.

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Man, ya just gotta admire the passion some folks have for what they really believe in, don’cha?! After the Houston Texans’ spectacular Wild Card win this weekend, I caught this crazy fan on our local TV news after the game. Like I said, ya gotta admire the man’s passion, yes?

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For a lot of folks, the Christmas Season begins right after Thanksgiving. That’s the way it is around our house, anyway. Yep, even the trees are gettin’ in on the act! Take a look at this leaf fallen from a Bradford Pear tree at my workplace. Pretty fine, eh?

So, what do y’all do to get ready for the Christmas Season? And more importantly, how do you celebrate it?

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I love questions that really make you wonder. Questions like, Is there an exception to the rule “there’s an exception to every rule”? Or one of my personal favorites, Why are there 5 syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

The fact is, you don’t have to go searching for ‘em; they sometimes show up right at your feet. In fact, it happened just the other evening when a neighbor from down the street dropped by to chat with Mrs. MZM for a few minutes. She happened to bring her cute little son along with her, and as is typical whenever multiple adults and only one child get together, the tiniest member of the group became the center of attention. (How do they do that, anyway?)

C’mon, Push the Button

Just so you know, our house isn’t exactly child-proof, mind you, nor is it filled with fun stuff for babies to play with, either. However, unlike us adults, children have an innate ability to uncover the entertainment value in practically anything (up to and including dirt).

We usually keep an electric heating pad lying on the floor next to the couch. (What can I say? Sometimes it just, er, helps. If you know what I mean – great. If not – one day you will. Just sayin’.) Now, you and I both know this isn’t an appropriate plaything for a baby. So of course the little critter made a beeline right for it.

He grabbed the control pad and quickly discovered that pushing its buttons caused the little light to change colors in the following sequence: push #1 = yellow, push #2 = orange, push #3 = red, push #4 = off. (Please be assured – and you’ll have to trust me on this – all three of us were watching him closely and there was absolutely no danger involved.)

This impromptu “toy” seemed to keep him happy, but it was the “off” setting that threw him for a loop. Although the pretty glowing light fascinated him, every time it turned off his imagined solution was to simply push that button all the harder. In fact, I could see his hands and arms literally shaking with the effort to make that light go on, as if he could make it work by sheer strength. Eventually, of course, he’d let go – then push it again and voila! the whole sequence began all over again.

Now, when you think about it, wasn’t it silly of him to imagine that if a certain action (pushing a button) failed to produce an expected result (the light changed color), that doing that same action with even more effort (c’mon, push harder!) would magically make it work?

On the other hand… don’t we adults do the same thing? No, you say? Have you ever flipped a light switch, only to find the light didn’t work – then (and be honest here) flipped it at least a couple more times, just to be sure? Yep; thought so.

Well then why do you press harder on a TV remote control when you know the battery is dead? (Yes, you!) I mean, you know it’s dead, right? Then, um, why – ?

Yeah, sometimes we adults aren’t quite so smart as all that, are we?

Questions, Questions

Ah, questions, questions, questions! The fact is, life if chock full of imponderable questions, isn’t it? So, just to celebrate that fact, here’s a whole herd o’ questions for which I have never found a meaningful answer:

• Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn’t the company just hire taller dancers?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible black cinder which no decent human being (nor most self-respecting animals, either) would ever eat?
• Speaking of bread – since all sandwich bread is square, why do they make round sandwich meats?
• What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• If laughter is the best medicine, what does it mean when someone dies laughing?
• If milk goes bad when not refrigerated, why doesn’t it go bad in the cow?
• If a train station is where a train stops, what happens at a work station?
• Does a lightning rod on top of a church demonstrate a lack of faith?
• Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another? And why don’t they shrink when it rains?
• If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

Needless to say, there are plenty more where these came from! However, I’ll leave you with this one final question:

• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

By the way, if you happen to know the answer to any of these questions, then by all means feel free to chime in with it down there in the comment box. What the heck, if you feel particularly inspired, go ahead and make an answer up! I might even award extra points for the most creative answers.

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Hey, in case you’ve been wondering what’s happened to little ol’ me lately (and if you haven’t, then please don’t tell me!) – well, I’ve been a bit preoccupied with some, er, other stuff. However, there’s a great story happening on our front porch I just had to share with you. (You can click on the photos for a larger view.)

Not too long ago I discovered a bird’s nest built under the eave of our house, just outside our front door. Naturally curious, I grabbed a ladder and used my phone to take a photo – and found these four eggs in it!

They were light blue with black speckles on them, and of course I had no idea what kind of bird it was. However, not long afterwards, Mrs. MZM opened the door and spotted a reddish bird, about the size of a sparrow, flying away. After checking a few bird books (that’s books about birds, not books by bird authors, mind you), we came to the conclusion we were playing host to a family of House Finches.

Although I’ve not been too successful getting the male to have his portrait taken, I did manage to catch the female on the nest by stealthily sneaking up on her from around the corner. As you can see, she wasn’t fooled, and burst forth from the nest within seconds of this photo.

Only a few days later, I wanted to check on our friends to see if everything was still OK, so I took another photo of the nest – only to find three tiny little hatchlings, their mouths wide open and begging for a tidbit!

Hey, guess what y’all? It’s a boy! Or maybe it’s a girl? Well, whatever they are, go ahead and have yourself a bubble gum cigar!

Anyhoo – that’s what’s been happening around these parts lately. Among other things. Feel free to send congratulations to the happy couple if you like.

So, what’s new with you?

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I’ve really been busy the last couple of weeks, what with this and that looming large on my horizon (more on that Monday). So I thought I’d just take a minute to point you to last Friday’s post, Solve the Mystery, in which I posted a photo of a strange sign I found in a hotel not too long ago, and then asked if anyone could interpret it.

I still can’t believe how many folks stopped by and left a guess! As of this writing, there have been 26 guesses so far – some of ‘em quite hilarious – and one correct answer. Yep, that’s right, a big ol’ tip o’ the hat goes to Kevin E. Blake for figuring it out. (I’d pop in a link to Kevin’s website – but he didn’t leave one! Missed an opportunity there, Bubba! Just sayin’)

In case you’re wondering, I won’t keep you in suspense; it means “Ticket Counter”, and he even found the complete listing of international signs. Way to go, Kevin! Now, if you happen to see that particular sign in the future, you’ll know what it means.

But… there’s still a mystery here. If I’d stepped back and photographed the whole area, you’d see what I saw – there’s no ticket counter anywhere within sight of this sign! So I’m not sure it’s all that helpful. But maybe that’s just me, bein’ picky.

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Every now and then I run across something that totally stumps me. Like this sign.

I’ve wracked my brain (sound of brain being wracked), but so far have not come up with a meaning for this one.

Anybody got any ideas?

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Actually, I started out just posting this photo on Flickr.

But when my friend Joanna Young made a comment about it on Twitter the other day, I thought to myself; Self, that’s not a bad idea!

Her comment, if I can recall, was somethin’ along the lines of, “What, are you telling pictures with your photos now?”

Well, Joanna; I didn’t plan to, but what the hey!

p.s. If you’d like to know more, follow the link to the Flickr photo and read the description. Suffice it to say, I found this little drama unfolding in my backyard!

But my question for you today is this: What little dramas are unfolding right under your nose? You might be surprised! Take a moment and look around, won’t you? And if you feel like it, share it with the rest of us! I’ll leave the light on.

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Howdy y’all! Hey, it’s been a great barrel of laughs so far with this month’s What I Learned From Laughter groupwrite project! And for those who participated, a big ol’ tip o’ the hat to ya for making my week one long chuckle.

[& UPDATED!] [UPDATED] We had a whopping 43 entries this month (although it’s never about the numbers, y’know) and I thank you from the bottom of my Texas heart for joining us.

Here’s the entries, in the order that I found ‘em, plus a few of my own favorites from right here at the Middle Zone. Check ‘em out, won’t you? Heck, why not start a conversation?

• What I Learned From Laughter, by Lillie Ammann at A Writer’s Words, an Editor’s Eye
• Bad T’ings Mek Joke: Jamaican Humor, by Geoffrey Philp at Geoffrey Philp’s Blogspot
• What are your personal oxymorons? by Clare Lynch at goodcopybadcopy
• What makes you laugh? by Jackie Cameron at Jackie Cameron
• What I Learned From Laughter, by Monique Attinger at BraWise
• Didn’t See That Coming, by Lori Newman at When We Listen
• Laughing at the Small Stuff, by Karen Putz at A Deaf Mom Shares Her World
• A Collection of Funny Word Sell Posts, by Brad Shorr at Word Sell, Inc. (13 links)
• What I Learned From Laughter, by Luke Gedeon at Luke Gedeonn (8 links)
  
• A Funny Post Review, by Tabetha Gedeon, at Denim and Silk (5 links)

And of course, here’s some from Yours Truly:

• A (Very) Short Love Story: Ode to Number 9, by Robert Hruzek at Joyful Jubilant Learning
• No Sense at All, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• Dog Gone, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• What Life Would Be Like on the Moon, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• It’s Not Quite What it Seems, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• My Nose, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• I Think the Chicken “Got It!”, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• How to Make a Million Dollars, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• How to Destroy the Earth. Really. by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings

Hey, I want to thank all those who participated this month, and hope you enjoy some of the zany stuff that goes on here at the Zone. Don’t forget to drop by next month for another exciting episode of What I Learned From…

Oh, and of course, a tip o’ the hat to ya!

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OK; I think it’s time I, um, came clean about something, y’all. Yup; time to unburden my soul, so to speak, and get down the bare facts.

I freely admit it: My name is Robert, and I have…(sound of terrified scream) striped feet!

Blue Suede Shoes Sandals

Some years ago when I was working in Aruba (yes it’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it!), I was browsing one of the zillions of gift shops in Orangestad (which is the capital of Aruba, for you Geography buffs) and came across these amazing blue sandals.

From the moment I laid eyes on these babies, I was hooked! AND, the best part is, they only cost me 9 bucks! What a steal! As far as I’m concerned, nothin’ says “Hey, I’m I’m one totally cool and completely laid back Bubba!” like a pair of bright blue sandals like these, y’know?

I’ll tell ya; I wore those things everywhere (except, of course, church; I had a more, um, formal pair of sandals for that). Shopping, beach-combing, sight-seeing (although on a tiny island like Aruba you quickly run out of things to see) – I pretty much lived in ‘em when I wasn’t, y’know, working in the refinery. (I tried to find a pair of steel-toed sandals for work, but alas, no luck. *sigh*)

When the weather was hot (with a year-round constant temperature of about 95ºF, that’s pretty much all the time in Aruba) wearing sandals is almost, well, required. There’s simply no better way to keep the ol’ dogs cool in that climate, y’know? (Aruba is only a few degrees north of the equator, in case you didn’t know. If it wasn’t for the constant breeze, it’d be unbearably stifling!)

Besides, you’d probably stand out if you weren’t wearing ‘em. I mean, little children would point and laugh; dogs would chase you, and you’d probably be ostracized from polite society. (Just kidding; but you would be in a very small minority.)

Unexpected Consequences

But as luck would have it, I did discover one drawback to wearing sandals all day. And not only that, but this, well, catastrophe applies to sandal-wearing folk all over the world! Yep; one serious problem that no one seems to talk about.

It makes me wonder, why haven’t more people spoken up about this issue? Are there support groups out there we don’t hear about? I mean, this is something literally thousands – maybe even millions -  of folks are probably suffering from right this very minute.

Of course I’m talkin’ about (sound of terrified scream) striped feet

See, the thing is, even though no longer in Aruba, I still wear those sandals during the summer months (which is usually from late February through most of November here in Houston). After all, when you’ve got a good thing goin’, y’know.

But what’s really strange is, in all this time, up until just the other day, I never noticed that little, well, side-effect to wearing ‘em. And I must’ve been goin’ around with really noticeable stripes while in Aruba, considering the bright sunshine and all.

The Floor is Open!

Now, bein’ the Middle Zone and all, the aim here is to discover lessons learned from life, right? So, with that in mind, I sat down and tried to figure out (sound of grinding gears) just exactly what kinda lesson my sandals might be tryin’ to teach me, y’know.

AND… I got nothin’. Yep, you heard it right, y’all; I didn’t get a doggone thing! It kinda makes me wonder: is there a lesson to be learned from all this?

So… with that in mind, I thought I’d open the floor up for a sorta group discussion and let y’all tell me what I’m supposed to learn! Whaddaya say, folks? How about helpin’ me out here and contributing your suggestions down there in the comment box for me, won’t ya? Get as creative as you like – the more intriguing, the better.

I’m all ears, y’all; spread the word and let’s see how many ideas you can come up with!

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It’s just an ordinary unbrella.

In fact, as umbrellas go, it’s actually not really that good. Oh, sure; it keeps the rain off ya. But still; it’s kinda small, and not all that well-made. It hangs on one of the doorknobs on the inside of the doors to my home office.

Every time I close the doors (like when I’m on the phone – or, er, hiding from household chores), I see it hanging there. It’s not that it represents that big an investment (it cost me less than 4 dollars) or that it works particularly well (it’s so small it barely covers the heads of two people – and we’re talkin’ two really close people!)

If you go around the corner, in the coat closet are bigger, better umbrellas galore. There’s one or two that fold up really small, yet somehow manage to spread out to a quite impressive size. I’ve also got two “golf” umbrellas (so-called because they’re big enough to swing a golf club under without you or the club getting wet.)

Yet this one is my favorite. Why is that, you ask? Well, as you may have guessed, it’s because it reminds me of a special time, and a special place: this is the umbrella I bought underneath the Eiffel Tower on the day we visited back in April of 2000. (In case you’re interested, I recommend you read about that fateful day in my story, Ah, Paris in the Spring. Trust me, it’ s well worth it.)

Anyhoo; that’s the real value of this little inexpensive gizmo; that it brings back a rush of wonderful memories of Mrs. MZM and I when we were in Paris. And I’ll tell ya; there’s no way to put a price on that!

When you think about it, it’s amazing the power a simple little object can hold, isn’t it? In fact, there’s an amazing number of objects around our house that are simple little things – things like a stone, a piece of driftwood, or a garage sale purchase – that truly fill our hearts and minds with memories every time we see ‘em. I bet it’s the same at your house.

So What’s YOUR Object?

So for today, let’s share a few good memories together. Take a moment and pick out your favorite item around the house, won’t you? Maybe it’s something that reminds you of a wonderful friend, a devoted spouse, or even a beautiful view you’re reminded of.

Now, down in the comment box, why don’t you tell us what it is, where you got it, and what it brings to mind, won’t you? I’ll leave the light on for ya.

A while back, Mrs. MZM and I were toolin’ along through a fairly nice neighborhood when we noticed a pile of stuff stacked out by the curb of one particular house. There were, let’s see, several big palm leaves, assorted sticks and branches (obviously some trimming going on), and three or four large cardboard boxes.

But what caught our eyes were several of those bi-fold louvered doors like the one you see in this photo, stacked on top of the whole pile. As a matter of fact, it just so happened we’d been searching for some (they make good decorating items – and who says you can’t find ‘em, y’know, free!), so we pulled over to check ‘em out (sound of car, screeching to a halt).

How many times have you found something wonderful amid a pile of old stuff? Have you ever looked? If not, you might be surprised at what you’re missing! For instance…

It’s a Kind of Seque…

Did you know there’s an amazing amount of really good stuff located deep in the archives of the Middle Zone? (And how’s that for a segue?) Like what, you ask? Well, stuff you may have missed completely, or maybe even *ahem* forgotten about. And I’m tellin’ ya, there’s some pretty nifty gems there! In fact, each one of ‘em is sorta like a door, right? (cue the Twilight Zone music) A door to another time, and another place… well, you get the drift.

Anyway, I’m gonna make it easy for you to check some of ‘em out. So every now and then (particularly when things get a little busy ’round here), I’ll post a few links so you can check ‘em out. If you’ve already read ‘em, no worries. But if they’re posts you missed, then it may behoove you to go have a gander. Just sayin.

Let’s start with something I no longer do anymore: OOB. What in tarnation is an OOB, you ask? (And my, aren’t we full of questions today?) Well, it stands for “Out Of the Box”, and for about the first two years of the Zone’s life, it was a monthly collection of unusual, strange, and odd stuff discovered during the course of each month. The way I put it for OOB#1 was, “a few odds and ends that don’t necessarily have anything to do with anything”.

I stopped collecting these a while back, but still, I get a kick out of rereading ‘em every now and then. They’re filled with some truly memorable items, if I do say so myself! (And I believe I just did, right?)

Here’s a couple from ‘waaay back you might find worth a look:

OOB#3

OOB#4

OOB#5

Y’all have fun! (Also note, some references may be to things no longer ON the Middle Zone.)

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For some reason, my last post won’t show up in Google Reader. I’m wonderin’ if the mosaic image was too big. So, just for the heck of it, I’ll try a really short post. Sorta like that kid who wondered if his tongue really would stick to a frozen flag pole.

OK; I admit it – I’m one of those people who exhibits the infantile behavior of snickering every time I write the word ‘but’. Sorry; I guess it’s just one of those things I never grew out of.

So you’ll be understandin’ – and hopefully forgivin’ – my bad pun (which, me bein’ me and all, was entirely intended) when you consider the image I just had to include along with it.

Anyhoo -

Have you ever considered how, um, BIG that tiny little word ‘but’ can be?

For instance, the other day, I had to turn down a truly generous offer from a good friend. I’ll tell ya; it truly pained me to do it, too. It went something like this: “Your incredibly generous offer touched my heart, but – I just have too many things going on that weekend and just can’t make it.”

The thing is, when you turn someone down like that, I find it’s usually a good idea to put something nice at the beginning of that sentence. That way the blow is somewhat lessened, if you get my meanin’.

Sometimes ‘but’ can actually be a relief – as in, “Y’know, Larry, I’d love to help you move on Saturday, but – my pet lizard has his birthday that day.”

I’ve actually used a variation of this one (it wasn’t a lizard – let’s leave it at that), and I’ll have to admit; it’s sometimes difficult to hide the, y’know, glee in my voice. Gotta work on that one.

Every now and then, it heralds good news: “Susan, we’re having to let go your assistant, but, the good news is your deadlines are still rock solid!”

It’s sorta the ol’ “good news – bad news” thing. Never have been able to decide which I’d rather have first, though. Maybe the bad news first. Or, maybe not.

So what about you? Found any creative ways to use the word “but” lately?

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Photo credit: Elephant Butts, by lukiffer

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Fifty-five years ago, an unnamed doctor took one look at me and pronounced these now immortal words: “What in tarnation – ?” (Y’know; after all this time, I must admit the events of that day have become a mite unclear. But I’ll bet I weren’t none too sure about him either! I’m just sayin’.)

Anyhoo -

Yup; today happens to be my birthday (sound of one hand clapping). I am 55 years old young today, a remarkably symmetrical-sounding number that merely reflects my body’s age, not how I see myself.

I tell ya, there were times when there was serious doubt about me reachin’ this particular milestone. Like that time I drove my bicycle right in front of a truck because I didn’t yet know how to use the brakes! (Ended up in the hospital with a scratch or two.) Or the time I accidentally answered the question posed by an *ahem* former girlfriend: “Does this dress make me look fat?”

However, by the Grace of God (and a vast army of extremely diligent angels) I’ve made it this far, and I’ll tell ya Bubba, I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Yee-haw, y’all!

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Image: 55, by Eva the Weaver

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The other day I got whacked on the back of the ol’ hatrack by none other than the Queen of Blogging herself, my buddy (and hopefully yours) Liz Strauss.

Now, ordinarily I don’t participate in memes. Oh, I used to – but to be honest, they really don’t fit too well with the story-telling theme here at the Middle Zone.

Hey, it’s not that I mind sharing personal information. I mean after all, that pretty much describes every story I tell here at the Zone. But still, I gotta be careful what sordid secrets get revealed. I’d hate to be responsible for causin’, y’know, nightmares or anything in the general population of Upper Sandusky. Or of Lower Slobovia, for that matter.

But hey, what with the festive season now upon us – and because of who’s askin’ this time – I figured, what the heck!

Howsomever, bein’ the proudly nonconformist Bubba that I am, I decided to only list five things instead of seven. Hey, it’s my blog and I can do what I want, right? So here goes…

Five Things You May Come to Regret Knowing About Me

1. While a student at Texas A&M back in the ’70s, for a short time I wore my hair in an afro bigger than a basketball! It was quite a sight, I’ll tell ya! I remember sitting in my Sunday School class one day when the teacher stopped right in the middle of the lesson, pointed his finger at me, and in exasperation proclaimed, “There ought to be a law against having that much hair!” It was the highlight of my week. (He was, needless to say, somewhat follically challenged.)

2. I am a major procrastinator. But more about that, um… maybe later.

3. Although it may jeopardize my membership to the Manly Men’s Association, I freely admit I enjoy shopping with Mrs. MZM (sound of millions of men out there goin’ “Holy Moley, Bubba!”) Yep, it’s true. The fact is, we’ve always enjoyed it, especially at malls. Besides, it’s mostly, y’know, window-shopping anyway. But the best thing is it gives us a chance to engage in one of our favorite spectator sports – people watching. Take it from me, there’s plenty of folks out there who are downright hilarious. Next time you’re in a local mall, I’d advise you to be, as that great American philosopher, Elmer Fudd, used to say, “vewy vewy careful”. Otherwise, you may find yourself the subject a future post! Hey, I’m just sayin’.

4. It’s kinda hard to narrow it down to just one, but probably me an’ the missus’ favorite comedy movie ever is The Emperor’s New Groove. To this day, it can still lift our spirits – even if we don’t happen to be watching the movie at the time. Sometimes, if we’re feelin’ a mite down, one or the other can simply say the word, “llama” – and we’ll both inevitably burst into hysterical laughter. Hey, I’m tellin’ ya; if you enjoy laughing out loud, you owe it to yourself. Really.

5. In spite of everything – knowledge, education, er, prayer – well, I still have a thing about ants. I’ve been that way ever since I watched that classic sci-fi/horror show, Them! back when I was a kid (that’s human, not goat). To this day, I get the creepy-crawlies anytime I run across a trail of the evil little critters. Individual ants aren’t a problem, mind you; but when I see ‘em gathering in herds, well, I always gotta wonder if they’re just scoutin’ around for, y’know, the big boys back in the hive. I mean, you never know…

All right; I’m stoppin’ here before somebody calls those guys in the, er, white coats.

(Now, ordinarily I wouldn’t do this next part. But then again, ordinarily I don’t do memes either! But for strange some reason I’m feelin’ a wild hair comin’ on. Must be the weather, or somethin’. So what the hey, right?)

Now to tag a few unsuspecting victims ex-friends nice folks. Let’s see… OK; there’s a few folks I’d like to know a bit more about, such as:

Suzemuse

Tumblemoose

Christa Allen

Jackie Cameron

Tabetha Gedeon

And no worries, y’all – you’re free to carry this meme on or not, and on your own schedule as well – hey, it’s entirely up to you!

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Image: 5 by svenwork

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