Howdy, Bubba! Hey, if you're new around these parts, I just want to say how much I appreciate you dropping by! Oh, and you may want to subscribe to my feed. Thanks, and a tip o' the hat to ya!

[We interrupt this blog for the following public service message.

Warning: In the spirit of full disclosure, I need to let you know that today's post constitutes something of rant. Well, not a rant, exactly; more of an impassioned plea. Albeit one that happens to be political in nature (sound of terrified scream).

As you know, I rarely get political around here. However, what with the imminent national election coming up here in the U.S. next Tuesday, it's just one of those things I feel that I must get off my chest.

Don't worry; I've done my best to keep it a non-partisan soliloquy. As always, though, you are the ultimate Review Board. Thanks a herd for your indulgence, y'all, and a tip o' the hat to ya!]

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OK; I have what you might call a rhetorical question here. (By the way, the word rhetorical, as used in this context, is defined as a question that Rhett Butler might have asked Scarlet O’Hara, if political campaigns in the 1840’s had used TV as a medium.)

Do politicians these days think we don’t see what they’re up to? Or do they think we’re, you know, stupid? (OK; that was two questions. Sorry; I was never too good at math.)

I don’t know; I’ve never thought of myself as stupid. But hey, maybe I am.

That’s the kind of thinking that runs through my mind every time I see yet another in a long series of ridiculous - and often downright insulting - political ads these days. And you know what got me thinkin’ that way? Well, I was thinkin’ the other day about… duck hunting.

The Great Hunter - Not!

See, I’ve never been much of a hunter. (Nor a fisherman, for that matter. In fact, I freely admit I’m not much of an outdoorsman at all. But I have made a few attempts at it in the somewhat distant past. Hopefully it still counts towards my application to become a card-carrying member of the Manly Men’s Society. Keep your fingers crossed.)

The thing was, when I got out there in the wild, it seemed like every critter on the planet was fully aware of exactly why I was there. I mean, I did everything right. I set out the decoys (in the case of ducks), or put out the feed (in the case of deer), went and found a nice, quiet hunting blind to hide out in, and practiced making like a tree stump. (Think it’s easy? I dare you to try sitting outdoors in cold damp weather without moving a muscle for five solid hours. It’s the height of fun, I’ll tell ya!)

But the trouble was, it never seemed to fool the little darlings into coming out where I could, um, see ‘em. Any ducks within five miles of my location simply flew extra high up. And then, to add insult to injury, even though totally unable to reach them with my trusty shootin’ iron, Bess - I could still hear them laughing at me as they passed by overhead.

Even the deer took a vacation day to visit distant relatives whenever I was out there waiting in the foggy, foggy dew.

I just don’t get it. It’s like they knew something was up. And what’s worse, I’m fairly positive the sneaky little boogers considered me pretty stupid for even trying to fool ‘em into showing their feathered faces. Finally, it hit me (sound of dull thud).

Ducks, as it turns out, ain’t that dumb. They really could see me!

“Sortof a Rant” Section

So how does duck hunting relate to political advertising?

Well, it’s kinda the same thing, don’cha think? I mean, the hunters (fill in the name(s) of the politician(s) of your choice here) set out their decoys (”talking points”, I believe they’re called in the vernacular of the day). Then they hide, waitin’ to see who’s been fooled into thinking they’ve found the real thing (meaning the issues we really should be thinking about, as opposed to the issues they want us to be thinking about, if you get my meanin’).

I’ll tell ya; every time we go through this, the ridiculous rhetoric seems to get more and more breathtakingly outrageous in its scope (and depth!), and Bubba, this election season is no exception. I mean, c’mon, y’all; who really cares how many houses one candidate or another owns? What does it matter that one is “more well-liked” than the other? And what difference could it possibly make whether or not one is older or younger? Now admit it; doesn’t this sort of thing remind you of little kiddy arguments from your Kindergarten days?

In fact, the current checklist of “issues” (and I use that term loosely here) I hear on the news or see in the media aren’t even, for the most part, the real issues at all; they’re just decoys. You know, just like those fake ducks floatin’ around out there on the pond.

No, the real issues are the ones we used to talk about - but for some reason, don’t anymore. Somehow they seem to have gradually - and largely successfully - been swept under the rug by the media.

I’m talking about really critical stuff - like the economy, energy and national security, among other things. (OK, I’ll give you one; the economy is definitely front and center right now. Although… have you noticed no one seems to be openly investigating the actual instigators of the financial meltdown? Do you wonder why that particular bit of news isn’t front page stuff? At any other time, it would be; why isn’t it now?)

How about energy? We’re not talking about that one either these days. How come? Just because oil prices have headed south lately doesn’t mean we’ve solved it, you know. Unfortunately, major concerns that sorta came to a head only two months ago in our own legislature - and still remain totally unsolved - have been almost dropped completely from the news. (You know; little details such as domestic vs. foreign oil supplies, the long-term rising cost of energy, alternative fuel sources, etc.)

Then there’s national security. (Of course, I’m talking about U.S. national security here, but the Free World - and the rest of the world for that matter - are certainly part of the Big Picture.) Why have these issues been dropped from the headlines?

And what about job creation, taxes, health care, and a veritable plethora of other, important, and ultimately long-term issues we need to consider before choosing who we want to support?

Don’t these folks realize the truth - that we can see right through the ridiculous games they’re playing? Don’t they understand that we really do see them?

Like I said, I never thought of myself as stupid. But they sure seem to think so.

“Impassioned Plea” Section

Years ago, I used to have one of these signs hanging on my wall, courtesy of IBM. Perhaps you’ve seen one yourself. The inside joke was, they were purposely made to hang upside down (at least, the one I owned was).

Silly, I know. But still; it makes a powerful statement, don’cha think? Hey, if nothing else, when you saw that sign hanging upside-down on the wall, it certainly made you, well, think. Why? Because it was something of a non-sequitur, causing the ol’ little grey cells to do a sortof double-take.

So really, that’s all I’m sayin’.

Just… think!

Next Tuesday, Americans everywhere will be casting votes (uh, you ARE going to vote, right?), making decisions on things that are truly critical, not just for the short term, but even more importantly, over the long haul as well. And it would be a travesty if those of us headed for the polls didn’t just stop for a second and deeply consider the issues - the real ones - from all the angles.

Whatever you do, please don’t vote a certain way just because someone tells you to. Don’t cast a vote for one candidate or another “just because”. Now that would be stupid. Hey, I truly believe, my friends, that you guys are ‘waaaay smarter than that. (After all, you’re here in the Zone, aren’t you? That exhibits remarkable intelligence in my book!)

No, instead I ask you to really think about your vote. And even more important, understand and know the long-term consequences of your decision. To my mind, and despite the many distractions, the long-term ramifications (and consequences), at least in this election, are fairly clear.

With all my heart I beg you; please be able to put a coherent reason after that word “because”. And hey, if you can honestly do that, then lemme just say one last thing:

Go for it, Bubba!

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[Thanks for your forbearance, folks; I appreciate continued your patronage. I now return the Middle Zone to its regularly scheduled programming.

And if you're an American, and you haven't voted yet, please exercise your freedom and go vote next Tuesday, November 4^th! I think it's fairly safe to say a significant portion of the world is watching this one.]

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Well, the day we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived, y’all! What day is that, you say? The day they can accurately predict the stock market? Someone invent the 500 mpg automobile engine? Richard Branson is now taking reservations for trips to the moon?

Of course not, silly (well, except maybe for that last one). No, today is the official launch day of the new book, Age of Conversation 2 - why don’t they get it?

It’s a collaboration of 237 of the planet’s finest thinkers (which doesn’t seem to adequately explain how yours truly ended up in that bunch… but let’s, er, not rock the boat, ‘K?), all contributing a page into one single work.

Now, don’t expect me to give away any details (after all, we’re tryin’ to sell the books, y’know), but I will at least share the title of my particular bit of prose: “Why Join the Conversation, Anyway?”

Wanna know what it’s about? Just click on this link: The Age of Conversation. But any way you slice it, though, I’m tellin’ ya, Bubba; this is definitely a work of love!

Many thanks to Drew McClellan and Gavin Heaton for once again going way, way above and beyond in pulling this together, a “herding cats” kinda job if there ever was one! And kudos to David Armano (another fellow author), who contributed the cover graphics you see here.

So I want you to run, not walk, to the nearest computer and immediately purchase your copy by following this link. In fact, buy lots of ‘em - they make great gifts, and you-know-what is just around the corner!

Remember, all the profits go to Variety, the Children’s Charity. Last year the goal was raising $10,000, and we surpassed that by a wide margin. This year, the goal is $15,000. So help us out, why don’cha?

Of course I give a big ol’ hat tip to my fellow authors:

Adam Crowe, Adrian Ho, Aki Spicer, Alex Henault, Amy Jussel, Andrew Odom, Andy Nulman, Andy Sernovitz, Andy Whitlock, Angela Maiers, Ann Handley, Anna Farmery, Armando Alves, Arun Rajagopal, Asi Sharabi, Becky Carroll, Becky McCray, Bernie Scheffler, Bill Gammell, Bob Carlton, Brad Shorr, Bradley Spitzer, Brandon Murphy, Branislav Peric, Brent Dixon, Brett Macfarlane, Brian Reich, C.C. Chapman, Cam Beck, Casper Willer, Cathleen Rittereiser, Cathryn Hrudicka, Cedric Giorgi, Charles Sipe, Chris Kieff, Chris Cree, Chris Wilson, Christina Kerley (CK), C.B. Whittemore, Clay Parker Jones, Chris Brown, Colin McKay, Connie Bensen, Connie Reece, Cord Silverstein, Corentin Monot, Craig Wilson, Daniel Honigman, Dan Goldstein, Dan Schawbel, Dana VanDen Heuvel, Dan Sitter, Daria Radota Rasmussen, Darren Herman, Darryl Patterson, Dave Davison, Dave Origano, David Armano, David Bausola, David Berkowitz, David Brazeal, David Koopmans, David Meerman Scott, David Petherick, David Reich, David Weinfeld, David Zinger, Deanna Gernert, Deborah Brown, Dennis Price, Derrick Kwa, Dino Demopoulos, Doug Haslam, Doug Meacham, Doug Mitchell, Douglas Hanna, Douglas Karr, Drew McLellan, Duane Brown, Dustin Jacobsen, Dylan Viner, Ed Brenegar, Ed Cotton, Efrain Mendicuti, Ellen Weber, Emily Reed, Eric Peterson, Eric Nehrlich, Ernie Mosteller, Faris Yakob, Fernanda Romano, Francis Anderson, G. Kofi Annan, Gareth Kay, Gary Cohen, Gaurav Mishra, Gavin Heaton, Geert Desager, George Jenkins, G.L. Hoffman, Gianandrea Facchini, Gordon Whitehead, Graham Hill, Greg Verdino, Gretel Going & Kathryn Fleming, Hillel Cooperman, Hugh Weber, J. Erik Potter, J.C. Hutchins, James Gordon-Macintosh, Jamey Shiels, Jasmin Tragas, Jason Oke, Jay Ehret, Jeanne Dininni, Jeff De Cagna, Jeff Gwynne, Jeff Noble, Jeff Wallace, Jennifer Warwick, Jenny Meade, Jeremy Fuksa, Jeremy Heilpern, Jeremy Middleton, Jeroen Verkroost, Jessica Hagy, Joanna Young, Joe Pulizzi, Joe Talbott, John Herrington, John Jantsch, John Moore, John Rosen, John Todor, Jon Burg, Jon Swanson, Jonathan Trenn, Jordan Behan, Julie Fleischer, Justin Flowers, Justin Foster, Karl Turley, Kate Trgovac, Katie Chatfield, Katie Konrath, Kenny Lauer, Keri Willenborg, Kevin Jessop, Kris Hoet, Krishna De, Kristin Gorski, Laura Fitton, Laurence Helene Borei, Lewis Green, Lois Kelly, Lori Magno, Louise Barnes-Johnston, Louise Mangan, Louise Manning, Luc Debaisieux, Marcus Brown, Mario Vellandi, Mark Blair, Mark Earls, Mark Goren, Mark Hancock, Mark Lewis, Mark McGuinness, Mark McSpadden, Matt Dickman, Matt J. McDonald, Matt Moore, Michael Hawkins, Michael Karnjanaprakorn, Michelle Lamar, Mike Arauz, Mike McAllen, Mike Sansone, Mitch Joel, Monica Wright, Nathan Gilliatt, Nathan Snell, Neil Perkin, Nettie Hartsock, Nick Rice, Oleksandr Skorokhod, Ozgur Alaz, Paul Chaney, Paul Hebert, Paul Isakson, Paul Marobella, Paul McEnany, Paul Tedesco, Paul Williams, Pet Campbell, Pete Deutschman, Peter Corbett, Phil Gerbyshak, Phil Lewis, Phil Soden, Piet Wulleman, Rachel Steiner, Sreeraj Menon, Reginald Adkins, Richard Huntington, Rishi Desai, Beeker Northam, Rob Mortimer, Robert Hruzek, Roberta Rosenberg, Robyn McMaster, Roger von Oech, Rohit Bhargava, Ron Shevlin, Ryan Barrett, Ryan Karpeles, Ryan Rasmussen, Sam Huleatt, Sandy Renshaw, Scott Goodson, Scott Monty, Scott Townsend, Scott White, Sean Howard, Sean Scott, Seni Thomas, Seth Gaffney, Shama Hyder, Sheila Scarborough, Sheryl Steadman, Simon Payn, Sonia Simone, Spike Jones, Stanley Johnson, Stephen Collins, Stephen Cribbett, Stephen Landau, Stephen Smith, Steve Bannister, Steve Hardy, Steve Portigal, Steve Roesler, Steven Verbruggen, Steve Woodruff, Sue Edworthy, Susan Bird, Susan Gunelius, Susan Heywood, Tammy Lenski, Terrell Meek, Thomas Clifford, Thomas Knoll, Tiffany Kenyon, Tim Brunelle, Tim Buesing, Tim Connor, Tim Jackson, Tim Longhurst, Tim Mannveille, Tim Tyler, Timothy Johnson, Tinu Abayomi-Paul, Toby Bloomberg, Todd Andrlik, Troy Rutter, Troy Worman, Uwe Hook, Valeria Maltoni, Vandana Ahuja, Vanessa DiMauro, Veronique Rabuteau, Wayne Buckhanan, William Azaroff, Yves Van Landeghem.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Hey y’all! It’s the third birthday today at Liz Strauss’ Successful-Blog, so if you’d like a chance to join the party, why not drop by and say, “Howdy!” And be sure to tell Liz that your buddy Dr. Bob sent ya!

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Photo: Number 3, by NguyenDai

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Pop Quiz: Pick a nation, any nation. What’s one thing they all have in common? (I mean, other than bugs. I hate bugs.)

Yes, you over on the left, wearing the green scarf and Groucho Marx nose-glasses. Yes, you. Hey, excellent guess!

Yessir, you get a herd of folks together of any respectable size (er, that’s the number of people, not their, um, gravitational quotient, if you get my meanin’), and like it or not, people bein’ people and all, well, you’re gonna need some way to maintain order and avoid chaos, right?

You know what that means, right? Yep; that means you’ll need a (sound of drumroll) government!

OK, you may or may not know that next Tuesday, November 4, is officially Election Day here in the United States (despite the fact that early voting has been going on for weeks now). Yep; people all over this great land will head out to do their civic duty (uh, you ARE going to vote, right?) and cast their votes for whomsoever they choose.

So, since NEXT MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3^rd, we’re kicking off our next What I learned From… groupwrite project, it seemed appropriate to mark this momentous occasion with the topic:

Yep; you read it right! Our topic for November will be: What I Learned From Government

Now, I know what you’re thinkin’. C’mon, admit it. You’re thinkin’ I must be crazy to open the floor up to such a, well, potentially explosive topic, right? Well, lemme just say this about that.

First of all, my mental state has nothing to do with it. I’ve come to accept the fact of my insanity, and I’m OK with it. *Sniff* Second, you’ll note that I did NOT say the topic is politics. I mean, I may be crazy, but I’m not stupid!

Nope, we’re talking about government.

Do you consider government a good thing, or would you prefer anarchy? Something in between, perhaps? Have you always agreed with your government, or do you see room for improvement? Do you even care? Why or why not? What have you learned from the different types of governments across the world?

Etc., etc., etc.

The point is, no matter what nation you live in, the government is something you’ve lived with all your life. So I guarantee you’ve learned a thing or two. All we’re asking you to do is share a lesson you’ve learned (or two) with the rest of us.

So get the writing device of your choice ready, folks, and drop by on Monday, November 3^rd - ‘cause I’m tellin’ ya, this one’s gonna be a humdinger!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

For today’s post I invite you to take a little trip across the ocean to beautiful sunny Hawaii, home of one of my favorite folks, Rosa Say, and Joyful Jubilant Learning. However,  in spite the sunny and warm surroundings, in a somewhat ironic twist this month’s JJL post is actually about an incident that happened while snow skiing in Colorado.

Now, I realize not everyone has had the opportunity to ski on snow (or on water, for that matter), but I’m tellin’ ya, it’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever experienced!

Ahhh… yes, I can see it now… the beautiful scenery, surrounded by lofty mountains, the soft breeze rushing into your face, the almost subliminal shhhhh as your skis gently slice through freshly fallen powder, the sudden thud! as your body smacks into a tree…

Yep; no doubt about it; snow skiing can be one heckuva blast!

Anyway, the October theme this month over at JJL is Blunderiffix, wherein the challenge is to contribute a blooper, a mistake or an outright boner we’ve experienced - and what we learned from it.

Naturally, my biggest problem is narrowing the list down to just, y’know, one. *sigh*

Anyhoo, why don’t you pop on over and check out Just Hangin’ Around.

(P.S. If you go there and don’t see it, keep trying. It’s supposed to be posted at 12:15 am Hawaii time.)

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“Ski Texas” © graphic kindly provided with permission of the artist, Jim Neaves, at J. R. Neaves Consulting

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Don’t ya just hate it when indecision strikes? You know what I mean, right? That awful, confused state of mind when you simply can’t make a decision?

It’s especially frustrating when you know a decision has to be made, and you just can’t seem to do it.

Mrs. MZM and I were riding our bikes around our neighborhood lake the other day when we found ourselves suddenly surrounded by most of the resident ducks.

Now, generally speaking, our ducks like people. I mean, what’s not to like? After all, whenever we’re around it usually means they get a variety of delicious tidbits to munch on. Hey, I can relate; giving me snacks pretty much guarantees getting on my Christmas card list! (Hint, hint.)

But normally the ducks are always in the water. In fact, it’s always fun to watch the entire flock zero in like little motorboats on whoever happens to be standing closest to the water, gathered around them just waiting for the shower of snacks to begin. They are rarely disappointed.

But this time we were greeted by an unusual sight. Nearly the entire flock was out of the water and on the grass; even spread out across the sidewalk and beyond. But no problem; as we approached, they sorta split up; some going right and the rest moving left. As we slowly rode our bikes through the flock, it felt kinda like Moses parting the Red Sea.

But there was this one duck who happened to be standing exactly in the middle of the sidewalk. You could tell he was in a conundrum; he just couldn’t seem to decide what to do. It was as if he simply couldn’t make up his tiny little mind which way to go. You could almost hear him panicking:

“Uh-oh; big human coming! What do I do? Should I go right? Or maybe left? I can’t decide? Aaaauuuuggggghh!”

We got so close, I thought we’d have to gently push the poor confused little darlin’ out of the way. He simply wouldn’t move!

When You Simply Must Decide

Well, I’ll tell ya, Bubba; I’ve been there! And I’ll bet you’ve been there too. So just for the fun of it, today I’m going to ask you to consider a few questions. Feel free to answer in the comment box!

When was the last time you had that experience? What did it feel like? Did you seek help from anyone? What did you learn from the experience - or did you? C’mon; tell me what you do when you MUST make a decision - and you simply can’t.

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Photo credit: duck, by dmoola

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Breaking out of his comfort zone

ANNOUNCEMENT (sound of trumpets): Today I have the distinct bad luck misfortune honor to become the newest member of that exciting, dynamic, and not to mention extremely handsome writing team at Scrambled Toast (sound of one hand clapping).

What the heck is Scrambled Toast, you ask?

Well, it’s the spawn insanity brainchild of my buddy Brad Shorr, who writes prolifically (and quite authoritatively, too) at Word Sell, Inc. on the subjects of marketing and copywriting. However, whenever he feels like a wild hair is coming on, he writes over at his other blog, Scrambled Toast. At least, he used to.

Unfortunately, it’s become sorta neglected lately. Despite that, Scrambled Toast still seems to generate significant traffic. Go figure! So, rather than just taking it out back of the shed and, y’know, putting it out of its misery, Brad decided to try and revive the little darlin’.

The other day he issued an open invitation for any suckers nutcases writers who enjoy writing in a humorous vein (or if not, perhaps a jocular artery), and might like to join him to see what could be done to reinvigorate it.

Not being one to shy from a challenge, I decided to take the ol’ bull by the horns, if you get my meanin’ (unlike the unfortunate fellow pictured here). So, every now and then I’ll be posting something over at Scrambled Toast, just for the fun of it. As a matter of fact, today’s post is there right now:

Sure, But Would You Wear the T-Shirt?

Generally speaking, I’ll be writing about… well, why not go read it yourself? You’ll enjoy it, I promise. And if you like it, go ahead and subscribe, why don’cha?

But hey, you never know; it could be about… you! Naw, just kidding. Really.

[Note from the Proprietor: In case you're wondering why there are so many repeats of Scrambled Toast, I'm utilizing a marketing technique called "repetition". Let's see how it worked, shall we? Close your eyes and answer this question:  So what was that website again?]

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Photo credits: I have no idea whose photo this is, but lemme just say…Yikes! Just, yikes!

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You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!