Don't You Dare!
What is it about limits that make us human beans get all riled up inside? And why do we insist on kicking against any kind of limitations other folks may put upon us?
I was wandering around Discovery Green Park (it’s a small park in downtown Houston) a while back and one of the things I ran across was this stairway to, apparently, nowhere. It was tall and broad, made of very nicely laid brick, and – completely blocked off by this sign suspended on a chain!
Now, I gotta ask ya – is it just me? I’m tellin’ ya, whenever I see stuff like this, the first thing I want to do is, well, step right over the rope, chain or whatever, and go right in. I’m not alone, am I? Nope; thought not!
See, there’s this thing inside us that pretty much hates bein’ told what it can or can’t do, y’know? Now, is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Ah, now that’s the $49 question, don’t ya think?
The Good and the Bad
On the one hand, limits teach us some pretty good lessons, don’t they? I mean, when you’re a baby, and you reach for a hot stove, the alert and careful parent will tell you NO! in no uncertain terms. Wouldn’t you agree that’s a good limit? And when children go out in the backyard to explore and play, the fence generally defines the limits where parents might consider it to be “safe”, right? (There’s always a fence, of course; whether or not it’s physical is beside the point.)
I mean, those are good uses of limits, wouldn’t you say? They are there to help us survive childhood, for one thing. And in some cases, they give us the opportunity to, y’know, grow up!
On the other hand, there’s limits imposed upon us for other reasons, such as the one pictured here. Or, maybe they’re limitations imposed by a business (we accept cash only, no checks), a government (you will pay your taxes and you will enjoy it!), or even a friend (no, you can’t come over tomorrow, that’s the day I get my house fumigated). Augh! What’s a body to do?
A Stop Sign – or a Green Light?
Most of the time, those limitations you encounter every single day of our lives are so mundane and accepted that you may not even think about them. And that’s as it should be, don’t you think? I mean, if you had to stop and decide whether to accept every limit placed upon you every time it happened, you’d never get anywhere!
But what about the limits imposed upon us by other folks – that keep us from something you’re convinced is worthwhile? Ah, now that’s a pickle of another persuasion, isn’t it? When that sort of thing happens, it sorta riles you up, now, don’t it?
You find yourself sayin’ something along the lines of, Now who the heck do you think you are, anyway, to tell me I can’t climb that mountain, fly that high, or (feel free to fill in the blank here)?(Usually to be accompanied by a humph! or two.)
That’s what usually happens with me, anyway. In fact, I remember thinking that very thing (along with the humph!) a long time ago when a friend of mine told me it was “too late” to go back to school and finish my degree. After all, he pointed out, it’s been twenty years since I was in college. Besides, why bother? he said; what will it get you?
But you know what? It wasn’t!
In fact, I finished my Bachelor’s degree almost twenty years to the month after I started it! (Like I always say, I may not be smart – but I am slow!) Not only that, just for the heck of it I went on to get a Master’s and a Doctorate, too. No limits here, I’ll tell ya! As for what it’s given me, well, that would take a lot more than a simple blog post. Suffice it to say, it’s made a difference.
What Makes the Difference?
The fact is, limits can impose restrictions upon your actions – or they can cause you to rise up to even greater things, can’t they? What makes the difference?
Now, that is one interesting question, don’t you think? And after thinkin’ about it for a while, I decided to open up the floor for that one. So now it’s your turn!
Why do some folks hit a limit of some kind and stop (or turn aside), while others find ways to get around the limit and keep on’ goin’? Â What makes one limit “firm”, while another one is really a sorta “call to arms”, if you get my meanin’ – a challenge to greatness?
I’m not sure there are any hard and fast rules here, but if you know of some, I’d be interested to hear ‘em! In the meantime, I’ll leave the light on for ya, OK?
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This is an entry for this month’s What I Learned From Limits groupwrite project. Hey, there’s plenty of time left and you’re welcome to join us if you like; just follow that link there and read all about it!
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Middle Zone Musings is a comfortable place to stop, have a cup of coffee, swap a few stories and share practical ideas for the real world. I don't ask for much, just a bit of your brain every now and then. Have a seat, take a load off, and relax...
Robert, This is a very interesting set of questions with many sides to it. Society can’t function without rules/limits, and without society, humans can’t function as individuals. In that respect, we need to respect limits. But there are different types of limits. If one believes in Divine limits, it follows that they should be adhered to strictly. Human-imposed limits, in the form of laws or social conventions, can be flawed; so with respect to man made limits, there can be many instances where we can (and in some cases should) violate them.
For instance in our neck of the woods, traffic signals have deteriorated from laws into suggestions. People routinely run red lights, make left turns into oncoming traffic, and weave across tollway lanes like downhill skiers. But traffic signal limits should be adhered to: violating them endangers lives.
On the other hand, our tollway system is terminally corrupted. Motorists and businesses pay hundreds or thousands of dollars in tolls every year and the money is squandered. Would it be wrong for citizens to stage a protest and refuse to pay en masse? I think the case could be made.
.-= Brad Shorr´s last blog ..Twitter and Writing within Limits =-.
@Brad – “Society can’t function without rules/limits, and without society, humans can’t function as individuals.”
An excellent point, Brad, and one we tend to forget when those limits, well, limit us from doing what we want to do, y’know? But it’s important to remember that limits are like anything else; it’s not the limit that actually limits us – it’s how we respond to it. In other words, the main battle is up there where the penthouse is, if you get my meanin’!
Great questions Robert. Have you read The Dip by Seth Godin?
Those questions were very much what I was left pondering after reading it – he talks about how some people keep going past dips (to success), others recognise a dip is a dip you should give into, let go of an idea, move on to something that’s not resisting so much… he just doesn’t explain (not in words I could understand) how you tell the difference.
How *do* you spot a limit that you should recognise, listen to, notice and learn from?
Let’s hope WILF shows us some answers
.-= Joanna Young´s last blog ..2 Word Limit =-.
@Joanna – No, I haven’t read that one, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Sounds like it describes what we’re talking about.
Your ultimate question is the one I’m wrestling with now. It’s not a trivial one, either, so I was hoping to get some input from readers. Stay tuned, I guess.
Interesting thoughts…Its an endless debate : human’s liberties in society…I think Brad Shorr gave a pretty good answer : we people have to live in societies, which exist on the basis of rules and interdictions… That’s the way it goes. And if a part of us wants to break those rules, its means we are no robot listening to what people tell us to do, we are humanbeing with a brain that can say : this rule is logical ( dont go there, risk of serious injury or death ), i wont go, or not logical (like your pict : why is it forbidden, where is the risk, why would it be bad?!) . Breaking the rules just prove our intelligence!
.-= Marie Rencontre´s last blog ..Eviter les disputes, c’est dur ! =-.
I wonder if it the effect of a limit is in part determined by an individuals ability to visualize a reward for ignoring it. Your staircase for example. I’m curious what’s at the top. Is it a shortcut? What’s the penalty for getting caught. Those who are happy and enjoying the standard path might not even bother to note the sign, those in a hurry get sidetracked and drawn to it.
@Marie – Thanks for the thought, Marie; you make some good points, of course. I guess the logical part of my brain always wants to know “why” when I see a sign like this one. I mean, will I burst into flames or sumpin’?
But what about the situation when it’s “for your own good”? I mean, really for you own good. But you don’t understand it because you don’t see the bigger picture, maybe. It can get pretty complicated, can’t it?
Hey, a tip o’ the hat for droppin’ by, Marie!
@Fred – You may be on to something, Fred – the ol’ “What’s in it for me?” syndrome. Perhaps the only ones who’d notice this one are folks like me who weren’t in any particular hurry.
Interesting ideas. Look, why do you think ‘limitations’ are created? It have here in me two reasons: one is, to warn us to stop for something bad will happen if we will push over our limits and another is, pushing over your limits will actually bring you to the next level of being a step higher than the one you usually be. This is an endless debate. But actually, the answer simply lies within the results after you pushed over your limits right? It lies on the circumstances present. In the end, it is actually you, yourself, who decides whether pushing over your limits brought something good or bad.
@Matt – Well, you make a strong case there, Matt, but what about those times when you don’t see the “big picture” and really DON’T know if going past the limit is a good thing – or will end up slapping you silly? I’m askin’ because THOSE are the times when it may really matter. However, your final sentence is still true, though; we have to decide if it was worth it or not.
Hey, thanks for the food for thought, Bubba!
Robert, when we’re younger, we’ve been taught by our parents, the elders, teachers and others that it’s not right to disfollow the rules. Sometimes, I wish to break the rules and live with my own way…
@Wilson – We all feel that way sometimes, Wilson. The trick is in learning when it’s OK to break past the limits in our lives, and when it’s not. There’s a case for both.
My mother was a rule breaker as well as a number of important teachers in my life. So both my genetics and environment lead me to have no issue at all with limits.
Those that want me to obey their limits do have an issue with how I deal with their limits though.
For me the only hard ad fast rule I have is harm no one else. So, unless I know someone else will get hurt because of my action I tend to base my decisions about limits on what I want to do.
Your sign up there? I would have taken the following into consideration:
Am I alone? Don’t want anyone else getting arrested.
Likely hood that what’s up there is interesting?
Likely hood of me actually getting caught?
Worst case scenario for punishment? A city park, meh. A federal building would be something else entirely.
So, if I were alone, thought it would be fun or interesting to find out, and the likely hood of me getting caught or the penalty were acceptable, I’ld go in a heart beat.
I see life as a journey and I want to enjoy the journey. That means crossing the lines, climbing the fences, and sneaking in the back way. It also means questioning the unquestionable and standing up for what you believe in.
Sorry to go on for so long, but I will leave you with one last thought:
If you follow every body elses rules how do ever find out who you really are?
@Kevin – Hey, if it works for you, then I say go for it, Bubba! Until you, er, end up in jail! Or sumpin’.
No, I see your point, and to tell you the truth, I’ve leaped a few barriers myself now and again. I think we’re on the same journey, Kevin!