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Surely you’ve heard plenty of admonitions to set goals and plan where you’re going in life (and yes, I know – don’t call you Shirley). In fact, I’ll bet the odds are fairly good that sometime in your life you’ve sat in on at least one planning or goal-setting seminar or workshop.

But what if there’s nothing you’d like better than to make a plan and get on with it – but alas, due to circumstances beyond your control, well Bubba, it ain’t gonna happen!

What if external events conspire to actually prevent you from planning your next move?

Sheesh! Now that’s a lotta “what ifs”!

I spent a year working in Austin, Texas on a semiconductor manufacturing facility (boy, try saying that ten times real fast!) for an engineering firm located in Greenville, South Carolina.

It was a genuinely pleasant assignment: An interesting project in a decent-sized town with lots to do and see (unfortunately, a disproportionate number of my field assignments have been located out in the middle of nowhere – oddball places like West Hallelujah , or 10 miles outside of Upper PoDunk). Plus, Austin had the added benefit of fairly nice weather year round (although a mite warm in the summer), and it wasn’t far from home (Houston, Texas).

As the project began to wind down, however, our usually well-laid travel plans started to tangle up like a phone cord (sound of desperation setting in).

About two months before the project’s end date, I really began to “push” about where the next assignment would be. My boss assured me there was plenty of work, and to be honest, I wasn’t worried about losing a job. I just wanted to start planning our relocation – a “snarly” job (lots of loose ends to tie down) any way you sliced it.

A few weeks passed by with still no word, so I increased my efforts to the next energy level and started making calls every few days. I was once again assured that “they” (who are these guys, anyway?) were working on it and would have an assignment soon.

It turned out there were several opportunities – one in Richmond, Virginia, one in another city (I can’t remember where) – and I could always come back to the office in Greenville for awhile. Hey, we were OK with all the choices; we just wanted to know, you know?

With less than a month to go, we had to start making arrangements to move – wrapping up affairs, changing housing arrangements, etc. The only problem: I still didn’t know where we were going! Can you believe it? It was pretty aggravating to tell our friends, “I don’t know which direction we’re going yet, but on (fill in date here), we’re leaving!”

Believe it or not, this continued through the next week, then two weeks, and on – and on…

Arrghh! Grrbl, grrbl. Spit! (sounds of gnashing of teeth)

Finally, it was the Last Day – and sure enough, there was still no decision (sound of buzzer). All the project files had been turned over and archived, office furniture was scheduled to be returned, and I handed over the keys to the building landlord (I was literally the last to leave – and yes, I turned off the lights).

I picked up the phone and called my boss. “I’ll tell you what,” I told him, “you get a desk ready for me in Greenville, and I’ll be there in three days.”

You know, there comes a point when you can do all you can, but sometimes you just have to let what’s gonna happen, happen. It may not be the best experience (and take if from me, this one was aggravating beyond belief!), but the truth of the matter is, you can probably survive it just fine, thank you very much.

How? Well, it can be a lot easier if you follow just a few simple guidelines:

Plan what you can – Hey, just because we couldn’t plan everything didn’t mean we couldn’t plan something! Since we had three possible destinations (actually four, if you counted throwing in the towel and going back to Houston), we developed three different contingency plans. These included (for the places we didn’t know) maps, possible hotel locations, cost of living information, travel route maps, etc. Sure, it was a lot of extra work (not to mention a royal pain in the, er, southern regions), but at least we were as ready as we could be for the choices we had at the time.

Understand that you can’t control everything – (Rule #1: You can’t control everything. Rule #2: See rule #1.) It is my personal belief that sooner or later, everyone will learn this lesson! See, there are bound to be times in your life when you simply can’t make everything happen the way you want. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say most things are beyond your (complete) control (so far, my personal score is something like Me-3%; Life-97%). But is this an unusual state of affairs? Absolutely not (and welcome to reality – also known as The Middle Zone)! So what do you do? Try these four little words: Get used to it!

Keep your sense of humor (or if you don’t have one, get one!) – And trust me; this one bit will do more for your well-being than all other advice combined. By far and away the best advice I can offer anyone, anytime, anywhere: lighten up! The best defense for the inevitable pitfalls, conundrums, and outright roadblocks life tosses your way is to learn to relax, find something to laugh about, and just move on. C’mon, admit it; sooner or later you’re probably going to look back on the situation and laugh anyway – so why not now? It’ll be much easier to handle, AND, has the added benefit of impressing your friends with what a great, well-balanced individual you are!

Now who wouldn’t want that?

______________________

So what about it folks? What’s been your most aggravating experience with this sort of thing? Can you add anything to the above list?

(Photo: More Winter by nico 0512)

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(Note from the proprietor: this is my entry for this month’s What I Learned From… group writing project. Everyone is invited; why not join the fray?)

The Memory

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was a beautiful partly-cloudy summer afternoon, the baseball field was in perfect shape, and I was as ready as I’d ever be. As I approached the plate and adjusted my cap to the optimum angle, I pointed my bat at the pitcher in a sort of gladiator’s challenge: C’mon; take your best shot.

Stepping up, I firmly gripped the bat; shifting my feet slightly so as to get a level stance. The pitcher stood there for a moment, pretending he didn’t care about my challenge as he considered the options the catcher was signaling to him. I ignored his feigned aloofness, focusing on the hand with the ball while trying to gage the type of pitch he would throw my way.

Finally, the moment came: the windup, the pitch – the ball arrowed towards the catcher’s mitt, seeking to avoid that dramatic meeting of leather and wood. My swing instinctively adjusted itself to coincide with the calculated path of the ball.

As the bat came around, I felt, then heard the sharp crack, signaling a meeting of the minds; I could instantly tell it was a good hit. Vibrations transmitted that distinctive thump through my hands and confirmed a connection with the bat’s sweet spot. Following through, I let the bat go and began my run towards first base.

The task: get there at all costs!

I ran like the wind, faster and faster, and before I knew it first base was past and I was swinging toward second. Still no sign of impending disaster! I rounded it and was on my way to third, and my heart and mind began to hope – could I make it? I ran faster.

As the third base coach signaled wildly to keep going, I took the turn as hard as I could and drew a bead on home plate. Out of the corner of my eye I could see both teams, the crowd in the stands, and the opposing players on the field jumping up and down; everyone screaming at the top of their lungs.

The universe narrowed down to that one single spot: the goal, the target, the dream: home plate. As I crossed it there was a huge release of excitement; the sudden realization that I had done something I had never done before – I had hit a home run!

The crowd roared.

The Reality

To tell you the truth, this is the way I like to think of that day. The facts are, alas, just a little, er, different. Oh, I actually did hit a home run; no fabrication there. But it was at a Little League practice – not even a real game.

But there were no crowds cheering me on; no pandemonium in the stands. It wasn’t even a big deal; I found out afterwards that I made it to home plate only because of multiple errors by the players in the outfield.

In fact, in my (sadly short-lived) entire baseball career, it’s the only home run I ever made. And the kicker is – since this was practice, not one family member was there to witness it!

Sigh.

The Lessons

Now, despite what sounds like a crushing disappointment, it really wasn’t. I mean after all, I did learn a few things. For instance:

When it’s time to step up, you’d better be prepared. As much as I enjoyed simply playing baseball, just like anything else it took practice, practice, practice. And let’s face it: practice can be pretty dull sometimes. But one of the reasons practice works is that it helps build responses that can be called upon at a moment’s notice.

Hit the ball – follow through with the bat. Target the base – step on it in passing, using it as a solid support for that all-important turn. All these little routines (and more) become almost automatic with practice, so that you can concentrate on bigger things – like reaching the next base.

The fact is, the phrase “practice makes perfect” can never make you better; but it does explain how you can get better.

When opportunity knocks, then Bubba, you’d better go for it! Hey, I’ll be the first to admit it: I pretty much, well, fell short when it came to sports. I mean, I was not a fast runner (an understatement), couldn’t throw a ball worth a darn (yet another one), and was always worried a high fly ball heading my way would smack me in the teeth instead of the baseball glove (but I was more afraid of the resulting trip to the dentist!)

Then, when I finally did connect with the ball, I was really only expecting to make it to first – maybe. But just in case, well, I knew what to do. So when I saw that first base coach waving me on, I poured it on (at least, as much as I was able to). If I had just run to first base and stopped, well, I would have missed my chance.

Winning begins in the heart and the mind. After everything was said and done (and as you know, more is usually said than done), I simply didn’t care that this was only a practice game. In fact, it didn’t even matter that I never did anything even remotely as incredible in baseball, ever again.

Nope, what really mattered to me was that I knew I could do it. After all, I had done it!

And you know what? I’ve discovered that when facing down challenges today, this is what it really comes down to. Oh, sure, preparation is important – sometimes even critical; but it’s not the endgame. And, it’s not opportunity’s knock either – heck, sometimes opportunity never knocks; you just might have to make your own.

Nope; in the end, the real win happens in your heart and in your head. And when you’re a winner there - then friend, you’re already a winner!

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Have you ever flown in an actual propeller-driven airliner? Although it hasn’t happened often, I have.

Most of us don’t give a second thought to the thousands of small commuter flights that occur all over the U.S., but the fact is, there are still plenty of commuter routes where the prop plane is alive and well.

I remember once taking a short hop from Chicago, Illinois to Peoria, Illinois; approximately 130 miles as the crow flies (although I’ve always wondered why people think crows never fly in a zig-zag). But what made it, er, really fun was that it was right in the dead of winter – on January 2nd, in fact.

After we boarded, the pilot began preparing the plane for takeoff while the field crew started spraying de-icer all over the wings. This went on for some time (nearly 30 minutes!), and all the while the passenger next to me kept fretting about missing their connecting flight in Chicago. In the meantime I’m thinkin’, Keep goin’, boys - whoops, missed a spot!

I gotta tell ya - I wasn’t bothered in the least. Hey, I don’t know about you, but as far as I’m concerned, they can take as much time as they need! See, this stuff they’re spraying all over the plane? Well, it’s to help prevent the plane from turning into an ice cube while at 20,000 feet! (Sadly, ice cubes aren’t known for their gliding characteristics.)

So, without further ado (because as you know, further do would make no sense whatsoever) I give you, maybe not the thought, but at least a Thought for the Day:

Sometimes it just takes time to do things right. Success is usually like that.

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Speaking of assumptions (click on this link: Too Slow for His Own Good), here’s a great story that illustrates how we all make assumptions, pretty much all the time.

Mrs. MZM’s niece is a rather petite woman who could be described as a self-reliant person with a very can-do attitude. As a matter of fact, I’ve always admired her pragmatic approach to life.

A few years back she and her husband decided to join the countless hoards who have decided they wanted to own and ride motorcycles, so he of course bought a Harley, while she got a Honda Shadow. As I said, she is petite, so even though the Shadow is already somewhat low-slung, she still had to have it lowered 3 inches so she could comfortably hold it up while standing at a stop sign.

As for riding gear, well, they went all out; they bought the leather pants and jackets, three-quarter helmets (thank goodness they weren’t stupid!), riding boots, leather gloves – the whole kit. Adding to this image were their wrap-around sunglasses, the bandannas they wore on their heads under the helmets… oh, and his long beard.

Man, they looked like a couple of real desperadoes by the time they got fully suited up! But overall, I gotta say they made a pretty cool pair.

One fine sunny day she decided to take a quick trip up to College Station, Texas (home of Texas A&M University!) to pay her son a visit and show off the new bike. So she saddled up the Shadow and took off for the day, timing her arrival at her son’s place of work (they build farm trailers) so they could have lunch together.

Her son was inside with some of his co-workers when one of them noted the interesting phenomenon of Small Woman With Big Shadow (it has a sorta Dances With Wolves ring to it, doesn’t it?) pull up and park.

“Man, get a load of the tough-looking chick on this motorcycle,” the fellow called out.

Guys being guys, they all immediately crowded up to the window to check out the, uh, motorcycle.

Her son stepped back in horror as sudden realization sank in, and in a shocked voice cried out, “Hey, that’s no chick – that’s my mom!”

OK, the question we should be asking ourselves is not whether or not we’re making assumptions – and let’s face it, we all do it, all the time. And, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. No, the real question is, what’s the risk? Or, to put it more accurately, what’s the risk of those assumptions?

Huh? How’d we get from assumptions to risk? Hey, glad you asked!

See, in the engineering field, we often talk about controlling risk. There’s always a safety risk of course, but there are plenty of other, sometimes more subtle risks as well, such as construction risk (what if that crane isn’t available?), financial risk (what if market conditions change?) and start-up risk (what if you build something and it flat doesn’t work? Believe me, it’s happened!)

Well, the way we control risk is to identify the underlying assumptions made during the planning phase of the project, and then figure out ways to respond just in case things don’t quite go as planned. That’s basic risk management. And by the way, this is where bringing multiple brains to bear (follow this link: Keep Thinkin’ Y’all…) really comes in handy.

What’s really great is we can do the same thing in our everyday lives! Instead of acting on our assumptions of such-and-such about so-and-so, for instance, what if we learned to manage the risk instead?

What do you think?

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How do you accomplish really big audacious goals? Hey, that’s easy – break it into lots of little ones, of course!

Hmmm… it seems to me I’ve mentioned before about the network marketing business I’ve recently gotten into, right? (Sound of groans from the audience.) Well, one key concept to success in our NM business can be nicely summed up by this phrase: it’s not what you do; it’s what you… start.

It simply means that eventual success is built upon your initial actions.

OK class, what that translates to for our particular NM business is two-fold, and can be summed up as follows: first, each Associate finds 10 customers, then signs up 3 Associates and teaches them to do the same. We call this the Power Unit (has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?), and completing it is the gateway to earning residual income from all customers that subsequently sign up in the Associate’s downline (which is all Associates below them in the organization).

As with all NM businesses, it works by duplication, and over time it can add up to quite a large number of Associates and customers in your downline. (Just as a for instance, the group leader we’re under has over 3,100 Associates and well over 10,000 customers in his downline after working the business about 28 months.) So, as each Associate does exactly the same thing, then incredible things can happen!

Anyway, the other day I called a friend of mine in order to invite him to become one of my Associates, only to discover he’d been in the business for about two years already (Ignite has been in business since March of 2005). But here’s the thing – he was no longer actively doing anything at all with it. In fact, the sum total of what he’d done was to sign up one single Associate – and then he stopped. No customers, no more Associates. Done. Finis. End of Story.

About a year and a half passed.

By the time I got around to calling him, he hadn’t even thought about it in quite a while. He had no idea what had developed in his downline, so after we talked, he began to do some checking.

Remember that one Associate he signed up? Well, he made the astonishing discovery that  his downline now consisted of an organization of 214 Associates! Whoa Nellie! Can you believe it? Here my friend was, down in the dumps because he felt he wasn’t accomplishing anything – only to find out a large dynamic organization was being built below him – not because of what he was doing, but because of what he… started!

You want to know the sad part? Because he never completed his Power Unit (10 customers and 3 Associates) he hasn’t qualified to earn the residual income from all the customers those 214 Associates in his downline have signed up! No core team - no income. He’s missing out on hundreds, and eventually thousands of dollars of passive, residual income every single month – just because he got discouraged and quit!

OK, here’s the thing.

You got some goals, perhaps even big, audacious goals you want to achieve? Sometimes, after the thrill of coming up with them starts to wane, you find yourself looking at them and thinking, “Now how am I going to accomplish this thing, anyway?”

Of course the answer is to break it down into smaller, more achievable steps, then focus on accomplishing those instead. That way the big, final goal becomes the inspiration for all the little ones along the way.

Plus, each little goal, when successfully attained, gives you progressively more confidence, making it that much easier to make it to the next step. Consistent, along-the-way encouragement plus a big picture vision will propel you forward far more than just the vision alone, no matter how wonderful it is.

When you get right down to it, success in any endeavor is pretty much built in the same way. Remember that phrase I mentioned at the beginning of this article?

It’s not what you do; it’s what you… start!

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Can you change the world by jiggling eggs? (And please note: that’s jiggling, not juggling – because juggling eggs is just… messy. Yuk.)

When Mrs. MZM and I first started grocery shopping together (I realize this admission will probably earn me a sharp reprimand from the MMA - the Manly Men’s Association - but hey, I can take it), well, it was quite the learning experience for poor little ol’ unsophisticated me. I mean, prior to our engagement, my favorite home-cooked foods tended to range from fried spam sandwiches (I’m tellin’ ya – they’re the BEST!) to anything that included the words “Hamburger Helper” on the box.

Ah, well, luckily I proved to be somewhat teachable. Over the years I’ve managed to learn a few things about the fine art of grocery shopping, particularly about certain foods. (Although I still miss my spam sandwiches. *sigh*)

Case in point: eggs. The very first time I observed Mrs. MZM buying eggs, I noticed she carefully examined the ends of each carton, looking for the one with the latest date. It’s pretty obvious, really, but I realized that was something I’d literally never given a passing thought to. I usually assumed that any eggs on the shelf were OK.

(A side note – of course, now that I know about expiration dates, I would never even consider eating an egg past its date; even the thought turns my stomach. But back then, I could have done it unknowingly, and who cared? Funny how perceptions influence reactions, isn’t it? But I digress.)

Anyway, after selecting a particular carton of eggs, she opened it up and used her finger to, er, jiggle each egg, one by one. Interesting; I’d never seen that done before. In fact, after 25 years of marriage, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else doing it either.

The reason is once again obvious (once she explained it, of course – back then, I was dumber than a post regarding this stuff): it’s to check if any of them are broken. Broken eggs will stick to the carton and can’t be moved, even slightly (not to mention stink to high heaven). Don’t you hate it when you get a carton of eggs home and then discover one or more are already broken? Well, this never happens to her!

Nowadays, Mrs. MZM can even send me to the store, alone, resting easy in the knowledge that any eggs I buy will be: a) good for a while, and b) unbroken in the carton. (‘Course, I still tend to go for the ice cream aisle. Sadly, I’m weak that way.)

The other day while at the grocery store, Mrs. MZM told me a young woman watched her do her egg-checking ritual, and then came up and asked her about it. The woman was amazed, and resolved to do the same thing from then on.

So…

I think the real question here is, Are you teachable? If you encounter an opportunity to learn something new, does it turn into a traumatic experience? And when you find yourself getting dragged (drug?) out of your comfort zone, do you go out kicking and screaming all the way?

Or, does it come easy? I assure you, it’s not a trivial question!

I submit (and believe me, I’m including myself in this one too!) that cultivating an attitude of learning is the absolute best way to make it through the lessons life has to give us. I mean, c’mon – does anyone honestly expect their lives to be without bumps or setbacks (if you do, you’re living in a dream world, my friend!)

So how do we get through those times? Why, we learn something new, that’s how!

Now, along about here is where I’m supposed to come up with some great philosophical grandiose pronouncement that sums everything up. Well, after due consideration, all I can think of is this question (and note I didn’t say profound!):

Can one change the world by jiggling eggs? You tell me! (Told you it wasn’t very profound..)

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What I Learned About Leadership by Writing a Book About Leadership

by Kevin Eikenberry, Remarkable Author

When Robert asked me to write a “What I learned” story, I was honored and pleased. After all, I’m always asking my consulting clients and workshop participants to reflect on things that happened as a way to learn and improve. After thinking about it for a minute I decided to write about what I learned about leadership from writing a book about leadership (Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing Your Leadership Potential One Skill at a Time).

Some might think this idea is counter-intuitive – that I should know something about leadership before being so bold as to write about it. I did know some things about it before I began, but I know more now. Here are five of the things I learned:

I learned a lot about the publishing process. While I’ve been a contributing author many times and while I’ve written a book that was published by a small publisher, working with Jossey-Bass was a new experience. I learned that timelines matter (and yes, I met them) if you want to get your book to the market on time. I learned that my editor and everyone involved on the J-B team cares about books (which is comforting), and I learned that they like to think long-term, which also makes me happy.

I learned how to clarify my leadership values and beliefs. It is one thing to consult and training on things, writing them down is a more rigorous process than either of those other pursuits. Writing forces focus and drives clarity on what you really mean. All of us know that, but in this process it became even clearer to me. I now know at a much deeper level how all of the pieces of my beliefs about remarkable leadership are inter-related – more than I ever thought possible.

I learned about sharing responsibility, and not just delegating. When writing one chapter I asked a number of colleagues to tell me how they felt about the concepts of delegation and sharing responsibility. I asked them to consider their answers both from the perspective of the leader and the receiver/follower. The answers and the resulting conversations made it very clear that the difference is much more about the intent of the leader than anything else. Delegation feels like dumping work – sharing responsibility is about building competency. Which do you want to receive? Which do you want engender in your organization. This is a simple concept to type onto my screen, but I believe the implications of this difference for us as leaders are huge.

I learned the power of role modeling. If I write something that my team (or my clients or my kids) read, then I better be doing it! Do you think I hold myself to a higher standard in a variety of areas now? You bet I do. While I learned this through writing, I believe all highly effective remarkable leaders must be clear on what is important and share that with their team – even if it requires them to work harder to live up to those standards.

I learned that the line between personal development and leadership development is even finer than I previously believed. I’ve always thought there was a fine line between personal and professional development. I now realize that when we become better leaders we become better humans. 90+% of what I wrote applies to everyone, regardless of their job description. These skills make us better neighbors, parents and co-workers too. It is exciting to recognize this fact. As I allowed it to sink into my subconscious, it has improved my approach to learning and accelerated my progress in many areas of my life.

This certainly isn’t all I learned, but these are five of the most valuable lessons for me – all five of these lessons will help me be more effective (dare I say remarkable?) as both a professional and an individual.

Thanks for the chance to share, Robert!

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