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I’ve spent the last few days up in the part of the country I like to call the “Frozen North” (that’s Joliet, Illinois - and no, smartypants, not as a guest of the State!), so I’m afraid the opportunity to write something brilliant today… just ain’t gonna happen!

Ah, well, what the heck; at least I can pass on this little word of wisdom to all job seekers everywhere…

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Here’s a little food for thought over the weekend…

A woman decided to visit a single’s club located on the top floor of a downtown building. Upon entering, she noticed a large, well-built man sitting alone at the bar, so she decided to go over and see what developed.

“Well, hello,” she said. “What are you having?”

The man looked at her for a moment, and then replied, “I’m drinking magic beer.”

Intrigued, she sat next to him and asked, “Magic beer? What on earth is magic beer?”

“Well, when I drink magic beer, I can fly,” he said with a smile.

The woman was understandably skeptical. “Nonsense! There’s no such thing as magic beer.”

The man snorted and said, “Well then watch this!” He got up, walked outside to the patio and stepped up on the ledge. Then he jumped off and flew around the building a few times. Landing lightly on the patio, he came back inside and sat down next to the astonished woman.

“That’s incredible; I’ve never seen anything like it!” She turned to the bartender and said excitedly, “I’ll have what he’s having!”

The bartender obliged, setting a cold frothy mug on the bar in front of her. She picked it up, drank it down, and announced, “Now it’s my turn!”

She walked out onto the patio, stood up on the ledge and jumped off, immediately plunging to her death.

The bartender turned, looked at the man, shook his head sadly and said, “I’m tellin’ ya, Superman, you sure make a really mean drunk!”

—————

Y’all have a great weekend!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Just a little something to help you remember to count your blessings today, it being the 13th and all…

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

OK, OK, it’s not quite official meme week here at the Zone. First there was Tully’s 10 faves meme on Monday. Now here’s 8 random things about me from my friend Arun Rajagopal; a post that’s been waiting in the wings for a few days.

I’ll tell you, normally I don’t like to reveal all that much about myself. After all, I tend to be a somewhat private person (yeah, sure – so I blog, right?) But I figured what the heck, I can surely come up with 8 things about me that won’t really compromise my own sense of privacy. Of course, whether or not it will have been worth it once you read them is another story.

So without further ado (because further do really makes no sense), and in no particular order, I give you:

8 Things You Didn’t Know About Me (That May Make You Rich Insane)

1. I am not actually a blue shark, although there are still some folks out there who seem to think so. Back when I first started MZM, I used the image of a blue shark wearing sunglasses as my icon, but during SOBCon this year decided it was time to come out from behind the curtain of anonmy anonnimitie anonomousness, er, to reveal my true self. Still think the glasses are cool, though.
2. In spite of the aforementioned tough-guy blue shark image – if I see a spider (or any sort of biting or stinging bug for that matter) anywhere near me, I gather up my hoopskirts, scream like a girl and run from the room. Well, not quite. But I really, really don’t like ‘em. Especially if they’re, like, ON me.
3. I played clarinet in the school band throughout most of my junior high and high school years, mainly because I really hated the idea of getting all sweaty and icky during the day in gym class. (It was a choice of one or the other.) Besides, I was, well, let’s just say “not athletically inclined” and leave it at that. I was always the last guy picked for any team anyway, which was a painful humiliation I could do without.
4. During a period of lucidity research last year, I discovered a weird report stating that 1 in 18 people have a third nipple (proof that you can find out just about anything worth knowing on the Internet.) Just wanted everyone to know: I’m not one of them!
5. I have an uncanny ability to visualize in 3-D. What the heck does that mean? Well, I can look at a group of objects and see how they fit into a given space. Which makes me a genius at the sport of car-packing, a talent that’s come in handy over the years while moving from place to place.
6. If it were possible to get paid for doing it, I would probably take a job reading books. Especially science fiction. That’s something I could do all day and all night (well, except for eating, sleeping, and, you know, interaction with other people). Of course, since I started blogging, I think I would probably take a job doing that, too, but then you probably already knew that. (But it would have to top what I’m making now, though, since I really like what I’m doing now.)
7. I started smoking back when I was attending high school in Holland (I blame peer pressure – at the time I was the only one I knew of at the school I attended who didn’t smoke). Alas, as a college student I smoked like a locomotive. But on my birthday in 1977 I quit cold turkey and haven’t looked back. (For a while, though, I did have a few very strange dreams in which I was smoking – and knew, in the dream, I shouldn’t be. Weird.)
8. In my home office is a framed print depicting a businessman sitting at his desk, listening intently while Jesus sits next to him, expounding on some subject. Framed with it is a small metal plaque which quotes Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not harm you; plans to give you hope and a good future.” It’s a gift from Mrs. MZM and is one of my favorite things.

OK, now that you know 8 totally useless things about me – it’s your turn! But (and that’s a BIG but!), instead of specifically naming five victims friends, I’ll open it up for anyone who feels inspired. So what do you think? C’mon, take a shot – hey, you never know!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

It doesn’t breathe,

It doesn’t smell,

It doesn’t feel so very well.

I am discouraged with my nose -

The only thing it does - it blows!

-unknown author

Under the weather a bit… but I’ll live.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Speaking of great places to people-watch (see yesterday’s post), I’ll have to add one more class of great people-watching locales to the two already mentioned (malls and airports), and that’s large hotels.

While here at the Hotel Sofitel O’Hare for SOBCon ‘07, all weekend I’ve been seeing groups of young people wandering about, all dressed in somewhat bizarre costumes; they’re apparently here for an anime convention.

In fact, although I didn’t take this picture, I actually saw a girl in this exact elaborate outfit walking around Saturday evening. Not sure who she’s supposed to be, but I’d sure hate to meet that scary thing in a dark alley!

In addition to that group, an entire wedding party showed up in a stretch limo that was so long it seemed to completely fill the entire porti-cochere outside. As they unloaded, it reminded me of a clown car at the rodeo: it seemed to take 30 minutes for everyone to finish exiting the vehicle.

Oh, and (of course) then there was the most well-behaved and dignified group (that’s us! I’m talkin’ about us!), who are some of the finest people you’d ever want to meet. I must say, the entire weekend has been a stupendous experience, and I’ll still be processing what I’ve learned from this event for some time to come.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Great news, everybody!

For everyone (that’s code for “both of you”) who’s been clamoring (sound of two people clamoring) for a Middle Zone Musings e-book – well, I have great news: the long, long wait is over! (Cue the fireworks, cue the band, cue the confetti! Hey! Somebody roll out that red carpet!)

That’s right, my very first e-book, Poke It with a Sharp Stick*, is finally ready for prime time, and best of all, it’s available in .PDF format right here at the Zone! (If anyone needs another format, let me know, I’ll see what I can do.)

Best of all, it’s completely free! Yaay! Hoo-rah! (And let’s not forget wazzoo, whoop-te-do, and hubba-hubba!) That’s right, it won’t cost you a nickel. Nada. Nuthin’. Zilch.

Inside this 21-page book you’ll find six of my favorite stories from the Middle Zone, all of which are (as they used to say at Mad Magazine) “suitable for framing or wrapping fish”. In fact (in case your bird cage needs a new liner), it’s formatted for easy printing on letter-size paper (just set your printer to “Portrait” mode and print – easy!)

Pretty soon (translation: as soon as I figure out how - bear with me, I’m a slow learner) I’ll have a cute little link up there in the left sidebar. In the meantime, go ahead, take as many as you like.

[UPDATE: The link is up there now (in the upper left sidebar); just right-click and save!

Read and enjoy, then (should you be so inclined) drop me a line and tell me what you think. Have I got a future as a writer? As a blogger? As a crash-test dummy?

Oh, and - pass it on, too.

*I’d like to thank Roger von Oech at Creative Think for suggesting the title (you can see it down in the comments). Roger, at least by my standards, is a genuinely whacky guy – after all, he invented the Ball of Whacks!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!