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Howdy, y’all! Today is the first Monday of the month - and we all know what that means, right! Yep; it’s WILF day (sound of crowd cheering enthusiastically)! And as promised, this time we’re tossing in yet another bit of a challenge, just to keep you on your toes.

OK, this is going to take a bit of background, so bear with me a bit. But I just want to say right up front; it’s Mike DeWitt’s fault. See, it’s sorta like this…

Not long ago (April 2th) I published a post titled Peace… and Quiet, a story about my discovery of The Quietest Place on Earth (I think its somewhere in Germany). Within moments, the blogosphere erupted in a frenzy of activity as the ramifications of my obvious genius completely flummoxed experts round the world. No doubt someone’s already built a shrine there.

Well… what actually happened was (I’ve always considered myself a legend in my own time mind), er, it picked up a few comments, including this thought from Mr. Mike:

“It’s not often you get Godzilla and Get Smart in the same post…” [Ed. - you’ll just have to read it]

OK, so sometimes Mike and I get to exchanging quips back and forth. It’s like, as Liz Strauss put it once, “playing in the sandbox”. Anyway, I responded that all we needed was “Tiny Tim tiptoeing through the tulips”, and the picture would be complete. Which sorta initiated the germ of an idea, and I told him so. (Mike’s comment: “Better hide the wimmen and childrens”!)

I said to myself, “You know, Self, he’s right! You don’t often get such diametrically opposed topics in the same room, much less the same post!” Well naturally it made me think of a mashup!

You know what a mashup is, don’t you? (No, silly; It’s not like mashed potatoes, where you take one thing and, well, mash it.) Naw; it’s where somebody combines two or more things together and produces something really really good. Like how Google Earth enables you or me to upload photos, and tie them to their actual locations on the globe. Or something really practical, like putting peanut butter on my chocolate.

So this month, we’re going to mash it up!

I’ll warn you now, though; this one might cause you to exercise a few extra little gray cells than previous WILFs (sound of audience stampeding for the door).

Gee, that went well, don’t you think?

OK; for those of you unable to escape still here, now we get to the challenge (and don’t worry; it’s easy). Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to write your usual What I Learned From… entry, except this time, you get to pick two, three, or as many topics as you like from the list below! And, just to make it a real challenge, special bonus points go to those of you who use multiple topics in your post.

See? I told you it was easy! Here’s the topics (there are 18, in no order whatsoever):

Heck; why not really impress me and go for a bunch - or maybe all of ‘em? In fact, as a bonus, the outstanding participant who incorporates the most topics will earn a special place of honor in the WILF Hall of Fame.

Now, you can decide how you want to do it; as you know, I’m pretty easy-going. For instance, you can write a post that includes one or more of the above topics in it. Or, you can go the other way and write something about any number of ‘em (hint: that’s the direction I took for mine - you’ll see it tomorrow). As long as the end result illustrates “lessons learned”, then ya got it!

What to Do

Hey, you know the drill. Like I said; you can pretty much write anything you like, as long as it illustrates a lesson (or lessons) learned, and in this case incorporates at least two or more of the topics above. Be specific. Be non-specific. And, since I never impose a restriction on length, be as eloquent as you like (you don’t have to write a book - although you can if you want to!)

But most of all, be yourself - and write something! And don’t forget the details…

Now, normally, WILF projects are open to contributions for only one week. However, in consideration of the fact that a) the challenge is a bit harder this time, and b) some of you (myself included) just got back from a very full weekend at SOBCon08, I’m going to give you TWO WHOLE WEEKS for this one (sound of crowd going, “whew!”) Yep; that means we’re open for business from now thru midnight, Sunday night, May 18.

[Let’s not forget the disclaimer, though: As usual, should you or any of your team be caught or killed, or, you know, break a fingernail or something during the execution of this project, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your existence.]

To participate, here’s all you have to do:

1. Write a new post on your blog with a link to THIS POST (uh, the one you’re reading now). As I said, feel free to be as eloquent (or concise) as you like. C’mon; show off for us!
2. Include in the title the phrase: “What I Learned From _____” (or something similar)
3. Send me an email (rhruzek@sbcglobal.net) containing your name, the title of your post, and the permalink of the post. (To make sure I don’t miss it.)

(By the way; help me out - make it obvious which topics you used. I may be slow… but at least I’m dense!)

That’s all there is to it! Next Monday, May 19, I will post the entire list of entries right here at the Middle Zone, so be sure and drop by to check ‘em all out.

As always, we have just two simple rules around here:

• For the sake of the general blogging audience, please keep it G-Rated. (Also please note: this is a request, not a demand, since after all it’s your blog and you can do what you want. Fair warning: I can choose to link to you or not.)
• Be nice.

All right, ladies and gentlemen; you know what to do! Grab the writing instrument of your choice and start writing!

[Note from the Proprietor - I realize it takes a little time to write your entries, but would you mind too terribly not waiting until midnight on Sunday night, May 18, to notify me? Sometimes it can be difficult to get them all compiled by Monday’s 6 am post time! I surely thank you, and as a token of my appreciation - have yourself a cookie!]

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Oops! Just a tad late due to the Honeymooner’s Special going on all week here at the Zone (if you missed it, click to see Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 or Part 4). Plus, I’m in Chicago today for the Big Bash of the Year, SOBCon08. But what the hey; better late than never, I always say!

Anyhoo - since it’s that time of the month again (no, silly, not that time!), here’s a roundup of just a few of the more unusual things I ran across out there this past month…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen - the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

________________________________

Hero Dept.

A policeman in Eugene, Oregon earned the rank of Hero after rescuing a woman from the hungry jaws and threatening coils of a Burmese python, who apparently decided to make a meal of her. Upon arriving on the scene (and no doubt letting loose his best Tarzan yell), he managed to pry the snake’s jaws open enough to let the woman loose.

Now that’s what I call “above and beyond”! If it had been me, I have no problem admitting I’d probably have screamed like a girl and run as fast as I could the other way. I think I’m with a lot of other folks who would wholeheartedly agree with Indiana Jones’ succinct and somewhat pithy assessment of similar situations:

“Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?”

Why Didn’t I Think of That Dept.

For those of us who remember when public phone booths were useful for more than just making a phone call (for instance, you could use them to change into your super crime-fighter costume, or travel through time and/or space) it’s disheartening to say the least that they are becoming fewer in number.

The reason: the practically ubiquitous cell phone. Yep, by spreading through our societies like a plague, these things are turning the old phone booth into a totally useless and practically obscure technological oddity, like vinyl records, transistor radios, and Macs.

Unfortunately, the transition has not been easy. One of the most irritating things about these, er, things is the fact that people will whip one out no matter where they are. Then they start talking on ‘em with their “outside voice” such that anyone within throwing distance is ready to pick up the nearest rock and do just that!

But not to worry! Thanks to a chance-discovered link, I’m here to tell ya, artist Nick Rodrigues has a solution: the Portable Cell Phone Booth! Yessir; you carry it like a backpack, and whenever you feel the urge to make that call, well, no matter where you are, you reach over your shoulder, flip it over your head, and voila! instant phone booth!

So if you’re one of those folks who simply don’t know how to speak softly on a cell phone (I wish I could say you know who you are - but alas, you usually don’t), well I’m here to tell ya: get one! You can trust me on this; everyone around you will thank you!

Dept. of Strange and Unusual Holidays

In South Korea, on Valentine’s day, women give gifts to men. Alright, guys, altogether now: “That sounds OK to me!” And, in a trend that’s been sweeping Asia, a new holiday called White Day (March 14) is when the men give the women gifts (sound of millions of women cheering).

But in North Korea, they have one more related day, called Black Day (April 14), in which those who haven’t managed to find love can, er, celebrate commiserate their poor fortune. But, it’s the way they celebrate that makes this story qualify for the OOB column.

They, um, dive head-first into a vat of noodles. Yep; you read it right.

Head first. Vat of noodles.

Oh, well; when you consider the date (right next to April 15^th, which in the U.S. is affectionately known as Tax Day to the local denizens), maybe we Americans might just feel like doing the same.

(Image: Ooooodles-of-Noodles-Posters)

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the extraordinarily whacko (that is, as opposed to just plain whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just click on that cute little Archives button up there at the top, then scroll down the categories list and click on OOB. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you. But hurry! This offer expires on Dec. 31, 2597!)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Expectations, n. things looked forward to; things regarded as likely to happen

All right; I’ll admit it right up front. The main reason we chose Hawaii as the destination of choice for our honeymoon was because I wanted to go someplace exotic and out-of-the-ordinary. Having been born and raised in Houston, Texas, it was a place so far out of my experience that I knew it would make our first few weeks together all that more memorable. Thus, I had rather high expectations (and not just because it was our, you know, honeymoon).

Now, before I go on, let me just say this: the entire experience was far beyond anything I ever imagined. Although we spent all our time on Kauai (except for the airport on the big island), we still managed to pack in quite a bit of excitement, adventure, and wonderful experiences. Truthfully, it was enough to last us a lifetime.

I have to say, though; at the very beginning, my expectations took a bit of a beating.

Expectation #1: Nice Digs

For instance, we reserved a suite at this resort, complete with lanai (which is essentially a large balcony) and a king-sized bed. Naturally, we expected a nice place - I mean, this is Hawaii, right?

Well, the room was pretty nice, I’ll give it that. Although it was pretty much the usual tropical resort-type place, it did have a fantastic view of Hanalei Bay (the room in this particular photo is pretty much exactly like our room and our view), and the lanai had a nice table and chairs on which we ate breakfast every day. But (and this was a BIG ‘but’, baby!) it had a double bed, not a king!

Now, I can tell you from experience, someone my height won’t fit on a double bed. So we called the owner of the suite and complained (not that there was much that could be done about it at this point, but still). She didn’t seem bothered at all that she had lied to us about the size of the bed (we specifically asked for a king). I mean, she had our money, so there wasn’t much we could do.

But the kicker was when Mrs. MZM told her I was too tall for the bed. You know what the owner’s brilliant solution was? And I quote: “Oh, no problem; just pull the couch over to the end of the bed and he’ll have plenty of legroom.” Unquote.

Well, as I said, we had certain expectations as far as accommodations. Alas, the reality was somewhat, er, less.

Expectation #2: Sunshine

I’ve already written (earlier this week) about the fact that our stay was somewhat, er, “solar-radiantly-challenged”. (This photo is exactly what Hanalei Bay looked like. Except for the gray, rainy skies. And, er, brown water. Click on it for a spectacularly larger view.)

Hey, when you go to Hawaii (or any vacation island destination, for that matter) one generally assumes there’s going to be plenty of sunshine and blue skies. I mean, it’s in all the pictures, right? (Yes, I know it rains a lot in Hawaii; how else would that lush foliage survive? But they still generally have plenty of sunshine, too.)

Again, the reality was less that expected.

Expectation #3: Great Island Experiences

I think I also mentioned the fact that our visit happened to be during the “off” season. What that meant was that many of the quaint little shops were closed, and in fact a lot of the more “mainstream” tourist attractions were, too.

See, in Hawaii, there’s at least one experience you simply must enjoy; it’s the epitome of the Hawaiian experience: you must, at all costs, attend a luau. Usually, the biggest challenge is picking one; they’re literally everywhere (at least during the tourist season, that is).

An authentic luau can be quite elaborate, with wonderful entertainment, native costumes and the inevitable hula lessons (something you can’t avoid if you’re going to visit Hawaii). Naturally, the best ones are at night (flaming torches makes the best lighting), and held outdoors (that photo is the sort of thing we’d, um, hoped for).

Alas, because this was the, you know, off season, the choices were somewhat limited. In fact, there was only one available on the entire island! But, we shrugged and went anyway, hoping for the best.

Well, this one was held in a sortof large barn-like structure with open sides; not out in the open like we’d hoped. (Probably a good thing since it pretty much rained most of the time anyway.) And, it had electric lighting, no torches. To make matters worse, the food was really not all that great, and the man across from us was totally drunk and rather obnoxious; we could tell his wife was pretty embarrassed.

Ah, well; yet again, it was less than expected *sigh*.

The Key to Managing Your Expectations

By now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Man, this guy has nothing good to say about anything! Who is he, anyway - that new superhero, BummerMan?” But hold on there, Buckaroos; we’re headin’ for a point if I can just figure out what it is (sound of crowd grumbling and getting restless).

OK; so here’s my point.

Expectations are good things to have; in fact, I’d even go so far as to say we need ‘em. They give a point of reference, and - dare I say it? - even something to hope for. They serve as indicators that let us know what we’d planned or expected would happen, actually has.

The problem, though, is that expectations can sometimes get, for want of a better term, too big for their britches. You know what I mean, right? Let’s say you’re planning something (it doesn’t matter what), and you’ve got every last detail worked out. I mean, there is absolutely nothing left to chance. Everything is going to go your way, and that way is… perfect.

Um… yeah.

You know it’s true: hardly ever does anything go perfectly. In fact, the more planning that’s required, the more likely whatever-it-is will go awry, if you know what I mean. You might as well just face the fact that life is never perfect. It follows, then, that if when you have expectations, then sometime, somewhere, you’re going to experience disappointment.

So what’s a person to do? Never ever plan, hope or even dream, again? No, of course not, ya big galoot (sound of fist pounding on desk)!

The key to managing any expectation can be summed up in one single word: flexibility. Yep; that’s the secret. And that one word is the thing that saved us from disappointment on our trip. Oh, don’t get me wrong; we were still disappointed when some of our expectations weren’t met; at least temporarily.

But by allowing ourselves to be flexible enough to creatively respond to each disappointment, we turned what could have been a not-so-great moment into one that, even now, still brings back fond and wonderful memories.

For instance, to this day we hardly remember that ridiculously short bed. What we do remember, though, are the breakfasts we enjoyed every morning on our lanai, surrounded by lush tropical vegetation and entertained by a couple of cardinals that seemed to think we had invaded their own personal space. They were so unafraid of us, they practically hopped in our laps as we ate!

And the lack of sun wasn’t really that much of a problem, either. It certainly didn’t stop us from checking out all the incredible sights: picturesque waterfalls, beautiful beaches, incredible mountain vistas and spectacular ocean views. (Although because of the constant rain, all our pictures came out sorta dark and gloomy.) But because we were willing to stay flexible in all things, why, everywhere we went, we’d stumble across yet another surprise (like, f’rinstance, that time we accidentally stumbled - literally! - upon a couple of nude sunbathers!)

Expectations can be good; they give you something to look forward to. But managing your expectations with a liberal dose of flexibility will allow you to enjoy life so much better. That way, even when things don’t - quite - go like you expect, well, you can still have an experience just as good (or even better).

___________________________

Yes, today marks the 26^th Anniversary of the day Mrs. MZM and I gazed into each other’s eyes and proclaimed to all who happened to be present those two powerful, life-changing little words: “I do.”

I find it rather appropriate, then, that we just sorta happened to end this series of posts with that particular word, flexibility. Honestly; it wasn’t planned.

But if there were one single word that characterized how Mrs. MZM and I have coped with the ups and downs of our years together, it would be that one. Of all the blessings God could have given us, that one quality is what continues to turn every day into an amazing adventure that never ends.

You know, I am still completely overwhelmed with the amazing and wonderful fact that, of all the people God put on this planet, this wonderful woman agreed (finally!) that I was the one - and said “YES!”

That is something for which I will be forever grateful.

Happy Anniversary to the Love of My Life!

__________________________

For the rest of our Hawaiian Honeymoon adventures, see:

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 1: Dignity; Always Dignity

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 2: When Skies Are Grey

Hawaiian Honeymoon, Part 3: Underwhelmed

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!