What Is Love?
After reading my last post the other day (Holding Hands), a good friend accused me of being an “old romantic”. Notwithstanding the now near-automatic “hey, who you callin’ ‘old’” response (I mean c’mon, I only just turned 55 last week!), I must say I’m flattered.
But yes, I suppose it’s true. I am a romantic at heart, especially when it comes to Mrs. MZM. And I’m a sucker for romantic movies, books or poetry, too. I mean, as long as there’s space ships, explosions, or world domination plots involved, I’m there.
Naah; just kidding. Actually, I do enjoy relaxing with Mrs. MZM and a good romantic comedy – although our tastes generally run to classic movies rather than more recent ones. Some of our favorite classics are Roman Holiday, The Philadelphia Story, Charade, and How to Marry a Millionaire. Of those more recent ones, the few we really like include Sabrina (the remake with Harrison Ford), French Kiss and While You Were Sleeping.
The truth is, there’s a lot to learn about love, and not just from the movies. There’s always, y’know, real life, right? And I’ll tell ya, in the 26-plus years we’ve been married, there’s actually a lot of really good stuff I managed to pick up along the way. Really.
In fact, in a moment of enthusiasm insanity (and not realizing how ridiculously long such a thing would actually be), I started making a list!
[Disclaimer: Understand, though, that just because I wrote this doesn't mean I'm an expert on the subject! In fact, I'm a lot like that fellah who, upon holding his newborn son for the first time, looked the kid in the eye and said, "Son, lemme tell ya everything I know about women." There's a few seconds' pause while he prepares his thoughts, then with a sigh he ruefully adds, "Nothin'!"]
Anyway, here’s the first few items on my list (click on these images for a larger view – trust me, it’s worth it):
Eloquence doesn’t excuse a self-serving heart – Come to think of it, neither do brilliance or extreme self-confidence, either. It can happen so easily in our relationships, can’t it? We get so caught up in our own “truth”, we forget we’re dealing with another human being; one with thoughts, emotions, and yes, their own personal investment in the relationship.
My you-didn’t-ask-for-it-but-you’re-going-to-get-it-anyway advice: before launching into that soliloquy (you know the one I mean: the one called “why you should always see things MY way”), try this simple, 3-step technique: 1) pause, 2) take a deep breath, and 3) count to 10. Trust me; you’ll thank yourself in the morning.
Not even generosity can veil a poor spirit – Hey, just because you’re willing to give your money or time to a cause, help someone out of a jam, or donate a lung, it doesn’t make you a great person. No, it’s what’s goin’ on inside that counts; that’s where the truth hides.
Now please don’t get me wrong – all those things – and more – can be wonderful blessings to the recipient. It’s just that (and you can take my word for this), when you do these things for the wrong reasons, well, sooner or later, it shows.
Real love is built on absolutes – Love, as I have discovered, is built on, among other things, four absolutes: patience, kindness, consideration and forgiveness. Can you imagine real, genuine love that’s missing any of these four? I sure can’t.
Go ahead; Google your memory banks for those “speed bumps” in your love relationships. Now be honest; weren’t they, when you get right down to it, because one of these four cornerstones got, um, left out?
Celebrating truth beats out negativity, every time – It’s a sad fact of life, ain’t it, that negativity sells. Hey, I wish it weren’t so, my friends, but there it is. On the other hand, who ever managed to develop into a, well, likable person, if you get my meanin’, on a life filled with nothing but negativity?
One thing I learned from my Doctoral business classes was the difference between strategic versus tactical thinking. And it’s a sad fact that many of the short-term actions we take these days aren’t really all that good in the long run.
My point is, the strategic thing to do is celebrate the truth; the positive things in life. You do that and I promise you’ll find yourself not only becoming more likable to those around you, but you’ll even like yourself more! And Bubba; that’s one key to a truly great love, I’m tellin’ ya – you need to be comfortable with who you are.
So What Is Love?
Well, along about now I began to realize that everything I’d written so far seemed awfully familiar. Then it hit me (sound of dull thud)! In the Bible, the 13th chapter of the book of 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul answers the question, “What is Love?” ‘waaaay more magnificently than I ever could.
(I always thought it was fascinating that the 13th chapter, dealing with Love, had exactly 13 verses in it. Now recognizing there can be no coincidences with God, there’s a factoid that would intrigue even a Vulcan!)
What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge? And what if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing, unless I loved others. What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive? I would gain nothing, unless I loved others.
Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails!
Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken. All that we know will be forgotten. We don’t know everything, and our prophecies are not complete. But what is perfect will someday appear, and what isn’t perfect will then disappear.
For now there are faith, hope, and love. But of these three, the greatest is love.
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[Note from the Proprietor: this is my second entry in this month's What I Learned From... groupwrite project. This month the topic is LOVE, and if you'd like to contribute your own entry to the party, hey, you're welcome to join us! We'll be accepting entries through Sunday night, Feb. 8. Just click on that link and read all about it!]
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Photo credits:
What is Love? By Chia-Ling
Eloquence, by reallyboring
Generosity, by jahfool
Absolute, by HaniAlYousif
Truth, by TW Collins
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Middle Zone Musings is a comfortable place to stop, have a cup of coffee, swap a few stories and share practical ideas for the real world. I don't ask for much, just a bit of your brain every now and then. Have a seat, take a load off, and relax...
Bob, What a wonderful post. The passage from Paul is one of my favorites. I really like what you said about eloquence. In certain situations, just being there, not saying anything, can express love more powerfully than words.
Brad Shorrs last blog post..Put a Little Love in Your Marketing
Thanks Bob, I find your posts really encouraging and gives much cause for reflection. Continue the quality work.
Robert, I’m glad you picked up on our Twitter banter and turned it into a full blown post – and good on you for tackling as big a topic as ‘what is love?’!
I also loved the extract you shared, esp the first line:
“What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”
Beautiful. Ta!
Joanna Youngs last blog post..How Do You Get Past Your Writing Road Blocks?
Wonderfully written! It is so true that the final definition of what love is can be found in 1 Corinthians 13
An Arkies Musings
Robert, this is absolutely lovely. Before I got to the end, I had I Corinthians in mind, you captured the truth of the passage so beautifully and it was a treat to read the words that never fail to make my heart sing at the end. You and Mrs. MZM and the love you share with one another and others is truly a blessed thing.
Hi Robert,
A true romantic at heart what a lovely man you are. You see to me a true romantic is one who focuses on ways to see love in their life and so appreciates when it is given. They also looks for ways to extend the love they have and create it in their lives. They also would hope in the passage 13 Corinthians…for their heart resonates towards love. Thanks for sharing “What is Love” with me. Love knowing love is going on in your life. What a gift love truely is. The ingredients of love sure are time tested: patience, kindness, consideration and forgiveness.
Aim for “Love”
Diane
@Brad – You’re absolutely right, Brad – sometimes Love can be expressed quite well in the warm silence of companionship far more eloquently than the loftiest speech.
@Joanna – Hey, thanks for the mind tweak!
@Richie – Glad you dropped by, Richie! Yes, this is one of my favorite summations on the subject. Happy to have shared it.
@Karen – You’ve been doin’ a lot of singing lately haven’t you Karen? Keep it up!
@Diane – Thank you for sayin’ so, Diane. Mrs. MZM and I appreciate it!
I think love is something a lot of people mistake for lust or other feelings – to me love is a very strong affinity for another link. So strong in deed that you would not occupying the same space as that object.
So true. Selfish is a major root that can destroy and harm so many. It’s so common to have so many distortions of what real love is for so many reasons. It’s good to come back to solid reality of what it really is.
Robert, My definition about L.O.V.E is:
L: Look
O: Observe
V: Verify
E: Enjoy
Without the above four aspects, LOVE is useless…
Hmm… I liked this post… my dad is always really negative about life, even when he was cracking jokes! He is hilarious, but the negativity does bring things down. It drives my Mom bonkers, though she isn’t perfect either!
Thanks for the thoughts to think about!
Peace out!
I am right there with you on the romantic movies bit. I never liked them, I guess I was too ‘manly’ for them. But, now that I am married I realize there are some that are good. My wife doesn’t really like violence so we end up watching these movies often and I really don’t mind. I could see myself becoming and old romantic someday and that doesn’t seem so bad. Good post.
I think love is any strong feelings you have for another person that are sincere. It can be for a lover, family member, or even a friend.
@Val – Yes, reality is what we all need to keep an eye on. That’s why I included that last bit from Corinthians. Too many folks have no idea…
@Elizabeth – Hey, I’m glad you liked it! Thanks for stopping by!
@John – Hey, “someday” may be sooner than you think, John! But trust me; it’s a good thing.
@Jenny – I dunno; that sounds like a rather indefinite definition to me, Jenny. However, may I not that the Bible points out that genuine love is not simply a feeling, but an action.
Love is such a vague thing. Its hard to define what it means. However, no matter how abstract it is, the presence is just so powerful. People become selfless, caring and understanding. Sometimes, you become a totally different person. People change for the better in its name. I also believe that no matter how much in love you are, you can never be an expert. And true, I do agree that there is so much to learn about it. Even as you think you know the person, you still discover new things with them as time goes by. Whether good or bad, you still are there having the same amount of love or even more.
I like the way you understand love. And one more thing added to add on your absolutes: faithfulness. I hope thats what all people should practice nowadays…
francescas last blog post..Discount Wedding Favors: Proven Saving Tips for Your Wedding
@Francesca – I’m not sure I agree that love is a vague thing. Maybe it’s really so BIG – and with so many nuances – maybe that’s what makes it so hard to define. But I do agree with you about faithfulness; hard to have real love without that.
Hi Robert!
Your 4 point list above could be called a reality check mirror, it might just be a bit uncomfortable looking into it when we hold it up in front of our primary love!
@Rhys – I think you may have a point there, Bubba! Gotta make sure we like what we see in that reflection, y’know?
What a romantic expression about love! Love is based on trust, loyalty and careful care, I think.
@Grace – Among other things, Grace! Hey, I appreciate you dropping by the Zone!