[We interrupt this blog for the following public service message.

Warning: In the spirit of full disclosure, I need to let you know that today's post constitutes something of rant. Well, not a rant, exactly; more of an impassioned plea. Albeit one that happens to be political in nature (sound of terrified scream).

As you know, I rarely get political around here. However, what with the imminent national election coming up here in the U.S. next Tuesday, it's just one of those things I feel that I must get off my chest.

Don't worry; I've done my best to keep it a non-partisan soliloquy. As always, though, you are the ultimate Review Board. Thanks a herd for your indulgence, y'all, and a tip o' the hat to ya!]

____________________________

OK; I have what you might call a rhetorical question here. (By the way, the word rhetorical, as used in this context, is defined as a question that Rhett Butler might have asked Scarlet O’Hara, if political campaigns in the 1840′s had used TV as a medium.)

Do politicians these days think we don’t see what they’re up to? Or do they think we’re, you know, stupid? (OK; that was two questions. Sorry; I was never too good at math.)

I don’t know; I’ve never thought of myself as stupid. But hey, maybe I am.

That’s the kind of thinking that runs through my mind every time I see yet another in a long series of ridiculous – and often downright insulting – political ads these days. And you know what got me thinkin’ that way? Well, I was thinkin’ the other day about… duck hunting.

The Great Hunter – Not!

See, I’ve never been much of a hunter. (Nor a fisherman, for that matter. In fact, I freely admit I’m not much of an outdoorsman at all. But I have made a few attempts at it in the somewhat distant past. Hopefully it still counts towards my application to become a card-carrying member of the Manly Men’s Society. Keep your fingers crossed.)

The thing was, when I got out there in the wild, it seemed like every critter on the planet was fully aware of exactly why I was there. I mean, I did everything right. I set out the decoys (in the case of ducks), or put out the feed (in the case of deer), went and found a nice, quiet hunting blind to hide out in, and practiced making like a tree stump. (Think it’s easy? I dare you to try sitting outdoors in cold damp weather without moving a muscle for five solid hours. It’s the height of fun, I’ll tell ya!)

But the trouble was, it never seemed to fool the little darlings into coming out where I could, um, see ‘em. Any ducks within five miles of my location simply flew extra high up. And then, to add insult to injury, even though totally unable to reach them with my trusty shootin’ iron, Bess – I could still hear them laughing at me as they passed by overhead.

Even the deer took a vacation day to visit distant relatives whenever I was out there waiting in the foggy, foggy dew.

I just don’t get it. It’s like they knew something was up. And what’s worse, I’m fairly positive the sneaky little boogers considered me pretty stupid for even trying to fool ‘em into showing their feathered faces. Finally, it hit me (sound of dull thud).

Ducks, as it turns out, ain’t that dumb. They really could see me!

“Sortof a Rant” Section

So how does duck hunting relate to political advertising?

Well, it’s kinda the same thing, don’cha think? I mean, the hunters (fill in the name(s) of the politician(s) of your choice here) set out their decoys (“talking points”, I believe they’re called in the vernacular of the day). Then they hide, waitin’ to see who’s been fooled into thinking they’ve found the real thing (meaning the issues we really should be thinking about, as opposed to the issues they want us to be thinking about, if you get my meanin’).

I’ll tell ya; every time we go through this, the ridiculous rhetoric seems to get more and more breathtakingly outrageous in its scope (and depth!), and Bubba, this election season is no exception. I mean, c’mon, y’all; who really cares how many houses one candidate or another owns? What does it matter that one is “more well-liked” than the other? And what difference could it possibly make whether or not one is older or younger? Now admit it; doesn’t this sort of thing remind you of little kiddy arguments from your Kindergarten days?

In fact, the current checklist of “issues” (and I use that term loosely here) I hear on the news or see in the media aren’t even, for the most part, the real issues at all; they’re just decoys. You know, just like those fake ducks floatin’ around out there on the pond.

No, the real issues are the ones we used to talk about – but for some reason, don’t anymore. Somehow they seem to have gradually – and largely successfully – been swept under the rug by the media.

I’m talking about really critical stuff – like the economy, energy and national security, among other things. (OK, I’ll give you one; the economy is definitely front and center right now. Although… have you noticed no one seems to be openly investigating the actual instigators of the financial meltdown? Do you wonder why that particular bit of news isn’t front page stuff? At any other time, it would be; why isn’t it now?)

How about energy? We’re not talking about that one either these days. How come? Just because oil prices have headed south lately doesn’t mean we’ve solved it, you know. Unfortunately, major concerns that sorta came to a head only two months ago in our own legislature – and still remain totally unsolved – have been almost dropped completely from the news. (You know; little details such as domestic vs. foreign oil supplies, the long-term rising cost of energy, alternative fuel sources, etc.)

Then there’s national security. (Of course, I’m talking about U.S. national security here, but the Free World – and the rest of the world for that matter – are certainly part of the Big Picture.) Why have these issues been dropped from the headlines?

And what about job creation, taxes, health care, and a veritable plethora of other, important, and ultimately long-term issues we need to consider before choosing who we want to support?

Don’t these folks realize the truth – that we can see right through the ridiculous games they’re playing? Don’t they understand that we really do see them?

Like I said, I never thought of myself as stupid. But they sure seem to think so.

“Impassioned Plea” Section

Years ago, I used to have one of these signs hanging on my wall, courtesy of IBM. Perhaps you’ve seen one yourself. The inside joke was, they were purposely made to hang upside down (at least, the one I owned was).

Silly, I know. But still; it makes a powerful statement, don’cha think? Hey, if nothing else, when you saw that sign hanging upside-down on the wall, it certainly made you, well, think. Why? Because it was something of a non-sequitur, causing the ol’ little grey cells to do a sortof double-take.

So really, that’s all I’m sayin’.

Just… think!

Next Tuesday, Americans everywhere will be casting votes (uh, you ARE going to vote, right?), making decisions on things that are truly critical, not just for the short term, but even more importantly, over the long haul as well. And it would be a travesty if those of us headed for the polls didn’t just stop for a second and deeply consider the issues – the real ones – from all the angles.

Whatever you do, please don’t vote a certain way just because someone tells you to. Don’t cast a vote for one candidate or another “just because”. Now that would be stupid. Hey, I truly believe, my friends, that you guys are ‘waaaay smarter than that. (After all, you’re here in the Zone, aren’t you? That exhibits remarkable intelligence in my book!)

No, instead I ask you to really think about your vote. And even more important, understand and know the long-term consequences of your decision. To my mind, and despite the many distractions, the long-term ramifications (and consequences), at least in this election, are fairly clear.

With all my heart I beg you; please be able to put a coherent reason after that word “because”. And hey, if you can honestly do that, then lemme just say one last thing:

Go for it, Bubba!

__________________________

[Thanks for your forbearance, folks; I appreciate continued your patronage. I now return the Middle Zone to its regularly scheduled programming.

And if you're an American, and you haven't voted yet, please exercise your freedom and go vote next Tuesday, November 4^th! I think it's fairly safe to say a significant portion of the world is watching this one.]

__________________________