reduction in crime and its associated costs – which actually translates into a humongous benefit.

What happens, is, now that the criminals are behind bars, there’s a whole lotta crime that doesn’t happen. Hey, that seems pretty clear to me!

So, could we further postulate reducing the crime rate even more by incarcerating more U.S. citizens? Prudence (and a healthy fear of crime) dictates that if 100% of all U.S. adult citizens were put in prison, the crime rate would drop to a level acceptable to almost everyone.

Culinary Dept.

And they said it couldn’t be done… You may remember last month’s OOB feature about cheeseburger-in-a-can, right? Well this month, thanks to ol’ eagle-eye Brad Shorr, we now have the perfect condiment for it! Come to think of it, this may actually be the most perfect condiment ever!

Yessir, ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to (sound of drumroll)… bacon flavored salt (sound of crowd cheering wildly)! Yep; you read it right folks! My new favorite people, Justin and Dave, have turned their dream (“to make everything taste like bacon”) into a reality, and I’m tellin’ ya, I can’t wait to get my hands on some!

Check out their website and, yes, their blog. Oh, and their Facebook group. And, uh, MySpace page…

Dept. of Geology

HOLD ON EVERYBODY! Stop the presses! I just received this late-breaking notice from my good buddy Dennis McMullin…

Apparently there are (albeit admittedly) spotty reports of a highly-localized, yet devastating earth tremor that caused heavy damage to the Lincolnshire Museum of Etch-A-Sketch Artwork in England. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many details as yet, but early estimates place the damage in the millions.

(Click on the photo for a much better view of the, er, carnage…)

War Dept

I think we might just have found a solution to the ever increasing arms race! Yessir, just take a look at what these folks have created for I-have-no-idea reason – the world’s largest air cannon. Actually, it’s being used to advertise a sandwich shoppe’s 20^th Anniversary, but who came up with the idea and how they figured it out isn’t divulged. But who cares – this thing is major amazing!

Watching videos of the air cannon in action, though, a great thought occurred to me (sound of dull thud). Wouldn’t it be fun to get all the warring nations of the world to face off with each other using these babies? Oh man; I can see it now…

Plus, imagine the ramifications if we could scale these up even bigger! Place a battery of ‘em along the U.S. Gulf Coast and blow oncoming hurricanes away with one big puff! Set a new sailboat regatta speed record! Hurl Evel Knievel’s son across Snake River Canyon! Bungee jump up!

Yep; the sky’s the limit! (Er, sorry!)

Dept. of Sanitation

And finally, rounding out this month’s edition with a helpful home care technique via Chip Camden, I give you: How to clean the toilet without using that nasty brush. Just trust me and go there – you’ll thank me for it.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the extraordinarily whacko (that is, as opposed to just plain whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on that cute little Archives button up there at the top, then scroll down the categories list and click on OOB. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you. But hurry! This offer expires on Dec. 31, 2597!)

Well, congratulations, everybody! It’s the end of the month, and you’re still kickin’! Um… you ARE still kickin’ aren’t you?

Anyhoo – since it’s that time of the month again (no, silly, not that time!), here’s a roundup of just a few of the more unusual items going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Dept. of Insanity

If you’re insane (or maybe just a little crazy… nah, insane is the right word), then you’d probably love to try out one of these babies. Ky Michaelson, a.k.a. “Rocketman”, is an artist/stuntman/inventor who has a love of, well, all things rocket-powered.

He’s created quite a few rocket-powered vehicles, many of which have been used in various and sundry movies and TV shows. Yes, they all work (although how well they work is sorta “up for grabs”), and some of the designs literally boggle the mind (sound of mind being boggled).

Among them, the Rocket-powered toilet pictured here is most definitely my favorite (although, based on personal experience with similar seating designs, I would guess it’s probably got a rather short range – 20 minutes, max).

The amazing thing about these creations is they are literally works of art. In fact, you can view many of them at the Bloomington Art Gallery, in Bloomington, Minnesota. Next time you’re in town, drop by!

Dept. of … LOVE

From an M&M ad campaign:“What is it about the green ones?”

Yep, that’s the question, all right. Despite their tongue-in-cheek denials, M&M’S® took advantage of the long-standing rumor of aphrodisiac-like properties for their green candies (which of course those killjoys at snopes.com are still trying to disprove).

This year, the company released bags of green-only M&Ms just in time for Valentine’s Day. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see their sales figures from that week?

Dept. of Health

As a former smoker (quit cold turkey in 1978 and never looked back) I bring you this public service announcement on behalf of all smokers who have to take their smoke breaks outside in cold weather.

Apparently Philip Morris is bound and determined to capture this particular niche market by developing and marketing worldwide a new, shorter cigarette with – get this – the same amount of nicotine as the longer versions. That’s so smokers can get their full dose without having to spend as much time out in freezing weather, don’cha know. Uh-huh.

Why would PM bother, you ask? Well, it seems the Global-Warming crowd is trying to ban outdoor heaters because of their effects on climate change. Yep, much like the ones smokers crowd around now when they smoke outside in cold weather.

Nice to know they care, and are thinkin’ of you, isn’t it?

Dept. of “I Can’t Believe You’re Going to Eat That!”

If Wimpy, the hamburger-eating character is your hero, then this ought to be good news for you!

82-year-old company Katadyn, best known for mobile water sterilization and desalination equipment, has finally gone where no one has gone before (sounds like yet another commercial opp for William Shatner) and produced the world’s first cheeseburger in a can (sound of crowd cheering going “eww- yuck!”)

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, you can now enjoy that cheeseburger in even the remotest parts of the Earth! From the tallest peaks of the Himalayas to the bottom of the Marianas Trench, you can be sure of getting a fresh burger whenever and wherever you want. Sorta puts new meaning to the phrase, “I can haz cheezeburger”, doesn’t it?

‘Course, I can’t vouch for it’s quality, though…

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on that cute little Archives button up there at the top, then scroll down the categories list and click on OOB. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

Well, congratulations, everybody! You’ve already made it through 1/12^th of 2008, and you’re still kickin’! Um… you ARE still kickin’ aren’t you?

Anyhoo – since it’s that time of the month again (no, silly, not that time!), here’s a roundup of just a few of the more unusual items going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Postal Dept.

Well, it’s finally official. We can now finally prove the truth about the Postal Conundrum: the shorter the delivery distance, the longer the time needed to deliver.

It’s one of those, you know, facts that everyone believes, like the existence of the Tooth Fairy, the Loch Ness Monster, or that you’ll hurt yourself if you run with scissors. We know they’re real; it’s just that stuff like that isn’t that easy to document, you know?

But this time, we got documented proof that the mail in Warsaw, Poland actually travels slower than snails!

Dept. of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Part 1

Sheesh, I bet you never thought you’d live to see the day…

The police sent a 19-year old man around their small town in New York State to try and buy beer (he’s an underage undercover officer) – but nobody would do it! It was a sting operation with no takers, if you can believe that. Apparently the local vendors are getting the message.

But to me, though, the biggest irony is the name of the town – Babylon – a name synonymous with sin and debauchery. (Not that this town is guilty of that sort of thing… but still.)

Dept. of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Part 2

Then there’s the bumbling pair of Australian robbers who not only mistakenly grabbed a bag of bread (thinking it was a bag of money), but the man accidentally shot his accomplice and, er, “former” girlfriend while attempting to make it to their getaway car!

I tell ya, some days, it just doesn’t pay to get up in the morning, ya know?

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on that cute little Archives button up there at the top, then scroll down to categories list and click on OOB. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

OK everyone, not only is it the end of another exciting month here at the Middle Zone; hey, it’s the end of another incredible YEAR! So for the *sob* last time this year, here’s a roundup of some of the more unusual items going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________
Dept. of Stupidity

Isn’t it nice to know that unseen forces, working for the common good, are feverishly laboring behind the scenes, constantly uncovering ways to make our lives better? Man, I know I’m relieved!

On that note (F-sharp, I think), here’s an absolutely stunning development I ran across recently in News of the Weird:

“Software engineers told Fortune magazine in November that they are constructing a filter to eliminate stupid messages to online forums and bulletin boards.”

That’s right, folks! No longer will you have to put up with stupidity and idiocy on the internet; you can filter it right out! Of course, there might be a, well, small detail to consider. I mean, without stupidity and idiocy, at least 90%… no, 92%… or maybe 95% of internet conversation might simply vanish!

But alas; the filter doesn’t work yet. How can you tell? Well, it was unable to delete this story.

Legal Dept.

The Michigan anti-lawsuit group M-LAW has come out with the winners in this year’s annual Whacky Warning Label contest. The grand prize winner came from Pennsylvania and was found on a small tractor (from the picture it looks like a “Bobcat”): “Warning: Avoid Death”.

Let’s see… there’s also the one found on a baby-stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns, “Do not put child in bag.” Then there’s the label on the Vanishing Fabric Marker that cautions users: “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.” Dang! I bet you wish you’d thought of that one yourself!

But my personal favorite, and a sure candidate for the next Extreme Ironing video, is the one from an iron-on T-shirt transfer sticker that includes the line: “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

Dept. of Improbable Research Part I
In case you’ve never heard of it, there really is a publication called The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It’s a compendium of strange and unusual scientific studies on varied and sordid subjects, most of which will have you scratching your heads and uttering intelligent phrases like “Huh?”

But every now and then it’s worth a look see, just to keep an eye on what those whacky scientists are up to. Last month, for instance, there was a fascinating article about the effects of caffeine on honey bees. Needless to say, it’s pretty riveting stuff.

See, the idea behind scientific research is to identify all pertinent factors, then figure out how to individually control them; thus you identify the effects of each one on the whole. (It’s quite different from practical research, i.e., “I wonder what would happen if I poke that rabid dog with this here sharp stick?”)

But it did bring up an interesting question from fellow Investigator Oliver Baker. He wants to know how they controlled for the *ahem* buzz? (sound of rimshot – followed by sound of gunshot)

Dept. of Improbable Research Part II

And just to prove this particular Dept. isn’t all work and no play, that whacky AIR gang also conduct a monthly limerick competition to prove they have the je ne se quoi (a French word that means long white coats with pocket protectors) it takes to properly evaluate a particular scientific study.

This month the study was “Maximum Angle of Stability of a Wet Granular Pile,” Sarah Nowak, Azadeh Samadani, and Arshad Kudrolli, Nature Physics, vol. 1, August 15, 2005, pp. 50-2 (which, in case you were wondering, is a study of, well, how sand castles work.)

The winner is from Investigator Brant Boucher, who penned these soon-to-be-immortal words:

When building a castle of sand
Keep a bucket of water on hand;
Choose your particle size:
With the angles be wise,
And maybe your castle will stand.

Not to be outdone, Limerick Laureate Martin Eiger gives us this rejoinder:

I went to the beach on Nantucket
With a shovel, a pail, and a bucket.
I would have done better
If the sand had been wetter.
When my castle fell down, I said, “Perhaps the technical
literature explains this.”

Who says those scientist guys don’t know how to have a good time? Although they may need to re-read the official Limerick Construction Instruction Manual.

Seasonal Dept.

(Sound of shots being fired) …and just let that be a warning to ya, Santa! – At least, that’s the conclusion of one hapless would-be Santa recently in Rio de Janeiro. Reuters reported:

“Drug traffickers in a Rio opened fire on a helicopter carrying a Santa to a children’s party, apparently mistaking it for a police helicopter, police said Tuesday.”

But don’t worry, kids! As you no doubt have observed (a few days ago now), Santa isn’t one to give up easily; he successfully completed his appointed rounds by, er, car.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB“. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

Well, folks, once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what’s happening at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

Note from the Proprietor: Oddly enough, there didn’t seem to be that much unusual stuff come across my desk this month. Probably not paying attention. But what the heck, here’s a few items that might tickle your fancy.

________________________________

Dept. of Retirement Planning

(A tip o’ the hat to Dennis McMullin, a fellow Bored Member and regular contributor to OOB.)

Ever heard the old joke about engineers? You know, that they never grow old, they just lose their bearings. Bwa-ha-ha-ha – er, sorry.

Hey, I’ve always believed that there’s got to be something better to do upon retirement than taking up golf (sound of avid golf fans fainting everywhere). I mean, why spend all your money and new-found time just whacking a silly little ball all over the place? And you know; all that walking and everything – why, it’s enough to wear me out just thinking about it!

Hmmm… what to do, what to do…?

Well folks, have I got an amazing source of inspiration for you! Here is a great example of what happens when engineers get bored (link to a flash video clip that is absolutely awe-inspiring!)

And, a word of warning to the spouses of engineers (this one’s for you, Liz!): if you ever hear the phrase, “What’s the worst that could happen?” – well, take my advice: Run! Run for your lives!

Dept. of Transportation

Psst! Hey Buddy! Wanna buy a bridge?

Man, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that one! But now, for a limited time only, you may just have your chance to own your very own big pile of rusty scrap metal bridge!

The town of Soldiers Grove, Wisconsin, is offering a hundred-year-old bridge for sale (click on the photo to see a similar type bridge) for the incredible year-end, no-holds-barred, blowout sales price of just $1. Yep, you read it right, folks! Only $1 for the opportunity of a lifetime!

‘Course, there’s a small, er, catch: you, um, have to remove it. Hey, but think of what you could get for scrap metal value! OR – maybe it’ll look good in the backyard…?

Dept. of Corrections

Well, you can’t say they didn’t at least try to fill a new niche.

Hallmark (yes, that Hallmark!) created a new line of cards for the, um, er, (let’s see… how can we put this delicately?) “recently incarcerated”. That’s “new prisoners” in layman’s terms. (Although – what exactly is a layman, anyway? One who lays? And why are we always using their terms?)

Anyhoo – criminal defense lawyer Terry Cheatham (who says lawyers don’t care?) developed the new line of cards. The story goes on to say:

Among her selections are cards reading “Sorry to hear about your arrest,” and “Honestly, I never knew anyone who was arrested before,” and, simply, “Not You!” A remorseful correspondent could choose: “I know that I have not visited you. But I still care about you … When are you getting out, anyway?”

Hey, I think that last one really captures the true essence, the genuine spirit – the, uh, je ne se quoi (which is a French word that roughly means Call me when you get out) of the thing, don’t you?

Oh, by the way… the cards are, um, not selling too well. What. A. Big. Surprise.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB“. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

Yep, once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what’s happening at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

Note from the Proprietor: Oddly enough, there didn’t seem to be that much unusual stuff come across my desk this month. Probably not paying attention. But what the heck, here’s a few items that might tickle your fancy.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________

Dept. of Transportation

(A tip o’ the hat to Dennis McMullin for bringing this to my attention.)

In case you missed it, Seattle made the news recently when a new streetcar came into use in the Cascade area that’s undergoing considerable renovation. Apparently the neighborhood is, um, less than thrilled about it. But in the spirit of cooperation, they’re showing remarkable support for the change, even printing and wearing commemorative T-shirts and everything.

Now, before you applaud their attitude, you might just want to know, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the story.

See, the official name is the South Lake Union Streetcar (or S.L.U.S. for short). So far, so good, right? However, local residents swear by what they say was the original name for it (that is, until officials discovered the, er, unfortunate acronym): the South Lake Union Trolley (S.L.U.T.).

At least, that’s their story and their sticking to it!

More Than You Needed to Know Dept.

I don’t know about you, but I’m going to be a lot more careful when I travel. The Travelodge Hotels in London are reporting a 95% increase in customers’ sleepwalking! But that’s not the disturbing part – no, the problem is, most of them are, um, somewhat scantily clad!

Experts say that sleepwalking “can be brought on by stress, alcohol, eating cheese or consuming too much caffeine” (which, except for the alcohol, unfortunately sounds like the menu during every job-related trip I’ve ever been on).

Oh, well, I guess I better make sure Mrs. MZM packs the pajamas!

Music for Life Dept.

Next time your child complains about having to take music lessons, why not tell him how it just might save his life! Think I’m kidding?

In Lancaster, Pennsylvania, a little boy on his way to school was hit by a speeding car, and if it hadn’t been for the violin case he was carrying (which took the brunt of the impact), he would have been much more seriously hurt!

As it was he only suffered minor cuts and bruises. Alas, still no word on how the violin made out.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB“. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

And to think I almost missed it this month! Oh, the humanity!

That’s right, folks! Once again the sun rises (OK, so I’m a few days late – don’t have a cow, man!) on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what’s happening at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Too Silly to be True Dept.

Remember the joke about the guy stealing ball bearings? Every day he tried to leave the plant with a wheelbarrow full, only to be stopped at the gate and all the BBs confiscated. Then they sent him on his way with an empty wheelbarrow. Turns out he was stealing wheelbarrows.

I wonder if that’s how this guy managed to steal over a million screws from the factory where he worked? (He was auctioning them on E-Bay!) He only got caught because the people buying them finally (!) noticed his prices were ridiculously low. Really on the ball there, guys.

Heads Off, er, -Up Dept.

A set of pearls, reportedly worn by Marie Antoinette and now incorporated into a diamond-and-pearl necklace is going on sale in December. They were “taken by a friend” to Britain for safekeeping. Uh-huh. Well, at least it was probably pretty easy to um, get it off her, uh, neck…

It will be sold by Christie’s, where, in an ironic choice of words, the story says the necklace will “go under the block” (bwa-ha-ha-ha!) and is expected to sell for up to $800,000. (You know, you could wait your whole life for an opportunity like that.)

We’re On a Roll Dept.

It seems Fon du Lac County in Wisconsin has a thief that specializes in, well, stealing toilet paper. Yep, six rolls a day. Authorities figure he’s either planning a big party… or, um, has an *ahem* big problem. Nevertheless, they expect the thief will be caught eventually. I wonder why they think that?

There’s an interesting admission in the story, though. The theft hasn’t been a big loss, because “they don’t buy the best toilet paper”. Yeah, but government spending being what it is, I bet they’re paying top dollar for it. Can you spell A-U-D-I-T? (If you can’t, just use this handy guide.)

Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Dept.

The mayor of Oak Lawn, Illinois has decided to try something different to get people to notice and obey stop signs. Some of them have been changed, now saying things like, “Whoa!” or “Stop, in the naame of love” (a line from the classic Supremes song).

Not sure it’s going to work though. While the mayor was proudly posing next to one of the new signs for a photo opp, a driver sped by without stopping. Ironic, huh?

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB”. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

Hey, even though we’re in the midst of serious change… it never hurts to stop every now and then to smell the onions!

So once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – it’s that time of the month once again (no, silly, not that time of the month); the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

How to Know Your Wife is Trying to Kill You Dept.

Man, talk about your heavy sleepers! A Florida man woke up with a headache so severe he asked his, ahem, darling loving wife to drive him to the hospital. Naturally, they popped him into an X-ray machine which revealed (much to the man’s surprise)… a bullet in the head? Yikes! (Click on photo for larger view… if you’re not squeemish!)

Anyhoo, in a brilliantly-planned move obviously planned to avert suspicion, the man’s wife immediately jumped up and fled the hospital in a panic. But not to worry, folks, she didn’t get far. A quick search of their home revealed the weapon, whereupon she confessed (i.e., she cracked like an egg), claiming she “accidentally” shot him while he was sleeping. Um… yeah, sure, whatever.

Fame and Fortune Dept.

Have you ever wanted to be so rich and famous that you made it to the cover of Wired Magazine? Well, have I got a deal for you! Now, you don’t even have to be rich OR famous to get there – you can put yourself, along with the headlines of your choice on a Wired Magazine cover all by yourself! Give it a try! (Click on photo for larger view… but send the children out of the room first!)

Amaze your friends! Impress your co-workers! Play a joke on a family member! To be the first on your block to have their mug on a magazine cover, have the digital photo of your choice ready, then go to this site. But please… be nice. (Thanks to my buddy Dennis McMullin)

Blame it on Global Warming Dept.

It used to be the atom bomb. Then it was the internet. Now all manner of evil things are being blamed on the latest big hot button issue: global warming (sound of terrified scream). Yep, next time you see a stray cat wandering the streets, blame it on global warming. Too many Scottish grey seals? Global warming (once again, with feeling – terrified scream). Not enough prostitutes in Bulgaria? Yep, you guessed it: global warming (sound of – well, you know).

Hey, why not? Personally, I think the phenomenon called global warming is essentially a no-win debate. I mean, for every proponent on one side, no matter what their credentials, there are always equal or better on the other.

But that’s not even the point. Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t it seem pretty silly to blame everything on it?

Dept. of Stupidity

A 20-year-old Estonian blind man was arrested while driving his car the other day. Yep, you read it right; he’s blind. Not only that, but this is the second time it’s happened! The story goes on to say that not only was he drunk, but there were three people in the car giving him directions. So who’s the most stupid person in this story?

Now, of course, the police want to confiscate his car. Gee, ya think? Oh, the inhumanity! (Click on photo for larger view.)

What’s My Lion? Dept.

Further proof that if there’s something you like doing; something that really gives you a thrill, whatever you do, don’t try to make a business of it! That giant whooshing noise you hear might just be all the fun being sucked out of it.

A fellow named Scott Mueller, of Baraboo, Wisconsin (wouldn’t you just love to be able to say, “I’m from Baraboo?” I just love that name!) is finding that out the hard way after finally achieving his childhood dream of being a lion-tamer. The worst and hardest part of the job is (sound of drum roll) the paperwork! Um, is anybody out there surprised?

Seems there are about a million forms and documents involved in the day-to-day mundane activities of such a profession. I mean, you got your dangerous predator forms, your travel document forms, your health code forms (for the lion, not for him; one can assume that if a lion-tamer is still upright, he must be OK) for practically every county he has to pass through, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

But before you go “Aww, that’s a shame”, I have to tell you that in my humble opinion, when it comes to complaints Scott hasn’t got a leg to stand on (and no, it’s not ’cause it got eaten!) Wanna know what he used to do? He was, er, um, in the insurance business.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB“. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

Once again, folks, the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________

Dept. of Culinary Adventurism

Ever tried to do your best, but sometimes, your best sadly isn’t good enough? You know the feeling, right? That no matter how beneficial whatever you’re doing is, it seems there’s still a downside that somehow, well, steals your glory? Well, then you know just how the Chinese government must feel…

The massive Three Gorges Dam project in China is just one example of how something absolutely necessary to China’s growth still has a downside (I mean, other than flooding a humongous amount of land and drowning many cultural artifacts – but alas, you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs, you know). One particularly loathsome and unexpected result of the project, now that the water level is really rising, is there are about 2 zillion displaced rats, er, flooding the surrounding Central Chinese countryside. Ew, yuck!

But never say the Chinese people don’t know how to take advantage of an opportunity! Local folks have discovered there’s a market for rats – as entrees! Yep, seems the rest of China is putting the little darlings on their dinner plates in huge numbers. Geez, some folks will eat anything that doesn’t eat them first! (Oh, wait…)

Unclear on the Concept Dept.

Talk about being, er, unclear on the concept. A Largo, Florida man called 911 while being told by police to “move on” during a ruckus in a bar. I mean, here he is, surrounded by police, so he calls 911 for help because he’s… “surrounded by police”?

Hey, What’s That Brown Streak? Dept.

I don’t know, this may more properly fall under the “things I really wish I didn’t know” department, but what the heck; we don’t make ‘em up here at the Zone, we just report ‘em…

Did you know that the development of Western literacy was helped along by the spread of, er, underwear? Seriously, folks; the proliferation of underpants (according to some) is what jump-started the book industry, since one of the prime ingredients in paper-making was… rags.

Yep, you read it right! Used underwear in the form of old rags were one of the materials used to make those very old books. So next time you bibliophiles think about purchasing that Middle Ages manuscript, you might want to think again about what it’s made from. Er, maybe that “old book smell” isn’t what you thought it was!

Dept. of Improbable Research

And finally, from our friends at Improbable Research (yes, Virginia, there really IS such a place) comes a paper with really, really impressive authorship credentials (I mean, ya gotta see this!) titled, The Effects of Peanut Butter on the Rotation of the Earth.

I’d say the report speaks for itself. That’s it, and that’s all. So, enough said. The end. Finis- (sound of blunt object hitting back of head)

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yep, sho’nuff! So if you’re interested in even more of the strange, the unusual, and stuff that is just plain whackola, you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB“ (or, you know, click on OOB). In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(NEW FEATURE! If you have any great suggestions for future editions of OOB, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use yours, I’ll mention your name and link back to you.)

Once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________

Dept. of Wildlife Management

Surely you’ve heard (yes, I know – don’t call you Shirley!) some ring tones that just drive you up the wall, right? Whether it’s a short clip from whatever song happens to be popular to assorted sound effects, it is absolutely ridiculous the things you hear popping up in elevators, shopping malls and church sermons. Especially those irritating animal sounds; dogs barking, cats meowing, eagles screeching … ugh! I don’t know about you, but it’s enough to make me want to get out the BIG hammer.

Well, great news! Those goofy, idiotic, and downright stupid-sounding ring tones might just have some useful applications in the real world after all! In Ahmedabad, India, they’re using cell phones programmed with the sound of goats bleating and cows mooing to lure, uh, leopards into traps! All they have to do is strap a cell phone inside a cage, play the sounds, and pretty soon a leopard walks in, looking for an easy meal. Not bad!

In fact, lots of animals respond to certain sounds. Who hasn’t tried to call a cat by opening a tin of cat food, or a dog by shaking a bag of dog food? Luckily people are wired differently, don’t you think? Uh, sorry I gotta go. I can hear a tub of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream being opened in the kitchen…

Miscellaneous Dept.

The other day I accidentally stumbled upon this intriguing website called One Word. The concept is pretty simple. When you push the button, you get one (1) randomly-selected word and sixty (60) seconds to write something – anything – you care to write; there’s a handy form to put the words in. So what’s the point, you ask? Hey, we don’t really need no stinkin’ point, do we?

Okay, okay; if you’re one of those people who must know more, you can read the help page.

To be honest, I’m not sure just what the purpose of this site is. You can, however, check out what others have written, which makes an interesting read. One thing it does illustrate is the vast number of different directions you can go from a single starting point. Pretty cool, if you ask me. Go ahead, try it at least once.

Dept. of Unusually Normal Months

Oddly enough, there didn’t seem to be as many strange things going on this month (which is pretty strange in itself!) so I’ll just close here. (But it does make me wonder: was I just not as observant this month? Hmmm…)

But don’t worry, folks, just tune in next month for the next exciting edition of OOB!

(Note: Interested in previous editions of OOB? Just click on the OOB category over there on the left!)

Once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what happened at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Dept. of International Relations

There’s a Spanish website that can, among other things, translate your name into several different languages, including Japanese, Chinese or Hindi. What you see here is Robert (rough English meaning: bright fame) supposedly translated into Chinese, although it’s problematical whether it’s an accurate translation or not. It could really mean something like weird crazy insane man (which, come to think of it, may not be far off). (Via The Thinking Blog)

Dept. of Political Science

I’ll tell ya, those politicians in Taiwan sure know how to do it right, don’t they? Fist fights, paper throwing, water spraying – and that’s just to decide who gets the last donut! But on the other hand, don’t you just get tired of the “genteel” sort of politics we see here in the U.S. and maybe you guys in Europe do? I know I do.

Don’t you sometimes wish, when there’s an important bill to be considered, OUR politicians would just “have at it” and dispense with the smarmy back-room deals and shady innuendo? I know it’s a bit, well, crude. But still, ya gotta wonder…

Dept. of High Powered Jobs

Hey, if you’re one of millions looking for a really high-powered job, well my friends, get a load of this one! (courtesy of Glumbert.com) I have no idea what exactly it is these guys are doing, but it looks pretty high-powered to me! The best part is the quote at the very end of the video – it’s worth waiting for.

Dept. of Legacies

And Bill Clinton was worried about his legacy? Sheesh! Well, that’s something Roger Bennatti won’t have to wonder about – he already knows what his will be.

It’s a 30-year old Twinkie.

That’s right, a Twinkie. Don’t ask, just read.

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Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.

And finally, for those of you who are perhaps new to this site, or unfamiliar with the concept of OOB. It stands for “Out Of the Box” and rhymes with, well, “oob” (well, it does!) If you’re feeling REALLY lucky, you might want to check out the earlier episodes (#1 explains it all):

OOB #1 OOB #2 OOB #3 OOB #4 OOB #5 OOB #6

OOB #7 OOB #8 OOB #9 OOB #10 OOB #11

Then again, you might not (but remember, one day you will be assimilated).

Once again, folks, the sun rises on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Don’t forget to write your entry for the current Writing Project: What I Learned From…

In the meantime, there’s thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what’s been going on at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been happening out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________

Dept. of Herpetology

Ah, those whacky Google folks; it’s never just an ordinary day at the office over there. Especially on Sunday, April 1. Seems one of the New York Googlers (affectionately known as NYooglers), well, sortof… um, lost his pet snake in the building. Naturally, what with it being April Fool’s Day and all, there was a certain, er, skepticism on the part of the authorities. Not to mention the one they pulled on us all (did you sign up?)

But luckily, the snake was found the next day, and all returns to crazy insane normal (come to think of it, “crazy and insane” probably fits) at the ol’ office once again…

NOTE: FYI, this isn’t the same snake (click on photo for bigger view); it’s just a creepy photo of some fool nitwit guy with his pet snake “Baby Lois”.

International Relations Dept.

Thanks to Chip for pointing me to this little jewel. You can check, in real time, whether or not your blog is accessible in China! Actually, if you check that little ClusterMap thingie over on the right, you’ll see there are already a few folks in China dropping by every now and then. Thanks; a tip o’ the cowboy hat and a ni hao, y’all!

Dept. of Threats and Intimidation

Don’t you just love the fact that the web is just chock full of all kinds of useful little things you can use in your everyday life, no matter who you are. For instance, kidnappers now no longer have to spend hours (or sometimes even days) clipping those little letters from newspapers and magazines in order to produce a really good ransom note. No, sirree, Bubba! Now you can go right to the Random Note Generator and make your own! What a country! What a world! (click on the picture for a bigger view)

Improbable Research Dept.

Attention, all scientists! And all outstanding Heads of Scientists! If you happen to have long, flowing hair (yes, you read it right!), you may be qualified to become an exalted member of the amazing Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists. (And, just so ya know, Dr. Piero Pravadino proves it’s not gender-centric.) If you happen to have long, flowing hair (and you are, of course, a scientist) just click on the link and follow the instructions for submitting your application. Do it! Do it now!

And for the rest of us short-haired non-scientist types, believe it or not, there actually IS an Improbable Research department. Check it out.

Dept. of Transportation

And yet again those charlatans whack jobs amazing folks at Google make you wonder if ANY of those millions Google earns is being wisely spent, particularly on the help. Just for fun, here’s a set of instructions for you to follow (it’s OK, just trust me on this):

1. Go to www.google.com
2. Click on “maps”
3. Click on “get directions” (at the top right, under the blank info bar)
4. Type “New York” in the first box (the “from” box)
5. Type “London” in the second box (the “to” box)
6. Scroll down to step #23

And don’t forget your water wings.

(via my buddy Fred C.)
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Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.

And finally, for those of you who are perhaps new to this site, or unfamiliar with the concept of OOB. It stands for “Out Of the Box” and rhymes with, well, “oob” (well, it does!) If you’re feeling REALLY lucky, you might want to check out all the earlier episodes (#1 explains it all):

OOB #1   OOB #2   OOB #3   OOB #4   OOB #5

OOB #6   OOB #7   OOB #8   OOB #9   OOB #10

Then again, you might not (but remember, one day you will be assimilated).

Since today is the end of the work week, and March is about over as well (and it’s a day ending in “y”), it looks like a good time to post something totally frivolous. (Of course, pretty much every day is like that here at the Middle Zone, but what the hey.)

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________

Dept. of Statistical Anomalies

Michael DeWitt points out at Spooky Action that statistical analysis has demonstrated a disturbing correlation between the increase in ice cream consumption and (are you ready for this?) a corresponding increase in violent crimes, including murder and rape.

“Hundreds of statisticians have examined this evidence and not one has disputed the validity of these statistics!”

I guess we should accept his authority on this since he lives in probably one of the consistently hottest places in the United States: Phoenix, Arizona. (Favorite quote heard on the street: “I don’t care WHAT they say about “wet heat” or “dry heat” – it’s punkin’ HOT out there!”)

Conclusion? Well, that’s easy. If you see anyone eating ice cream – Run! Run for your life!

Home Improvement Dept.

If you’re doing a little remodeling in the bathroom, you might be interested in this new line of tiles. Artist Jim Termeer recently created bathroom tiles with designs derived from satellite imagery of major world highway interchanges. Now that’s what I call “different”!

When viewed as art, highway interchanges turn out to be quite beautiful. On the other hand, when viewing these things from “inside the art”, so to speak, you get a different perspective. And after seeing how amazingly complex these things are, the thought that these interchanges are actually real places full of cars all trying to figure out how to successfully get from point A to point B is really scary!

Lost and Found Dept.

Alert the media! I think we found him.

Mathematics Dept.; Anyone for Pi? Division

In case you’re ever at a loss to know the value of pi, you can easily determine it yourself, and without a calculator! That’s right, folks, all you really need are… (may I have a drum roll please) frozen hot dogs!

Pretty simple, really, and according to the article, and it really does work. ‘Course, you have to repeat the process, like, 1000 times!

Let’s see now, assume setup time takes about 30 minutes. Now, if tossing a package of a dozen dogs one at a time takes about 30 seconds, recording the results takes about a minute, picking the dogs up and getting ready to start should only take another 30 seconds. Oh, and cleaning up the mess on the floor should take another hour. (Men, make sure the wife is out for the day. Ladies – surely you wouldn’t be caught dead doing this, would you? Yes, I know – don’t call you Shirley. Unless your name IS Shirley.)

I figure you can fling a dog 1,000 times and have your answer in about, oh, 4 hours and 16 minutes. Sheesh! I could drive to the Wal-Mart in the next town over, buy a calculator, push a few numbers, and have my answer in a lot less time. But then again, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun…

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Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.

And finally, for those of you who are perhaps new to this site, or unfamiliar with the concept of OOB (it stands for “Out Of the Box” and rhymes, appropriately enough, with “boob”), you might want to check out the earlier episodes (#1 will explain it all) …

OOB #1
OOB #2
OOB #3
OOB #4
OOB #5
OOB #6
OOB #7
OOB #8
OOB #9

… and then again, you might not. (But remember, you will be assimilated!)