Have you ever heard this expression: “engraved in stone”? Generally speaking, it refers to something so sure, so predictable, it’s practically a foregone conclusion.

For example, it’s almost a sure thing that every time I drive by a certain well-known national chain ice cream parlor, I have to wrestle with the steering wheel on my car to keep the danged thing from pulling into their drive. Mrs. MZM would say that behavior is practically engraved in stone, y’know? (Alas, that’s a tough one to break; it’s, er, part of how I lost my *ahem* youthful figure – and ended up on this here diet!)

Anyhoo; the thing is, that behavior didn’t just happen overnight. Nope; I had to build it over time.

Building a Bad Habit

Back in 1985, when we first lived in Greenville, South Carolina, the road that took me from home to the office passed right by one of those aforementioned ice cream places. No big deal, you say? Well, this one had something we’d never seen at one of these things before: a drive-through window!

Alas, it was a recipe for disaster! (Well, I gotta admit, the inclination was already there.) All it took to cause me make a bat-turn in the middle of the road and slide up to the window, tires squealing like a stunt driver’s take a left instead of heading straight home after work was that extra little convenience.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the results began to show up on the ol’ waistline, y’know?

But that’s the way bad habits work, don’t they? It may be something subtle at first, but you know how it goes, right? Before too long, it’s become a habit and you’re hooked! The problem, as we all know, is that once formed, bad habits can be oh-so-hard to get rid of. That’s because the behavior that produced the habit has become ingrained in our life.

What to do? Well, the best way to avoid the problem is to keep the bad habit from forming in the first place, right? So how do you head those pesky little things off at the pass?

How To Avoid Bad Habits

Here’s a couple of tips you can try. You just have to, y’know, do ‘em.

Know Yourself – Probably the most important weapon in your arsenal is to know your own strengths. And while you’re at it, get to know your weaknesses, too. I  mean, if you don’t even like ice cream, then Bubba, you ain’t got no problem at all when the ol’ Ice Cream Angel calls your name, right? Alas, most of us don’t fall into that category, so consequently have to admit that particular temptation has legs. But as they say in practically every guide to problem-solving I’ve ever read, the first step to solving a problem – is admitting there’s a problem! That ol’ sayin’, “forewarned is forearmed” has never been more true!

Know Your  Goals – The thing is, when it comes to this particular brand of ice cream, well, let’s just say if one of my goals was to become the World’s “Biggest” Project Manager and get my name in the record books, then I was certainly on the right track! However, since it, um, wasn’t, then obviously it wasn’t gonna help, y’know? Most of the time, all it takes is just a little thought to realize what’s good for your goals – and what’s not. Then all you have to do is, y’know, do the right thing.

Know Your Decisions Ahead of Time – Here’s the best weapon of all, and trust me on this, it’s something we can all do. Knowing that ice cream parlor was there (and I was pretty much forced to drive by it every day) well, I had to make the decision to NOT turn in – before the place was even in sight. I know it sounds simple, and it is. But the fact is, decisions of this nature just naturally are so much easier when you’re not in the midst of the battle, so to speak. Just decide , right now, what you’re going to do. Then, when it comes time to actually do it, you’ll find it so much easier!

Are There More Ways?

So what about you guys? How do you avoid bad habits? I’ve only listed three things; there’s bound to be lots more. Leave your suggestions in the comment box and let’s all have a big belly laugh learn something!

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Photo: Engraved in Stone, by Robert Hruzek

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I would say it’s a truism that pretty much everybody wants to “get ahead” to some degree, don’cha think? I mean sure, there’s probably a few folks completely satisfied with where they happen to be in life, but most of us haven’t quite gotten there yet, y’know? The only problem is… well, sometimes the path may seem a mite scary, don’t it?

Now, why should that be? I mean, it’s probably something you’ve been thinkin’ about for some time now, right? But don’t you find yourself thinkin’, down in your heart of hearts, Am I really sure I can do it? For one thing, you probably don’t really know what it’s like up there, right? I mean, you may have some idea, but what if you end up overextending yourself, exposing for all the world that you really don’t know what the heck you’re doing?

What if you finally move up to that next level – and instead of earning those accolades you truly deserve, you end up doin’ the crash-and-burn instead?

Hey, if you’re anything like me (and if so then sincere condolences to ya!), I bet your mind has replayed these thoughts – or perhaps something similar – to yourself a time or two. Especially when it came time to makin’ that move for advancement, right? Or, not even necessarily advancement; it just coulda been something you’ve never done before. Heck, maybe you were even simply starting a new job. You know; those “first day” blues, when it feels like you’re bein’ watched by everyone else to see if you really measure up.

I’ll tell ya; that feeling – well, it’s pretty common. The fact is, we all get a mite nervous when it comes time to proving that what we believe about ourselves is really true, y’know?

The Dragon Stairs

During my stay in Taiwan back in 2000, I had a driver that took me to and from work. Believe me, that was a real blessing! All those zillions of cars, myriads of scooters and motorcycles – and everyone driving like a maniac. Yeesh!

Depending on the weather or the traffic density (or heck; for all I knew it coulda been based on the current phase of the moon), we usually followed three or four different routes to the office. I’ll tell ya; I really got to enjoy being driven to work; it gave me plenty of time to see the sights along the way. I’m just sorry I wasn’t blogging back then; I probably would have noticed a lot more…

Anyway, one day we passed a certain spot and out of the corner of my eye a… something caught my attention. Unfortunately, by the time my brain did a double-take made me turn to look again, it was gone. I found myself wondering if I’d really seen what I thought I saw. So what did I see, you ask? It was a… well, if my momma hadn’t taught me not to swear, I woulda sworn I saw a big, um, er, dragon.

OK, I knew it couldn’t be a real dragon. Unfortunately, we’d already turned a corner on the narrow street and whatever I saw was already out of sight. But I resolved to look for it the next time we came that way.

A few days later, we passed the same spot again, and sure enough, it was a dragon! I tapped the driver on the shoulder, held up my camera and pointed. He smiled and pulled over, and I shot these two images of what I now call the Dragon Stairs.

One thing you have to remember. In Chinese cultures, dragons aren’t terrifying creatures; they’re good luck symbols. Thus, I imagine when the monks who live here used these stairs, they weren’t figuratively entering danger. No, they were partaking of a lucky omen.

You gotta admit, though; in Western cultures the dragon is a pretty scary critter, y’know? And somehow, even knowing it’s good luck in the minds of the monks at this temple wouldn’t prevent a slight involuntary shudder if I had to use these stairs. So bear in mind, what I have to say reflects my Western upbringing, ‘K? I’m just sayin’.

Here Be Dragons

Anyway, while contemplating being “upwardly mobile”, well, I kinda though about those stairs, y’know?

Like I said at the beginning, sometimes (OK, maybe most of the time), it can be kinda scary to move up to a level above what you’re used to (and are familiar with). That’s only natural; we all feel a bit of trepidation when we face the unknown, no matter how prepared you feel you are.

I’ll give you an example that’s happened to me quite a few times.

Every time I start a new project, there are new people to get to know, a new set of clients to deal with, a new project manager. And I know they have certain expectations of me when I come on board.

And that’s to be expected, right? After all, they’ve all reviewed my resume, perhaps talked to a few of the folks I’ve worked with before – or not – and they’ve built up this, well, expectation of who I’ll be and what I’ll accomplish for them.

But the reality is, unless I’ve worked for them before, they don’t really know. So there’s pressure on me to perform, right? And that’s the scary part. Despite the confidence in my own abilities – not to mention experience – I still can’t help feel a mite “on the spot”, if you get my meanin’.

In fact, it’s a lot like it would be for me if I had to use those Dragon Stairs. Sure, it’s a mite scary lookin’, but if I’m headed upstairs, then there’s pretty much no choice, right? So I gird my loins, screw my hat down tighter, and (gulp), walk right into the dragon’s mouth. Hey, I know it’s only a stairway. But still, those teeth sure look sharp, y’know? (he said, laughing nervously)

But once I arrive on the next floor up, everything is all right again. I can no longer see the dragon, and it no longer bothers me. In fact, next time I take the stairs, I’d probably not be so nervous anymore. And soon there’ll come a time when I may not even notice that ol’ dragon’s teeth!

Until, um, maybe the next move up.

Food For Thought

As I said, probably most of us have experienced the “upwardly mobile” thing – or something like it – at least once. So today I have some homework for ya.

I want you to take a few minutes and think about what it was like the last time you “moved up”, “stuck your neck out”, “expanded your horizon”, or whatever you want to call it. Try to remember how you felt during the experience, who you encountered along the way, and as many details as you can. Then consider the following questions:

1. When was the last time you made a move upwards? You know what I mean, right? That time you took a chance and did something you’d never done before. You stepped out on faith and started a business, or you went for that promotion, or maybe you presented a proposal to your boss for a new line of business? What was it?
2. Think about the fears you encountered when first planning your move. What were they? Looking back on it now, were they realistic or unfounded? Compare how you feel about them now with how you felt about them then. Did you get support from coworkers, friends, mentors, etc., or was it an opportunity only you seemed to grasp?
3. What did you do to counter those fears? Were there any particular folks who helped you? In what way did their help make the difference?
4. If you had the opportunity, would you do it again? Why or why not?
5. Is there anyone you know who may be facing a similar situation – and could use some encouragement or help right now?

If you like, share your thoughts on the above questions in the comment box below. Heck, write about it at your own place and share the link with us here; we’d love to be a part of it! Don’t be shy; let’s learn together, shall we?

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Photos by Robert Hruzek

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Last Spring, while eating lunch at a local restaurant, Mrs. MZM and I decided to partake of the nice weather and enjoy our meal on their beautiful, vine-covered patio. We chose a table next to one of the poles supporting the sunshade roof.

After settling in, I noticed this vine growing out of a pot next to us. It kinda caught my attention because of the way the thing seemed to coil around itself like a small, wooden boa constrictor. (Very spooky, eating next to this thing, I’ll tell ya. I kept an eye on it the whole time, just in case it suddenly took a liking to my bacon cheeseburger. Or, er, me.)

But still, it’s an interesting object, don’cha think? The way it spirals and coils around that branch as if tryin’ to choke the life out of it!

When I see something like this, I’m often reminded of a classic story from the Bible known as the Parable of the Sower.

The Parable of the Sower

Here’s how it reads in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 3, verses 3-8: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

See, back in those days, when a farmer planted his seed, he couldn’t just go out to the barn and fire up the ol’ John Deere, y’know. Nope, he had to go out and work his fields the old fashioned way, hitchin’ up the oxen (if he was rich enough to own a pair – or maybe renting ‘em from Mordecai’s Rent-an-Ox) to do the plowing. And, they spread the seeds by hand.

Naturally, the idea was to get as much seed into the good, well-prepared ground as possible. But as the story illustrated, along the edges of the fields some would inevitably fall on the well-packed paths where birds could easily make a meal of ‘em. Some fell among the stones and sprouted, but quickly died from the hot sun with no soil to give them nourishment. Some of the seed fell and even took root among the weeds and brambles that grew along the outside of the tilled areas, but any possible growth was choked by the strangling growth.

On the other hand, the seed that fell on good ground, well, it grew and produced like crazy: 30-, 60-, even a hundredfold! Now that’s some good seed!

I’ll tell ya; it’s a great analogy, even today. Like any good parable (which is a story with Spiritual significance), nearly all of the elements of this story are metaphors. Jesus had to clear it up a few verses later, explaining to his slightly befuddled Disciples the seed was God’s word, and the field was the human heart. The various places the seed fell are indicative of some of the obstacles to the goal of spreading the Word.

Thus, the “good ground” meant a heart ready to receive and understand His message – and enjoy the benefits thereof – while the hard, stony ground on the foot paths was like a heart that had “hardened” itself to God’s Word. Likewise, landing in weeds and thorns might allow the seed to sprout, but eventually they choked the life and vitality out of them anyway.

Is Something Chokin’ YOUR Life?

Anyway, like I said, this vine reminded me of that story, and got me to thinkin’. (I hate it when that happens; you never know where it might lead, y’know?) Was there anything in my own life, I wondered, causing the main thing to no longer be the main thing?

I mean, I’m full of good ideas, y’know? But what is it that keeps me from doin’ what I need to do to turn my dreams into reality? That’s the crux of the matter, wouldn’t ya say?

Now, needless to say, this is a somewhat personal battle, so don’t go expecting any details or anything. (Besides, if anything interesting turns up, it’ll probably come up anyway in a future post!) But the question is also a valid one for you too, don’cha think?

So what about it, y’all? Is there anything in your life that’s sorta strangling the life out of what you SHOULD be doing? Is it time to get the shears out and, like Indiana Jones clearing a path through the jungle, whack those choking vines away?

Food for thought?

NOTE: This is yet another entry in our current What I Learned From… project. The topic this month is the World of Plants, and there’s still time for you to join us, y’all; all you have to do is follow that link and read all about it. But you better hurry; it closes to entries Sunday night, August 9!

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Photo: Constrictor, by Robert Hruzek

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"Untitled", by Digit Al

[Note from the Proprietor: This is an entry for this month's What I Learned From... groupwrite project. We'd love to have you join us! See the bottom of this post for details - after, y'know, you read this post, of course! Just sayin'.]

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Two armies faced each other across the ravaged earth. Each understood, from the nature of the conflict, that there could be only one victor. By now many skirmishes had occurred – indeed, the very ground they occupied evidenced the terrible forces that had already been brought to bear.

Nevertheless, the Conclusion of the matter was still to come. Both sides, opposition and incumbent, knew it would be long and fierce, with no holds barred. Both understood the stakes involved. Each had committed to see the battle through to its inevitable finale.

THE OPPOSITION GENERAL marshaled his forces in vast ranks to either side. All that remained was the disposition of a few last arrivals, and the battle would begin. He knew it was all or nothing, and was grimly determined to be the victor, no matter what the cost. Everything he was, everything he dreamed of would be determined by the outcome of this final battle. There were no greater stakes, and he knew it.

He surveyed again the impressive ranks of daunting warriors at his disposal. Their size, their determination, their dedication to himself… A deep and profound feeling of pride rose from within as he contemplated his command of so invincible a force. His eyes narrowed as he turned and carefully scrutinized the massed ranks of the incumbent’s forces. Their strength and self-confidence was evident, but he knew they would be no match for the power of his own forces. Victory, he knew, would inevitably be his.

The appointed time approached with all the ponderous inevitability of a glacier. He stood tall, raising an arm toward his trumpeters. They lifted their flaming instruments, long prepared to boldly signal his command. As the moment approached, all of creation seemed to hold its collective breath in anticipation.

It was time.

BUT A SUDDEN FLURRY of motion began within the facing ranks, making him pause for a moment. Brilliant light flooded upwards from the midst of the enemy line, so bright as to be nearly intolerable. Taken by surprise, the General halted the order to better concentrate his not inconsiderable intellect upon the new development. Wary of trickery, he waited and watched, bewilderment increasing as a remarkable scene unfolded before his astonished eyes.

The distant ranks of enemy soldiers began to part like the pages of a vast and timeless book, revealing an extraordinary panorama. Right there, exactly in the middle of a blasted and torn battlefield, an anomaly had appeared. Where once the land was twisted and black, a vast patch of brilliant green had simply appeared, as if commanded into existence.

His jaw dropped as he watched the patch of emerald light resolve itself into a huge garden. Snow-capped mountains appeared, accompanied by the threaded silver lines of rivers and streams filled with clear, fresh water. Every kind of tree and bush thrust newly-formed limbs skyward as if in supplication. Flowers burst open in eye-popping arrays, sweeping across the hills in broad strokes of color as far as the eye could see.

An incredible variety of insects, birds, and animals began to appear everywhere. Strangely, they appeared almost rough-hewn at first, as if molded from clay by a sculptor’s hands. But then, with an explosive flicker of motion, they burst into life. Birds exuberantly flapped their wings as they soared upwards into the now clear blue sky. Cattle munched sedately on fresh green grass as they slowly ambled away. A trout, tossed like a lump into the river, changed in an instant to a flash of silver motion as it turned and joyfully burst from the liquid surface in a fantastic leap.

IT MADE NO SENSE whatsoever. What was going on? And why now, just as battle was about to be joined, would his counterpart stop everything for this… this petty diversion? That’s when he noticed a small gathering of figures in the midst of the garden, next to one brightly spectacular tree.

Abruptly, he stopped to take a closer look. Yes! One of the figures was the arch enemy himself! He grimaced in self-satisfaction, anticipating the coming delicious confrontation. To finally vanquish his foe once and for all! The thought stirred his heart as nothing else could.

But… what was he doing? Two other figures stood in front of him – one male; the other, female. Oddly enough, they didn’t appear to be wearing any armor. In fact – and this was strange, considering the conflict that was about to be unleashed – they weren’t wearing anything at all!

Was it a planning session for the upcoming battle? Perhaps they were special envoys, being briefed to send a message. Maybe even to me, he thought. Could the enemy be willing to give up so easily? He doubted it, but one never knew. It was dangerous to underestimate the shrewdness of his opponent.

But no, they seemed to be just… talking. Finally, his nemesis stepped forward, kissed them both, and joined the male and female’s hands together. That’s when the truth became evident – it was obviously some kind of ceremony!

It was an astonishing revelation. All those eons spent planning the coming confrontation, and he thought he knew his opposition down to the last aspect. Nothing, he thought, could possibly take him by surprise. This, however – this was something completely unexpected.

He silently watched as the ceremony ended and the ranks of soldiers smoothly reformed themselves with machinelike precision into their former battle lines. The bright, eye-searing glow faded from sight, and one could almost physically sense their determination gathering as both sides prepared themselves for the coming action.

BUT CONFUSION REIGNED in his mind for the first time in a long, long while. He understood the fact that his opponent had wanted him to see this – but for a while, he had no idea what to do – a first for himself. What could possibly be so important that an epic battle would be held up for a… a… ridiculous ritual!

Then confusion gave way to anger. This will have no bearing on the inevitable outcome, he told himself. But still… there was that niggling doubt. He knew his adversary was a shrewd campaigner and wouldn’t hesitate to do something unusual, just to throw him off. He stoked his anger into white-hot fury. There was nothing – absolutely nothing – left to chance. This moment of show, so obviously for his benefit – well, he was determined it would change nothing! As for those two… humans – he practically spat the word – well, he’d deal with them later.

He angrily turned and raised his arm to give the signal…

Something Very Odd

[Note from the Proprietor: I realize there's plenty of folks who don't take the story of Adam and Eve literally. Heck; there's some who haven't even heard of 'em! No problem, my friends; believe it or not, even among Christians there seems to be some discussion about their actual, literal existence. Hey, that don't bother me none. As far as I know, it's pretty much a free world out there (at least, inside our own skulls, anyway), and you're welcome to believe they were real - or not - as you see fit.]

OK; I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that something very odd happened in this story. I mean, think about it for a minute, won’t you?

In truth, what turned into (or will turn into, depending on how you look at it) the Ultimate Battle actually started out as a rebellion by an angel then known as Lucifer. However, by the time the smoke cleared (figuratively speaking, you understand), Lucifer-turned-Satan and a third of the angels had been swept from Heaven.

Now where, exactly, they ended up isn’t really clear to me, although it seems apparent from the narrative in the Book of Genesis that even the Earth itself had been decimated in the ensuing conflict. Be that as it may, to me the story of Adam and Eve still remains an amazing anomaly. Or maybe… it was a turning point?

The Turning Point

I mean, here we are, in the midst of the Battle of the Eons. Both sides know it’s a conflict with only two possible outcomes: total victory – or total defeat. As we say here in Texas, there weren’t no ‘ifs’, ‘ands’ or ‘buts’ about it.

And yet, right in the middle of this epic conflict, God himself stopped the whole shebang – not to conduct a planning session, nor to regroup, nor even to take a breather. Nope; it was to conduct, of all things, a wedding!

Kinda fills you with a sense of wonder, doesn’t it? I mean, the institution of marriage must be pretty important, don’cha think, if the God of the Universe would do something like that. So… it seems to me we ought to at least take our marriages a bit more seriously than, y’know, your average sporting event, political issue, or financial statement.

Hey, I’m just sayin’.

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[Yet another note from the Proprietor: This is yet another entry in this month's What I Learned From... groupwrite project. If you'd like to participate - and maybe win a free copy of Problogger - well, just click on that cute little link and read all about it!]

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Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

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Ever found yourself facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge? Yup; thought so. Most of us have, at some time or other. In fact, in the light of today’s headlines, I dare say quite a few folks are lookin’ one in the eye even now.

Hey, when it comes to the stuff life throws at us, it really should come as no surprise when that mountain in front of us looks so ginormous

Well, here’s a little bit of wisdom from cartoonist Dave Walker. Sometimes, that mountain-seeming thing we see in front of us is not really as bad as all that.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I’m not in the least tryin’ to minimize the challenges you face each day. Trust me; I know whereof you speak! All I’m sayin’ is, there may not be as big a mountain there as you think.

The truth is, you’ll never know unless you step up to it. But there’s something you can do that might just help you take on even the most challenging of tasks. One simple key.

So what’s the key, you ask? Well, I can give it to ya in just one word. Are you ready? Here it is:

Start!

Yup; it’s like that old Chinese proverb: “A journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step.”

What happens, see, is you may just find it’s not nearly as hard as you thought it might be.

Hey, I’m just sayin’.

What About You?

So what about it, folks? Facing any mountains these days?

I mean, it’s not like I’d call you a liar or anything if your answer was “no”, but… well, you get my meanin’, right? Anyway, if you find yourself stalled and still working up the nerve to begin – what is it that keeps you from moving forward?

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Quick question, y’all.

When you assure someone that what you say will happen is actually going to happen – does it make you a bit nervous? I mean, no matter how confident you feel, sooner or later you’re going to have to, y’know, face the music, right?

So when your confidence level prompts you to make a commitment (sound of terrified scream), does it still give you cold sweats? Perhaps a serious case of the heebie-jeebies? Yup; thought so.

But y’know; some situations require nothing less than absolute and total confidence; to state the case in no uncertain terms; to respond to a challenge with supreme fearlessness; to spit in the eye, so to speak, of the oncoming torpedo, y’know?

Give the Man a Chance

Speakin’ of torpedoes – and bein’ a guy and all – that kind of situation inevitably reminds me of a rather poignant moment from one of my favorite “guy” movies of all time, The Hunt for Red October.

The scene I’m thinkin’ of is where our intrepid hero, Jack Ryan, tries to convince the captain of the submarine USS Dallas that the captain of the Russian submarine he is closely shadowing (the Red October) actually wants to defect to the U.S.

(Now bear two things in mind; the American Captain has orders to sink the Red October, and up until this particular moment, the Russians have no idea they were being so closely tailed.)

It’s an edgy scene, to say the least. In the narrow confines of a submarine corridor, they tensely face off against each other – the Captain, because he thinks Ryan is out of his gourd for suggesting such a thing, and Ryan, supremely confident because of his own analysis of the Russian’s motivations (and because he’s the hero of this tale – and he’s never wrong).

Ryan realizes he only has one chance to make his case before being hauled off to the brig.

He finally plays his trump card by claiming he knows the Russian Captain so well he can actually predict the man’s every move – and that his next turn (called a “Crazy Ivan” in submariner’s lingo) will be to starboard. (That’s “to the right” for you landlubbers out there – and if you’re one of those who, like Mrs. MZM, can’t tell your right hand from your left, then please, move over and let ME drive!)

Suddenly, the intercom sounds…

Intercom: Conn, Sonar. Signal to noise ratio’s dropping. Possible aspect change in target. Possible target zig based on bearing rate.

Intercom: Conn, Sonar. Crazy Ivan! Captain. Captain, he’s turning!

Captain: Which way is he turning?

Intercom: To the starboard, sir.

Captain turns sharply to Ryan.

Ryan: Give the man a chance.

Captain (coming to a sudden decision): All back full.

Intercom: Captain, say again.

Captain: I said all back full!

Intercom: Back full. Aye, sir. Engines back full.

The submarine fills with noise as the propeller reverses, bringing the submarine to a sudden and noisy stop.

Intercom: We’re cavitating! He can hear us!

Captain: Conn, aye. All stop.

Intercom: All stop, aye.

Captain (smiling wryly at Ryan): All right, Mr. Ryan; we just unzipped our fly.

Here’s the thing…

At a previous job, our client once asked me to create a big poster listing 10 to 15 critical milestones for the project I’m working on. Now, ordinarily, that’s no big deal; we always had a detailed project schedule with that information available at the drop of a hat (but not my hat, mind you; that would be, y’know, wrong).

But still; there’s something about putting those milestones on a big, honkin’ poster and putting’ it up there for all to see, y’know? In a way, it’s kinda like making a list of your New Year’s resolutions – then publishing it on the front page of the New York Times. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like so much more of a, y’know, commitment that way.

Now, though, if we missed a date, it’s *ulp* right there on the wall for all to see (I could already feel little drops of sweat forming on my troubled brow…). After all, as any experienced project manager will tell you, a schedule is simply a battle plan. (And I emphasize the word plan.)

Oh, sure; we do our best to execute the plan (and no, I don’t mean – much as you’d like to – stand it against a wall, tie a blindfold on it and blow it to Kingdom Come). But still, there’s always, y’know, reality to deal with. As Field Marshall Helmuth Karl Bernhard Graf von Moltke (a bonecrusher of a name if there ever was one) once pointed out, “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.”

Hey, I understand perfectly. The very idea of “puttin’ feets to them words”, if you get my meanin’, can make even the most confident person on Earth tremble a bit inside. Especially when there’s a fair to middlin’ chance that factors outside your control might be at work at play.

But as I said back at the beginning of this little essay, sometimes the situation requires nothing less.

So What About It?

When was the last time you had to make one of those “everything-rests-on-this” type of commitments? What brought it up? What was the result? Do you dare to share a little about it here? C’mon, go ahead; we’re all friends here. (Besides, I need some new blog material. - KIDDING!)

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After reading my last post the other day (Holding Hands), a good friend accused me of being an “old romantic”. Notwithstanding the now near-automatic “hey, who you callin’ ‘old’” response (I mean c’mon, I only just turned 55 last week!), I must say I’m flattered.

But yes, I suppose it’s true. I am a romantic at heart, especially when it comes to Mrs. MZM. And I’m a sucker for romantic movies, books or poetry, too. I mean, as long as there’s space ships, explosions, or world domination plots involved, I’m there.

Naah; just kidding. Actually, I do enjoy relaxing with Mrs. MZM and a good romantic comedy – although our tastes generally run to classic movies rather than more recent ones. Some of our favorite classics are Roman Holiday, The Philadelphia Story, Charade, and How to Marry a Millionaire. Of those more recent ones, the few we really like include Sabrina (the remake with Harrison Ford), French Kiss and While You Were Sleeping.

The truth is, there’s a lot to learn about love, and not just from the movies. There’s always, y’know, real life, right? And I’ll tell ya, in the 26-plus years we’ve been married, there’s actually a lot of really good stuff I managed to pick up along the way. Really.

In fact, in a moment of enthusiasm insanity (and not realizing how ridiculously long such a thing would actually be), I started making a list!

[Disclaimer: Understand, though, that just because I wrote this doesn't mean I'm an expert on the subject! In fact, I'm a lot like that fellah who, upon holding his newborn son for the first time, looked the kid in the eye and said, "Son, lemme tell ya everything I know about women." There's a few seconds' pause while he prepares his thoughts, then with a sigh he ruefully adds, "Nothin'!"]

Anyway, here’s the first few items on my list (click on these images for a larger view – trust me, it’s worth it):

Eloquence doesn’t excuse a self-serving heart – Come to think of it, neither do brilliance or extreme self-confidence, either. It can happen so easily in our relationships, can’t it? We get so caught up in our own “truth”, we forget we’re dealing with another human being; one with thoughts, emotions, and yes, their own personal investment in the relationship.

My you-didn’t-ask-for-it-but-you’re-going-to-get-it-anyway advice: before launching into that soliloquy (you know the one I mean: the one called “why you should always see things MY way”), try this simple, 3-step technique: 1) pause, 2) take a deep breath, and 3) count to 10. Trust me; you’ll thank yourself in the morning.

Not even generosity can veil a poor spirit – Hey, just because you’re willing to give your money or time to a cause, help someone out of a jam, or donate a lung, it doesn’t make you a great person. No, it’s what’s goin’ on inside that counts; that’s where the truth hides.

Now please don’t get me wrong – all those things – and more – can be wonderful blessings to the recipient. It’s just that (and you can take my word for this), when you do these things for the wrong reasons, well, sooner or later, it shows.

Real love is built on absolutes – Love, as I have discovered, is built on, among other things, four absolutes: patience, kindness, consideration and forgiveness. Can you imagine real, genuine love that’s missing any of these four? I sure can’t.

Go ahead; Google your memory banks for those “speed bumps” in your love relationships. Now be honest; weren’t they, when you get right down to it, because one of these four cornerstones got, um, left out?

Celebrating truth beats out negativity, every time – It’s a sad fact of life, ain’t it, that negativity sells. Hey, I wish it weren’t so, my friends, but there it is. On the other hand, who ever managed to develop into a, well, likable person, if you get my meanin’, on a life filled with nothing but negativity?

One thing I learned from my Doctoral business classes was the difference between strategic versus tactical thinking. And it’s a sad fact that many of the short-term actions we take these days aren’t really all that good in the long run.

My point is, the strategic thing to do is celebrate the truth; the positive things in life. You do that and I promise you’ll find yourself not only becoming more likable to those around you, but you’ll even like yourself more! And Bubba; that’s one key to a truly great love, I’m tellin’ ya – you need to be comfortable with who you are.

So What Is Love?

Well, along about now I began to realize that everything I’d written so far seemed awfully familiar. Then it hit me (sound of dull thud)! In the Bible, the 13^th chapter of the book of 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul answers the question, “What is Love?” ‘waaaay more magnificently than I ever could.

(I always thought it was fascinating that the 13^th chapter, dealing with Love, had exactly 13 verses in it. Now recognizing there can be no coincidences with God, there’s a factoid that would intrigue even a Vulcan!)

What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge? And what if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing, unless I loved others. What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive? I would gain nothing, unless I loved others.

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails!

Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken. All that we know will be forgotten. We don’t know everything, and our prophecies are not complete. But what is perfect will someday appear, and what isn’t perfect will then disappear.

When we were children, we thought and reasoned as children do. But when we grew up, we quit our childish ways. Now all we can see of God is like a cloudy picture in a mirror. Later we will see him face to face. We don’t know everything, but then we will, just as God completely understands us.

For now there are faith, hope, and love. But of these three, the greatest is love.

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[Note from the Proprietor: this is my second entry in this month's What I Learned From... groupwrite project. This month the topic is LOVE, and if you'd like to contribute your own entry to the party, hey, you're welcome to join us! We'll be accepting entries through Sunday night, Feb. 8. Just click on that link and read all about it!]

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Photo credits:

What is Love? By Chia-Ling

Eloquence, by reallyboring

Generosity, by jahfool

Absolute, by HaniAlYousif

Truth, by TW Collins

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