Hey, it’s easy to have fun when you have a lot of, y’know, things to have fun with. I mean, who wouldn’t enjoy having lots of really cool stuff such as fancy clothes, a nice car, or a genuine pair of rocket boots? I mean, c’mon!

The thing is, the opposite can be just as true. You can truly have a lot of fun with very little. Hey, just ask the average little kid who has less fun with the toy than the box it came in. It’s mainly a matter of attitude.

Yeah, I’m always thinkin’ (sound of grinding gears) along these lines at this time of year, and it happens ‘cause of the Main Event. See, around these here parts, and more specifically our house, the Main Event is the annual Setting Up The Christmas Tree (sound of cheering).

The Main Event

Now, in a normal year, our tree makes its customary appearance like clockwork on the day after Thanksgiving. Although last year, in a rather daring and unprecedented move, we set it up the weekend before, thanks to a combination of Thanksgiving-day family get-togethers. (Mrs. MZM decorated the bare tree with a few pumpkins and some colorful leaves, just so it wouldn’t feel neglected and lonely. She’s such a sweetheart.)

Unfortunately, this year we got off to a kinda slow start – but I think we’ll leave that tale for another day. Suffice it to say, for the first time in quite a while, our tree didn’t get put up until the weekend AFTER Thanksgiving. (Oh the humanity! It was like… uh, like… darkness settled upon the land, and voices of young children cried softly in the night… Or something.)

Anyhoo, over the years we’ve amassed quite a collection of decoratin’ stuff, thanks to having traveled so much. We’ve got, let’s see, your typical spherical ornaments in various sizes and colors, some fairly old ornaments from Mrs. MZM’s childhood, as well as a veritable plethora of assorted little figures of angels, stars, etc. There are also things that fall into the “greenery” category (although most of them aren’t actually green but gold, silver or whatever). Finally (and these are my favorites), we have about a zillion glass icicles of various and sundry designs.

As I place each of the aforementioned items on the tree (I’m the designated tree trimmer in our household; Mrs. MZM does the rest of the house), I can’t help but reminisce about some of my own past Christmases, and the trees my family had back then. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s amazing how the decorations have changed over time.

An Old-Fashioned Christmas

OK, back to my initial point.

One year – I guess I was about 8 or 9 years old – my family decided that we would have an “old-fashioned Christmas” and cover our tree with nothing but hand-made decorations that year. Looking back, I realize it was a way for the family to economize, but issues like that were “above my pay grade”, if you get my meanin’. ‘Course, my sister and I didn’t notice that little detail; we were ecstatic because it meant we pretty much got to make everything ourselves! Definitely an “Oooh, shiney!” moment.

So – what’s the one essential ingredient to making homemade old-fashioned decorations? Why, popcorn, of course! Needless to say, this was gonna be a cinch. We immediately made, oh, about a barrel of popcorn (you have to make allowances for, er, attrition, if you follow me) and gathered all the necessary materials: brightly colored wrapping paper, karo syrup, and lots and lots of string.

Luckily, making popcorn decorations is really easy. With the paper you make cone-shaped baskets for holding loose popcorn. And, popcorn balls are easy to make with Karo syrup, don’cha know. The most fun, though was making endless strings of popcorn for garlands. Put ‘em all together and voila! you have an old-fashioned Christmas tree! Yeehaw!

Imagine, if you will, a veritable tornado of excited activity (accompanied by appropriate Christmas music, of course) surrounding a Christmas tree, and you’ll have a pretty good image of our decorating effort that afternoon. Within hours, it was finished!

I’ll tell ya; I’ve never forgotten the fun we had that Christmas. Imagine – nothing fancy, no expensive (or even cheap) ornaments, just popcorn, paper and string. What a great lesson for us as children – that we could have that much fun with so little. I’ve never forgotten it.

So what about you? Care to share a similar time in your Christmas past?

By all means, you’re welcome to pop it in the comment box below. Don’t worry; I’ll leave the light on for ya!

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By the way, the story doesn’t quite end there.

Once the excitement finally died down and the (inevitable) mess cleaned up, what was left of the day proceeded as usual. Around 5:30 or so, Dad got home from work; Mom (bless her heart) had dinner ready by six. Naturally, conversation during most of mealtime was about the fun we had making the decorations and trimming the tree.

Suddenly, we heard a soft, sorta swish sound coming from the living room. It stopped conversation dead, it was so unexpected. My sister was closest to the door to the living room, so she sneaked up to the door and peeked around the corner.

Did the Christmas tree fall over? Was Santa early? Or maybe it was a burglar, breaking in to steal those incredibly wonderful decorations we’d worked so hard on. I’m tellin’ ya, I was ready to jump up and defend them to the death!

Surprisingly, though, as soon as she got her head around the corner she started laughing. So, no burglar. At least, not exactly.

Apparently, we had completely forgotten about the cat.

Yep; in our absence, the cat (Napoleon Solo – named after the then-popular TV show, The Man From Uncle. Hey, what can I say?) had discovered all those delectable decorations and had climbed into the tree (knocking a few things off in the process) to partake of the feast thereof.

Who knew cats liked popcorn?

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Photo credit: Popcorn Strings, by flavouredechoes

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Been to a museum lately? One thing they’ll generally have a lot of: some of the world’s greatest paintings. As a matter of fact, I’ve even been privileged enough to have laid my very own two eyes on one or two of ‘em, too. Van Gogh… Monet… DaVinci… Yep; I’ve been blessed, I’ll tell ya.

Having said that, though, I’d like you to take a good look, folks, at what I consider to be my very favorite painting of all time. At the moment it’s currently hanging on a wall in my house. But don’t rush for your “World’s Greatest Paintings” Almanac; you won’t find it listed.

Like I said, it’s my favorite. Not because it was painted by a world-renowned artist. Naw, the fellow who painted this (a French painter named Maurice Legendre) isn’t all that well-known, in spite of having been in the art world for a considerable number of years. And no, not because it’s worth a fortune, either. Although … if it was, I could skip step #2 of my plan to make a million dollars! (Step #1: Find a job that pays a million dollars an hour. Step #2: Work 1 hour.*)

No, this painting is my favorite because it’s a souvenir – and a reminder – of the trip my family and I made to Europe back in 1970. (And… just because I really like it.)

See, my dad, who was an engineer at the time for a large global chemical company, managed to wrangle a 9-month-long field assignment to Europe, so naturally he did what anybody else would do if they could – turned it into an extended family vacation for the rest of us! (And lemme just add here, “Way to go, Dad!”)

At least, it was a vacation for us – he had to work. (And yes, my sister and I did have to attend school for the remainder of the semester. But hey, it was, y’know, in Europe!)

Not Quite Reality

Funny thing about paintings, though. No matter how realistic they look, they just aren’t, well, real, y’know? I mean, go to any museum in the world and check out all those portraits. I defy you to find one single pimple on any face. I mean, c’mon; what’re the odds?

No, paintings don’t necessarily reflect reality (although some artists certainly give it a good run for the money). Heck, these days even photographs can be manipulated such that quite often my first thought when I see a particularly unusual one is, “I wonder if it’s been photoshopped?” Hey, am I right?

Anyhoo, this painting was created right there on the bank of the Seine river, just beyond those trees on the right. How do I know that? Well, I remember watching as the artist finished it with swift, sure strokes. (At least, that’s how I remember it, anyway.) The scene is the famous Pont Alexandre III (which is French for “The Bridge Named for Alexander the 3^rd”) as depicted on a rather gray, yet surprisingly luminous, rainy afternoon. (Or is it morning? Hrm…)

But here’s the thing. If you were to actually stand at the painting’s point of view, it wouldn’t quite look like what you see here. As a matter of fact, there’s quite a lot in this painting that, as the sayin’ goes, “ain’t quite right”.

What’s wrong with it, you say? Well, for instance…

The day this was painted – it wasn’t actually raining at all! Nope; it was a beautiful bright and sunny summer day. Oh, and if you check photos of the real Alexander III bridge (you can find plenty on the Internet), the Seine River actually appears to be quite a bit wider than depicted here (although I suppose that could’ve been an artifact of perspective). And, according to my memory (which admittedly ain’t what it used to be – *sigh*), you won’t see the Eiffel Tower from that spot, either.

Oh yeah, and one more thing: see that sailing ship? In order to get a ship that size into that amazingly picturesque position, they would have had to remove every mast on it. Not that you couldn’t; but it would be a huge pain in the, er, nether regions! Even so, I’m not sure you could fit the doggone thing under the bridges – most of ‘em are pretty low to the water. (See that tugboat lookin’ thing next to it? That’s how low boats have to be to fit under most of the bridges across the Seine.)

A License To…

So what’s my point, you ask? Well other than the one on the top of my head, my point is this: so what?

Lemme put it this way. You know what a license is, don’cha? It’s when you get official, recognized permission to do something – as in a hunting license, a driver’s license, or a “license to kill” a la James Bond. But here we’re talkin’ about something a mite “less” tangible: a creative license.

See, painters, writers, inventors – pretty much everyone who’s ever done anything creative in their lives (and yes, that includes when you were a kid and you tried to explain to mom that it was actually your little brother – or was it the dog? – who broke that lamp and not you) all have this wonderful opportunity before them to not only express something inside of them, but to express it in their own uniquely special way. After all, the artist who painted this scene had the real thing there right in front of him. But, by adding his own interpretation to the canvas, made it something unique. It’s not a photograph, after all (and yes, you can be amazingly creative with those, too), it’s an expression.

Speaking on behalf of writers everywhere, I think it’s safe to say we all do something similar. (And no, I’m not admitting to, um, embellishing all the stories you read here at the Zone. C’mon; even if it were true, do you think I’d ever admit it?) [Note from the Proprietor: Just kidding, folks! They’re all true – to the best of my memory, anyway. Honest.]

What I’m sayin’ is, it’s not what we say that makes it unique, interesting, boring, horrifying, humorous or (fill in appropriate descriptive here) – although that certainly plays an important part. Nope; the thing that makes folks keep comin’ back for more is the way we say what we want to say.

It’s like having your own license – a creative license!

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* OK, I freely admit it: I borrowed my “how to make a million dollars” plan from one of Steve Martin’s comedy routines. But that doesn’t make it any less brilliant. I’m just sayin’.

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Morning Dew

Night fog lifted

Gentle morning dew

Dawn-kissed jewels

Sleeps lightly on summer grass

Refreshed and renewed

Awaiting a child’s playful tread

As I stepped out the other morning to head for work, I happened to take a few moments to admire the fresh coating of morning’s dew on our lawn. The way the myriad droplets were just beginning to catch the first rays of the rising sun was just… inspirational!

Few things inspire me to write poetry; I freely admit to being not too much of a poet. I dunno; bein’ an engineer and all, maybe I’m just too literal to be very good at it. But still… when I see something like this, it just makes me want to try. Hope you liked it.

[Note from the proprietor on the poem: Liked it? Hated it? Couldn’t care less? Hey, I’m not too old a dog to learn a few new tricks. If you have any critiques, comments, or suggestions – bring ‘em on!]

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Every Ingredient is Important

You know what a recipe is, don’t you? A few cups of this, an ounce of that, and throw in a handful of those for that little something extra. Then, you mix it all together, put it in the oven and bake for 18-22 minutes or until golden brown. (Sheesh; just writing this and my mouth is watering already!)

It’s something so familiar to most of us we even use the metaphor in other ways as well. For instance, let’s say you have some particular project in mind. What’s your plan – your recipe – for making it happen? See what I mean?

The problem comes when something goes wrong. Either you fail to follow the recipe exactly, or maybe get a bit confused about what to do when. That’s sorta what happened to me the other day.

There’s a particular show I love to watch on one of the cooking channels. The host not only teaches you how to make this or that, but he often laces his shows with why certain things work the way they do. It’s almost like an impromptu chemistry lesson – only it has to do with cooking and stuff. Very informative, and always fun to watch.

It’s fascinating how each ingredient in a recipe has a certain function, too. Although some are obviously just for flavoring or coloring, others perform in certain ways that, had they been left out, would seriously compromise the end result. Sometimes, a simple mistake turns what was supposed to be deliciously scrumptious into a colorless, tasteless blob of glop. (Trust me, this is experience talkin’ here. *sigh*)

It Seemed So Simple

Anyhoo – the other day I decided to make some pumpkin bread. (Yeah, you already know where this is going, don’t you?) That seemed like a simple enough thing, right? All I had to do was preheat the oven, open the box, dump said box’s contents in a bowl, add a few simple ingredients, mix, pour into the pan, and slide it into the waiting oven. Nothing to it. He said.

As it turned out, though, it wasn’t – quite – that simple. But it’s not my fault! Who knew the box had not one, but two different recipes on the back?

First of all, you could use the same mix for either pumpkin bread or pumpkin muffins. Wow, tough choice, I’ll tell ya – they’re both yummy. But, I started out making pumpkin bread, so I figured I might as well finish with it. Or so I thought.

The first thing that went awry was, after I dumped the specified amount of milk into the mix, that’s when I discovered the milk was for muffins, not for bread. Apparently I was supposed to use water instead. Hmph.

OK, I said to myself, I’ll make muffins then! Problem solved, right?

Then I realized I’d used the wrong amount of oil as well, getting them reversed as I did the milk. This time, though, the amount I actually used was right – for the bread, that is. It was, unfortunately, way too much for the muffins. Grbl grbl.

So what was I making, anyway? I wondered. The answer, it seemed was, Who knows? Still, I’ve successfully substituted milk for water before in other concoctions with good results, so I figured, still not a problem.

Finally, just for the heck of it, I threw in a cup of cranberries. Why? Hey, I like cranberries! Seemed like a good idea at the time, anyway.

A Little Minor Detail

The next question was a little more fundamental: which cooking time was the correct one? See, muffins are supposed to bake about 18 minutes (when in muffin cups, of course), but for bread, it was a surprising 40 to 45 minutes! So again, the question of what the heck am I making seemed to be relevant. (I had visions of pulling a smoking, black brick out of the oven here.)

Unfortunately I had no ready answer: was I making cranberry pumpkin breaffins, or pumpkin-cranberry muffibread? Or something never before seen on the planet? Only Heaven knew, it seemed and – at least so far – they weren’t talkin’. (Probably just as mystified as I was.)

Since there was really no way to know, I decided to set the timer for 20 minutes, then just watch and test the dough until the result was done. I poured the mix into a bread pan, popped it into the oven, and set the timer. Whew! Never have I  had so much trouble baking a simple little treat!

Nevertheless, in spite the annoying speed bumps, I finally managed to get the job done. My spirits lifted as I silently contemplated the tasty result. And that’s when I noticed that pesky little detail. You see those two eggs there in the photo? Well, after poppin’ my bread in the oven, I turned around and, still sittin’ there on the counter were those two eggs!

Time stood still for a moment as I contemplated – very briefly – just letting it go. But no, I was determined to eat something delicious this morning, whatever the cost. So I pulled the pan out of the oven, dumped it all back into the bowl and tossed in the eggs (minus their shells, of course!)

Back in the oven it went and finally it was well and truly time to sit back and wait to see what happened. I mean, after everything that had gone wrong so far, I would have been happy to just be able to eat whatever came out of the oven, y’know?

The Oven Test

Well, 30 minutes passed, and it was rising nicely – but not done yet. 35 minutes, 40 minutes, 45 – still not yet; a clean knife driven through the heart of the loaf (reminiscent of that gruesome shower scene in the movie Psycho) still came out with uncooked dough on it. Either this thing was going to end up light and fluffy – or that smoking black brick I had visualized earlier, I wasn’t sure which.

Finally, after 49 minutes, I dragged it out of the oven and set it on the rack to cool. Hmmm. Well, although it looked almost overdone, still, it wasn’t too bad. I gotta say though; it smelled wonderful! Maybe there was hope for it after all.

Well, I won’t keep you in suspense; my Frankenstein concoction actually turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself! Despite the violence done to the original recipe, the bread turned out moist and full of that delicious, spicy pumpkin flavor. And the cranberries I tossed in added just that little something extra I’d hoped for. Even I was surprised at how well it turned out; particularly considering all the things that went wrong.

Ah well, all’s well that ends well, I always say!

What Making Pumpkin Bread Teaches Us About Life

But wait! After all this discombobulation, you may be wondering just what the heck did it all mean, anyway? Was there, in fact, a lesson or two to be learned from such a zany turn of events? I mean, is there anything life has to teach us when what is supposed to be a dead simple recipe gets twisted up and all topsy-turvey?

And the answer is (all together now): why yes there is! In fact, there are several things we can learn when our so-called well-laid plans don’t quite go as we expect:

1. Read the Directions! All right; chances are you probably thought of this one just as soon as you started reading this little adventure. Yup; I guess the best lessons are usually the most obvious, aren’t they? I must admit I didn’t read the directions first but started out throwing this and that into a bowl. Even a cursory look at the box and I would’ve seen the two different recipes, and maybe none of this would have happened. Oh, I suppose, like a politician, I could always blame the box for messin’ me up here. But not even the box would be fooled on that score, right?
2. Every ingredient has its function. Sometimes it ain’t so easy to tell exactly what a certain ingredient adds to the final result. Oh, most folks know eggs are necessary for almost any baked good – but do you know why? It sometimes helps to know that sort of thing, just in case something goes wrong, y’know? Makes it easier to fix. As in life, I might add. My advice: don’t just do things “because”; do them because you know why you’re doing them.
3. Be flexible. One of the arguably more valuable things I’ve learned from life is the fact that, even when if things go perfectly (Q: have they ever?), something almost always happens you didn’t expect. Yep; that’s life all right, and it’s a laugh a minute, I’ll tell ya! The best way to cope with that sort of thing, though, is to be flexible enough to work with whatever comes your way. Sometimes you’ll have to make a few quick changes, or even be prepared to modify your expectations a bit (like my decision to *sigh* finally give up on bein’ a Spaceman). Just remember this: the only thing that stands a chance of rescuing even the most screwed-up outcome may be your flexibility.
4. Don’t leave an important step out! OK, like I said, some lessons are obvious. But despite the temptation to forge ahead anyway, lemme just say this: If you did forget something, then it’s definitely worth the trouble to take a step back and put what’s missing back in! I mean, there’s no telling how this thing would have baked up without those two eggs in it – but I’m absolutely positive it wouldn’t have been edible. I’d have probably ended up with something along the lines of that pumpkin-cranberry flavored brick I mentioned earlier. Sure it was a hassle; but it was worth it. Sometimes you gotta go backwards in order to go forwards, y’know?
5. Don’t forget to learn something! I’ll tell ya one thing; I’m not gonna make this mistake again soon! This was supposed to be a simple, easy treat, but it turned into an aggravatin’, teeth-grinding, trial of errors! I don’t mind tellin’ ya, I was about fit to be tied when I noticed them eggs sittin’ there, starin’ at me. Probably laughing at me behind my back, too. Well Bubba, it won’t happen again! I’ve learned my lesson quite well, thank you very much: know the recipe, follow the plan. Simple it is, but let’s keep it simple, shall we?
6. Don’t forget to laugh about it later. Hey, when everything is said and done, the fact is, more is usually said than done. And if you can’t get a chuckle or two out of it (given time, of course), then what’s the point, I ask ya? No matter what happens, you’ve got to keep a sense of humor about you or all is lost, y’know? Besides, when you’re a writer like me, it just makes a good story! Just sayin’.

Well, there you have it, folks. How I learned a few valuable lessons when a seemingly simple task turned into a near-disaster (at least, for my taste buds, anyway). To quote that great American philosopher, Captain John “Hannibal” Smith from The A-Team: “I love it when a plan comes together!”

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Sometimes it takes a different view of life to see past the “usual”. Maybe even… looking at things upside down?

Here’s an example of what I mean.

It’s Only a Shadow

There’s this beanery Mrs. MZM and I enjoy eating at not far from our home. Oh, it’s not that it’s anything special, exactly; it’s just that it’s in an area we enjoy just strolling around in. (I also like their bacon cheeseburgers, but alas, since startin’ this diet, I gotta cut back a mite. But that’s another story…)

Anyhoo, they have a nice outdoor seating area that, when the weather is nice, can be a great place to spend a few hours. (Sometimes there’s nothing more fun than just sittin’ and watchin’ people. Just sayin’.)

The afternoon sun had gotten a bit low, and it was time to head back to the house. As we threaded our way through the tables outside, I noticed the interesting light/shadow effects of a set of table and chairs on the patio. Naturally, I whipped out the ol’ phone and shot a photo.

It wasn’t until uploading the original photo that I had my first good look at it, though. A fine photo, if I do say so myself! I liked the near-monochromatic tones of the image, the delicate contrasts of light and dark. But then out of the blue, a somewhat whimsical thought struck me (sound of dull thud). What if I… turned the image upside down?

The results, as you can see, are pretty amazing.

There’s almost an, I dunno, Alice-in-Wonderland character to the chair shapes now that wasn’t there before. And all because I simply decided to look at the picture from a different point of view.

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept

So the question I have for ya today is, what mundane, ordinary things are going on around you right now? What if you looked at life from a completely different angle today? What remarkable and interesting things would YOU discover?

Why not try something fun? Here’s your mission for this week, should you choose to accept it. Find something ordinary; something you’ve probably seen a thousand times before and never gave a second thought. If possible, photograph it. Try looking at it differently, and see what you discover. Then, write about it. Link back to this post so we can all discover what you did.

Hey, what have you got to lose? Try it. You may be surprised!

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Photo: Shadow Seating, by Robert Hruzek

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Question: Do predetermined pathways dictate – or inhibit growth? Can they do both? Neither? What do you think?

Something I saw the other day made me think about these and a few related questions for a bit (which probably explains that gosh-awful noise you’ve been hearing lately).

On the Grid

Located right next to of one of my favorite local beaneries (Café Express in The Woodlands), there’s this geometric metal grid. It’s nothing special; merely an array of black-painted, square metal rods mounted on a wall. The building’s surface behind it is slightly bowed, causing shifting shadows from the afternoon sun to create a subtly-changing pattern within the rigid, perpendicular lines.

A vine, just beginning its quest for world domination, grows along the bars – first geysering vertically upward, then slithering horizontally outward. Its delicate, questing tips flow in a continuous snakelike spiral around the metal rods, seeking their boundaries as all living organisms tend to do.

Have you ever watched a climbing vine take over a trellis? As a pastime, it’s about as exciting as watching your hair grow, I’ll tell ya. But still… vines are ‘waaaay more interesting.

They initially follow paths created by the structural members of the trellis itself. You’ll see little questing tendrils twining ’round the bars, always heading upward and outward. In short order they thicken, and leaves appear along the strands. Occasionally a new stem pops out, going in yet another direction, all of ‘em racing away from the center of growth like an exploding green star – in slow-motion, of course.

Back at the heart of the mass of greenery, where the most mature growth is, you’ll eventually see the vines and leaves thicken until they begin to extend outside the directions initially dictated by the trellis itself. Soon, given time and the right conditions, there’ll be nothing visible of the framework that may (or may not) still hold the whole shebang upright.

Fruit of the Vine

C’mon, show of hands: Whenever you encounter limitations or boundaries – or have your pathways dictated for you – don’t you tend to become prone to the three R’s: Rant, Rave & Resist? But (and here’s the $64,295,176 question) then what do you do?

After wracking my brain for a few minutes (sound of brain, being wracked) I came up with several possible responses – fruit, if you will, of this particular vine of thought:

Stop – We can simply come to a stop, forgoing further growth in that particular direction. Is this a valid choice? Well, the answer is a most definite, “It depends.” Often we glibly forge ahead as if boundaries don’t matter. But sometimes it’s appropriate to stop going in a certain direction, isn’t it? Only you can determine if (or when) that point is reached, of course. Hey, all I’m sayin’ is, limits aren’t necessarily a bad thing; they may turn out to be a point beyond which it is not good to pass! (The edge of a 1,000-foot cliff comes to mind…) But is coming to a halt and growing no more the best choice?

Turn Back – You could, of course, turn around and go back. I mean, now that you’ve found your boundary, why try to go beyond it, anyway? After all, there’s plenty to seek and understand – and even explore – within the core of your own universe, right? Besides, there’s a certain vigor to be gained in growing bigger and stronger “within the core”, if you get my meanin’. But there’s an inherent danger of becoming “ingrown” if we turn back upon ourselves.

Change Direction – Just because you’ve hit a wall doesn’t mean you can’t keep growing. After all, there’s plenty of other directions you can choose other than going back the way you came. By fully exploring the boundary, you just may find a way around it. That’s how most people cross a river, by exploring in both directions until they find the best way, right? Nothing wrong with that. Besides, it’s still a new and unexplored path, filled with opportunity.

Upon further reflection (yet more grinding), there’s yet another choice, wouldn’t ya say?

Bust Through – There are certainly times when the right choice really is to bust right through that ol’ barrier and just keep on goin’. After all, human history is filled with great examples of that one. I mean, where would innovation and invention be if “beyond this point there be dragons” were the absolute last word on anything?

Ya Pays Yer Money and Ya Makes Yer Choices

Now, having carefully built the trellis and delineated the boundaries of choice for you here, it sorta begs yet another couple of questions, doesn’t it?

Let’s say you’ve encountered a limitation of some kind lately. (I know; it never happens to you. If that’s the case – pretend.) Now, which of the four options did you choose and – and perhaps more importantly – why?

OR… is there yet another option I failed to mention?

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Photos:

Geometric Growth 1, by Robert Hruzek

Spiral, by Robert Hruzek

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[Note: This is my entry for this month's What I Learned From... groupwrite project. The challenge this month is to share something I've learned about the topic of "Government". If you'd like to participate, you're more than welcome to join us. See the bottom of this post for details.]

The other night, Mrs. MZM and I spent a pleasant hour or two playing one of our favorite games, Rummikub (pronounced rummycube). It’s a lot of fun, I’ll tell ya, and if we’re not careful we can literally spend hours at it.

The thing is, I can usually win at least half the time. (That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!) And when I win, it’s kinda fun to, you know, celebrate a little.

Oh, it’s not like I jump up and dance around the room doin’ the Snoopy dance, or anything. But still, it’s fun to enjoy the moment.

Luckily, Mrs. MZM is a patient sort; stoically enduring these enthusiastic displays with little protest.

As I said, although the two of us are generally pretty evenly matched, this particular evening was different. I don’t know; maybe there was something in the air. Whatever it was, the bottom line is that I somehow managed to lose five games in a row (sound of anguished sobbing). It’s never happened before.

And as long as we were evenly matched, I had no problem enjoying the the game. But this time – and after losing the fourth game in a row – I have to admit to a definite, er, lack of enthusiasm.

Ain’t that always the case in life? I mean, when we’re winnin’ – or at least evenly matched – keepin’ the enthusiasm level up is usually pretty easy. But when we’re losin’ – well, not so much.

It’s sorta funny, though. I never thought of myself as a bad loser. I can generally handle that pretty easily. Sometimes it’s tough to take, but after all, there’s always next time, right?

But I suddenly realized I had been showing all the signs of being a, well, a bad winner.

The Day After

OK; I’m guessing that by now the people’s choice for the next President of the United States will be clear. (Oh, please, please let it be over now!) The votes have been counted, and we all know who the Next Man is going to be.

Furthermore, it’s probably safe to say that you fall into one of two groups. You’re either on the side of the winner – or the side of the, er, one who didn’t win. And thanks to this national event, we all get to learn a very important truth about ourselves. So here’s the question:

If your candidate won the election, and you’re in the former group and not the latter, what kind of winner are you?

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[Hey, y'all! If you'd like to participate in this groupwrite project, then by all means, join us! We're open for entries through this Sunday night, November 9. All you have to do is follow this link for details: What I Learned From Government.]

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[Note: Since we're in the middle of our "What I Learned From Stress" groupwrite project - and this article is stress-related - hey, I'm countin' this one too. You can join us if you like! Just click the link and read all about it! - Ed.]

Have you undergone stress in your job lately? Are things turning out different than what you expected? Has a situation come up lately at work that you have absolutely no idea how to handle?

Well, Bubba, if you can answer “yes” to any of these questions, then consider this poor fellow’s predicament…

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Upon returning to Charlotte after one of his famous Crusades, Billy Graham was picked up at the airport by an absolutely huge stretch limousine. I’m tellin’ ya, that was one impressive set of wheels!

As they headed home, Billy tapped on the glass and, once the driver lowered the partition, the two of them began discussing the particulars of the fabulous vehicle. As it turned out, the limo was brand new. In fact, it was the very first pickup the driver had ever made in it.

“You know, I have never driven a limo,” Billy said in that characteristic voice of his. “Do you think I could drive it?”

Somewhat taken aback, the driver wasn’t sure how to handle this one. So he tried stalling for time. “Well Mr. Graham,” he stammered, “I really don’t know if that’s allowed. After all, it’s a brand new car and I’m responsible for it.”

But as we all know, Billy Graham was nothing if not persuasive.

“Please, it would mean a lot to me,” he told the driver. “I’m a good driver and I promise you it will be all right.”

Finally, the driver pulled over and they swapped places. Unfortunately, Billy was not used to such a powerful car and unknowingly drove a bit too fast. Thus, it was no surprise that before too long they heard the sound of a police siren. Sure enough, a motorcycle cop was signaling for him to pull over.

As the officer sidled up to the driver’s side, Billy rolled down his window and handed out his driver’s license. The policeman, who of course instantly recognized Mr. Graham, took the license and, without saying a word, walked back to his motorcycle, fired up his radio, and called the Sergeant on duty.

“Sarge,” he called urgently, “I’ve got somebody really important pulled over for speeding, and I don’t know what to do!”

The reply was quick. “Who is it, the mayor?”

“No sir; more important than that,” the cop replied, sweat beginning to appear on his brow.

There was a short pause. “Don’t tell me you pulled over the governor!”

“No, Sarge, he’s way bigger than that!”

There was an even longer pause, followed by a somewhat hysterical reply. “Please don’t tell me you pulled over the President of the United States! If you did, you’re in a heap of trouble!”

“No sir, it’s not the President. In fact, I’m not sure who it is,” the distraught officer said. “But I have a feeling it could be God, ’cause Billy Graham is his driver!”

It Happens to All of Us, Sooner or Later

OK; show of hands. How many of you have ever felt like that poor hapless police officer? Yup; thought so.

Truth be told, you’re probably not alone. Nearly all of us have been in situations where we had no idea what to do next. So it’s kinda pointless, don’t you think, to ask the question, “So, uh, what did you do then?”

Ah, but wait! (I know; that sounds like the come-on from an infomercial, but bear with me a few more moments here.) Maybe there’s more to this that meets the eye. Could there be a glimmer of hope for all of us poor shmoes (note – rhymes with “toes” – Ed.) who’ve suffered those awful moments when utter confusion finds us locked into a feedback loop of epic proportions?

One thing about a personal crisis – it always seems like such a wall, doesn’t it? And not just any ol’ wall; no, we’re talkin’ a high, smooth, unscalable wall that stretches to infinity and beyond – in both directions. There’s no way to see what’s on the other side, and the only thing you know for sure is that it hurt like heck when you run smack-dab into it!

If you’re anything like me (and if so, then my condolences), you’ve experienced one or two of these moments in your life, I’m sure. Maybe more than a few. And it occurs to me that for you, like me, there is one thing we can say for sure about surviving a crisis.

Yep; one thing we know, and can agree categorically to be true, from personal experience. Are ya ready? (Maybe you might want to get a pencil and write this one down, folks.) OK, here it comes: We survived.

(sound of crickets…)

Hrm. Well, that didn’t exactly generate the rousing chorus of applause I was hoping for. OK, I realize this statement may not seem like all that, of course. But think about it for a moment (sound of millions of grinding gears). The fact is, you’re here now. And once, you were, you know, there.

So, ask yourself: How in tarnation did I get from there… to here?

What to Do When You Have No Idea What to Do

May I humbly suggest at least one or more of the following things:

Throw a Hissy Fit

I’ll be the first to admit, you probably won’t find this step in most “How to” manuals. And maybe you didn’t do something quite so dramatic (unless you’re a, you know, drama queen – in which case I say: go for it!)

The fact is, hitting a wall hurts. It doesn’t feel good at all. You may just want to feel frustrated, disappointed, or downright angry. Especially if the situation isn’t, you know, fair. (Um… need I point out that life, well, isn’t? No? Good.)

So I say: Hey, go ahead and feel the way you want to feel! After all, you’re human, right? (And if you’re not, then please don’t, er, eat my face or anything.) You are a living, breathing, feeling person, so go ahead and allow yourself to feel, OK? It’s perfectly natural.

Oh, don’t get me wrong; bouncing back is important. Very important. But too many times we try to rebound without allowing ourselves time to feel the emotions that are actually in our hearts. Give yourself that time to purge yourself.

Think of it as therapy. Go ahead; you’ll be glad you did.

Get Back Up

There’s an interesting little word picture the Apostle Paul uses in the Bible to illustrate spiritual battles. (What? You didn’t realize you’re in a [non-physical] war? Better wake up and smell the gunpowder, y’all!)

Paul likens it to putting on the armor of a Roman foot soldier. Along with a helmet, there’s a girdle (it sorta pulls all the loose ends of the toga together so nothing flies free while in a battle), a breastplate, leg and foot coverings, a shield, and a sword.

Now, you put all that stuff on and you’ve got one formidable warrior! Then, once the battle begins and those attacks come (which he likens to flaming darts or arrows), hey, they just bounce right off. But then he says something interesting. He adds, “… and having done all, to stand…”

Now, what does that mean? Well, to me it means that no matter what – no matter how hard or how frequent the enemy strikes you, even to the point of causing you to fall down – well, if you can do nothing else – not even fight – then at the very least, get back up!

See, if when you’ve been knocked down (and trust me; it happens to all of us), and then get back up again, you’re making a very important statement. You’re saying, “I’m not quitting! I’m not giving up! I’ll come back!”

But when you’re lying there, you’re saying, “I quit! I give up! Leave me alone!”

So which one of these two would you rather be? Yep; thought so. Good for you!

Try Something New

You remember the definition of insanity, don’t ya: Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. I gotta admit; I’ve not only been there, but I’m pretty sure I once owned a condo there. Talk about frustrating! So why not try something different? Truth be told (and I despite what you may have heard), it probably won’t kill ya! No, I’m serious.

Why are we so resistant to doing things differently? I mean, it’s true that for the most part, we all hate change – even when we say different. But even though we might have to be dragged, kicking and screaming into something new, more often than not we find out it’s really not so bad “on the other side”. Ever experienced that? Yup; me too.

So why not shock yourself – and the rest of the world – and head for the change on purpose (sound of shocked gasps)? Not only will it change the way you look at things, it’ll put all those watching you off their guard. Heh-heh-heh…

Take a Step Back

Y’know; before you hit the wall, and maybe even before you started doing that thing you were doing when you hit the wall, you were doing something, right? Then maybe the thing to do is just keep on doing what you already know to do.

After all, chances are fair to middlin’ that at least something you’re doing is perfectly OK, right? I mean, you’re breathin’, right? Well, that’s good; go right on breathin’ then. How about sleeping? Are you still sleeping at night? (All right; these are slightly silly examples. But so what? Made ya think, didn’t it?)

Chances are, though, that going back and simply continuing on with those things we know to do – and actually, you know, work – will give us a valuable commodity to play with: time. Time to figure out just what you really want to accomplish.

Ah, time! What a luxury to have the time to think things through for a change, eh? Well, by keepin’ on keepin’ on, you just might gain the time you need to do that very thing. Pretty neat, huh? (See? Proof: That thing my hat is resting on ain’t just a hatrack!)

(Your Suggestion Here)

OK, lest I write too much and close the book on reader’s contributions, I’m stoppin’ right about here. (Actually… I’m stopping exactly here.) Besides, I think the pump is primed enough by now, don’t you?

So what about it folks? What are the things you find yourself doing – when you have no idea what to do? Share them, if you would. Or maybe you’d care to add, modify, supplement, rebut or stomp on any of mine. It’s all right; I can take it!

Hey, the comment box is open; tell us what you think.

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It’s not exactly the Question of the Ages. But still, it kinda makes you wonder:

How does one make the connection from a horse’s rear to a Space Shuttle?

Then again, maybe it is the Question of the Ages.

Either way, it’s an interesting question, don’t you think? I mean, notwithstanding the obvious jokes about horses’, er, posteriors, this is actually a great opportunity to illustrate a very simple, yet powerful learning technique. What you do, see, is pretend you’re 4 years old.

For those of you who have young children (or have been around them for more than 2.43 minutes), take a moment and think about what their most *ahem* endearing quality might be (sound of clock ticking – ding!). Right you are!

They love to ask, “Why?” And what’s more, every single freakin’ answer you give only serves to regenerate the feedback loop with yet another “why” question. Every. Single. Time.

The funny thing is, it’s a technique most consultants find quite useful, too. No, really! The main difference is, we usually recognize when the person being asked the questions is about to explode… so we stop. The beauty of this technique though, is, if we ask enough “why” questions, we’ll soon get to the *ahem* bottom of matter. (Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Sorry.)

Have you ever tried it?

I’ll illustrate what I mean with this little story I recently ran across:

Consider… the Railroads

The U.S. standard railroad gauge (which is the distance between the centerline of the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. Now, you may realize (or you may not) – that’s an exceedingly odd number. Why on earth was that particular dimension used? Well, as it turns out, it’s because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads. But let’s not stop there; let’s keep asking “why” and see where it leads.

Why then did the English build them that way? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used. OK, I’ll buy that. But why did they use it? Aha! It’s because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that particular spacing between wagon wheels.

All right, then why did wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts. (Think of it as, “finding the groove”, so to speak.)

Huh? Wheel ruts? What’s that got to do with anything?

Now, at this point ya gotta be asking yourself, who built those old rutted roads? Well, as it turns out, it was Imperial Rome. They built the first long distance roads in Europe (and in England) for their legions. And, they’ve been in use ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Pretty interesting, actually.

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which of course everyone else had to match – for fear of destroying their own wagon wheels. And, since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, all wheel spacing was the same.

Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. How wonderfully convoluted is that?

But hold on, pardners; it gets better.

So, the next time you’re handed a Specification (or a Procedure or even a Process) and that little thought crosses your mind, What horse’s backside came up with that? well, you may be closer to the truth than you think.

The fact is, Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses (as in, two horses’ rears). Ironic, huh?

Bureaucracies Live Forever.

Now for, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the story.

So let’s consider… the Space Shuttle on its launch pad. See those two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank? Those are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs (think of them as humongous, and very expensive, bottle rockets). It just so happens that all SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

Engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by rail from the factory to the launch site in Florida. Now, the railroad line just happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, so naturally the SRBs had to be designed to fit (otherwise you just end up with two humongous, very expensive, er, corks).

The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ backsides. Therefore, one of the major Space Shuttle design features (the diameter of the boosters) of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by – yep, you guessed it – the width of a horse’s rear.

And all this time, you thought being a horse’s rear wasn’t important!

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OK, OK, if you’re like me (and if that’s the case, then sincere condolences are in order), you probably wondered if this story was, you know, true. Surprise! It’s… not. The fact is, there are plenty of discrepancies that can easily be disputed.

But so what? Even Snopes opens its rebuttal with the words: “This is one of those items that – although wrong in many of its details – isn’t exactly false in an overall sense…” (Huh? “Isn’t exactly false”? Try using that defense in court!) No, the point is, it still illustrates the power of asking, “Why” ad infinitum.

So the next time you’re faced with something inexplicable, try turning into a 4-year-old. Hey, you never know what you might learn!

Tell Me About It

So what about it, folks? What was the most amazing, interesting, outrageous, ridiculous, crazy, profound, surprising, or (insert descriptive here) thing you’ve ever learned – just because you dared to ask “why” more than once?

Photo credits:

Don’t be a horse’s [ed. - "rear"], by sfPhotocraft

Maine Central Railroad, by mjsawyer

Space Shuttle Discovery, by GISuser

[Note from the Proprietor: In case the aliens have only last night returned you to Earth and you missed it, before you proceed I highly recommend you first go here and read Part 1. I'm just sayin'.]

OK, the question before the jury, ladies and gentlemen, is from Brad Shorr’s post, “Try”:

What do you do when you hit a brick wall?

Before going on, let’s quickly review where we ended up at the end of Part 1 (and remember, we’re interchanging the words brick wall with the words problem or challenge): Every time we encounter a challenge, there are two things that usually dictate how we’ll respond:

• Worth - Is the prize worth the struggle?
• Motivation - What’s my motivation?

Alrighty then; now that we’re up to speed, let’s move on. You may recall that Part 1 ended with a call for contributions to that vast repository of information known as the General Body of Knowledge. Well, time’s up (sound of buzzer)! Remember, as is typical in life, generally there’s more than one answer to any question of this nature.

The Readers Speak Up

Let’s pass the microphone over to you guys for a bit and see what you had to say. (Please note this is not a definitive list, it’s just to get the ol’ brain cells to tick over once or twice.)

• Trust Your Feelings. One way Jackie Cameron recognizes a brick wall is when “things don’t feel right”. Very astute, Jackie! Many times, if we’ll tune in to our surroundings we can often sense “something” isn’t right – even if we can’t tell what, exactly it might be (the “drat; I know I’m missing something here” syndrome). Life Lesson: Never underestimate your own intuition! I’ll tell ya; it would take a whole herd of books to catalog all the times I’ve been saved from disaster by stopping to just “feel out” the situation. (OK, let’s be honest here; it was mostly Mrs. MZM’s intuition, not mine, but let’s not quibble details, shall we? Me, I tend to blunder ahead like a brontosaurus.)
• Break It Down. Brad Shorr likes to break the challenge down into smaller pieces and take them one at a time; eventually they get easy enough to solve. It’s the ol’ “start in the middle” technique. This is a good one if the challenge is made up of lots of little things that can be done independently (if you think about it, many challenges may be like this; come to think of it, it’s how I wrote this particular blog post). Life Lesson: Identify the components a challenge is made up of and do the easy parts first. Sometimes a challenge is like a big, tangled knot; once you manage to work loose even a tiny part of it, it’s the key to unraveling the rest! So rather than get all hot n’ bothered about the parts you can’t do, work on the ones you can.
• Leverage Past Successes. Similarly, GL Hoffman leverages his experience to overcome challenges. Hey, you already know it can be done; it’s just a matter of repeating it. Of course, it’s a bit more powerful if you’re the one who did it, but still. Life Lesson: Take advantage of experience whenever you can. You know; you may find that most challenges fall into categories, each of which takes certain techniques to solve. Look for examples you can use to solve them. Why reinvent the wheel, anyway?
• Confront It. Another method is a kindof “look yourself in the mirror” technique. Jackie Cameron also likes to just ask herself, out loud, “OK you – just what is the problem here?” Notwithstanding the talking to herself thing, I’d say this isn’t bad. Have you ever been around someone so negative you just wanted to slap ‘em silly give ‘em a good shake say that to? Yeah, thought so; me too. Life Lesson: Sometimes you have to confront the problem right to its face. There will inevitably be times when it’s good to just point your finger at the problem and ask, “So what’s the problem here?”
• Seek Inspiration. Now here’s an interesting one. When stuck trying to write a poem or a story, Marcus Goodyear seeks inspiration by reading similar material. Can’t say I’ve ever purposefully tried it, but it sorta rings true just the same. I mean, there’s nothing like a good story to inspire another one, you know? (Seriously; just observe a bunch of guys in any gathering as they attempt to “one-up” one another’s stories.) Life Lesson: Good examples can sometimes provide keys to unlocking a challenge. It’s like Amy Palko’s photography: it inspires me to try something similar – and I’m not even a photographer!
• Question Everything. Karen Hanrahan likes to utilize lateral thinking when faced with challenges (yes, that’s what you’re doing, Karen!) By writing it all down in a journal she ends up with a “bird’s eye view” of the problem. It’s sorta like reading out loud – things just sometimes look different once they’re on paper. She finds it often provides the key to solutions. Life Lesson: Try examining the situation in a different way. A fresh look at the challenge may evoke things you may have missed. Asking for input from friends or trusted advisors can be very helpful – they’re not attached to the challenge like you are.

What About Bob?

Along about now you’re probably asking, “OK, Mr. Wisenheimer, so what about you?”

Well, after I’ve done the “run in circles, scream and shout” bit, and before I hit the panic button, I tend to approach challenges like… water.

You remember the water, don’t you? You remember how it behaved when it came up to a barrier of some kind, right? It eventually built itself up until it either went around, over, under or through whatever was in the way.

That’s the way water works. Given enough time (and as long as the water kept building), it simply couldn’t be contained.

In fact, it’s a little like project management: You just keep adding resources until the challenge is met and overcome. Then rinse and repeat for the next one. (Note: “Resources” is a word that includes just about anything you might need to accomplish something. Time, people, money, knowledge, etc. – they’re all resources.)

But what if your resources are limited, you ask? Once again, good question!

Well, I’ll tell ya; it’s hard to imagine you would ever run out of resources as long as you’ve got your friends out here! With the tools we have at our disposal these days, you can pretty much count on finding help for just about any challenge you may face. Why, just the other day I had a simple MS Windows question, and I used Twitter to get a quick and accurate answer (Thanks Chris!). Time expended: less than 5 minutes!

Now that I think about it, I realize that I’ve used most of the methods above at one time or another. And perhaps that’s the best lesson of all: There’s more than one way to do just about anything!

Talk to Me

So what about it, folks; what techniques could you add to this list? (C’mon; you know you want to!) When was the last time you overcame an insurmountable challenge? What did you do?

Expectations, n. things looked forward to; things regarded as likely to happen

All right; I’ll admit it right up front. The main reason we chose Hawaii as the destination of choice for our honeymoon was because I wanted to go someplace exotic and out-of-the-ordinary. Having been born and raised in Houston, Texas, it was a place so far out of my experience that I knew it would make our first few weeks together all that more memorable. Thus, I had rather high expectations (and not just because it was our, you know, honeymoon).

Now, before I go on, let me just say this: the entire experience was far beyond anything I ever imagined. Although we spent all our time on Kauai (except for the airport on the big island), we still managed to pack in quite a bit of excitement, adventure, and wonderful experiences. Truthfully, it was enough to last us a lifetime.

I have to say, though; at the very beginning, my expectations took a bit of a beating.

Expectation #1: Nice Digs

For instance, we reserved a suite at this resort, complete with lanai (which is essentially a large balcony) and a king-sized bed. Naturally, we expected a nice place – I mean, this is Hawaii, right?

Well, the room was pretty nice, I’ll give it that. Although it was pretty much the usual tropical resort-type place, it did have a fantastic view of Hanalei Bay (the room in this particular photo is pretty much exactly like our room and our view), and the lanai had a nice table and chairs on which we ate breakfast every day. But (and this was a BIG ‘but’, baby!) it had a double bed, not a king!

Now, I can tell you from experience, someone my height won’t fit on a double bed. So we called the owner of the suite and complained (not that there was much that could be done about it at this point, but still). She didn’t seem bothered at all that she had lied to us about the size of the bed (we specifically asked for a king). I mean, she had our money, so there wasn’t much we could do.

But the kicker was when Mrs. MZM told her I was too tall for the bed. You know what the owner’s brilliant solution was? And I quote: “Oh, no problem; just pull the couch over to the end of the bed and he’ll have plenty of legroom.” Unquote.

Well, as I said, we had certain expectations as far as accommodations. Alas, the reality was somewhat, er, less.

Expectation #2: Sunshine

I’ve already written (earlier this week) about the fact that our stay was somewhat, er, “solar-radiantly-challenged”. (This photo is exactly what Hanalei Bay looked like. Except for the gray, rainy skies. And, er, brown water. Click on it for a spectacularly larger view.)

Hey, when you go to Hawaii (or any vacation island destination, for that matter) one generally assumes there’s going to be plenty of sunshine and blue skies. I mean, it’s in all the pictures, right? (Yes, I know it rains a lot in Hawaii; how else would that lush foliage survive? But they still generally have plenty of sunshine, too.)

Again, the reality was less that expected.

Expectation #3: Great Island Experiences

I think I also mentioned the fact that our visit happened to be during the “off” season. What that meant was that many of the quaint little shops were closed, and in fact a lot of the more “mainstream” tourist attractions were, too.

See, in Hawaii, there’s at least one experience you simply must enjoy; it’s the epitome of the Hawaiian experience: you must, at all costs, attend a luau. Usually, the biggest challenge is picking one; they’re literally everywhere (at least during the tourist season, that is).

An authentic luau can be quite elaborate, with wonderful entertainment, native costumes and the inevitable hula lessons (something you can’t avoid if you’re going to visit Hawaii). Naturally, the best ones are at night (flaming torches makes the best lighting), and held outdoors (that photo is the sort of thing we’d, um, hoped for).

Alas, because this was the, you know, off season, the choices were somewhat limited. In fact, there was only one available on the entire island! But, we shrugged and went anyway, hoping for the best.

Well, this one was held in a sortof large barn-like structure with open sides; not out in the open like we’d hoped. (Probably a good thing since it pretty much rained most of the time anyway.) And, it had electric lighting, no torches. To make matters worse, the food was really not all that great, and the man across from us was totally drunk and rather obnoxious; we could tell his wife was pretty embarrassed.

Ah, well; yet again, it was less than expected *sigh*.

The Key to Managing Your Expectations

By now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Man, this guy has nothing good to say about anything! Who is he, anyway – that new superhero, BummerMan?” But hold on there, Buckaroos; we’re headin’ for a point if I can just figure out what it is (sound of crowd grumbling and getting restless).

OK; so here’s my point.

Expectations are good things to have; in fact, I’d even go so far as to say we need ‘em. They give a point of reference, and – dare I say it? – even something to hope for. They serve as indicators that let us know what we’d planned or expected would happen, actually has.

The problem, though, is that expectations can sometimes get, for want of a better term, too big for their britches. You know what I mean, right? Let’s say you’re planning something (it doesn’t matter what), and you’ve got every last detail worked out. I mean, there is absolutely nothing left to chance. Everything is going to go your way, and that way is… perfect.

Um… yeah.

You know it’s true: hardly ever does anything go perfectly. In fact, the more planning that’s required, the more likely whatever-it-is will go awry, if you know what I mean. You might as well just face the fact that life is never perfect. It follows, then, that if when you have expectations, then sometime, somewhere, you’re going to experience disappointment.

So what’s a person to do? Never ever plan, hope or even dream, again? No, of course not, ya big galoot (sound of fist pounding on desk)!

The key to managing any expectation can be summed up in one single word: flexibility. Yep; that’s the secret. And that one word is the thing that saved us from disappointment on our trip. Oh, don’t get me wrong; we were still disappointed when some of our expectations weren’t met; at least temporarily.

But by allowing ourselves to be flexible enough to creatively respond to each disappointment, we turned what could have been a not-so-great moment into one that, even now, still brings back fond and wonderful memories.

For instance, to this day we hardly remember that ridiculously short bed. What we do remember, though, are the breakfasts we enjoyed every morning on our lanai, surrounded by lush tropical vegetation and entertained by a couple of cardinals that seemed to think we had invaded their own personal space. They were so unafraid of us, they practically hopped in our laps as we ate!

And the lack of sun wasn’t really that much of a problem, either. It certainly didn’t stop us from checking out all the incredible sights: picturesque waterfalls, beautiful beaches, incredible mountain vistas and spectacular ocean views. (Although because of the constant rain, all our pictures came out sorta dark and gloomy.) But because we were willing to stay flexible in all things, why, everywhere we went, we’d stumble across yet another surprise (like, f’rinstance, that time we accidentally stumbled – literally! – upon a couple of nude sunbathers!)

Expectations can be good; they give you something to look forward to. But managing your expectations with a liberal dose of flexibility will allow you to enjoy life so much better. That way, even when things don’t – quite – go like you expect, well, you can still have an experience just as good (or even better).

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Yes, today marks the 26^th Anniversary of the day Mrs. MZM and I gazed into each other’s eyes and proclaimed to all who happened to be present those two powerful, life-changing little words: “I do.”

I find it rather appropriate, then, that we just sorta happened to end this series of posts with that particular word, flexibility. Honestly; it wasn’t planned.

But if there were one single word that characterized how Mrs. MZM and I have coped with the ups and downs of our years together, it would be that one. Of all the blessings God could have given us, that one quality is what continues to turn every day into an amazing adventure that never ends.

You know, I am still completely overwhelmed with the amazing and wonderful fact that, of all the people God put on this planet, this wonderful woman agreed (finally!) that I was the one - and said “YES!”

That is something for which I will be forever grateful.

Happy Anniversary to the Love of My Life!

__________________________

For the rest of our Hawaiian Honeymoon adventures, see:

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 1: Dignity; Always Dignity

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 2: When Skies Are Grey

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 3: Underwhelmed

Surely you’ve heard the expression, “leave no stone unturned”, right? Sure you have! (I know, I know – and don’t call you Shirley.) Um, you’ll usually hear or use it while searching for something you know you have, but just can’t quite remember where you left it…

It’s often accompanied by a sense of panic (“… now where did I put those car keys?”), frustration (“Drat! I know this answer!”) or downright anger (Well, don’t ask me – I just handed it to you! – words which are usually followed by “you big doofus” or something, er, similar.)

But turning stones need not always be a negative concept, you know. It could also be related to… curiosity. Even as a kid (come to think of it, especially as a kid!) whenever there was something interesting in my path, I just had a natural inclination to stop and investigate it. You know what I mean.

When I came across a log, I couldn’t just step over it; oh, noooo. I had to get down on my hands and knees and check out what was underneath (ooh, lookit the pretty bugs). And if I encountered a stream, well, I simply had to put my fingers in it (gee, that’s a powerful wet, that is). A stone? Well, it might as well have had the message printed on it: Please turn me over.

It was like, I don’t know, a rule or something.

Over the years, that curiosity has occasionally gotten me into big trouble. You know that expression, “Curiosity killed the cat…”? Well, there was this one time…

On a trip to the beach at Galveston once (I was a tender young lad at the time – perhaps 3 or 4 years old) I was exploring the constantly shifting waterline when I found something really, really interesting (all right; it was shiny, OK?) Naturally, I picked it up; I mean, what kid wouldn’t?

Unfortunately for me, the shiny-looking object turned out to be a Portuguese Man O’War, (a type of jellyfish) washed up on the beach from the night before. (The photo at left is very likely what I saw half-buried in the sand. It’s not much to look at, is it?) Extremely bad news; this little critter’s toxin has been known to kill grown men.

Within moments, my hand, arm, and basically my entire little body went into a spasm of pain unlike anything I’d ever experienced before (or since, for that matter). Fortunately I was able to scream my head off before passing out – at least, enough to get help.

I don’t remember much else except ending up in the hospital. Although… there was the thrilling experience of tearing through downtown Galveston at high speed with a police escort. Now that was entertaining! (Don’t know why I remember that; but I do.)

Ah well; all’s well that end’s well, don’t you think? (After all, I’m still, you know, here.)

Anyway, back to the subject of curiosity…

See, to a child, the need to explore their world is pretty much, well, hardwired. After all, it’s how they first learn about their surroundings. Sadly, I think there’s a tendency to lose some of that curiosity bump as we get older and *ahem* “education” kicks in.

So what’s happening? Are we letting our education neurons displace our curiosity neurons as we get older? Has sophistication set in (a process not unlike the curing of very slow-setting concrete), and we can no longer allow ourselves to be interested in new things?

In other words, have we lost the freshness of life?

All I can say is, without the lure of curiosity, life would be dull indeed! No more challenges, goals, hopes, dreams… heck, there’d be no point in writing – and nothing to write about!

You want to exercise your curiosity? You can, you know – and it’s easy!

The next time you’re just strolling along, minding your own business – well, stop what you’re doing and, do something completely different! That’s right, friends; break out of the mold! Do something, as Monty Python was wont to say, completely different!

C’mon; take a chance you wouldn’t normally take! Heck, just turn the stone over!

[UPDATE:]

Augh! I completely forgot to mention (just washed my brain and can’t do a thing with it – sorry!) this post is my contribution to Joanna Young’s December theme, curiosity. If you’d like to contribute your thoughts, write a post or donate an organ or something to the topic, then why not drop by and see what it’s all about! Aren’t you even a little bit curious?

Alt. title: Why I Write Like Jethro Bodine (and thanks for the inspiration, Brian!) 

Has this ever happened to you? You hear a few words (or read them); perhaps some innocuous event occurs – or it could even be an encounter with a particular object – and suddenly you find yourself confronted with, or reminded of, a powerful memory?

Well, that happened to me the other day as I was reading an interesting article at Copyblogger from guest writer Brian Lash.

It was a stark and dormy night – er, sorry; wrong story. OK, let’s try that again…

A Simple Writing Assignment

I must have been in third or fourth grade (that would make me about 9 or 10 years old), and my English teacher had given us an assignment to write an invitation, addressed to our parents and their friends, for some big upcoming school event; I don’t remember what it was.

It wasn’t just a “date/time/and bring the kids” type of thing, either; we had to describe the event and explain why they should come. (I have no idea why such a writing assignment was given to us grade-schoolers, but what the hey.)

Anyway, I was pretty good in the English department (or so I remember – and I’m sticking to that story!) so as I thought about how to do my assignment, I was struck (sound of dull thud) by a sudden inspiration (sound of light bulb turning on)!

“Hey, why not write it in a sortof ‘down-home’ style?” I thought to myself. (I’m tellin’ ya, even I amazed myself with my brilliance sometimes!) “Yeah, that’s the ticket! I’ll pretend to be Jethro and write it like that!” (You know the fella, the Clampett’s son on the Beverly Hillbillies clan on TV.)

Well! I’m tellin’ ya folks, that writing assignment turned out to be a work of art, if I do say so myself! It was filled with “howdy’s” and “y’all’s”; man, I was droppin’ g’s right and left. It was so “down home” you could have nailed it to the front door of the Clampett’s mansion and no one would have thought twice about it.

After it was, er, done (a word Mrs. MZM hates, but I consider correct; it means go ahead and stick a fork in it), I had what I considered to be an invitation written with authentic style and – what the heck – considerable panache (a French word that means a pile of hot blueberry pancakes with melted butter and Apricot jelly on top – in a word, sweet).

Just Waitin’ for the Applause…

When I turned it in, needless to say I was quite proud of myself. I just knew it would stand out like a beacon from the dreck (a word that should need no translation!) the other students had surely turned in. (Hey, I was a kid; I still thought as a kid.)

Alas, it didn’t, er, quite turn out as I expected. The next day as our teacher returned our graded assignments, I was quite literally shocked to see a giant red “F” scrawled on the top of mine! My heart sank. Then… it got worse.

As I stared disbelievingly at the flaming shards of my incredible masterpiece, my eyes drifted down to the bottom of the page, where they finally zeroed in on the Words of Doom: “Please ask your parents to call me!” (sounds of terrified shrieking and wailing)

“Oh, man,” I thought frantically, “I’m in for it now!” Which was immediately followed by “How could such an incredibly brilliant idea turn out to be such a disaster?”

*ulp* (sense of impeding doom)

Climbing Out of the “Box” of Expectations

See, what happened was exactly what Brian described: when I tried to write “outside the box” of expectations, I ended up being severely reprimanded. Oh, sure, my attempt at colloquial prose may have been a bit over the top, but that’s not the point. In reality, I was exhibiting some truly innovative thinking (at least, for a 10-year-old)!

So how come the teacher (and as it turned out, my parents too – *sigh*) couldn’t see, and even more importantly, appreciate and encourage that kind of thinking? Why, oh why, I ask imploringly (sound of heartfelt sobbing)?

I ended up doing the assignment over, to their specifications. Ho hum; how boring.

Now, you may have noticed the writing style here at the Zone is sometimes a little, well, off the wall (which is a handy colloquialism that covers a wide range of sins; anything from a bit out of the ordinary to just plain whacko).

Hey, that style didn’t come easy! I first had to unlearn some of the formal writing style I had picked up over years of schooling. And mind you, it’s not that I’ve thrown away everything I had to learn. No, it’s just that I’m finally comfortable with the balance achieved between good grammar and good conversation.

I mean, the whole point of my writing here is to make connections with folks; in fact, it’s summed up quite nicely in my byline (that short blurb up there below my mug shot photo):

Middle Zone Musings is a comfortable place to stop, have a cup of coffee and exchange ideas, big or small, with applications in the real world. We don’t ask for much, just a bit of your brain every now and then. Have a seat, take a load off, and relax…

Old Joke: How can you identify an “Army toolbox”? Simple! When you open it, all you’ll find are 11 sizes of hammers!

You say you’ve got a job to do, and don’t know how you’ll accomplish it? You’re afraid you’ve bitten off more than you can chew, or you’re taking on something you’ve never done before, and you’re afraid you don’t have the tools for the job?

Well, before you hit the panic button, you might want to consider the following story…

Back during the Vietnam War, there was this fellow doing observation duty in a helicopter over the jungle when the pilot got a call to check out possible enemy activity at a certain point on a nearby river.

The only problem was, their observation chopper wasn’t even armed! And, getting close enough to fire their rifles meant, of course, the reverse would also be true. Definitely a sure way to shorten their military careers!

I mean, even if there was something going on, there was literally nothing they could do about it except report it. And naturally, by the time anyone else arrived, the enemy would probably be gone. But, they checked it out anyway, staying high enough to avoid danger.

Sure enough, there was definitely a boat down there, and by all indications it looked like they were preparing to unload supplies, probably armaments of some kind. They reported it immediately, of course, but continued to circle around for awhile in frustration, wishing there was something they could do.

Eventually, the fellow in the back noticed a big clunky toolbox strapped down on the deck, and suddenly had a moment of inspiration. He asked the pilot to hover over the boat for a few minutes, and then with much grunting and shoving, pushed the heavy toolbox out the door.

It was a bull’s-eye! Not only was it a perfect hit, but it penetrated both the deck and the hull, plunging to the bottom of the river. Then, to everyone’s amazement, within a few minutes the enemy boat sank!

Mission accomplished!

So the next time you find yourself facing some new territory, my advice would be to take stock of what you have. I mean, you never know; you might be surprised what you can accomplish with just the, ahem, tools at hand!

A while back I wrote a Public-Service article called Fellowship of the Carpool, and Other Small Groups with a few thoughts towards forming your own FotC (pronounced “fot-see”). Here’s a brief excerpt apropos of, well, nothing really:

Have you ever been in a carpool? I’m in one with three others (names have been changed to protect the guilty innocent: there’s Joe, Fred, Sherry, and what the heck, since everyone else gets a new name – call me Steve).

Well, the other day in our FotC we started an interesting discussion about technology, and I have to say, it was a particularly zany conversation. Sherry wasn’t riding with us that day so it was just the three of us: Joe, Fred, and me (Steve).

Fred instigated the whole thing as we went through one of the EZ Tag lanes at a toll gate, wondering out loud if there were any way to circumvent the EZ Tag system.

I suppose the testosterone level must have been rather high that particular day, kicking off a wild and whacky discussion about various ways we could think of to fox the sensors. (Brings to mind a list I saw once entitled “Why it’s good to be a guy”. #1 on the list: “We know stuff about tanks.” ‘Course, the words, “- or we’ll make something up” remain, er, unspoken.)

Two of the most interesting ideas included:

• Make a fake EZ Tag (the part of the system – the tag itself – that rides in your car with you). However, since this was rather too blatantly illegal, we quickly discarded it.
• Build a “null” tag that causes the sensors to not “see” your car passing through the tollgate. (Not that this would be any less illegal – just more, um, devious.) After all, the best solution would be for there to be no record of your passing. Sortof like Tiny Tim tip-toeing through the tulips.

Someone (actually, it may have been me) noted there are also cameras pointed at each lane, so even if the sensor wasn’t triggered, your license plate would still be recorded (no doubt resulting in one of those thoughtful greeting cards from our fine Men or Women in Uniform with a request for a donation).

This naturally steered the conversation toward ways to thwart the cameras. Ideas abounded. (Is that what happens when ideas bounce more than once?)

Let’s see… there’s always the ever-popular “cloak of invisibility” (who says J.K. Rowling hasn’t made her mark on the world?). The fun part about this one is that it would trigger the sensor that a car was there, but none would be visible.

Much hilarity ensued at the thought of the imagined confusion of the operators (hey, give us a break; it’s a long drive). That idea led to others, like a holographic projector that can overlay the camera’s lens with the image of an empty lane as your car passes through.

Alas and fooey, the technical challenges seemed at least temporarily too formidable to solve, so we had to think a different direction. (Well, for now, anyway. But hey, we’re optimistic about the future, so you never know…)

So we came up with a few ideas that were decidedly much more low-tech, and actually (theoretically, at least) possible. Thus were born the following (patent-pending) ideas:

• Train 10,000 chameleons to sit on the top half of your car and mimic the color of the pavement. (Hey, I did say theoretically possible.) Don’t forget to take the time of day into account so they can adjust for shadows. (See – we think of everything!) You may also need a lot of, uh, glue to keep the frisky little critters in their places. Oh, and flies – you’ll need lots of flies.
• In order to avoid talk (what would the neighbors say?) and a visit from PETA, paint the top half of your car to look like pavement. Again, don’t forget to take the time of day into account so you can adjust the paint job for shadows.
• If you really don’t like the idea of driving the world’s only Lizardmobile, or of having a truly unique paint job, how about this one? Buy, beg, borrow or steal a piece of sheet metal a bit larger than your car. Then, paint THAT to mimic the concrete. Mount it on top of your car with removable clips, and Voila! (which is French for Hey, lookit that whack job idiot silly goof!) you’ve got yourself a plan!

Just as we got to our dropoff point, Joe (our driver for the day) just shook his head sadly, saying, “Keep thinkin’ y’all…”

OK, before you go running to the authorities to alert them to a series of potential misdemeanors, allow me to point out that no actual laws were broken during the writing of this post (other than the laws of sensibility, propriety and common sense – but what the hey). However, this does serve to illustrate an important principle we can all use every now and then.

When you find yourself in need a new idea and you’re, well, stuck – hey, get help! And I don’t mean a psychiatrist, silly (at least not for, uh, this) – no, I mean get a few more brains working on it with you. The fact is, there’s nothing more powerful to give creativity a kick in the backside!

It serves two purposes.

First, they can help “prime the pump” so to speak. Ever seen or heard of “story starters”? Writers use them to help get past the dreaded blankpageitis disease. These usually consist of anything from a few word to few sentences, on virtually any subject. The trick is, once they see something – literally anything – on the page, it becomes easier to pick up and go forward.

Another great benefit: they can provide a springboard for even more ideas. For instance, you can sortof follow the progression of our thoughts in the story above. I mean c’mon – there’s no way I would could have made up half the stuff we talked about – it was too far outside my own experience (not to mention level of insanity sanity). But by playing ideas off each other, we were able to come up with far more than what we could have on our own. Works nicely that way, don’t you think?

Besides, it can be ‘way more fun that trying to figure it out for yourself. I’m tellin’ ya, the three of us made one heckuva brain that day!