Last week I issued an invitation for y’all to write a guest post here at the Middle Zone. Several folks have stepped up to the call, and I hope you’ll consider it too.

Speakin’ of guest posts, I thought I’d give you a list of the various and sundry places around the Web where I’ve sneaked a post in unawares had the privilege to be a guest writer. In case you didn’t know about, or just flat missed ‘em, here they are, in no particular order:

Published Down Under at Pete Aldin’s Great Circle:

How I Won the War on That Stupid Pipe

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Published at Brad Shorr’s Word Sell, Inc.:

One Key to Successful Sales – and Life

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Published at the SOBCon Blog:

What I Learned By Eating Pizza From the Wrong End First

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Published at G.L. Hoffman’s What Would Dad Say:

Sometimes You Just Need a Little Help

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Published at Scrambled Toast, also the brainwarp brainfreeze brainchild of Brad Shorr, and featuring fellow conspirator George Angus, who writes over at Tumblemoose Writing Productions:

Double-Take

Something Missing?

When Good Words Go Bad

When the Conversation Turns Ugly

Yes, But is it Art?

Name That Thing!

New Contest: It’s a Sign!

Sure, But Would You Wear the T-Shirt?

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Published at Joanna Young’s Confident Writing:

Standing Tall in Your Community

Three Keys to Powerful Writing

Two Simple Steps to Writing With Authenticity

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Published at Rosa Say’s et. al. Joyful Jubilant Learning:

How to Learn Something From Anything

What Do You See?

The L8, Gr8 Number 8

Just Hangin’ Around

A Hill o’ Beans

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Published at Liz Strauss’ Successful Blog:

Choose the Ending

Try One More Time

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Published at Vicky Hennigan’s Remarkable Parents:

Easy, Fast & Free Photo Editing

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Finally, there was this 3-part series that actually appeared in 3 different places:

Dead Ends, Part 1, published right here at Middle Zone Musings

Dead Ends, Part 2, published at Scrambled Toast

Dead Ends, Part 3, published at Confident Writing

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Whew! I had no idea it was that many! But this was a good exercise for me, anyway. Now I know where I’ve been…

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Ever been at the top of a mountain (or at least a very tall building), with what seems like the whole world at your feet? It’s an awesome feeling, ain’t it?

It’s no wonder the ancients were attracted to high places. Sometimes it seems like the most profound thoughts come to us when we’re feelin’, y’know, up there, above it all.

That brings up the Question of the Day: Have you ever had what is commonly known as a mountaintop experience? You know what I mean, right? I’m talkin’ about an experience so amazing, so profound – maybe even so life-changing – that you’ll never forget it.

Well, chances are, you have, and if so, we’d like to hear about it! That’s why I’m making that the topic for our very next What I Learned From… groupwrite project. (sound of cheering) So… it’s time to put on your thinking caps, y’all (or at least your idea beanies), and select the writing instrument of your choice, because next Monday, June 1 marks the kickoff of our next WILF!

What I Learned From a Mountaintop Experience

All you have to do is tell us in your own words what happened to you, and more importantly, what you learned from it.

Simple, right? You can write a story, a list, a how-to or whatever. Tell it in a soliloquy, an essay, a poem, a song, a haiku, a paragraph, or even just a word or two (it’s been done) – hey, it’s up to you. (So far, no one has submitted a video yet – but I bet it’s just a matter of time.)

And, although we don’t officially kick off until next Monday, I’m tellin’ ya now so you have plenty of time to think about what you want to write.

Just so ya know, I’ll be accepting entries thru Sunday at midnight, June 7.

Spread the word, y’all!

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Photo: View From the Top, by Lanzen

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In the United States today, we set this day aside to honor our fallen heroes. It’s a powerful reminder that freedom is precious – and rarely free.

Thanks, y’all, from the bottom of my heart, and my hat is off to you.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Gee, I’d sure love to write a guest post for Middle Zone Musings”? If so, then you’re playin’ my song! (If, on the other hand, you’re thinkin’ to yourself, “Now why in tarnation would I want to do that?” then read on…)

The fact is, whether you’re a newbie or an old hand, guest posting is a great way to gain exposure (Eek! Not that kind of exposure, silly!), spread your wings, and introduce yourself to new folks. And getting to know each other is, after all, the heart and soul of social media, right?

There’s a First Time for Everything

I remember my first guest post like it was yesterday…

‘Way back when I was just a newbie, wet-behind-the-ears blogger (almost 3 years ago now – practically pre-historic times in blog years), I simply wrote about this and that; y’know, mainly just learnin’ the ropes. I found plenty of other blogs to read, began to get to know a few folks, and even started leaving comments here and there. It was a heady time – bein’ “out there” like that!

Hey, it wasn’t without its rewards. After about six months or so, I managed to pick up a grand total of about, um, 5 readers (starkly testified by that little Feedburner chiclet over there in the sidebar). Man, was I tearin’ it up, or what? Still, I have to admit to wonderin’ now and then if “this blog stuff” was worth it or not

Then one day, a fine upstanding member of my vast army of, er, fan asked me to write a guest post. Really? Me? Man, I’m tellin’ ya, it was like… well, it was like the sun rising on a cloudless morning, fresh drops of dew on a bright yellow daffodil, that morning bowl of Rice Crispies when you first pour milk over ‘em and they start to Snap, Crackle, and, y’know, Pop!

As a matter of fact, it was my Down Under friend Pete Aldin, who asked me to participate in his group writing project and submit a guest post. So I threw caution to the winds and wrote How I Won the War on That Stupid Pipe.

Actually, it was kinda fun to think, just like that, my pointless bletherings pithy prose would be seen by an entirely new group of folks. I’m tellin’ ya; I was inspired!

The Forum is OPEN!

OK, like I said up top, I’m lookin’ for folks who would like to write a post for the Middle Zone. If you’d like to be a guest writer here (or at least think you would), then I’d like to hear from you.

What do I have to do, you ask? Hey, glad you asked!

Since all we do here is tell stories “about lessons learned from life”, then all you have to do is tell a story about something you learned from… well, pretty much anything. You get to choose the topic. You can be serious or silly, prolific or pithy, ridiculous or rambunctious; it’s up to you. Also, length is not an issue, long or short.

And, although I’ll naturally screen ‘em (hey, I’m not a complete whack job), there’s pretty much only two rules here: 1) keep it rated G (ultimately, it’s determined by yours truly), and 2) be nice. As for editing, I’ll try to keep it to a minimum, and will only do it in a way that makes you look better. Promise.

If you’re interested, then let me know by sending me an email. (And if we don’t know each other yet, then by all means, introduce yourself! I promise I won’t bite. Very hard.)

Guest Posts So Far

The truth is, as much as I enjoy posting elsewhere, I truly enjoy having folks guest post here at the Middle Zone! (And it’s nice to have the occasional day off.) If you’d like to join ‘em, you’ll be in some fine company, I’ll tell ya!

Here’s a list of who’s posted here at the Zone to date:

Confessions of a PDF Addict, by Chris Garrett

What I Learned From Balloon Animals, by Karen Swim

My Slapstick Moment on the Slopes, by Brad Shorr

Obstacles in Your Path, by Joanna Young

Editorial Wisdom, by Liz Strauss

Just When They Think You’re Smart, by Brad Shorr

The Year I Learned There Really is a Santa Claus, by J. Sewell Perkins

What I Learned From Kevin Eikenberry, by Kevin Eikenberry

Why not throw caution to the winds and join ‘em? I’m waiting to hear from ya!

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Image: Keyboard – blur, by striatic

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When this showed up in my inbox from fellow Bubba and Internet extraordinaire Chris Garrett (yep; the co-author with Darren Rowse of Problogger: Secrets to Blogging Your Way to a Six-figure Income), hey, it was a blessing indeed!

Chris reveals a little about himself while contributing a practical tip for those of you who love to download free stuff. (No need to raise your hand; we’re all guilty of this one, I bet.)

A tip o’ the hat to ya, Chris, for being brave and coming clean!

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Confessions of a PDF Addict

My name is Chris Garrett and I am a PDF addict.

OK, there are probably worse addictions, but I really need to own up to this one. You see, I am addicted to downloading free ebooks and whitepapers from web sites, which is not that bad on its own. The problem is I don’t read them!

Rather than helping my productivity, these books, whitepapers and reports are actually causing a problem in that I flit from one free gift to another with an endless list of stuff I need to get around to. That is while ignoring all the paid stuff I have sitting around gathering dust.

I once met a lady who was addicted to downloading and cutting out coupons and vouchers but never used them. She said it was the thrill of finding them that excited her, it didn’t matter if they got used. I think I started to become like that.

There is so much educational material out there, so many great resources, that no sooner have I downloaded something that seems interesting, I have found another equally compelling freebie and I am downloading that. I never sit down and consume these things, they just clutter up my hard disk, and so I never actually learn anything from them.

I worry I am becoming the “MTV generation” that we were warned about – attention span of a gold fish … ooh! shiny!

So I have come up with a solution, and luckily it does not require 12 steps.

1. Only download anything that will absolutely definitely help with a current challenge
2. If it does not match the criteria of #1 then bookmark it (I bet you never go back to it)
3. Most free reports come with a stream of emails – if you don’t get value from the first two then unsubscribe
4. Read the PDF immediately – no delays
5. Implement what you learn as soon as you learn it – if you do not implement you are likely to forget any lessons gained

With this new system I am much more productive and actually making use of all the glorious free stuff that I come across – try it yourself!

Chris Garrett blogs at http://chrisg.com and ironically also writes for Cogniview, a leader in PDF conversion tools.

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By the way, if YOU’D like to write a guest post for the Middle Zone, talk to me! Remember, as it says up there on the label, “it’s about lessons learned from life”.

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I’ll tell ya; I was watching the national (U.S.) news last week, and I couldn’t help but stare in awestruck wonder (sorta like the same way you just can’t tear your eyes away from a train wreck) by the absolutely ridiculous linguistic gyrations being paraded out for us by a supposedly smart woman. Now c’mon, y’all; wasn’t that the most insultingly convoluted attempt at circumlocution you’ve ever seen? (It’s funny how dangerous things always travel in packs, ain’t it? Lessee… there’s a pack of wolves, a pack of cigarettes… oh, and a pack of lies..)

Why is it, I wondered, when we do something dumb, the very first impulse always seems to be something along the lines of ‘at all costs, avoid responsibility and deny everything’?

But forget about U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (who has now managed to usurp Bill Clinton’s spot as the poster child for that sort of thing) and the big, giant pickle she’s gotten herself into, I actually asked that question because of something that happened to yours truly the other day.

In fact, the reason this subject comes up at all is, well, I guess the best thing is to go ahead and confess to it right up front: My name is Robert, and I’m a (sound of anguished scream) cookie-killer. Go ahead, bring on the handcuffs; I’ll go quietly, officer.

See, it was like this…

It’s Snackin’ Time!

The other evening, Mrs. MZM and I were winding down from a rather strenuous day of… well, whatever the heck we do all day. Now, we’d just snuggled into our favorite spot on the couch when she looked up at me and said “Want something?”

I knew what she meant, of course. After all, when you’ve been married for 27 years, spending that much time together means at least some of our conversations have been honed down to a nub, if you get my meanin’. My stomach, knowing exactly what she meant, immediately perked up and gronked in reply.

After a brief discussion of the options (no need to repeat it here; our brand of shortspeak probably wouldn’t make all that much sense to you anyway) the judge’s decision, by a considerable margin, was: cookies!

Now don’t get me wrong, y’all; “having” cookies around our house ain’t that easy! I mean, it’s not like our pantry is loaded up with the things. And we’ve never been a big fan of those store-bought packages, either – none of those pre-baked, vacuum-bagged pretenders for us! (Mrs. MZM requires me to mention one exception: Girl Scout Thin Mints.)

Nope; around our house, when thoughts turn to cookies, we have to actually, y’know, bake ‘em ourselves. Well, to be honest – something we always strive for here at the Zone – we use those pre-made cookie dough things you keep in the fridge and just pop on a cookie sheet. Hey, we’re not total purists around here; too much work.

Anyhoo – hey, we have cookie-preparation down to a science around here: preheat the oven, carefully place the little doughballs (chocolate chip for the Mrs., and Oatmeal Raisin for me – both enhanced with a touch of cinnamon) on a cookie sheet, pop ‘em in the oven, set the timer, and… wait.

(That last is always the hardest part, isn’t it? The delicious smell of cinnamon quickly grows so powerful, by the time they’re actually ready to eat you’re practically gnawing on the furniture.)

The Call of the Wild (Cookie, that is)

Finally (!) that little timer thing on the oven lets off with it’s characteristic (and by the way, quite annoying) electronic signal. C’mon, admit it – it’s sorta like the Call of the Wild, ain’t it? And just like Pavlov’s dogs, at the sound of the tone my mouth instantly began watering in anticipation as I catapulted outta the couch like I was launched from an aircraft carrier calmly stood up and went to the kitchen to retrieve our little golden delights (surreptitiously smoothing over those unsightly chew marks on the sofa).

Here’s where the crucial event occurs. (Better gird your loins for this, folks; it ain’t pretty.)

I picked up a hot pad, opened the oven door (while inhaling the sweet, delicious aroma of hot, fresh-baked cookies – YUM!), grabbed a corner of the piping hot cookie sheet, pulled ‘em out of the oven, and proceeded to dump the whole shebang – cookie-side down, mind you – smack dab on the floor!

WHAP!

The sharp metallic sound of metal on tile reverberated around the kitchen for a few moments, then… a stunned silence filled the void. (Insert moment of stunned silence here.)

Yeah, I know; you’re probably as shocked I was at this appalling turn of events. I’m tellin’ ya; my heart just about stopped! It was an absolute travesty. It was criminal. It was… like in that movie The Day the Earth Stood Still, when the Earth, y’know, stood still. I half expected to look up and see ol’ Gort shaking his big, metallic head in dismay as he prepared to laser me into oblivion.

After about 5 seconds of this, Mrs. MZM’s voice wafted gently in from the other room, an ominous tone clearly detectable: “Did what I think happen – just happen?”

Uh-oh.

My panicky brain started to flounder as the connection between it and my tongue momentarily broke down. For a few seconds, the recurring phrase sense of impending doom was the only thing that circled through my poor befuddled mind. The flight reflex instinctively rose from its deep, dark lair, while sweat began to bead upon my troubled brow.

To top it off – and I kid you not – I distinctly remember thinking, Now, how can I plausibly claim, ‘It’s not my fault’?

Time to Pay the Piper

OK, rhetorical question here (which does not mean something Rhett Butler would have asked):

Have you ever done something stupid? Oh, I’m not just talkin’ about murdering a tray of poor, defenseless cookies; I mean, have you ever done something dumb and then immediately thought to yourself, Now how on Earth could I have ever done such a bone-headed thing?

No; no need to raise your hand or anything. I’d say the chance of anyone NOT pulling a boner at least once in their lifetime is roughly on the order of, well, that of ol’ Adam and Eve convincing God it “wasn’t them” who took the apple off that Tree of Life . After all, who else could it have been, y’know?

But what surprised me most was that little reflex thought that scampered through my brain. In spite of the clear and undisputable facts, right? I mean, there was no way I could deny that it was, y’know, my fault. The evidence, after all, was right there on the floor for all to see. (OK, it was just me and Mrs. MZM – and no, there is no, er, surviving photographic evidence.) There was absolutely no way to credibly deny it was me, and me only, that did the low-down dirty deed.

So what did I do? Well, own up, of course! Hey, I just never quite got a good grip on the edge of the cookie sheet as I lifted it out of the oven, with the inevitable result. End of story.

Almost.

The Rest of the Story

OK, by now you’re probably wondering if I’ve been sent up the river to do hard time by a jury of my peers, and I’m writin’ this post with a little tiny stub of a No.2 pencil on a long sheet of toilet paper smuggled into my dingy cell. So what sentence, you’re sayin’ to yourself, did Mrs. MZM throw at you for ruining a perfectly good snack?

Actually, she was remarkably cool and collected about the whole thing. (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: What a woman!) In fact, after collecting the bodies of the dear departed and sharing a moment of silence (not to mention a tear or two), she even helped me clean up the mess. Later, humor – and practicality – won out, of course: we immediately baked another batch.

This time, I offered to let her retrieve ‘em from the oven, but she just shook her beautiful head and smiled. “Ya gotta get back on that horse,” she said with a smile – and a hint of steel.

But I have to say, it was a remarkably interesting lesson. And if – no, make that when – you do something like I did – something that just ain’t right – c’mon, just admit it and move on! I mean, how hard a lesson can it be, right? It’s a simple one, to be sure; easy to say, too. And after all, you’d think anyone with even an ounce of sense woulda figured that out before the age of five.

But I’ll tell ya; every time I watch the news these days, it becomes obvious there are some folks – folks who definitely should know better – that just don’t seem to get it. The truth is, they ain’t foolin’ nobody.

All I can add is, don’t you choose to be like that. I’m just sayin’.

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For some reason, my last post won’t show up in Google Reader. I’m wonderin’ if the mosaic image was too big. So, just for the heck of it, I’ll try a really short post. Sorta like that kid who wondered if his tongue really would stick to a frozen flag pole.