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Typically, when an organization wants to make large, dramatic or fundamental changes in the way they operate, and they have trouble or simply can’t do it themselves (due to lack of available personnel, not enough expertise, or whatever), they usually call in a consultant.

Now, I’m going to go out on a limb here (sound of limb cracking ominously) and say that generally speaking, all consulting engagements consist of the same basic steps. It generally doesn’t matter if it’s a financial institution or a manufacturing facility, a new customer service initiative or an improvement in process throughput; they’re all the same.

So what exactly are these mysterious steps? I thought you’d never ask!

Step 1: Visualize the Future

Most consulting gigs begin when a client identifies some condition they’d like to change, typically followed by a vision of where they’d like to be in relation to it. This vision may be prompted by financial considerations, operational issues, or possibly the CEO’s attack of indigestion. (The truth is, there’s almost always room for improvement.) Whatever the case, the client has presumably given it some thought and decided they want to move from one condition to another.

It’s important to note; that future state is likely a bit nebulous at this point. That’s because it hasn’t been completely thought through yet (hence, the need for help). But at least there’s a vision; that’s the starting point.

Step 2: Perform an Assessment

Once the consultant becomes involved, the first thing they usually do is assess where exactly the client is (in relation to where they want to be). In accordance with the vision as it currently stands, the assessment usually consists of a series of interviews with appropriate personnel, along with the collection of pertinent historical data.

This provides that critical point of reference (the “you are here” spot). See, no improvement is possible without knowing where you are first; it’s just the way it is. This is also where specific elements that must be changed get identified. These are usually called Key Progress Indicators (KPI’s), and will be the means of measuring progress later during the implementation.

Step 3: Conduct a Gap Analysis

OK; once the KPI’s are identified, the idea is to define the differences between the future state of each KPI and the current state. That gives you the “gap”. Now the client knows exactly how much improvement is required, and the consultant can build a plan that will (if they did their job correctly), get them there.

It’s important to identify all the KPIs that are pertinent to the expected change; no more and no less.

Step 4: Create an Implementation Plan

The implementation plan is a detailed list of steps required to move every KPI from point A to point B. Unfortunately, this is where most consulting gigs come to a grinding halt (sound of grinding halt). For instance (assuming the plan is a good one), making the change turns out to be bigger than the client thought at first (a not unusual discovery) and they become nervous about expending that much money, time, or resources.

There may also be other factors at play as well; outside influences, uncertainties in the market, etc. Alas, way too many implementation plans end up as a nice set of binders on a shelf somewhere, gathering dust instead of doing what they’re supposed to do: foster improvement.

Step 5: Implement the Plan

Finally, the plan now created gets put into place. A famous quote comes to mind here: “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.” Although often attributed to Patton or Eisenhower, it was actually Helmuth von Moltke who is first credited with the saying (although I’m sure every commander since time began has had a similar thought!)

In any case, no truer words were ever spoken! The thing to remember about implementation plans is they must be detailed enough for easy execution, but flexible enough for modification when necessary (notice I said when, not if).

Step 6: Monitor and Correct as Needed

Although called a “step” this one is really a continuous action. Once implemented, presumably conditions have improved to match the future envisioned at the beginning and detailed during the project. However, it’s important to keep an eye on things since there are always a few (or many) things that get missed and/or need to be “tweaked” a bit.

Think of it as a “living program” that goes back and constantly compares the KPI’s to make sure the improvement is “permanent”. Eventually, the future state becomes second nature, and then it’s time to start thinking about yet another improvement… and thus, the beat goes on.

C’mon, Make It Personal

You know, what’s really amazing is these steps aren’t just for big corporations; they can be almost universally applied to any growth or improvement, whether you’re dealing with a large organization or (and here is where it really gets good) a single individual (that’s you!)

I know, I know; there’s bound to be a few skeptics out there. And right about now you may be sayin’ to yourself, “OK, Mr. Smarty Pants, can it really be that easy? What if I want to… write a novel? Or learn to fly (an airplane, that is - if you want to learn to fly like Superman, well, you’ll have to check with Jor-El), or otherwise change my life in large, dramatic and/or fundamental ways?”

Well, first of all, please note that I did not say it was easy! Simple - maybe - but in consulting, as in life, execution is everything. Second, I’m here to tell ya; you absolutely can use these steps to accomplish pretty much anything that’s actually, you know, possible. (However, if you want to do something that’s genuinely not possible, it’s like I said: you’re on your own, Bubba!)

About the only prerequisites to move yourself from point A to point B are 1) the desire to make a change, and 2) the motivation you’ll need to stick with it until it’s done.

So how would you implement a major change in your life? How would you translate those steps above into something useful for you? What would you add or change?

(Image credit: A friend of mine dropped this comic on my desk some time ago. It’s from a Dilbert desk calendar, but I have no idea what the date is, although the year appears to be 2003. Or 2005. Or maybe 3002.)

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… assuming, of course, you’re goin’ somewhere…

[Note from the Proprietor: As you can see, this is part 1 (obviously) of a short series on the topic of Big Change. Part 2 is, as they say in the movies, “coming soon”.]

How do we get where we’re going, anyway? Come to think of it; how do we get anywhere?

Oh, sure; we make plans all the time - map out strategies, set goals, etc., etc., ad nauseum. But what if the goals you set are a bit too big to accomplish all in one go? What do you do? Move on to something else? Give up? What?

[I heard this story a while back from a fellow who claims it actually happened. Being a somewhat trusting soul, I believed him; after all, he IS a consultant. Er, come to think of it, so am I. In any case, it makes a great point. Trust me.]

Some time back, Don (the name has been changed, not to protect his identity, but because - the ol’ brain cells bein’ what they are these days - I can’t remember it *sigh*) had an important appointment at a small manufacturing facility somewhere in the mountains of central Tennessee. The nearest airport was Memphis (located on the western end of the state), which meant he’d have to drive for some distance through unfamiliar territory.

He did his best to prepare, getting directions and downloading maps of the area. Thus, when he arrived, he headed out with confidence. Unfortunately (as so often happens in life), and despite the helps, he took a wrong turn somewhere along the way and managed to get himself completely lost.

Anyway, after driving around for a while without another car in sight (somehow, he managed to get on some obscure back road), he finally came across a small wood-framed house on the side of the road. An old man sat on the front porch in a somewhat weather-beaten rocking chair, puffing away at a corncob pipe.

With some relief, Don pulled up to the house and got out of the car.

The old man took his pipe out of his mouth and blew a huge cloud of smoke. “Howdy, young man,” he said amiably. “Kin ah he’p ya?”

Don pulled out his map and joined the old fellow on the porch. “I hope so,” he replied. “I wonder if you can tell me where I am?” Together they spent some time looking at the map. Alas, it turned out the old fellow couldn’t read very well; he wasn’t much help.

“If ya don’t mind my asking,” the man finally said, “where ya goin’? There ain’t much up in these here parts worth visitin’, less’n yer a hunter.”

Don told him, “I’m looking for the XYZ facility; I have an appointment there in about an hour. I tried using my cell phone, but these mountains block the reception and I can’t get through to anyone.” [Note: the XYZ facility makes alphabet soup.]

The old man looked at him in surprise. “Oh, ah know that place,” he said. “Ah kin tell ya how to get there.” [OK; I made that up about the soup.]

Well, at least he didn’t say, “you can’t get there from here”, Don thought to himself. Aloud he said, “Great! I’d appreciate the help. Just let me get something to write on and I’ll be right back.”

The man quickly replied, “No need fer that, son; it’s ra’ht easy.” He stood up and used his pipe to point back the way Don had just come. “Ya take that thar’ road and ya go three C’s until ya come to a crossroads. Then ya go left fer one C and yer there.”

Don just looked at him blankly. “Three C’s? Gee, that’s a new one on me. How far is a C?”

The old fellow smiled. “Oh, that’s right; ya ain’t from around here. Well, young feller, a ‘see’ means ‘as fer as ya kin see’. So what ya do is, ya get on this here road, and when ya get to the top of that thar’ hill - well, as fer as ya kin see is what we call a see.” He looked at him and smiled. “Ya see?”

Comprehension dawned. “Ah, I get it. If I do that three times, turn left and do it once more, I’ll be there, right?”

“Yep,” the old man replied, sitting back down and reinserting his pipe. “Good luck,” he added, resuming his rocking.

Don thanked the man, got back in his car, and drove off, still harboring his doubts. But since he had no better ideas, he decided to follow the old man’s suggestion. To his amazement, three ridges later he spotted a crossroads ahead. Turning left and topping the next ridge, he was gratified to see the facility he’d been searching for about a half mile away.

That old fellow knew what he was talking about after all! He made his appointment with time to spare.

Long Story; Short Point

If you’ve set yourself a big, hairy, audacious goal (that’s a BHAG, don’cha know), then good for you! Having at least one going at any given time can be a good thing; it helps to keep you from getting too __________ (pick one or both: comfortable, complacent).

The only thing, though; BHAGs can be a mite overwhelming, if you know what I mean. Consequently, you can’t just finish ‘em off in one single step. Hey, I understand perfectly; it’s the nature of the beast.

For instance, let’s say you… want to write a book. (I’d say that certainly qualifies as a BHAG.) Now, would you immediately sit down and start to write? Of course not! (Unless, of course, it was for NaNoWriMo.) That’s because writing a book takes planning, outlining, research, etc, right? Most BHAGs are like that.

So what to do?

Well, you have to break the BHAG down into easily achievable steps. Take the excellent advice of our unknown mountain man: just go for a ‘see’. Once you get that far, go for another - then another. Don’t worry so much about the big, hairy, audacious part; just concentrate on getting to the top of that next ridge. Then rinse and repeat as needed. I think you’ll find that as you accomplish each little step, then what to do next usually becomes obvious, while the rest of them kinda line themselves right up for you! Pretty cool, actually.

So how about it, folks? Let’s say I’ve got a big ol’ BHAG right here in front of me (actually, it’s the one I used as an example up there: I’d like to write a book), and I’m having some trouble getting started. Hey, I’m listenin’; what would your advice be?

[As I mentioned at the top there; this is Part 1; stay tuned for Part 2!]

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note from the Proprietor: This is my entry for yet another group writing project (Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!) sponsored by Laity Lodge, a retreat center located right here in the great state of Texas. Check the bottom of this post for details on how you can win a free retreat.]

Have you ever been to a retreat? I’m not talking about like in those old Westerns when the Indians start massing and the bugler sounds the horn, recalling the troops back to the stockade ‘cause things aren’t lookin’ too good.

No, the kind of retreat I mean is a place where you can go and sortof catch your breath. It’s a place to both get away from the daily bustle of life and maybe, just maybe, take stock of things. Even make some life-changing decisions without the distractions of daily life getting in the way.

If you’ve never done it, well trust me, you might want to give it some serious consideration. On the other hand, if you have, then no doubt you probably know: downright powerful things can happen, just because you took the time to get away from it all.

A Singles’ Retreat

Quite a while ago (this was just before I met Mrs. MZM) I attended a church-sponsored retreat for Single Adults that quite literally changed my life. Oh, it isn’t that anybody but me would have noticed, exactly (not like I grew a third eye or something - at least, not where anyone else could, um, see).

No, it was more of a change in outlook. But wow! What a difference it made!

See, what happened is this. For the first time in a while, I spent some time really taking stock of who I was, and compared that with who I believed God wanted me to be. Now I won’t go into specifics here, but suffice it to say I discovered there was something of a discrepancy between the two. Uh-oh.

You know what I mean, right? You imagine yourself to be thus, but when you really take the time to check things out, you discover the unpleasant fact that you’re, well, not quite there yet.

So what to do, what to do?

Well, I had to face up to the cold hard fact that it was time to make some changes. Again, without specifics, let me just say it was an eye-opening time for me. BUT (and that’s a BIG ‘but’) it put me on a path to personal growth that had at least one significant outcome. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

The Divine Miz M(ZM)

Not long after that, I met the future Mrs. MZM, and lo and behold, we hit it off pretty much right away. (I’ve shared parts of this story before.) But as we got to know each other, we discovered something interesting.

By comparing notes (so to speak) we found that, among other things, we’d both been in this church’s Singles group for quite some time. The question was, how had we not met, or even seen each other before now? Then on further investigation, we came to the astonishing conclusion that we’d even gone to many of the same events - yet completely missed each other every time!

For instance, a few weeks before we met, I had taken my camera to the Singles’ 4^th of July picnic, determined to photograph every single person who was there. I kid you not; I had literally hundreds of shots; I was positive I’d captured everybody. But here’s the weird part. We went back and examined every one of ‘em, and would you believe there was not one photo of her? (Although we did find her hand in one shot - she recognized a ring she had on at the time.)

Another time, there was this restaurant the Singles went to after church one day. Both of us could, and did, name the same people sitting next to and across from us. We finally concluded that we must have been actually sitting directly across from each other - yet still never met! Weird, to say the least.

Different Paths, Different Outcomes

So what’s the big, significant outcome of that retreat I mysteriously alluded to earlier? Well…

It’s just that, if I hadn’t gone to that retreat, and consequently spent that time in self-discovery (and just as importantly, made the decision to grow), I honestly think we might never have met. Or had we met, we would probably have never hit it off so well. Why? Because I simply wasn’t the man she needed me to be.

Thank God I was listening that day!

Oh, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that, had we never met, I would have become completely destitute, or perhaps shriveled up and died, or even turned into some sort of antithesis of who I am today. But at the very least, I certainly would have missed the incredible blessing of knowing - and being married to - The Most Wonderful Woman in the World.

As far as I’m concerned, I definitely chose the best path.

[If you’d be interested in possibly winning a free retreat up in the Hill Country at Laity Lodge (trust me - it’s in some of the most beautiful parts of Texas), then click this cute little link here and check it out. PLEASE NOTE - To qualify for the free retreat, you must enter by Friday, May 9^th (yes, it’s short notice - sorry!) But if you miss it, all is not lost; you can also earn discounts on two other retreats as long as you get your entry in by May 31^st.]

(photo credit: which way? by jgrantmac)

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Expectations, n. things looked forward to; things regarded as likely to happen

All right; I’ll admit it right up front. The main reason we chose Hawaii as the destination of choice for our honeymoon was because I wanted to go someplace exotic and out-of-the-ordinary. Having been born and raised in Houston, Texas, it was a place so far out of my experience that I knew it would make our first few weeks together all that more memorable. Thus, I had rather high expectations (and not just because it was our, you know, honeymoon).

Now, before I go on, let me just say this: the entire experience was far beyond anything I ever imagined. Although we spent all our time on Kauai (except for the airport on the big island), we still managed to pack in quite a bit of excitement, adventure, and wonderful experiences. Truthfully, it was enough to last us a lifetime.

I have to say, though; at the very beginning, my expectations took a bit of a beating.

Expectation #1: Nice Digs

For instance, we reserved a suite at this resort, complete with lanai (which is essentially a large balcony) and a king-sized bed. Naturally, we expected a nice place - I mean, this is Hawaii, right?

Well, the room was pretty nice, I’ll give it that. Although it was pretty much the usual tropical resort-type place, it did have a fantastic view of Hanalei Bay (the room in this particular photo is pretty much exactly like our room and our view), and the lanai had a nice table and chairs on which we ate breakfast every day. But (and this was a BIG ‘but’, baby!) it had a double bed, not a king!

Now, I can tell you from experience, someone my height won’t fit on a double bed. So we called the owner of the suite and complained (not that there was much that could be done about it at this point, but still). She didn’t seem bothered at all that she had lied to us about the size of the bed (we specifically asked for a king). I mean, she had our money, so there wasn’t much we could do.

But the kicker was when Mrs. MZM told her I was too tall for the bed. You know what the owner’s brilliant solution was? And I quote: “Oh, no problem; just pull the couch over to the end of the bed and he’ll have plenty of legroom.” Unquote.

Well, as I said, we had certain expectations as far as accommodations. Alas, the reality was somewhat, er, less.

Expectation #2: Sunshine

I’ve already written (earlier this week) about the fact that our stay was somewhat, er, “solar-radiantly-challenged”. (This photo is exactly what Hanalei Bay looked like. Except for the gray, rainy skies. And, er, brown water. Click on it for a spectacularly larger view.)

Hey, when you go to Hawaii (or any vacation island destination, for that matter) one generally assumes there’s going to be plenty of sunshine and blue skies. I mean, it’s in all the pictures, right? (Yes, I know it rains a lot in Hawaii; how else would that lush foliage survive? But they still generally have plenty of sunshine, too.)

Again, the reality was less that expected.

Expectation #3: Great Island Experiences

I think I also mentioned the fact that our visit happened to be during the “off” season. What that meant was that many of the quaint little shops were closed, and in fact a lot of the more “mainstream” tourist attractions were, too.

See, in Hawaii, there’s at least one experience you simply must enjoy; it’s the epitome of the Hawaiian experience: you must, at all costs, attend a luau. Usually, the biggest challenge is picking one; they’re literally everywhere (at least during the tourist season, that is).

An authentic luau can be quite elaborate, with wonderful entertainment, native costumes and the inevitable hula lessons (something you can’t avoid if you’re going to visit Hawaii). Naturally, the best ones are at night (flaming torches makes the best lighting), and held outdoors (that photo is the sort of thing we’d, um, hoped for).

Alas, because this was the, you know, off season, the choices were somewhat limited. In fact, there was only one available on the entire island! But, we shrugged and went anyway, hoping for the best.

Well, this one was held in a sortof large barn-like structure with open sides; not out in the open like we’d hoped. (Probably a good thing since it pretty much rained most of the time anyway.) And, it had electric lighting, no torches. To make matters worse, the food was really not all that great, and the man across from us was totally drunk and rather obnoxious; we could tell his wife was pretty embarrassed.

Ah, well; yet again, it was less than expected *sigh*.

The Key to Managing Your Expectations

By now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Man, this guy has nothing good to say about anything! Who is he, anyway - that new superhero, BummerMan?” But hold on there, Buckaroos; we’re headin’ for a point if I can just figure out what it is (sound of crowd grumbling and getting restless).

OK; so here’s my point.

Expectations are good things to have; in fact, I’d even go so far as to say we need ‘em. They give a point of reference, and - dare I say it? - even something to hope for. They serve as indicators that let us know what we’d planned or expected would happen, actually has.

The problem, though, is that expectations can sometimes get, for want of a better term, too big for their britches. You know what I mean, right? Let’s say you’re planning something (it doesn’t matter what), and you’ve got every last detail worked out. I mean, there is absolutely nothing left to chance. Everything is going to go your way, and that way is… perfect.

Um… yeah.

You know it’s true: hardly ever does anything go perfectly. In fact, the more planning that’s required, the more likely whatever-it-is will go awry, if you know what I mean. You might as well just face the fact that life is never perfect. It follows, then, that if when you have expectations, then sometime, somewhere, you’re going to experience disappointment.

So what’s a person to do? Never ever plan, hope or even dream, again? No, of course not, ya big galoot (sound of fist pounding on desk)!

The key to managing any expectation can be summed up in one single word: flexibility. Yep; that’s the secret. And that one word is the thing that saved us from disappointment on our trip. Oh, don’t get me wrong; we were still disappointed when some of our expectations weren’t met; at least temporarily.

But by allowing ourselves to be flexible enough to creatively respond to each disappointment, we turned what could have been a not-so-great moment into one that, even now, still brings back fond and wonderful memories.

For instance, to this day we hardly remember that ridiculously short bed. What we do remember, though, are the breakfasts we enjoyed every morning on our lanai, surrounded by lush tropical vegetation and entertained by a couple of cardinals that seemed to think we had invaded their own personal space. They were so unafraid of us, they practically hopped in our laps as we ate!

And the lack of sun wasn’t really that much of a problem, either. It certainly didn’t stop us from checking out all the incredible sights: picturesque waterfalls, beautiful beaches, incredible mountain vistas and spectacular ocean views. (Although because of the constant rain, all our pictures came out sorta dark and gloomy.) But because we were willing to stay flexible in all things, why, everywhere we went, we’d stumble across yet another surprise (like, f’rinstance, that time we accidentally stumbled - literally! - upon a couple of nude sunbathers!)

Expectations can be good; they give you something to look forward to. But managing your expectations with a liberal dose of flexibility will allow you to enjoy life so much better. That way, even when things don’t - quite - go like you expect, well, you can still have an experience just as good (or even better).

___________________________

Yes, today marks the 26^th Anniversary of the day Mrs. MZM and I gazed into each other’s eyes and proclaimed to all who happened to be present those two powerful, life-changing little words: “I do.”

I find it rather appropriate, then, that we just sorta happened to end this series of posts with that particular word, flexibility. Honestly; it wasn’t planned.

But if there were one single word that characterized how Mrs. MZM and I have coped with the ups and downs of our years together, it would be that one. Of all the blessings God could have given us, that one quality is what continues to turn every day into an amazing adventure that never ends.

You know, I am still completely overwhelmed with the amazing and wonderful fact that, of all the people God put on this planet, this wonderful woman agreed (finally!) that I was the one - and said “YES!”

That is something for which I will be forever grateful.

Happy Anniversary to the Love of My Life!

__________________________

For the rest of our Hawaiian Honeymoon adventures, see:

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 1: Dignity; Always Dignity

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 2: When Skies Are Grey

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 3: Underwhelmed

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[NOTE: To further commemorate our upcoming Anniversary (May 1), this week I’m sharing some of our honeymoon adventures.]

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.

- First verse (of a surprisingly large number of verses) of You Are My Sunshine, the official song of the State of Louisiana.

If you’re anything like me (and if you are then you have my sincere condolences), you’ve probably experienced plenty of life’s ups and downs. Come to think of it, even if you’re nothing like me (and let me be the first to say, congratulations!), you’ve no doubt experienced what some pundit once called the “yo-yo of life”. (Hmm… could it have been… Yo Yo Ma? Sound of rimshot. Er, sorry.)

The fact is, everybody has what you might call sunny days, and some… well, no so much. The $64,205,178 question of the day, then, is, how do you handle it when things just don’t seem to be working out the way you expected?

Welcome to “Sunny” Hawaii

26 years ago, Mrs. MZM and I spent 10 days on the island of Kauai in the Hawaiian Islands. Now, for those of you who didn’t know; besides being called the “the Garden Isle”, it is also known as, among other things, the “honeymoon island” because so many couples either get married or spend their honeymoons there. (We happened to be in that latter category.)

Without a doubt, Kauai is an amazingly beautiful island. And don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining - we had an absolutely wonderful time. But there was this one little, minor, niggling detail…

See, two years prior to our arrival, Mt. St. Helens (in Washington State) had spectacularly blown itself to smithereens, scattering billions of tons of ash into the atmosphere in a gradually dispersing cloud that eventually circled the planet. One of the long-term consequences of this event (yes, even two years later) was that it had caused (and was still causing) an unusual amount of rainfall in many places around the world, including the Hawaiian Islands.

Consequently, by the time we arrived, Kauai (which, ironically enough, is already home to the wettest spot on Earth) had already had a year’s worth of rainfall, and here it was only May! So, what would normally have been mostly-sunny skies with occasional rain tended to be, well, pretty gray with continual rain or drizzle most of the time. It was still incredibly beautiful, mind you; just… somewhat “solar-radiantly” challenged.

On the other hand… once or twice a day, the sun did manage to peek out from behind the clouds. Alas, the problem was it never seemed to coincide with our planned beach times, you know? Not to be deterred (hey, we’re in Hawaii, fer cryin’ out loud - we’re gettin’ some sun if it kills us!), we worked out a plan. (No, wait; let me put sneer marks around it: … we worked out a ‘plan’.)

See, we made sure we always had our swimsuits on, under our clothes, and never went anywhere without a fully-stocked cooler, a beach blanket, and towels. That way, whenever the sun popped out - well, we immediately made tracks for the nearest beach and flopped down to catch what few rays were available.

In this manner, we managed to get at least a couple of hours of tanning time in over our two-week stay.

What To Do When Skies Are Grey

And therein my friends, if you’ll pardon the expression, er, lie the keys to enjoying yourself (sorry), even when the skies aren’t sunny, and things don’t seem to be going as you’d like. Though trite and worn-out, the expression is nevertheless still so true: When life throws lemons at you, you can indeed make lemonade. Here’s how:

Plans - First off, nothing’s going to happen if you don’t make plans. I know it sounds elementary, but that’s how a lot of folks operate; they expect good things to happen to them, sortof “just because”. When we chose to go to Kauai for our honeymoon, there were lots of details to work out; things like where to stay, arranging for a car, what sights to see, etc. I mean, we didn’t just “show up”, you know. See, most good things take at least a little groundwork and planning. Besides (and trust me on this), you’ll enjoy and appreciate the good times more if you’ve worked for them, rather than just had them handed to you on a platter.

Flexibility - If there’s one thing those of us who’ve traveled extensively have proven, it’s that you have to allow some flexibility in your plans. It’s pretty much a guarantee that everything won’t go the way you think it will. And the amount of enjoyment you get out of life may very well be a measure of the amount of flexibility you’ve allowed in it, you know? One of the things we discovered upon our arrival in Kauai was that May is (or was, anyway) actually the off-season. Thus, some of the things we thought about doing simply weren’t available. Did it bother us? Well, not for more than a few moments; we simply chose to do something else - and had a great time.

Opportunity - It quickly became evident we’d have to be creative in order to get in some tanning time. So we prepared ourselves and simply waited for the opportunity to present itself. We made our plans (we always kept a map handy for the most direct route to the nearest beach); we kept ourselves flexible (we were willing to change our itinerary at the first glimmer of a sunbeam); and, when the opportunity presented itself, well, we hit the beach like the Allies at Normandy! Using this method eventually gained us enough beach time to get that famous Hawaiian tan.

OK; as we noted at the beginning, life certainly has its share of ups and down. Alas, there’s no shortage of disappointment when things don’t go our way. That is, as they say down on the funny farm (and here at the Zone, for that matter), life.

The challenge, however, is to take what life throws at you and see what you can make of it. One thing I can tell you for sure, though. If you practice these three principles, even incorporating them into your daily living, well, I think you’ll find that life can actually be a lot more interesting, and (dare I say it) even more fun!

So, the question of the day is, how do you handle it when things aren’t going the way you thought they should?

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For our other Hawaiian Honeymoon adventures, see:

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 1: Dignity; Always Dignity

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[NOTE: To help celebrate our upcoming Anniversary (May 1), this week I’m sharing some of our honeymoon adventures on the Hawaiian island of Kauai.]

Now, before I go on, let me just say to those of you who actually, you know, live in Hawaii, that I’d really appreciate it if you’d help me out here. After all, if anyone should know…]

Ever since I was a kid (um, that’s human, not goat), I’ve always wanted to visit exotic places. Like, er, Mars. Alas, despite the amazing advances in space exploration over the ensuing years, that opportunity has yet to present itself. The bottom line is, when it came time for our honeymoon, Mrs. MZM and I had to settle for something, well, a bit less exotic. So we went to Hawaii.

One thing I’ll say about Hawaii: that’s one place where, I’m telling ya, everything is exotic! The plants, the birds, the scenery - I mean, everything is such a far cry from the sort of things we usually see down in here in Texas (and pretty much the rest of the U.S.).

The Barking Sands

Y’know; when you’re on a relatively small island, at least you can never get lost. (‘Course, you can only go so far before you have to do your fish imitation, but I think you get my meanin’.) After all, on Kauai there’s really only one main road; it starts near Princeville (about the middle of the northern side) and goes clockwise about three-quarters of the way around the island to its westernmost point at Barking Sands. (The rest of the coastline is too rugged for wheeled vehicles.)

There were (and still are, of course!) plenty of great things to see on Kauai. Amazing waterfalls, lush tropical forests, beautiful beaches; we wanted to see it all. Naturally we had our own handy guidebook to show us what to see and do. Therefore, when the guidebook said we should visit Barking Sands, we did.

Now bear in mind, this was 26 years ago. I understand the public may not now be able to actually get to Barking Sands anymore since it’s a military base. (Was it a base back then? I don’t know.) But I do remember standing on the beach at Barking Sands and looking across the water at the island of Ni’ihau. It was late afternoon and very windy, and quite sobering to think the next landfall due west was Taiwan, about 5,000 miles away.

Anyway, I honestly don’t have that clear a recollection of the beach itself, other than it was, you know, picturesque. I mean, after you’ve seen so many beautiful beaches with incredibly white sand, they all sortof run together, if you know what I mean. But there was one thing the guidebook told us that, to this day is still a mystery. I sure wish we still had that book, because it’s something I’d really like to know. 26 years later, it still makes us wonder.

I don’t mind telling you, I’m fascinated by unusual place names. And by now you’re probably wondering, as we were, just how the heck did Barking Sands get its name? Was it in honor of an ancient chief’s dog? Perhaps it was the local equivalent to a dog park? Wait, I know - it was the annual migration point for barking seals, right?

Well, according to the guidebook, it was none of these oh-so-logical-sounding things. Nope; not even close. Now bear with me (like I said, it’s been 26 years), but to the best of our recollection, according to the book the name Barking Sands derived from “the distinctive sound the sand makes when thrown into the air”.

Yep; that’s what it said.

Now undoubtedly your brain is racing along, as ours did that day, quickly reviewing your high-school physics classes and attempting to find some measure of logic behind such a bizarre-sounding explanation. I mean, c’mon; we didn’t just fall of the turnip truck, you know. How could such a ridiculous thing possibly be true? Sound of a dog barking, indeed.

Mrs. MZM and I stood there for a few minutes, pondering the imponderable and contemplating the inevitable. Presently, she looked at me with all seriousness and said, “Well don’t look at me; I’m not doin’ it!”

So What Would YOU Do?

Yes, that indeed begs the question, doesn’t it?

On the one hand, we could have simply laughed and gone our way, never knowing if the act of tossing said sand upon the gentle breezes of the Hawaiian Main somehow magically caused a distinctive sound to whisper upon our amazed ears.

On the other hand, we could also be unwitting guests on the island version of Candid Camera, with a sneaky hidden camera nearby, ready to capture the spectacle of two idiotic tourists who believed anything they read in a book.

What to do, what to do?

Well, not being one to shy from a challenge (although I must admit to checking the area first to see if anyone was watching), I gathered as much dignity as I could muster, bent over and scooped up a double handful of sand, and flung it into the air. We both mightily cocked our ears in order to capture the slightest possible resulting and distinctive sound.

The result was pretty much as you would expect: nothin’.

We looked at each other for a moment with an I-told-you-so look, and I tried it again. Still nothin’. Ah, well. We moved on, back to see the rest of the wonders Kauai had to offer. To this day, I still have no idea if it was a prank or what, inserted into the guidebook just to see if anybody would fall for it. But I can tell you this; it certainly made for a memorable moment.

Still… maybe there’s a lesson here after all.

Dignity; Always Dignity

You know, most of us hate to look ridiculous, especially in front of other people (I mean, it’s bad enough when you’re alone!) But when you get right down to it, what’s the real harm? So what if someone else discovers the truth - that you’re just not all that? (One of the great humbling things about marriage is you can no longer hide it from your spouse.)

Take the upcoming SOBCon for instance. Last year, I remember it as a wonderful, exciting time; meeting new people and hearing some great speakers. In fact, it’s one of the things that helped clarify my purpose as a writer, and not “just” a blogger.

But in some ways, last year’s SOBCon was, well, a lot like a first date. I mean, there I was meeting these folks for the very first time, and naturally I wanted to present my best foot forward, so to speak. I made sure my shoes were shined (there was a handy machine for that in the men’s room), periodically checked my teeth for wayward bits of breakfast or lunch, and generally did my best to keep that watchword, dignity, in mind. Like I said; a first date.

As far as I know, nothing untoward happened (well, no unwitting faux pas that I can think of, anyway). Thus, mission accomplished. (‘Course, the downside is, being that stiff can make one come across with all the warmth of a piece of wood. Just ask Al Gore.)

But you know what I’ve discovered since then? It’s this: playing the fool isn’t so bad! After all, it’s one reason I can relax and have so much fun with my writing now. If you were to compare my earlier writing style with today’s, you’ll see that I certainly have a lot more fun - and consequently have made lots more friends over the last year - simply because I don’t mind acting silly.

Yep; there’s a lot to be said for being upright and dignified. And yes, as hard to believe as it may sound, I can manage it, if necessary. But, if you want to see the real me, well, just give me minute!

So how about it, folks? Are you sometimes afraid of letting go? Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself? Does clinging to your dignity occasionally cause you to miss out on having a good time?

Don’t you wish, for once, you could hear the sand go arf, arf, arf?

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OK; I know it’s a bit late, but if you’d like to come to SOBCon08, there’s still time to register (it’s May 2-4 in Chicago); just click the link for more details. If you do make it this year, come tap me on the shoulder and introduce yourself. Just look for the hat.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[NOTE: After the last two day’s exhaustive post (I don’t know about you, but I’m bushed!), I thought we might just have a quickie today.]

Have you ever gone to the trouble to thoroughly research something, expending tremendous effort to resolve an issue? Then, when you’ve gone as far as you can go, you just can’t help the feeling there’s something missing? Something, well, obvious staring you right in the face?

Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

Take the case of the Bedouins. In 1969, four scientists (all non-Bedouins) wondered why a group of Bedouins they knew all wore black robes and herded black sheep through the deserts of the Negev, one of the hottest places on Earth.

To the uninitiated, this would seem to be counterproductive, since even junior-high science students know that dark-colored objects absorb more sunlight that light-colored ones, causing them to get hotter. On the other hand, you’d think Bedouins would know the best ways to manage heat, right? After all, they lived there.

So, since they were, you know, scientists, they conducted an experiment, measuring the amount of heat that passed inwards towards the body of a nameless, but heroic, volunteer. While standing in the hot sun of the Negev, his body temperature was measured while he wore 1) a black robe, 2) a similar, but white, robe, 3) an army uniform, and 4) shorts.

As expected, the black robe absorbed more heat than the white one, reaching a much higher temperature (see the diagram). What was surprising, though, is the body underneath did not get any hotter! Our intrepid researchers discovered a black robe dissipated heat more quickly than a white robe, thus equalizing the heat to the wearer.

But if they’re equal, you ask, then why black and not white? Well that, as it turned out, is an animal of a different color.

We now turn to one of my favorite websites, Improbable Research (tagline: Research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK). There’s a note from investigator Mike Adams, who writes about that report, and he says, “Many years ago I heard Knut Schmidt-Nielsen, famous for his work on adaptations to desert conditions, talk about this. He said that he finally asked the Bedouins why they used black wool.

Their answer? ‘All of our goats are black’.”

Moral of the story: If your research subject can talk, well, it probably wouldn’t hurt to just ask ‘em!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!