“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

– Chinese philosopher Lao-tzu

I was walking in a park the other day and happened to notice this Mile Zero marker at my feet. This naturally got me to thinkin’ (sound of grinding gears) about life’s journeys, and how a person can end up where they are. (What can I say? I was in a pensive mood that day.)

If you take the time to think about it, where you are in life right now is the result of a rather long series of events.

For instance, take the leader of any given organization. I mean, whoever it is didn’t just decide one day to be The Top Dog, you know. Nope, they had to learn what it took to handle the role, make planned and skillful career moves, perhaps take advantage of opportunity as it arose. Eventually, if all the cards fell into place, they made it to the top.

Oh, sure; sometimes a leader gets the role by accident. But that doesn’t mean they’re not qualified and have the characteristics needed to lead. It takes time, effort, and sometimes luck to get there, no matter who you are or what your goal is.

Now think about where YOU are right now. Is it anything like where you thought you’d be when you first started out however many years ago? I’d be willing to wager – probably not! No, what characterized most folks’ journeys is the unpredictability of ‘em. You can make your plans, learn the ropes, identify the goals or whatever. But sometimes it’s still a surprise.

Despite that, setting goals and makin’ those plans is certain worth doing. I mean, if nothing else, it’s good training for wherever you end up. But there’s one more thing you need to get where you’re going. And without this one last thing, you might as well give up now.

Take the First Step

Sometimes that first step is the hardest one, isn’t it? You’ve spent a lot of time planning, scheming, working, hoping and, depending upon who you turn to for help, praying. Now all that’s left is the doing.

So today’s question is pretty simple: What’s keeping you from takin’ that first (or maybe it’s not the first, but the next) step?

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I’m thinking of… love. Thinking about the how and the why of it. Wondering if I’ll ever understand the whole of it, even. Knowing that it’s not possible for my poor, finite mind to comprehend it. At least, not yet.

Oh, don’t get me wrong; I understand a little. I mean, I’ve experienced the amazing joy of love firsthand. And not just once, but many times, in many different ways. But over the years I’ve noticed a difference in the kinds of love there are. This simple little word doesn’t easily convey to us its rich tapestry of inherent meanings.

For instance, when I say I love… my steak – you know, the one I just cooked to juicy perfection on our backyard grill, with a nice baked potato on the side, done just right and topped with a little butter, bacon, and cheese – well, it’s pretty obvious the love I’m talking about is really just a very intense “like”.

There’s such a thing as love… but that’s not it.

When I say I love… my friends, it’s obvious I’m talking about that feeling of camraderie, of fellowship and friendship I get from the people I know who know me back in more than a casual way.

There’s such a thing as love… but that’s not it.

When I say I love… my own sibling, it’s about a familial relationship. Not that I don’t love that family member any less or any more, just because I had no choice in it, you know. It’s almost an obligation, albeit one I willingly agree to.

There’s such a thing as love… but that’s not it.

Back when I was still single, when I said I loved… the woman with whom I was building the beginnings of a significant relationship with, I was really talking about that feeling most of us recognize as “being in love”. You know what I’m talking about, right? Sweaty palms, hot flashes, brain freezes – all the silly, goofy things we find ourselves doing to first impress, and then win that other person.

There’s such a thing as love… and although I was getting closer… well, that wasn’t quite it.

But what about when I say I love… my wife? I think I’m finally getting close to what real love is. It’s not about getting, but about giving – the giving of my self – to her. To put her interests above my own. To want what she wants, to feel what she feels, to put her above myself in every way. (Not that I claim to be successful at it – but it’s a worthy goal, wouldn’t you say?)

There’s such a thing as love… I wondered and I searched, and finally, I think I know. How do I know? Because I went to the source of love. To the One Who created love in the first place. Because in reality, love is quite easily defined:

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love does not envy.

Love does not boast.

Love is not proud.

Love is not rude.

Love is not self-seeking.

Love is not easily angered.

Love keeps no record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil.

Love rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects

Love always trusts.

Love always hopes.

Love always perseveres.

Love never fails.

In fact, God is love.

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I was driving in our neighborhood the other day when I passed this poor excuse for a tree in a nearby empty lot.

Over the last three years, I’ve seen this thing gradually reduced from a somewhat taller and more, er, robust version of itself – to this. Pretty pathetic, ain’t it?

Every time we get a strong wind, I’m convinced I’ll drive by and see it has given up the ghost and finally assumed the horizontal position. When Hurricane Ike bulldozed through Houston over a year ago, I really thought that would be the final blow, so to speak. Yet every time I’m surprised to find it holding on just a little bit longer.

Oh, sure, it might be a little smaller, perhaps a little, er, less vigorous than is used to be (which may be considered the understatement of the century), but this amazing tree has managed to persevere no matter what’s been thrown at it. But no – this fellah is still hangin’ in there.

But more than that – it’s still growing! You can see a small clump of leaves there on what remains of the only branch left. What’s more, there’s even a few new saplings growing upward from the base of the trunk, too.

I’ll tell ya what, folks, if there ain’t a powerful lesson here, I’ll… well, I’ll eat my hat!

So I guess the million-dollar questions you have to ask yourself today are: What’s been knockin’ ya down, lately? And, what’s your response gonna be?

Next time you’re tempted to give up, just remember this tree. (And yes, I’m talkin’ to me, too.)

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What is it about limits that make us human beans get all riled up inside? And why do we insist on kicking against any kind of limitations other folks may put upon us?

I was wandering around Discovery Green Park (it’s a small park in downtown Houston) a while back and one of the things I ran across was this stairway to, apparently, nowhere. It was tall and broad, made of very nicely laid brick, and – completely blocked off by this sign suspended on a chain!

Now, I gotta ask ya – is it just me? I’m tellin’ ya, whenever I see stuff like this, the first thing I want to do is, well, step right over the rope, chain or whatever, and go right in. I’m not alone, am I? Nope; thought not!

See, there’s this thing inside us that pretty much hates bein’ told what it can or can’t do, y’know? Now, is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Ah, now that’s the $49 question, don’t ya think?

The Good and the Bad

On the one hand, limits teach us some pretty good lessons, don’t they? I mean, when you’re a baby, and you reach for a hot stove, the alert and careful parent will tell you NO! in no uncertain terms. Wouldn’t you agree that’s a good limit? And when children go out in the backyard to explore and play, the fence generally defines the limits where parents might consider it to be “safe”, right? (There’s always a fence, of course; whether or not it’s physical is beside the point.)

I mean, those are good uses of limits, wouldn’t you say? They are there to help us survive childhood, for one thing. And in some cases, they give us the opportunity to, y’know, grow up!

On the other hand, there’s limits imposed upon us for other reasons, such as the one pictured here. Or, maybe they’re limitations imposed  by a business (we accept cash only, no checks), a government (you will pay your taxes and you will enjoy it!), or even a friend (no, you can’t come over tomorrow, that’s the day I get my house fumigated). Augh! What’s a body to do?

A Stop Sign – or a Green Light?

Most of the time, those limitations you encounter every single day of our lives are so mundane and accepted that you may not even think about them. And that’s as it should be, don’t you think? I mean, if you had to stop and decide whether to accept every limit placed upon you every time it happened, you’d never get anywhere!

But what about the limits imposed upon us by other folks – that keep us from something you’re convinced is worthwhile? Ah, now that’s a pickle of another persuasion, isn’t it? When that sort of thing happens, it sorta riles you up, now, don’t it?

You find yourself sayin’ something along the lines of, Now who the heck do you think you are, anyway, to tell me I can’t climb that mountain, fly that high, or (feel free to fill in the blank here)?(Usually to be accompanied by a humph! or two.)

That’s what usually happens with me, anyway. In fact, I remember thinking that very thing (along with the humph!) a long time ago when a friend of mine told me it was “too late” to go back to school and finish my degree. After all, he pointed out, it’s been twenty years since I was in college. Besides, why bother? he said; what will it get you?

But you know what? It wasn’t!

In fact, I finished my Bachelor’s degree almost twenty years to the month after I started it! (Like I always say, I may not be smart – but I am slow!) Not only that, just for the heck of it I went on to get a Master’s and a Doctorate, too. No limits here, I’ll tell ya! As for what it’s given me, well, that would take a lot more than a simple blog post. Suffice it to say, it’s made a difference.

What Makes the Difference?

The fact is, limits can impose restrictions upon your actions – or they can cause you to rise up to even greater things, can’t they? What makes the difference?

Now, that is one interesting question, don’t you think? And after thinkin’ about it for a while, I decided to open up the floor for that one. So now it’s your turn!

Why do some folks hit a limit of some kind and stop (or turn aside), while others find ways to get around the limit and keep on’ goin’?  What makes one limit “firm”, while another one is really a sorta “call to arms”, if you get my meanin’ – a challenge to greatness?

I’m not sure there are any hard and fast rules here, but if you know of some, I’d be interested to hear ‘em! In the meantime, I’ll leave the light on for ya, OK?

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This is an entry for this month’s What I Learned From Limits groupwrite project. Hey, there’s plenty of time left and you’re welcome to join us if you like; just follow that link there and read all about it!

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There’s an old sayin’ that goes something like this: Great things come to those who wait. (Come to think of it, isn’t that the tagline from a ketchup commercial?)

Well, take it from me, it’s an old saying, ‘K? But as sayings go, isn’t there something missing? I mean, if all it took to receive great things was to wait, I’d be a rich and famous zillionaire several times over by now, y’know?

Obviously something’s missing.

Personally, I think the missing element to that particular sayin’ is, well, the challenge of workin’ for that great thing, don’cha think? I mean, sure having something nice fall unexpectedly in your lap is a favorite daydream for pretty much all of us, right? But how often does that happen? Not much, Bubba!

No, the most common, and likely more appreciated “great” things we receive these days are things we earn. Things we work for. They’re our just rewards for hard work or effort of something we had to do, y’know? And they’re not unexpected; no, not at all! They’re the prize for a job well done.

Cape Lookout, Oregon

A while back while living up in Oregon, Mrs. MZM and I took a weekend off to sorta tour the scenery along the coastline. I’ll tell ya; that is some beautiful country! I wouldn’t mind too much living in those parts permanently; in my humble opinion it’s got some of the finest coastline in the entire U.S., bar none.

Anyway, we were moseyin’ along in sightseein’ mode, toolin’ north along Hiway 101, when we noticed a sign pointing to something called Cape Lookout. Now it seems to me, one really fine way to catch a terrific scenic view of a coastline is to view it from a cape. So, we turned west on what was named, appropriately enough, Cape Lookout Road and prepared to be amazed.

Well, the road went up, then it went down. Then it twisted, then it turned, then it pretty much did the hokey-pokey and turned us all around! I’m tellin’ ya, I had NO idea which way we were goin’! (I had visions of rescue parties searching vainly for our vehicle… once someone realized we were lost, of course.) Eventually, though, we ended up at the top of a hill, and off to the side was the Cape Lookout parking area. Somehow we made it!

To our surprise, though, there was absolutely no view whatsoever. According to the sign, you had to *ahem* hike out to the point for the rumored view. (Up until now I’d heard of “hiking”, but have never actually seen it. Must be something those native Oregonians do…) Needless to say, we were a mite taken aback; talk about your bait-and-switch! It seemed kinda cruel to promise a spectacular view, then make you work for it, y’know? And worse, it looked like the trail led into a rather dense forest. What about the lions, tigers and bears (we said)? Oh, my!

Still, the promise of glorious sights… Anyway, we decided to throw caution to the winds and give it a shot. So we headed off into the deep, dark woods, keepin’ our eyes peeled for the aforementioned critters. Luckily, the trail appeared to be quite well travelled, so it was easy to follow. No breadcrumbs necessary at all.

I have to admit, once we got into it, the walk turned almost magical. The bright sunlight dimmed considerably as it filtered through the boughs of innumerable huge redwoods and other big trees.  The ground was covered by dense undergrowth, muting our steps, and everywhere the rich scent of green filled our noses with the perfume of rainforest. It was amazing!

The trail kept on going, and before too long we began to wonder just how far it might be. I mean, we were on a cape, so I figured we could only get so far in any direction before we got our feet wet, y’know? But after 20 minutes, there was still nothing but forest around us. I was about ready to turn back.

Finally, up ahead on the left, there seemed to be a much brighter area on the trail. That meant a clearing of some kind, so we decided to see if there were anything to see before turning back. It was like coming up to a corner of a building, then turning the corner and having this… incredible vista spread out in front of us!

Alas, that photo up there simply can’t do it justice. I’m guessin’ we were maybe 300 feet above sea level, and the way the sun played with the clouds and the mist thrown up by the wind… well, it was quite a sight! To this day, we’re grateful we had a chance to see it – even if we did have to work for it, y’know?

Keepin’ Your Eye on the Prize

I’ve said it before and it bears repeating: good things come to those who are willing to do what is necessary to achieve them. (Yes, I really said that; see my guest post at Confident Writing) And what’s really wonderful about those good things that – finally – come along is, they’re all the sweeter for the effort you had to put into it!

That’s the great reward for what you had to do. It’s like the goals you’ve focused on all these days, weeks or even years; when you finally hit the finish line, it’s sweeter than a big ol’ bowl of Blue Bell Banana Pudding Ice Cream! (And trust me Bubba; that’s some sweet dish!)

I’ll tell ya; the incredible view we got that day – it’ll always stay with us (and I don’t just mean as a photo, either). No, it was an all-the-more-fantastic and beautiful reward for the effort it took to find it!

So what prize have you got in your sights right now? Have you expended the effort to reach it? How much longer do you think it’ll take to achieve? What advice would YOU give someone in your place? Drop your suggestions in the comment box and let’s share the wealth of experience we represent with each other! Don’t worry; I’ll leave the light on.

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Photo: Windy Day on the Oregon Coast, by Robert Hruzek

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Have you ever heard this expression: “engraved in stone”? Generally speaking, it refers to something so sure, so predictable, it’s practically a foregone conclusion.

For example, it’s almost a sure thing that every time I drive by a certain well-known national chain ice cream parlor, I have to wrestle with the steering wheel on my car to keep the danged thing from pulling into their drive. Mrs. MZM would say that behavior is practically engraved in stone, y’know? (Alas, that’s a tough one to break; it’s, er, part of how I lost my *ahem* youthful figure – and ended up on this here diet!)

Anyhoo; the thing is, that behavior didn’t just happen overnight. Nope; I had to build it over time.

Building a Bad Habit

Back in 1985, when we first lived in Greenville, South Carolina, the road that took me from home to the office passed right by one of those aforementioned ice cream places. No big deal, you say? Well, this one had something we’d never seen at one of these things before: a drive-through window!

Alas, it was a recipe for disaster! (Well, I gotta admit, the inclination was already there.) All it took to cause me make a bat-turn in the middle of the road and slide up to the window, tires squealing like a stunt driver’s take a left instead of heading straight home after work was that extra little convenience.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before the results began to show up on the ol’ waistline, y’know?

But that’s the way bad habits work, don’t they? It may be something subtle at first, but you know how it goes, right? Before too long, it’s become a habit and you’re hooked! The problem, as we all know, is that once formed, bad habits can be oh-so-hard to get rid of. That’s because the behavior that produced the habit has become ingrained in our life.

What to do? Well, the best way to avoid the problem is to keep the bad habit from forming in the first place, right? So how do you head those pesky little things off at the pass?

How To Avoid Bad Habits

Here’s a couple of tips you can try. You just have to, y’know, do ‘em.

Know Yourself – Probably the most important weapon in your arsenal is to know your own strengths. And while you’re at it, get to know your weaknesses, too. I  mean, if you don’t even like ice cream, then Bubba, you ain’t got no problem at all when the ol’ Ice Cream Angel calls your name, right? Alas, most of us don’t fall into that category, so consequently have to admit that particular temptation has legs. But as they say in practically every guide to problem-solving I’ve ever read, the first step to solving a problem – is admitting there’s a problem! That ol’ sayin’, “forewarned is forearmed” has never been more true!

Know Your  Goals – The thing is, when it comes to this particular brand of ice cream, well, let’s just say if one of my goals was to become the World’s “Biggest” Project Manager and get my name in the record books, then I was certainly on the right track! However, since it, um, wasn’t, then obviously it wasn’t gonna help, y’know? Most of the time, all it takes is just a little thought to realize what’s good for your goals – and what’s not. Then all you have to do is, y’know, do the right thing.

Know Your Decisions Ahead of Time – Here’s the best weapon of all, and trust me on this, it’s something we can all do. Knowing that ice cream parlor was there (and I was pretty much forced to drive by it every day) well, I had to make the decision to NOT turn in – before the place was even in sight. I know it sounds simple, and it is. But the fact is, decisions of this nature just naturally are so much easier when you’re not in the midst of the battle, so to speak. Just decide , right now, what you’re going to do. Then, when it comes time to actually do it, you’ll find it so much easier!

Are There More Ways?

So what about you guys? How do you avoid bad habits? I’ve only listed three things; there’s bound to be lots more. Leave your suggestions in the comment box and let’s all have a big belly laugh learn something!

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Photo: Engraved in Stone, by Robert Hruzek

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I would say it’s a truism that pretty much everybody wants to “get ahead” to some degree, don’cha think? I mean sure, there’s probably a few folks completely satisfied with where they happen to be in life, but most of us haven’t quite gotten there yet, y’know? The only problem is… well, sometimes the path may seem a mite scary, don’t it?

Now, why should that be? I mean, it’s probably something you’ve been thinkin’ about for some time now, right? But don’t you find yourself thinkin’, down in your heart of hearts, Am I really sure I can do it? For one thing, you probably don’t really know what it’s like up there, right? I mean, you may have some idea, but what if you end up overextending yourself, exposing for all the world that you really don’t know what the heck you’re doing?

What if you finally move up to that next level – and instead of earning those accolades you truly deserve, you end up doin’ the crash-and-burn instead?

Hey, if you’re anything like me (and if so then sincere condolences to ya!), I bet your mind has replayed these thoughts – or perhaps something similar – to yourself a time or two. Especially when it came time to makin’ that move for advancement, right? Or, not even necessarily advancement; it just coulda been something you’ve never done before. Heck, maybe you were even simply starting a new job. You know; those “first day” blues, when it feels like you’re bein’ watched by everyone else to see if you really measure up.

I’ll tell ya; that feeling – well, it’s pretty common. The fact is, we all get a mite nervous when it comes time to proving that what we believe about ourselves is really true, y’know?

The Dragon Stairs

During my stay in Taiwan back in 2000, I had a driver that took me to and from work. Believe me, that was a real blessing! All those zillions of cars, myriads of scooters and motorcycles – and everyone driving like a maniac. Yeesh!

Depending on the weather or the traffic density (or heck; for all I knew it coulda been based on the current phase of the moon), we usually followed three or four different routes to the office. I’ll tell ya; I really got to enjoy being driven to work; it gave me plenty of time to see the sights along the way. I’m just sorry I wasn’t blogging back then; I probably would have noticed a lot more…

Anyway, one day we passed a certain spot and out of the corner of my eye a… something caught my attention. Unfortunately, by the time my brain did a double-take made me turn to look again, it was gone. I found myself wondering if I’d really seen what I thought I saw. So what did I see, you ask? It was a… well, if my momma hadn’t taught me not to swear, I woulda sworn I saw a big, um, er, dragon.

OK, I knew it couldn’t be a real dragon. Unfortunately, we’d already turned a corner on the narrow street and whatever I saw was already out of sight. But I resolved to look for it the next time we came that way.

A few days later, we passed the same spot again, and sure enough, it was a dragon! I tapped the driver on the shoulder, held up my camera and pointed. He smiled and pulled over, and I shot these two images of what I now call the Dragon Stairs.

One thing you have to remember. In Chinese cultures, dragons aren’t terrifying creatures; they’re good luck symbols. Thus, I imagine when the monks who live here used these stairs, they weren’t figuratively entering danger. No, they were partaking of a lucky omen.

You gotta admit, though; in Western cultures the dragon is a pretty scary critter, y’know? And somehow, even knowing it’s good luck in the minds of the monks at this temple wouldn’t prevent a slight involuntary shudder if I had to use these stairs. So bear in mind, what I have to say reflects my Western upbringing, ‘K? I’m just sayin’.

Here Be Dragons

Anyway, while contemplating being “upwardly mobile”, well, I kinda though about those stairs, y’know?

Like I said at the beginning, sometimes (OK, maybe most of the time), it can be kinda scary to move up to a level above what you’re used to (and are familiar with). That’s only natural; we all feel a bit of trepidation when we face the unknown, no matter how prepared you feel you are.

I’ll give you an example that’s happened to me quite a few times.

Every time I start a new project, there are new people to get to know, a new set of clients to deal with, a new project manager. And I know they have certain expectations of me when I come on board.

And that’s to be expected, right? After all, they’ve all reviewed my resume, perhaps talked to a few of the folks I’ve worked with before – or not – and they’ve built up this, well, expectation of who I’ll be and what I’ll accomplish for them.

But the reality is, unless I’ve worked for them before, they don’t really know. So there’s pressure on me to perform, right? And that’s the scary part. Despite the confidence in my own abilities – not to mention experience – I still can’t help feel a mite “on the spot”, if you get my meanin’.

In fact, it’s a lot like it would be for me if I had to use those Dragon Stairs. Sure, it’s a mite scary lookin’, but if I’m headed upstairs, then there’s pretty much no choice, right? So I gird my loins, screw my hat down tighter, and (gulp), walk right into the dragon’s mouth. Hey, I know it’s only a stairway. But still, those teeth sure look sharp, y’know? (he said, laughing nervously)

But once I arrive on the next floor up, everything is all right again. I can no longer see the dragon, and it no longer bothers me. In fact, next time I take the stairs, I’d probably not be so nervous anymore. And soon there’ll come a time when I may not even notice that ol’ dragon’s teeth!

Until, um, maybe the next move up.

Food For Thought

As I said, probably most of us have experienced the “upwardly mobile” thing – or something like it – at least once. So today I have some homework for ya.

I want you to take a few minutes and think about what it was like the last time you “moved up”, “stuck your neck out”, “expanded your horizon”, or whatever you want to call it. Try to remember how you felt during the experience, who you encountered along the way, and as many details as you can. Then consider the following questions:

1. When was the last time you made a move upwards? You know what I mean, right? That time you took a chance and did something you’d never done before. You stepped out on faith and started a business, or you went for that promotion, or maybe you presented a proposal to your boss for a new line of business? What was it?
2. Think about the fears you encountered when first planning your move. What were they? Looking back on it now, were they realistic or unfounded? Compare how you feel about them now with how you felt about them then. Did you get support from coworkers, friends, mentors, etc., or was it an opportunity only you seemed to grasp?
3. What did you do to counter those fears? Were there any particular folks who helped you? In what way did their help make the difference?
4. If you had the opportunity, would you do it again? Why or why not?
5. Is there anyone you know who may be facing a similar situation – and could use some encouragement or help right now?

If you like, share your thoughts on the above questions in the comment box below. Heck, write about it at your own place and share the link with us here; we’d love to be a part of it! Don’t be shy; let’s learn together, shall we?

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Photos by Robert Hruzek

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