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What the hey; I’ve been a little short on inspiration lately, so when Joanna Young sent out an invitation to participate in this little exercise, I figured, why not? I mean, it’s not like I have any better ideas at the moment *sigh*.

So without further ado (since further do makes no sense at all), I give you 8 more random things about MEEEeeeeeeeeeee! (Isn’t it fun when you get to be the center of the universe? Even for just a little while?)

• It should come as no surprise that I’m a native Texan (although I’ve never played one on TV). Nevertheless, I own not one single cotton-pickin’ oil well, six-shooter, horse, herd of cattle or even a range for them to be home on! I do, however, own a genuine Stetson cowboy hat (acquired in Nashville, Tennessee) and one of those cool Western-style string ties (which I picked up in Portland, Oregon). And I don’t line dance either. Go figure. (photo: Big Tex, Texas State Fair, Dallas by StevenM_61)

• Way back when I was a student during summer sessions at Texas A&M University, for spending money I took a job as a pizza delivery boy man. We used an old stripped-down VW beetle named Clementine, and when I say stripped-down, I mean just that; her interior had a driver’s seat and nothin’ else! No heater, either; during the winter it was miserably cold. But the job did have one compensating feature (I mean, besides the free pizza). See, at the time, we had special dispensation from the campus police to drive on the very wide sidewalks found only in the campus dorm areas. So half the fun of the job was in driving that Beetle where no Beetle had gone before (sound of Star Trek theme music), including down, er, various flights of steps! (photo: 1967 VW Beetle by steelisreal)

• My stay in Taiwan taught me an inconvenient truth: I do not have the talent of wearing slippers with socks (oh, the humanity!) Allow me to explain. At the manufacturing facility where I worked, when going from building to building we wore street shoes, naturally. But upon entering the building, we had to put our shoes in little cubbies just inside the door, and everyone put on slippers similar to these. I always hated those things! It never failed - particularly when strolling along with a client - one of those darned slippers would shoot off my foot and down the hall like a jet fighter coming off a carrier deck. Very embarrassing, to say the least! I just know they’re still talking about it.

• I have the world’s worst memory for information, facts, etc.; particularly for names. It’s something I’ve been plagued with all my life, but it’s tough - my short-term memory cells are apparently rather proprietary and don’t want to hand off the information to my long-term memory cells. I tell ya, it can get pretty frustrating at times. However, I discovered that, if I format what I want to remember into a story - well, I’m likely to remember it forever! Hey wait - that sounds sorta familiar, doesn’t it? Lessons… learned from life… naah. (By the way, this image in no way reflect my actual ears. Cranial capacity; sure. I’m just sayin’.)

• I am have a tendency to be the world’s worst procrastinator. I’ll elaborate more on this… sometime. Maybe tomorrow. But maybe not.

• Speaking of Taiwan, in 2000 I had the chance to actually circumnavigate the globe… and didn’t. Although at the time I was a contract worker there, I received an invitation from my employer to come to Grenoble, France for an interview towards becoming a permanent employee. They asked me to fly directly to Grenoble from Taiwan and go home to Houston from there. But when I checked on the prices, I couldn’t believe it! (You’ve heard of ‘having a cow’? I nearly had the whole herd!) So I suggested they allow me to fly back home, collect Mrs. MZM, and come see them via Paris - all for 1/3 the cost! Naturally they were thrilled, and so we got a free, all expenses paid trip to Paris and Grenoble. I’d still like to circumnavigate the globe at least once, though.

• It’s there for all to see, but not many know that Mrs. MZM and I have lived in over 60 places since we hitched up 26 years ago! Yep; it’s true. Thus, one of our defining characteristics is that we are probably the most flexible people you’ll ever meet (although… in a slightly different way from these folks!) In fact, we made it our theme for awhile. Alas, such a lifestyle is not without it price; it’s been difficult to keep up with people we’ve met in various places over the years. Lucky for us, Al Gore invented the Internet, so now it’s much easier to meet and stay in touch with folks like you guys from all over the globe!

• As a computer user, I take my virus protection seriously! Really seriously! I mean, there’s the usual anti-virus software installed and running, along with its continual updates. I use NoScript in my Firefox browser, and AdBlock to help keep things under control online. Plus, there’s Akismet for spam blocking right here at the Zone. But I bet there’s one area you’ve forgotten about - your desk. No, not the desktop on your computer; your actual physical desk. Well, I’m proud to say I’m covered there too! Click on the photo to meet my two most important desk accessories and the final tag-team line of defense - Spike and Angela.

Well, there ya have it! 8 random things about me. So ends the “I’m the center of the universe” portion of our post today. Now it’s time to make it all about YOU!

I invite all of you to join us in revealing a bit more about yourselves to your readers. They’ll thank you, and you may even have a bit of fun doing it! No, don’t panic - I’m not going to tag anyone specific (sound of huge sigh of relief). Just jump in if you like. To make it even easier for you, here are some thoughtful “non-rules” brilliantly outlined by Jeanne Dininni:

1. Give yourself permission not to complete it if you lack the interest, inclination or inspiration to do so (that way you’ll only write it if you do).
2. Allow yourself to ignore the hurry element.
3. Focus on the meme and shape it the way you want, make it your own.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Just a quick sidestep here…

Brad Shorr is hosting a contest for a brand spankin’ new iPod Nano (or is that a ‘nono’, Brad? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!), and if you’d like to enter, well Bubba, you’d better hurry! Just drop by this post for instructions, then write your own post inspired by the cartoon. (Brad has extended the deadline to March 13th at 5 pm CST so there’s still plenty of time!)

Hey, waitaminit - I just realized that if too many of you enter then it actually reduces my chances of winning! So, here’s what we’re goin’ to do. Please; only one, or at most, two of you enter. No! NO WAIT! NOT EVERONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Sound of heartfelt sobbing…)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note from the Proprietor: Since it's Friday, and I'm out of town anyway, I thought you might enjoy this little story...]

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog “the sign says you have to be good with a computer”. The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.

By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, “Meow!”

(From Think.com)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Well, Blogapalooza’s over, and Bubba, I’m tellin’ ya - I’m beat!

See y’all tomorrow!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

If you…

• … are the adventurous type
• … have a few extra frequent flier miles you can use around January (or money to burn)
• … want to do something completely and totally different to celebrate the New Year

… and most importantly to your spouse (if you have one)…

• … are paid up on your life insurance

… well Bubba, there’s one place that comes to mind whose annual New Year’s tradition will really blow your socks off. Seriously.

In the southern Taiwan town of Yanshui (which translates roughly as Run! Run for your life!), they have an annual fireworks festival that is not to be believed! (OK, I made that up about the translation. But I still think it fits….)

Now it’s true that practically Every Place On Earth tries to outdo everyone else when it comes to fireworks and New Year’s celebrations. But as for Yanshui, well, all I can tell you is, if you ever plan to attend this particular festival, then being dressed properly for the occasion is an absolute must (after you, um, check your sanity at the gate).

Let’s see now; you’ll need a thick padded ski jacket, a motorcycle helmet, some heavy pants, gloves and boots, preferably leather, and a waterproof outer garment like a poncho. Oh, yeah – a set of long underwear made of Kevlar might come in handy too. Not to mention, guys, a steel cup (and I don’t mean for drinking!)

See; here’s the thing…

At this New Year’s event, instead of shooting fireworks into the sky, they aim the fireworks at each other! Whoo-eee! When I was in Taiwan, some of the guys I worked with went (and in a miraculous turn of events, managed to come back alive!) and said it was quite an experience, to say the least!

I’m sorry, folks, but there’s NO WAY I’m takin’ a chance a bottle rocket might fly up any part of my anatomy… I mean, there’s just no way! Huh-uh, no thanks!

Along about now you’re probably saying to yourself, “Why on Earth would anyone do such a goofy thing?” Well, here’s the explanation I managed to come up with:

Once, long ago, a villager offended one of the gods. As the god got angrier and angrier, he decided to destroy the entire village as a lesson. When the villagers got wind of it, they cooked up a plan to fool the angry god.

When he approached to do the deed, the townspeople started shooting firecrackers and fireworks all over the place, making it look like a war was going on. In fact, they even started shooting them at each other! Seeing this, the god thought some OTHER god was in the process of destroying the village, so he left them alone and went away. Thus, the village was saved!

Oh, of course – it makes so much sense now! (Hey, I said it was an explanation; I didn’t say it was a good one.)

Sadly, I was unable to find any statistics on the number of people hurt; arms or legs blown off, or anything like that; but I guess as long as they’re having fun….

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

For today’s story, I’ll relate a recently-overheard conversation between two co-workers…

“… Oh, we’ll have the usual herd of relatives for Christmas this year. Let’s see… there’s four coming from New Mexico, two coming from Colorado, and six coming from Austin (Ed. Note: that’s in Texas, in case you don’t know). Plus everyone who already lives here. It promises to be quite a big shindig.”

“Gee, I hope you have a really big dining room table!”

“Well, we’ll put all the leaves into the dining room table, of course. But then there’s the one in the kitchen; and oh, yeah, we can’t forget the ‘kid’s table’ over in the corner of the living room.”

“Man, I remember the kid’s table; I used to hate it when I had to sit there. I was so glad when I could finally move up to the grown-up tables!”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. The biggest problem is that the only way to graduate to the big table is for one of the older relatives to die!”

I don’t know about you, but this sure does bring back a memory or two! Ring any bells for you?

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Howdy friends; a bright and cheerful Friday to ya! Uh-oh; hey – why the long face?

Awww – are you down in the dumps today? Have things not been going quite your way recently? Do you feel like the poor fellow in this photo?

Well, ya know, perhaps it’s all in how you choose to look at it. Here’s a little something from that great American philosopher W.C. Fields that might help:

“Don’t worry if a man kicks you from behind; it only proves you’re ahead of him.”

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!