You ever get the feeling someone, somewhere, is just waitin’ for an opportunity to make you look like an idiot?

Yep; been there, my friends. The worst part about it is, I find I’m often subconsciously working in cahoots with that mysterious stranger; handing ‘em all the ammunition they need. You ever felt like that? Naah; not you.

Anyhoo, today’s thought is just that: a thought about what happens when something completely unexpected happens.

Take, f’rinstance, this scene from The Lake House I saw on TV. I mean, I’m almost positive Sandra Bullock didn’t expect anyone to paste their obtrusive advertising message across her, um, nether regions like this. And just to make it even more ironic, it happened to be this particular message!

So what do you do when, right there in front of the whole world, the unexpected happens to you?

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I was in the grocery store the other day when, turning a corner, I was greeted by a stack of those big sacks of dog food. You know the ones, right? The kind Marmaduke the Great Dane would make a light snack of.

Anyway, take note of the brand name: Old Yeller.

Well, I don’t mind tellin’ ya folks; I was a mite taken aback!

Notice the brand name just above the word “Old”. My first thought was, those folks over at the Mouse Kingdom oughtta know better! I mean, doesn’t anybody remember: the dog died at the end!

Sheesh.

Anyhoo; it made me think about how brand names, no matter how appropriate – or ridiculous – come about.

Oh, sure; most likely there had to be some sort of testing done. ( I have this vision of a room full of dogs. The tester says, “Doggie Bits”, then counts the number of barks it generates. “OK, four. Now, how about ‘Old Yeller’? Aha; 10 barks! ‘Old Yeller it is!”)

Awright; maybe they were people instead of dogs. But I gotta wonder; did anyone in that group ever see the movie? Most likely, if they were from my generation they probably did. But younger folk may not have – and subsequently not know about the sad – and if you’re a kid, rather traumatic – ending.

Who would want to remember that every time they fed their faithful family pet? It’s kinda like sayin’, “Here ya go, Rufus; eat up, ’cause tomorrow you die!”

What about it? Anyone else thinkin’ the same way as me, or am I, er, barkin’ up the wrong tree? (Sorry.)

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Photo: Old Yeller Dog Food, by Robert Hruzek

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[Note from the Proprietor: This is one of an ongoing series of posts called Scenes From a Sidewalk. Want to know what it's all about? Follow that link to read the series introduction.]

OK; pop test time! Hey, don’t worry; this one’s easy.

A little lower down in this post there’s a photo I want you to look at (click on it for a larger view if you like). Which car would you say is the most obvious one in this parking lot? (Note: if your answer was NOT “the red one”, then thanks for playing, and here’s some lovely imaginary parting gifts.)

So what does a car have to do with anything? Well…

Uh-Oh

So here’s the scene:

It’s a recent Monday morning. My boss called three of us into his office. We sat down, and he immediately gave us the unexpected news: We were to be cycled off our project at the end of the month to meet our client’s new cost reduction goals. (Once again, our troubled economy rears up its ugly head and bites us in the, er, nether regions.)

Needless to say, this was a mite unexpected, since my part of our project isn’t due to be finished until May at the earliest. I mean, sure the biz was not as robust as it used to be, but up until this moment, I had been concerned – but not really worried.

Now, all engineering firms essentially operate the same way: folks are assigned to a specific project (or projects) for a finite length of time. When the project is complete, we cycle off and are reassigned to the next project that needs our particular skill set. (It’s called a matrix organization, in case you’re wondering. And no, we don’t all wear long leather coats, dark glasses, and live in a virtual world.)

Anyway, my first thought was, OK, fine; so what’s my next assignment? And that’s when the other shoe dropped (sound of other shoe, dropping). When I called my department manager, I was unpleasantly surprised to discover there are no available openings!

That’s right folks; at the end of this month, I may be out of a job!

On Being Outstanding

Well now! To quote that great American Philosopher, Jimmy Stewart (or maybe it was Elmer Fudd), “Now THAT’S a fine how do ya do!”

Having been on the receiving end of the, er, Golden Boot more than a few times in my career (I used to do a lot of contract work – which usually concludes with the phrase, “Thank you very much; goodbye!”), the situation is not an unfamiliar one. So I know what to do: polish up the resume, fire up the networking skills, and hit the pavement!

But there’s a problem. Instead of a job market filled with opportunity, I’ve suddenly become one of many who are in the same lifeboat. And that boat’s only so big, y’know?

Anyway, what with the economy in such flux lately, and the job pipelines suddenly bein’ flooded with resumes, well, a thought suddenly hit me (sound of dull thud). Question: Amid the zillions of folks out there clamoring for attention, what’s the best way to, y’know, get noticed?

Answer: Figure out how to be outstanding! And I don’t mean out standing in your field (unless, of course, you’re a professional scarecrow).

Now the phrase “get noticed” has both negative and positive connotations. And it certainly pays to make sure you know the difference. After all, I’m not advocating you dress up in a clown suit and parade around on the corner of Main and 5^th with a poster proclaiming “I need work!” (Unless you’re a professional clown, of course.) But I think you get my meanin’, right?

Anyhoo – I certainly have a challenge in front of me. But my question for you is this: So what are you doin’ to get noticed?

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Photo: Parking Lot, by Robert Hruzek

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Great news, y’all!

Finally, and after much sweat, tears, anguish and gnashing of teeth (yuck; who comes up with these disgusting metaphors, anyway?), the final 2008 Age of Conversation author list has finally been finalized! What’s more, it’s going to be even bigger and better than last year’s version: there are 237 of us this time (as opposed to 103 in the original 2007 edition).

Do yourself a favor and check these folks’ blogs out. You might be surprised and impressed by what you find:

Adrian Ho, Aki Spicer, Alex Henault, Amy Jussel, Andrew Odom, Andy Nulman, Andy Sernovitz, Andy Whitlock, Angela Maiers, Ann Handley, Anna Farmery, Armando Alves, Arun Rajagopal, Asi Sharabi, Becky Carroll, Becky McCray, Bernie Scheffler, Bill Gammell, Bob LeDrew, Brad Shorr, Brandon Murphy, Branislav Peric, Brent Dixon, Brett Macfarlane, Brian Reich, C.C. Chapman, Cam Beck, Casper Willer, Cathleen Rittereiser, Cathryn Hrudicka, Cedric Giorgi, Charles Sipe, Chris Kieff, Chris Cree, Chris Wilson, Christina Kerley (CK), C.B. Whittemore, Chris Brown, Connie Bensen, Connie Reece, Corentin Monot, Craig Wilson, Daniel Honigman, Dan Schawbel, Dan Sitter, Daria Radota Rasmussen, Darren Herman, Dave Davison, David Armano, David Berkowitz, David Koopmans, David Meerman Scott, David Petherick, David Reich, David Weinfeld, David Zinger, Deanna Gernert, Deborah Brown, Dennis Price, Derrick Kwa, Dino Demopoulos, Doug Haslam, Doug Meacham, Doug Mitchell, Douglas Hanna, Douglas Karr, Drew McLellan, Duane Brown, Dustin Jacobsen, Dylan Viner, Ed Brenegar, Ed Cotton, Efrain Mendicuti, Ellen Weber, Eric Peterson, Eric Nehrlich, Ernie Mosteller, Faris Yakob, Fernanda Romano, Francis Anderson, Gareth Kay, Gary Cohen, Gaurav Mishra, Gavin Heaton, Geert Desager, George Jenkins, G.L. Hoffman, Gianandrea Facchini, Gordon Whitehead, Greg Verdino, Gretel Going & Kathryn Fleming, Hillel Cooperman, Hugh Weber, J. Erik Potter, James Gordon-Macintosh, Jamey Shiels, Jasmin Tragas, Jason Oke, Jay Ehret, Jeanne Dininni, Jeff De Cagna, Jeff Gwynne & Todd Cabral, Jeff Noble, Jeff Wallace, Jennifer Warwick, Jenny Meade, Jeremy Fuksa, Jeremy Heilpern, Jeroen Verkroost, Jessica Hagy, Joanna Young, Joe Pulizzi, John Herrington, John Moore, John Rosen, John Todor, Jon Burg, Jon Swanson, Jonathan Trenn, Jordan Behan, Julie Fleischer, Justin Foster, Karl Turley, Kate Trgovac, Katie Chatfield, Katie Konrath, Kenny Lauer, Keri Willenborg, Kevin Jessop, Kristin Gorski, Lewis Green, Lois Kelly, Lori Magno, Louise Manning, Luc Debaisieux, Mario Vellandi, Mark Blair, Mark Earls, Mark Goren, Mark Hancock, Mark Lewis, Mark McGuinness, Matt Dickman, Matt J. McDonald, Matt Moore, Michael Karnjanaprakorn, Michelle Lamar, Mike Arauz, Mike McAllen, Mike Sansone, Mitch Joel, Neil Perkin, Nettie Hartsock, Nick Rice, Oleksandr Skorokhod, Ozgur Alaz, Paul Chaney, Paul Hebert, Paul Isakson, Paul McEnany, Paul Tedesco, Paul Williams, Pet Campbell, Pete Deutschman, Peter Corbett, Phil Gerbyshak, Phil Lewis, Phil Soden, Piet Wulleman, Rachel Steiner, Sreeraj Menon, Reginald Adkins, Richard Huntington, Rishi Desai, Robert Hruzek, Roberta Rosenberg, Robyn McMaster, Roger von Oech, Rohit Bhargava, Ron Shevlin, Ryan Barrett, Ryan Karpeles, Ryan Rasmussen, Sam Huleatt, Sandy Renshaw, Scott Goodson, Scott Monty, Scott Townsend, Scott White, Sean Howard, Sean Scott, Seni Thomas, Seth Gaffney, Shama Hyder, Sheila Scarborough, Sheryl Steadman, Simon Payn, Sonia Simone, Spike Jones, Stanley Johnson, Stephen Collins, Stephen Landau, Stephen Smith, Steve Bannister, Steve Hardy, Steve Portigal, Steve Roesler, Steven Verbruggen, Steve Woodruff, Sue Edworthy, Susan Bird, Susan Gunelius, Susan Heywood, Tammy Lenski, Terrell Meek, Thomas Clifford, Thomas Knoll, Tim Brunelle, Tim Connor, Tim Jackson, Tim Mannveille, Tim Tyler, Timothy Johnson, Tinu Abayomi-Paul, Toby Bloomberg, Todd Andrlik, Troy Rutter, Troy Worman, Uwe Hook, Valeria Maltoni, Vandana Ahuja, Vanessa DiMauro, Veronique Rabuteau, Wayne Buckhanan, William Azaroff, Yves Van Landeghem

Now, unlike some authors (I won’t mention any *ahem* names), I will NOT give you a sneak preview of the chapter I wrote. Nope; you’ll have to buy the book (hey, it’s for Charity, after all).

On the other hand, I can’t very well leave you hangin’ now, can I? So for your edification, I’ll let you see it as a Wordle image:

OK, it’s time for my semi-sortof annual post on the subject of Marketing.

Now, before I go on, I just want to go on record as saying that I’ll be the first to admit this post constitutes something of a rant. For that I apologize; I’m not usually given to rants here at the Zone. Musings, now… well, musings is what we do best around here.

<rant>

Out to Lunch

I went out to lunch the other day (and yes, I’m aware that some of you may think I’m always out to lunch) at a local beanery. Next door was a national chain drugstore with one of those fancy new computer-controlled marquee-thingies out front.

You’ve seen ‘em, right? They’re similar to the new scoreboard screens you see at sports events; except of course they don’t display the play of the day but a constantly-changing series of whatever are the day’s specials.

Prices are such that, immediately upon seeing said incredibly unbelievable prices, you are expected to cut across 5 lanes of traffic, slide perfectly into a parking slot like a Hollywood stunt driver, and rush breathlessly into the store to make the purchase.

You’ve gotta wonder, though, how successful these things actually are in pulling in customers. I mean, if it were me, for instance, a killer price on a gallon of milk, or 5 cents for a 10-pack of batteries wouldn’t entice me to stop (well, maybe that one for batteries might).

Now I just know you’re sitting there and asking yourself, “OK, Smart Guy; why not?” (Amazing how I can read your minds like that, isn’t it? Oh, and thanks for the complement!)

I Really Hate These Things

What I absolutely hate the most about these things is that nearly every one are so bright I’m afraid of exposure to dangerously high UV levels! Hey, you can call me obstinate (heck; you can call me Steve if you like – I don’t mind), but immediately upon noticing one of these things, my initial and automatic response is to avert my eyes lest I be struck with temporary blindness.

Thus, any possible message about tremendous savings are lost on me. (But I don’t know; it seems to me this might make for some interesting lawsuits, don’t you think?)

Also, and because I’m, you know, driving several thousand pounds of motor vehicle, there’s a limited amount of time for me to read the day’s specials anyway. Let’s say it takes approximately 10-15 seconds to drive by a given sign, and each item is displayed for about 4 seconds. So even if plenty of things might actually be worth my while to make a special stop and purchase, how would I know? I’m not likely to see them.

So I ask you: is such a sign really worth it? After all, since I can only see two, or at most or three items, then what are the odds a particular item would be of interest? (Sound of buzzer) Not bloody likely, I’ll tell you!

And speaking of driving by, here’s another obvious fact: in order for me to read the sign, I have to take my eyes off the road. Now, I don’t know about where you live, but in Houston traffic, if I do that for more than a second or two you’re likely to have to scrape me and my car off a light pole or something!

(Not that I’m a bad driver, mind you; it’s just the way it is here. Continuously keeping your eyes on the road is pretty much a requirement for survival.)

Finally, there’s the chance the message will get, well, lost in translation. As I watched this particular sign, I did notice one message that kinda caught my eye (Augh! My eye! My eye!) The first line (it was a two-line display) read, “Downy Fabric Softener”. The second line went, “Buy 1, Get 1″.

Urk?

Hmmm… I wonder if part of the message got left off – like, for instance, the word “Free”? I mean, after all; if you “buy 1″, then it stands to reason you’d probably, er, “get 1″ don’t you think?

What I Learned From…

So what’s the point of this rant, anyway? I have no ideaHey, I’m glad you asked! Here’s what came to mind as I pondered this, um, “sign of the times” (sound of rimshot; sorry, couldn’t resist):

First of all, to understand any of what I’m about to tell you, you must take as a given that we are all marketers. You do understand that point, right? Nod your heads, please (sound of creaky joints). Thank you. OK; here’s just a few points, observations, conclusions, or whatever (in no particular order):

It’s better to specifically target your message – Broadcasting a message for the whole world to see, in the hopes that the numbers game will work for you is IMHO an enormous waste of time and resources. Now, I happen to know these signs aren’t cheap (I know someone who makes them). So once again I ask you: what are the odds of enough people being attracted by this sign enticed to spend their money that the store can even come close to the cost of upkeep, utility use and permitting; not to mention the initial cost of the sign? Smart marketers know the most efficient use of their budget is to target the message to their particular market.

Make word-of-mouth work for you, not against you – I know there are plenty of marketers out there that believe the point of advertising is getting people to talk, good or bad, about their product. But I’m here to tell ya (and trust me; I won’t be the last to do so!): the risk of turning potential customers off – or even worse – turning them into negative evangelists is exceedingly high when what you’re doing irritates the fire out of ‘em! If your message rubs people the wrong way, you could end up being the talk of the town, and NOT in a good way.

Don’t be ridiculous! – OK; I admit I may have exaggerated just a teensy little bit about the whole bright sign/looking away thing. But it’s happened before. Folks around Houston still remember the giant Pepsi logo (it was about 25 feet in diameter and elevated nearly 70 feet high) that used to reside off Hiway 225 near Gulfgate. Honest truth here: it was bad enough during the day, but at night it was so incredibly bright it literally hurt your eyes as it flashed on and off every few seconds. Sure, the message got out: Buy Pepsi. But the message received was completely different: BUY PEPSI, YOU MORONS! Try to put yourself in the customer’s place and see how they would react to your message, your product, and especially your presentation.

OK, granted I’m no marketer (except, you know, as defined above). But these things seem so self-evident to me; how can marketers not see it? Yet sadly, there’s an entire world of examples out there about how NOT to do it right.

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So how about you? What’s your take on this? Have you run across any obtrusive and/or blatant marketing or advertising that you’re convinced will (or at least, you kinda hope it will) kill the company that does it?

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this news flash…

Last year Drew McClellan and Gavin Heaton made publishing history, producing the first-ever e-book of its kind, The Age of Conversation. Having been accidentally mistaken for a marketer, I was privileged to be one of 103 authors who contributed a chapter. (Limited to 400 words! Can you imagine me limiting myself to 400 words on anything?)

Now a hard copy of AoC sits proudly on my bookshelf, gathering admiring glances from the Beautiful, the Powerful, and the Glitterati who come to visit.

I’m tellin’ ya, it required an incredible amount of behind-the-scenes work, herding over 100 writers into line (sorta like herding cats, no doubt), cutting, pasting, editing, pulling hair, sobbing uncontrollably at the drop of a hat… But I think all would agree Drew and Gavin did a great job (even though SOMEbody changed my chapter title! *sob*).

The end result was spectacular. Not only has the book gained international attention, sales of the book at lulu.com (and hopefully, soon to be available at Amazon.com) have to date earned over $10,000 for Variety, a children’s charity. Now there’s something to be proud of!

Well, the news just broke this week, and unbelievably, these two crazy people nut jobs fine upstanding fellows want to do it again! (Sound of crowd going wild with excitement!)

And YOU are invited to help. How, you ask? Simple!

Go to this website and read all about it. And in the spirit of an election year, you even get to vote!

I know you often think about keeping your customers happy – and you’re right to do so. But have you ever thought about the opposite?

I mean, do your customers appreciate what you provide so much that they would be willing to sacrifice just so they could stay your customer? Would they be upset if you went out of business?

In the past, it wasn’t unusual for the drafting rooms of a few of the larger engineering firms here in Houston to be basically just drafty old warehouses, or whatever else happened to be available. In fact, the biggest firm (this was many years ago) used an old remodeled aircraft hanger that was affectionately (or disparagingly, depending on your point of view) called The Barn.

Now close your eyes and imagine with me, if you will, row upon seemingly endless row of men (yes, men – in those days there were very few, if any, female drafters), in white short-sleeved shirts and ties, pocket protectors jammed full, all hunched over their drafting tables, laboriously designing the infrastructure of modern day society. (OK, that last may be a bit melodramatic. But it’s still true – most of the stuff those guys engineered back then is still for the most part functioning just fine today, thank you very much!)

Quick question: What is it that keeps all engineering offices fully functional? Nope, not computers (sound of buzzer) - the idea of using a computer was laughable back then. Uh-uh – it’s not electricity either (again, sound of buzzer – followed by sound of hammer repeatedly hitting buzzer); you can still function pretty well in the dark, you know. Hey, you finally got it (sound of cheering): it’s coffee! (Except, of course, in Asia where it’s probably tea.)

According to legend (as told to me by someone who worked there at the time) there was this young woman at The Barn whose job was to keep the coffee flowing freely all day long. She was a sweet girl, naturally gregarious (which is a ten-dollar word for “friendly and easy-going”), and very well-liked (after all, she provided coffee - the lifeblood of drafting rooms everywhere).

(Yes, I know. The idea of a young woman’s choice of career being spent serving coffee to hundreds of men is largely passé now. Try not to judge this story by today’s standards – remember this was a while back.)

Well, one day she came to work unusually depressed, and within a few minutes, word got out that she had been laid off. The news spread like wildfire; talk about your angry mob (sound of angry rabble) – it nearly started a riot! I mean, you would have thought the entire drafting floor had been closed for business.

However, as luck would have it, this was a room full of *ahem* engineers - if anybody could come up with a solution, they could, right? Right (sound of more cheering)!

So here’s what happened.

Coffee had always been free. Now, however, the company had announced plans to install automatic coffeemakers (something fairly new at the time), which is why they didn’t need the young lady to serve coffee any more. Coffee would still be free, but the downside was that the men would have to *gasp* make their own coffee! The situation was intolerable (sound of disgruntled murmuring)!

Suddenly Aero, the Superhero Engineer a couple of the more enterprising fellows whipped out their trusty slide rules (hey, why use pencil and paper when you can use a slide rule! Who says engineers don’t rock!) and quickly calculated that if every man in the room chipped in just a few dollars per week, they could actually match her former salary!

So they offered her the deal and she quickly agreed. Voila! Problem solved! The universe as we know it was saved, and the heavens rejoiced. (In fact, I think the clouds actually parted and a particularly bright sunbeam shone down on the building at that specific moment. Or so they say.)

OK, now let’s consider what happened from a business point of view.

This woman’s “business” was being shut down, because the company found a cheaper way to provide the same product (the coffee, in case you’re having trouble following along). Her “customers” got so upset about her losing her business that they were willing to pay money to keep her in business!

It wasn’t that they couldn’t get coffee. No, it was the service - or more accurately, it was the whole routine of coffee with personal service and interaction she provided that they couldn’t get anywhere else.

So here’s the sixty-four dollar question: Do your customers feel that way about you?

After all, it ain’t just customer service any more; these days it’s customer experience.