Howdy, Bubba! Hey, if you're new around these parts, I just want to say how much I appreciate you dropping by! Oh, and you may want to subscribe to my feed. Thanks, and a tip o' the hat to ya!

In case you haven’t noticed lately, I’ve been experimenting with a little doobie-thingie in the comment box called NicEdit, created by Brian Kirchoff. It’s a very simple routine that gives one’s commenters the ability to edit their text as if using an editor. You can also include pictures (although I tried it once and it sortof funkified the comment box; still works, though).

All you have to do is paste the following two lines anywhere in your post page:

<script src=”http://js.nicedit.com/nicEdit-latest.js” type=”text/javascript”></script>
<script type=”text/javascript”>bkLib.onDomLoaded(nicEditors.allTextAreas);</script>

What can I say? It seemed like a good idea at the time. But I wonder if it’s really working like I think it is? And is it worth it?

I have a request: Please try it out and let me know if you notice any quirks, bloops, or other unusual things happening. So far, since I installed it, one reader told me inserting a comment seemed slower than usual. Is that happening to anyone else?

So have you noticed anything else weird? (I mean, other than the, ahem, usual weirdness that goes on around here.)

I appreciate your input, folks!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Have you ever learned something from a… grape? I know, I know; it’s a sortof off-the-wall thought - even for me.

I was eating grapes the other day at lunchtime. *Sigh.* Yep; you know what happened next, don’t you? Sure enough; I dropped one. (Note to self: always eat grapes ONE at a time!)

Ah, well, no big deal. Although… a grape isn’t something you generally want to leave in your office. I mean, that’s all I need is a stray piece of food lying around, attracting all sorts of undesirable critters to my cube, like mice, ants or (sound of terrified scream) co-workers. But I digress.

Anyway, as I initiated a cube-wide search for the wayward grape (which exercise entails crawling around on hands and knees, since my Star Trek tricorder is either in the shop or, er, nonexistent), this little story came to mind…

A young man walked into a convenience store one day. He moseyed up to the manager and asked, “Got any gwapes?”

“No, sorry,” the manager said. The young man walked out, disappointed.

The next day, he came back to the store and asked, “Got any gwapes?”

Somewhat miffed, the manager said, “I already told you; no, I don’t!” The young man again left disappointed.

The day after that, the young man walked in again and asked, “Got any gwapes?”

This time the manager really got ticked! “No! I do not have any gwapes!” Then he added for good measure, “If you come in here one more time asking for gwapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!” Once again, the young man left.

The next day, the young man once again walked into the store. The manager eyed him suspiciously, fully prepared to read him the riot act, so to speak. But this time, he was completely floored when the young man asked, “Got any nails?”

Caught off-guard, the manager cautiously replied, “No, why?”

The young man smiled hugely. “Well, then… ya got any gwapes?”

Y’know, it was funny then, and still funny now. Oh, sure, there’s probably several versions of that story floating around (I think the most common is one with a duck and a bartender instead of the characters above), but it’s still the same story. I’d love to know who first told it.

There are actually quite a few lessons you can learn from this story; lessons applicable to business, customer relations - you name it. No, really. You’ve heard of the killer bees, right? Well, here’s three B’s for you:

Be… Different

OK; it seems obvious, but bear with me for a moment; it isn’t quite as obvious as that: The fact is, you don’t always have to be completely different in order to get folks’ attention; only just different enough.

See, to my mind (which admittedly can be a very strange place), one reason the story works so well is the use of gwapes instead of what your mind expects to hear: grapes. It produces a sortof mental double-take as your brain does a quick rewind/replay routine to confirm what it heard was, indeed, the word gwapes.

The beauty of the technique is it gets your attention in a very smart and subtle way. Not like a club over the head, but like a shiny, flashy thingie at the edge of perception. But sometimes that’s a great way to lure folks in, isn’t it?

So when it comes to differentiating yourself from your competition, try using a technique that’s unexpected and subtle instead of the “whatever they offer, we’ll beat it!” club-over-the-head method. You may just accomplish what you want - with far less effort (and possibly expense) - than if you had to be, as Monty Python used to say, “completely different”.

[About now I'm starting to get puzzled. I've searched the entire cubicle, and there's no grape to be found anywhere. I scratch my head. What could have happened to the pesky little thing, anyway?]

Be… Prepared

Another lesson you can pick up from this story is related to persistence. Surely we’ve all heard enough admonitions about persistence, and the need for it, to last for a lifetime, right? (Yes, I know; and don’t call you Shirley. Sorry.)

But what about the time element here? C’mon, show of hands: Have you ever gotten yourself (for whatever reason) caught in the cycle of attempt/reject/try again that you, um, forgot to be prepared if when your persistence pays off?

If there’s a goal you’re trying to reach, and you keep falling short - but you just know it’s going to happen sooner or later - well, have you made your plans for when it does happen? Okay, good for you! Then how about this one: if it’s been a while now, yet you’re still confident - have you updated your plans, uh, lately?

Oops.

Yep; things have a way of changin’ on us, especially when we’re not lookin’. Hmm… do you feel the sun shining on a place where the sun doesn’t usually shine? Maybe you should go back and review a couple of lessons learned from a duck I know. Hey, I’m just sayin’.

[OK, this is getting ridiculous. I've practically turned my office upside down, but no grape. Where could the little booger be, anyway?]

Be… Hilarious

Hey, listen to the Doctor here, folks. Irrespective of whatever other lessons you might learn from this story - I’m tellin’ ya, for grabbing people’s attention - and holding it longer - well, there ain’t nothin’ like a good giggle, chuckle, or outright guffaw!

The fact is, people generally love to laugh. (Oh, sure, there are apparent exceptions. But IMHO they’re the folks who need it most. After all, an ingrown chuckle can be a terrible thing. Just look at Mr. Spock.) What’s more, people will laugh whenever they can. Look around, friends; you’ll see it for yourself. How many times a day do you hear laughter somewhere nearby?

C’mon, seriously; doesn’t it make you want to get in on the joke so you can laugh, too?

Laughter changes the body’s chemistry, releases pent-up tensions, produces healthful benefits - oh, the list goes on and on. So why not take advantage of the thing people want to do most, anyway? Make ‘em laugh!

In fact…

[I know you'll be relieved to hear the saga of the missing grape has finally been solved. It was in my, er, shirt pocket.]

Tell Me More

So here I’ve listed only three possible lessons. What about you? What lessons can YOU learn from a gwape - I mean, grape?

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

A big ol’ Texas-sized round of applause (sound of big ol’ Texas sized applause) for all the folks who joined us for this month’s group writing project: What I Learned From Animals! Thanks again for sharing your stories (and more importantly, your lessons learned) with the rest of us!

This month we have a total of 37 entries [UPDATED], and you’ll find the entire list below (in no particular order, other than it’s how I found ‘em). Do yourself a favor and check ‘em all out. Heck, drop by the authors’ blogs and start a conversation, why don’cha!

[NOTE: If, for some strange reason I didn't list your entry, please forgive me! Drop me a note and I'll correct the oversight immediately!]

• What I Learned From Animals, by Audra Krell at KRELLFISH
• What I Learned From a Yappy Dog, by Pete Aldin at Freaked-Out Fathers
• What I Learned From Shooting a Muskrat, by Brad Shorr at Word Sell, Inc.
• Dog Parables, Part 1, by Ruth Hull Chatlien at Ruth’s Visions and Revisions
• Dog Parables, Part 2, by Ruth Hull Chatlien at Ruth’s Visions and Revisions
• What I Learned From Sam the Border Collie Dog, by Andrew Rondeau at Great Management
• They Touch Your Soul, by Marcie Pickelsimer at My Two Boys
• What I Learned From Animals, by Christine Sine at Godspace
• Look a possum! by Danielle Houghton at sevendaymother.com
• Welcome to the Country, by Jonathan Pippenger at Growing Up With The Kids
• Who’s Training Who, Anyway? by David Bowles at Writing the Westward Sagas
• Life Lessons from SpongeBob Squarepants, by Monica Brand at Paper Bridges
• What I Learned From Animals, by Lillie Ammann at A Writer’s Words, An Editor’s Eye
• Faith Before Fear, by Debbra Stephens at Garlands of Hosannas
• What I Learned From… Bees, by Sam Brougher at Your Scared Seductive System
• What I Learned From Dogs, by Karen Hanrahan at Best of Mother Earth
• What I Learned About Blogging… From My Granddogs, by Jean Browman at Transforming Stress
• What I Learned From Linus, by Gordon Atkinson at High Calling Blogs
• What I learned from a dog, by Sterling Camden at Chip’s Quips
• We Are Different From Animals, by Kim Quon at Preparation 4 Eternity
• What I Learned From Animals, by Lisa Velle at getting it write for you
• What I Learned From Animals - A Boy Becomes Like God, by Marcus Goodyear at goodwordediting.com
• What I Learned From Mother Robin, by Brad Shorr at Word Sell, Inc.
• Molly and Ministry, by Songbird at Reflectionary
• How to step out of your normal environment - and step into a new one, by Jackie Cameron at Jackie Cameron
• What I Learned From My Cat About the Writing Life, by Joanna Young at Confident Writing
• What I Learned From My Dog, by Karen Putz at A Deaf Mom Shares Her World
• What I Learned From Animals, by Nancy Janisch at Conversation in Faith Weblog
• The Tao of Roo: Lessons in Simplicity From My Dog, by Sara at On Simplicity
• What I Learned About Blogging… From Rats, by Jean Browman at Transforming Stress
• What I Learned From a Cat, by Luke Gideon at Luke Gedeon
• What I Learn From Kung Fu Panda, by Robert A. Henru at Reason4Smile
• What I Learned From Ants, by Ulla Hennig at Ulla Hennigs Photoblog
• A Cat Autopsy and Animal CSI: What I Learned From Animals, by Samuel Adams at Associated Content [UPDATE]

And finally - last, but hopefully not least, here’s not one, not two, but three from yours truly (what can I say? the topic inspired me!):

• Well Ain’t That Just the Duck’s Posterior! by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• What Are You Saying, Without Saying a Word? by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings
• The First Step to Effective Communication, by Robert Hruzek at Middle Zone Musings

Y’all give yourselves a big hand, my friends! And as usual, a big tip o’ the hat to ya! Be sure to tune in for the next exciting edition of What I Learned From… And be warned; it’s only a couple of weeks away!

So, what’s the subject going to be, you ask? Well… that would be telling!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Well, according to this sign, we’re almost there! You know what that means, don’t ya?

Yep; we’re nearing the end of our What I Learned From… groupwrite project (sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth). The topic this month is Animals, and if you’ve ever learned something from an animal of any kind, then there’s still time to submit an entry!

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on the link for details, write and post your story, and send me the link by Sunday night, June 15^th for inclusion in the wrap-up to be published right here at the Zone on Monday, June 16.

Oh, and by the way, you can submit more than one story, too (I’ve written three myself for this one). There’s not much time, though, so ya better dig out the ol’ round tuit and get busy, y’hear?

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note from the Proprietor: This post marks the first of an as-yet unknown number of articles I'll be sharing with you, based upon thoughts, meditations and observations made during our recent retreat at Laity Lodge.

Also, it represents something of a radical experiment for me, since it's, you know, poetry.

After all, I'm not really much of a poet. At least, I never thought of myself as one. As always, though, you may judge for yourselves. All I ask is, please... be gentle.

By the way, a hat tip to Marcus Goodyear (the only actual poet I've ever personally met) for the inspiration to make the attempt.]

Ode to a Rock

My place in life chafes at me.

Trapped in this rock
Like a prison.
Unforgiving walls;
Straining, uselessly,
Against unyielding boundaries.
Intense heat, unbearable;
Numbing cold, unmerciful;
Capricious winds, unsettling.

Alas, sweet freedom;
I’ll never know what it’s like!

My joy is full since you came.
The place prepared for you
Contains the finest soil
And nourishing water of life.
In Me, security is assured.
Though you may yet experience
Heat, or
Cold, or
Wind,
Your core, your essence -
That which is you -
In Me, forever, is safe.
Though understanding fails
Why here is best -
You can trust Me:
I Am.

I promise you this:
You shall not easily be moved.

On the other hand…
What needs remain unmet?
My place, protected; my sustenance, assured.
Though wind, or heat, or even cold may strike,
Nevertheless, I am secure.
I shall remain
Where I am planted,
Because this one thing I know:
In this place,
I shall not easily be moved.

Here is my Rock.

(Photo credit: Rocky Home, by Robert Hruzek)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

The other day we got this letter from the EZTAG folks. They’re the ones who manage the toll roads around the Houston area. I use the toll lanes twice a day going to and from work, and sometimes on weekends, too. Seems they thought I was in violation, or something (sound of terrified scream).

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I get accused of any misdeed, it really raises my hackles, you know? Especially when I happen to have done nothing wrong! (It’s so much harder to get the ol’ hackles raised when I’m, you know, guilty! guilty! guilty! But I digress.)

Anyway, this letter claimed we used an “unregistered vehicle” in the automated lanes. And not once, but three times, even!

Now, on the surface, this sounded ludicrous. After all, I’ve been using EZTAG for quite some time now, with absolutely no hassles or problems whatsoever. (What’s not to like? It’s easy, it’s cheaper, and generally speaking, the EZTAG lanes get you through much quicker than having to stop and root around for exact change every time.)

They had the amount owed conveniently calculated for me right there on the notice, along with a whopping fee for passing through with an “unregistered vehicle”. Sheesh! What’s this all about?

To top it off, at the top of the page there was a nice little photo of the back of our car, clearly showing our license plate and everything! So much for thinkin’ they had mistaken me for someone else, eh? Gee, there’s no getting’ past these guys, is there?

Anyhoo -

Fortunately, a simple phone call put things right again. It seems that when we recently renewed our car’s registration (and thus had new plates for the car), there was a brief discrepancy in the EZTAG account with our old plates. No big deal, as it turned out, and a very easy fix.

I wish all such issues were that easy to resolve, you know?

But it got me to thinkin’ (which probably explains that grinding noise you hear) about just how much we’re, um, under observation - all day and every day. You ever think about just how many times you show up “on camera”?

Let’s see now… let’s count some ways. There are surveillance cameras watching you every time you… enter a shopping mall, go through the drive-thru at the local Burger Bop, walk through the doors of practically any business these days, especially office buildings; there’s one at every ATM machine, and let’s not forget the ones that watch you driving down pretty much any city’s freeways!

I’m tellin’ ya, friends; they’re everywhere!

Does that bother you? Or, do you, like most folks, seldom give it a second thought? (I know, I know; I can hear the cries now: Well, it didn’t bother me… until now! Er, sorry ‘bout that.)

See, the thing is, our lives are a lot like that. Oh, sure, a lot of us stroll through our lives as though we’re the only one who really pays attention to what we’re doing. You’ve seen it, haven’t you?

You know, the guy who uses his “outside” voice to talk on the cell phone, or the woman calmly picking her nose while in the car on the freeway. Yep; I’m afraid it’s true - ‘way too often we don’t even give other folks around us a second thought.

Why is that, I wonder? Are we so self-absorbed that everyone else sorta fades out of our perception?

Anyhoo, I just thought that photo was a good reminder to me that there are plenty of others watching me. (And yes, they’re watching you, too!)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note from the Proprietor: Our current What I Learned From Animals group writing project, along with my friendship with Karen Putz and Stephen Hopson, put me in mind of this story.]

Back when I was single, my uncle’s horde of cats got a little big for them to handle (I think they had somewhere between 5 and 10 at any given time), so he gave me one. I have no idea what breed he was (no doubt one of the 57 varieties of, er, Heinz), but aside from being fully-grown and healthy, he had two unusual characteristics: he was a bona-fide albino (complete with the pink skin and eyes), and he was totally deaf!

Now, if you’ve ever owned an animal, you know the value in being able to get its attention, right? (And I’m mainly talking about pets, as in cats, dogs and perhaps the odd rabbit or somesuch. Lizards, snakes, turtles, or anything weird won’t respond to anything anyway. Although come to think of it, cats may on occasion fall in the “weird” category too. But I digress.)

I mean, when the dog is about to leave a little surprise package in your favorite chair, or maybe they’re just on the verge of digging in the petunias you just planted, well, it helps to be able to shout “No!” knowing you’ll get their attention, right?

But what do you do with a deaf one?

What’s in a Name?

The first question was, what would I call him? My uncle named him Snowflake, which was fitting considering his totally white color. But after considerable debate with myself (and don’t worry - I won!), I ended up calling him WhiteCat (with a sporadic StupidCat or DarnedCat thrown in, depending on the circumstances). Hey, what’s the difference? I mean, he couldn’t hear it anyway, right?

I quickly discovered WhiteCat was really fun to have around the apartment, which was my first place since starting a “real” job. (I mean something that wasn’t temporary, like working at a fast food joint; I was a Piping Designer back then.) Although it was really small (at least by American standards), it had all the room we needed.

One problem was WhiteCat had a touch of what you might call “stir-craziness”. That’s when you get so bored with your surroundings you start acting silly just to relieve the monotony.

For instance, I came home from work sometimes to find WhiteCat rebounding around the wall of the apartment like a big white rubber ball. His race-course’s starting block was on the head of the bed at one end of the apartment, bounce off the side wall (literally!) and hit the floor running as he skipped around the floor-to-ceiling bookcase (which divided the studio into two “areas”). Then, he’d rocket up one end of the couch, leap across to the other end, rebound off the wall over on that side, zinging around the other side of the bookcase to finally end up back on the bed again.

When I came home from work, I’d sometimes catch him in mid-leap. It was always hilarious to see him try to instantly transform from “Shar-el-Khan, the flying terror” (I always imagined that as the name he gave himself in his own, uh, language) to “Oh! You’re home! Uh, I’m not doin’ nothin’. Honest!”

He also developed the annoying habit of sleeping on my pillow. Whichever end of the pillow I wasn’t using at the time, there he’d be like a big, soft, hot water bottle. The only problem I ever had with it was every time I turned over, I’d end up with a face full of cat! Overall, we had a great time together.

Somebody Hand Me That Baseball Bat

I did learn something from ol’ WhiteCat, though.

When he was (or was about to be) bad, I couldn’t just shout his name to get his attention. Oh, it was easy if he happened to be looking in my general direction. A wave, or other sudden motion always stopped him in his tracks.

Otherwise, I had to get creative. Like, when he was on the carpeted floor, I could sometimes pound the floor very hard and he’d feel the vibration enough to turn and look around. That only worked, though, if he was close - within 5 feet or so.

There was also the “grab the nearest object and throw it” technique. I quickly realized this was only useful if a) the objects being thrown were either unbreakable or worthless, and b) if there were a decent supply of said objects lying around at all times. So instead of going broke (er, sorry!) buying only cast iron decorating accessories, I usually kept a good supply of nurf balls (soft, squishy foam balls) all over the place.

Actually, this worked rather well. Aside from the nearly endless supply of play-toys he had at his beck and call, it promised I’d always have one handy with which to get his attention. And they didn’t hurt him; in fact, it usually distracted him enough to get him to start playing with the ball. (He, like some humans, apparently had a somewhat, um, abbreviated attention span.)

Anyway, it meant I couldn’t be, well, lazy with him. When I needed his attention, I couldn’t take shortcuts, like issuing just a grunt, or at most, a shout. Nope; I had to physically get up and do something. It was a pain in the tookus, actually - but the lesson was learned.

Hello? Hello? Hey, is This Thing On?

Now before we go any farther, please don’t run and tell Karen or Stephen I said to whack ‘em with nurf balls when you want to get their attention (‘cause if you do, I’ll have to tell them you lie like a rug!) OK, now that the disclaimer is out of the way, let’s get on the lesson, shall we?

Good communication, as you have no doubt discovered, is not always an easy thing to accomplish. I mean, it’s tough enough when you consider the different kinds of channels (face-to-face, email, phone, letter, etc.) but the fact is, even the methods with the broadest bandwidth won’t guarantee clear and unambiguous communication.

I mean c’mon; it’s happened to you, hasn’t it? You had a lengthy, face-to-face conversation with someone (even someone you know very well), yet you still manage to come away with the nagging thought, “Now I wonder what they meant by that?” Yep; thought so.

Anyway, there are plenty of things we can do to assure ourselves that good communication is, in fact, happening. But no matter what you do, if you don’t first take care of one single thing, then all your efforts will be in vain.

Know what it is? Yes, you in the back with the pink, fuzzy slippers. Hey, good; you got it in one! Yep, here’s my super-duper, sure-fire, never-fail first step, required for all good communication:

Hey, it got your attention, didn’t it?

See, before I could even begin to express myself to WhiteCat, I had to get his eyes focused on me. Nothing else would do. And that’s the point of this little soliloquy; until you accomplish this, steps two through infinity won’t work!

A long while back, a comedian/singer named Mark Lowry (a wonderful singer, a hilarious comedian, and a member of Bill Gaither’s Gaither Vocal Band) was brought in to speak to a citywide youth gathering at our church in Atlanta. The auditorium was completely packed with young people, and it wasn’t just a church crowd, either. It was sponsored by Rapha (an organization dedicated to combating drug abuse), and the show’s promoters had beaten the bushes to get the word out about this event.

Anyway, as the appointed time approached, everyone in the audience was naturally talking to each other very loudly. Hey, you know how it works, right? As the crowd noise got louder, everyone compensated by talking louder, too. Before too long, everybody was shouting at the top of their lungs.

Well, that’s what greeted Mark as he stepped out on the stage. For about two minutes, he simply stood there and looked around at the audience with that little mischievous grin he’s famous for. I just knew something out of the ordinary was about to happen. Nor was I disappointed.

Finally, he took a deep breath and, at the absolute top of his lungs he shouted, “Shaaaaduuuuup!”

Well, for about 15 seconds, that crowd of rowdy youngsters went dead silent! I mean, you could have heard your fingernails grow. Talk about your attention-getter! Eventually the background noise started up again, but it was very subdued. I’m tellin’ ya, Mark spoke for a full 45 minutes, but from that moment on, he had their attention!

Now, again, I’m not saying you gotta whack someone on the head to get their attention (at least, save that for a last resort!) But all I’m sayin’ is, without it, you might as well go home.

Tell Me a Story

How about you? Have you ever had an incident where you thought you’d communicated clearly, but it turned out, er, somewhat differently? I realize this is a rhetorical question, but did you, um, learn from it? Which side of the conversation were you on, the sender or the receiver? What steps do you use to make sure you’ve communicated clearly?

[Hey, if you've ever learned a lesson or two from an animal of any kind, then why not consider joining us for this month's What I Learned From... group writing project? All you have to do is click on that cute little link there and it'll take you to the details. We're open for submissions until Sunday night, June 15^th, so you still have plenty of time!]

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!