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If you…

• … are the adventurous type
• … have a few extra frequent flier miles you can use around January (or money to burn)
• … want to do something completely and totally different to celebrate the New Year

… and most importantly to your spouse (if you have one)…

• … are paid up on your life insurance

… well Bubba, there’s one place that comes to mind whose annual New Year’s tradition will really blow your socks off. Seriously.

In the southern Taiwan town of Yanshui (which translates roughly as Run! Run for your life!), they have an annual fireworks festival that is not to be believed! (OK, I made that up about the translation. But I still think it fits….)

Now it’s true that practically Every Place On Earth tries to outdo everyone else when it comes to fireworks and New Year’s celebrations. But as for Yanshui, well, all I can tell you is, if you ever plan to attend this particular festival, then being dressed properly for the occasion is an absolute must (after you, um, check your sanity at the gate).

Let’s see now; you’ll need a thick padded ski jacket, a motorcycle helmet, some heavy pants, gloves and boots, preferably leather, and a waterproof outer garment like a poncho. Oh, yeah – a set of long underwear made of Kevlar might come in handy too. Not to mention, guys, a steel cup (and I don’t mean for drinking!)

See; here’s the thing…

At this New Year’s event, instead of shooting fireworks into the sky, they aim the fireworks at each other! Whoo-eee! When I was in Taiwan, some of the guys I worked with went (and in a miraculous turn of events, managed to come back alive!) and said it was quite an experience, to say the least!

I’m sorry, folks, but there’s NO WAY I’m takin’ a chance a bottle rocket might fly up any part of my anatomy… I mean, there’s just no way! Huh-uh, no thanks!

Along about now you’re probably saying to yourself, “Why on Earth would anyone do such a goofy thing?” Well, here’s the explanation I managed to come up with:

Once, long ago, a villager offended one of the gods. As the god got angrier and angrier, he decided to destroy the entire village as a lesson. When the villagers got wind of it, they cooked up a plan to fool the angry god.

When he approached to do the deed, the townspeople started shooting firecrackers and fireworks all over the place, making it look like a war was going on. In fact, they even started shooting them at each other! Seeing this, the god thought some OTHER god was in the process of destroying the village, so he left them alone and went away. Thus, the village was saved!

Oh, of course – it makes so much sense now! (Hey, I said it was an explanation; I didn’t say it was a good one.)

Sadly, I was unable to find any statistics on the number of people hurt; arms or legs blown off, or anything like that; but I guess as long as they’re having fun….

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Now that Christmas is *sob* past, New Year’s Day is just around the corner, don’cha know. And you know what that means, right?

Yep, it’s time to wake up and start working on your contribution for this month’s Blogapalooza! What I Learned From 2007. In case you missed it, you need to know there’s a special twist to the usual method of participating this time, so be sure to click on the link to see whaddup. (Er, sorry; been watching too much Fresh Prince lately.)

Now, I know you’re thinkin’, “Awww, I have plenty of time to put my entry together. No worries!” (Uncanny, isn’t it, how I can read your mind like that?) But the fact is, time has a way of, well, marching on without us. So don’t put it off!

The project is open for entries until midnight, Sunday, January 13, 2008, and I’ll begin posting them on Monday, January 7. So go ahead – do it now!

And… have a safe and happy New Year’s Day!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

OK everyone, not only is it the end of another exciting month here at the Middle Zone; hey, it’s the end of another incredible YEAR! So for the *sob* last time this year, here’s a roundup of some of the more unusual items going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
________________________________
Dept. of Stupidity

Isn’t it nice to know that unseen forces, working for the common good, are feverishly laboring behind the scenes, constantly uncovering ways to make our lives better? Man, I know I’m relieved!

On that note (F-sharp, I think), here’s an absolutely stunning development I ran across recently in News of the Weird:

“Software engineers told Fortune magazine in November that they are constructing a filter to eliminate stupid messages to online forums and bulletin boards.”

That’s right, folks! No longer will you have to put up with stupidity and idiocy on the internet; you can filter it right out! Of course, there might be a, well, small detail to consider. I mean, without stupidity and idiocy, at least 90%… no, 92%… or maybe 95% of internet conversation might simply vanish!

But alas; the filter doesn’t work yet. How can you tell? Well, it was unable to delete this story.

Legal Dept.

The Michigan anti-lawsuit group M-LAW has come out with the winners in this year’s annual Whacky Warning Label contest. The grand prize winner came from Pennsylvania and was found on a small tractor (from the picture it looks like a “Bobcat”): “Warning: Avoid Death”.

Let’s see… there’s also the one found on a baby-stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns, “Do not put child in bag.” Then there’s the label on the Vanishing Fabric Marker that cautions users: “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.” Dang! I bet you wish you’d thought of that one yourself!

But my personal favorite, and a sure candidate for the next Extreme Ironing video, is the one from an iron-on T-shirt transfer sticker that includes the line: “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”

Dept. of Improbable Research Part I
In case you’ve never heard of it, there really is a publication called The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It’s a compendium of strange and unusual scientific studies on varied and sordid subjects, most of which will have you scratching your heads and uttering intelligent phrases like “Huh?”

But every now and then it’s worth a look see, just to keep an eye on what those whacky scientists are up to. Last month, for instance, there was a fascinating article about the effects of caffeine on honey bees. Needless to say, it’s pretty riveting stuff.

See, the idea behind scientific research is to identify all pertinent factors, then figure out how to individually control them; thus you identify the effects of each one on the whole. (It’s quite different from practical research, i.e., “I wonder what would happen if I poke that rabid dog with this here sharp stick?”)

But it did bring up an interesting question from fellow Investigator Oliver Baker. He wants to know how they controlled for the *ahem* buzz? (sound of rimshot – followed by sound of gunshot)

Dept. of Improbable Research Part II

And just to prove this particular Dept. isn’t all work and no play, that whacky AIR gang also conduct a monthly limerick competition to prove they have the je ne se quoi (a French word that means long white coats with pocket protectors) it takes to properly evaluate a particular scientific study.

This month the study was “Maximum Angle of Stability of a Wet Granular Pile,” Sarah Nowak, Azadeh Samadani, and Arshad Kudrolli, Nature Physics, vol. 1, August 15, 2005, pp. 50-2 (which, in case you were wondering, is a study of, well, how sand castles work.)

The winner is from Investigator Brant Boucher, who penned these soon-to-be-immortal words:

When building a castle of sand
Keep a bucket of water on hand;
Choose your particle size:
With the angles be wise,
And maybe your castle will stand.

Not to be outdone, Limerick Laureate Martin Eiger gives us this rejoinder:

I went to the beach on Nantucket
With a shovel, a pail, and a bucket.
I would have done better
If the sand had been wetter.
When my castle fell down, I said, “Perhaps the technical
literature explains this.”

Who says those scientist guys don’t know how to have a good time? Although they may need to re-read the official Limerick Construction Instruction Manual.

Seasonal Dept.

(Sound of shots being fired) …and just let that be a warning to ya, Santa! – At least, that’s the conclusion of one hapless would-be Santa recently in Rio de Janeiro. Reuters reported:

“Drug traffickers in a Rio opened fire on a helicopter carrying a Santa to a children’s party, apparently mistaking it for a police helicopter, police said Tuesday.”

But don’t worry, kids! As you no doubt have observed (a few days ago now), Santa isn’t one to give up easily; he successfully completed his appointed rounds by, er, car.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB”. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Well, folks; here we are at the end of yet another month, and you know what that means, right? Yep, it’s time for another inspiring edition of Great Quotes. I think you’ll agree they may even impart a bit of wisdom – along with perhaps just a bit of fun.

So, if you find yourself searching for some encouragement, inspiration or perhaps even just a chuckle or two, you’ve come to the right place! Check these out:

• In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. – Albert Schweitzer
• Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. – Will Rogers
• I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them. – Jane Austen
• I have opinions of my own — strong opinions — but I don’t always agree with them. – George Bush
• People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. – Soren Kierkegaard
• A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of. – Burt Bacharach
• Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts. – Jim Morrison
• As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. – Dick Cavett
• Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? – Harry Shearer
• Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. – Ronald Reagan
• Never knock on Death’s door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that! – Matt Frewer
• If you haven’t found something strange during the day, it hasn’t been much of a day. – John Wheeler
• Walking isn’t a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. – Evan Esar
• The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. – John Kenneth Galbraith
• A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. – Daniel Webster
• Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. – Arthur Schopenhauer
• One man that has a mind and knows it can, always beat ten men who haven’t and don’t. – George Bernard Shaw
• Leadership: the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it. – Dwight D. Eisenhower
• Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know. – Cullen Hightower

And finally, as an encouraging word of advice for the coming new year, there’s this little jewel of wisdom:

• Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. – Marie Curie

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

[Note: this is my entry for January’s What I Learned From… group writing project. Hey, everybody’s welcome; why not join the Blogapalooza! as we wrap up the old year and help kick off the new? If you’re interested (and I just know you are!) just click the link to find out how.]

I’ll tell ya folks; it’s been one humdinger of a year around here at the Middle Zone! Yep; a heckuva ride over the last 360 (or so) days. Ups, downs, thrills, spills, chills – and that’s just what happened to me!

So as my entry for this month’s What I Learned From… writing project challenge, I’ll tell you a little bit about (and show you where to find) what I consider to be the 12 most absolutely bodacious things I learned in the year 2007.

So without further ado, (because further do… well, you know) I present:

January – When you were younger, did you ever figure when you got older you’d be doing something big, important, or maybe just really interesting? Yep; so did I. Unfortunately, when I went to school to study for it, well, I found out a hard truth: I just couldn’t cut it. But that was then. When I wrote The Pain and the Prize, I proved that, when it comes to really big, audacious goals, it’s really just a question of the proper motivation.

February – Here’s an excerpt from That Wonderful, Terrible Word: “There is a word, ladies and gentlemen; a word that, when it is articulated, can strike fear into the hearts and minds of even the most bold and valiant. A word so mighty, so evocative, that when used at the appropriate moment, has the power to reduce even the most capable and self-assured individual to a disgusting, gelatinous mass of quivering protoplasm. Yes, my friends – be afraid; be very afraid. The word is… commitment!“ So my friends; if you’d like to avoid that disgusting protoplasm stage, then you’d better pop on over and find out how! (Note: I posted this one over at 100 Bloggers).

March – Question: Have you ever been the unfortunate soul who had to be the bearer of bad news? I mean, really bad news (we’re talking about megabucks worth of bad news). In Take ‘em by Surprise, I discovered a technique you just might want to know about next time you have to face the music. (And no, it’s not Run! Run for your life!)

April – I think perhaps one of the most common pitfalls we face is the tendency to make quick judgments about people we really don’t know at all. C’mon, you might as well admit it. I do it; you do it; hey, it happens all the time. But in Are You a Labeler?, I faced up to my own snap judgment and was rewarded with an amazing discovery.

May – When it comes to Learning Patience, I must admit to being like most folks: I want it now! But I think you’ll enjoy this lesson on patience I picked up from a little friend of mine.

June – What’s life without challenges, right? No, silly; not easy – I was going for dull! But doesn’t it seem like getting a handle on what to do sometimes turns out to be the biggest challenge of all? Well, friends; have I got a present for you! You just can’t go wrong with The 7-Up Solution to Problem Solving – it’ll put you on the right track every time!

July – Have you ever suffered from the “curse of can’t”? I’m talking about the persistent, self-defeating thought that your own limitations will forever keep you from accomplishing… well, maybe anything. I gotta tell ya - in The Long and the Short of It, you’ll find out that inherent limitations don’t have to be the last word.

August ––Fun fact: Knowing and recognizing your own Comfort Zones, and Other Impediments might just be the key to improving your life! If that sounds a bit over-the-top, well, maybe you should take a peek at this one. I mean you never know; it could make a difference in your life, too!

September – In Two Simple Steps to Authentic Writing, a somewhat eerie experience out in the middle of nowhere provides a wonderful illustration of the importance of being well-grounded, both in your writing… and in your life. (Note: I guest-posted this one at Joanna Young’s Confident Writing.)

October – You know, every day we are absolutely inundated with a literal flood of information. Newspapers, magazines, books, broadcasts (and in my case, let’s not forget my word-a-day toilet paper!) But before you accept (and act upon) what you hear, well, maybe you should take a lesson from Jonah, and Consider the Source. You’ll be glad you did!

November – If you had the opportunity to step out – no, more accurately, you were actually thrust out into the limelight (and I’m talkin’ really out there) - what would you do? Well, in What I Learned From Striking Out on my Own, I’ll tell you what happened when things went absolutely and completely wrong… and in front of 50,000 people, no less!

December – Here are three key life-lessons I learned as a boy about being prepared, opportunity knocking, and being a winner: What I Learned From My First (and Only) Home Run.

So there you have it folks; my favorite posts from this past year. Enjoy!

Note from the proprietor: If you’d like to share with us what YOU learned in 2007, well why not join us for the Blogapalooza? What’s a Blogapalooza, you ask? Well, just check out this post for the details!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Very old joke:

Two ants are running across the top of a tissue box, and one of them asks the other, “Hey, why are we running so fast?”

The other one points down and says in exasperation, “Can’t you read? It says right here: ‘Tear Across Dotted Line’”

Consider… the Ant

(Oh sure; it’s a strange thought for a beautiful Christmas morning. But believe it or not, I’m going somewhere with this line of thought. Bear with me just a bit, if you would.)

Wouldn’t it be interesting to be able to really understand ants? Just think; you could discover first-hand how they work together, how they live, how they get from place to place. You’d finally know why ants always seem to walk single-file, how they can carry 10 times their own weight, and most importantly, how exactly can they find their way into just about anything! Just how do they do those crazy ant things they do so very well?

But wait a minute. How could you really understand an ant, anyway? I mean, how would you communicate with them – or even get their attention? And how would they know you wanted to talk? By what means would a human being really understand something so small, so… insignificant.

See, the problem is, not only are you unimaginably bigger than they are, but you don’t have much in common with them. Their lives are so much different from yours; I mean, it’s pretty much impossible to grasp.

How Could You Understand An Ant?

So what’s the best way for you to really understand ants? Well… there is one way I can think of: you could become an ant yourself!

Now, I’m not talking about just shrinking down to the size and shape of an ant. See, without changing who or what you are, your essence, if you will… well, that wouldn’t do at all. Not only would you miss out on a genuine ant’s point-of-view, but they’d know you weren’t really an ant – even if you had the outward appearance of one.

No, I mean actually becoming one; to somehow live life as an ant. You have to be able to experience exactly what the ant is going through firsthand, for only then could you hope to get a true ant’s perspective on things. Only then could you understand them. Only then could you communicate with them.

And only then could they truly understand and communicate with you.

Consider… God

A lot of people don’t really understand Christmas. I guess that comes as no surprise, considering how much glitz and hoopla fills the air for months ahead of the actual day. But all that, well, stuff, really does is make it easy to miss the real Christmas. C’mon, you know what I mean: the actual human birth of Jesus Christ.

That’s the thing folks have a hard time with. I mean, the very idea that God would send His own son, Jesus, to be born as a man, live as a man, and die as a man… well, it just doesn’t seem to make any sense.

But in fact, there was simply no other way for God to get our attention. There was no other way for us to know that God himself really wanted to talk to us; to have a relationship with us.

And there was no other way for Him to tell us – and even more importantly, for us to truly understand – that He loved us.

Today is Christmas Day; the day we Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, all over the world, and across virtually all cultures.

Isn’t it amazing? To think that even today, and for many people, that was just a seemingly insignificant event that happened long ago. But in truth, the implications of that day somehow transcend time and space, and can still touch us as powerfully today – if we’ll just allow it to.

If you’re interested in a relationship with the God of the Universe, then there’s where it starts – at the manger in Bethlehem.

_________________________________

I would like to thank all who have, by accident or design, visited Middle Zone Musings this year. I hope you’ll drop by again, or even drop by regularly.

And I especially wish you all a very merry Christmas!

(Image “01nativita” by francesyan)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

You know, folks; it’s been a truly fantastic year for lessons learned from life here at the Middle Zone, don’t you think? And together we’ve made a resounding success of seven What I Learned From… projects this year.

I gotta tell ya, my friends; we’ve seen a veritable plethora (a west Texas expression that means the whole herd) of profound, thoughtful, surprising, and occasionally whacky lessons learned, and nobody’s had more fun with it than yours truly.

(*Ahem* have to use my ‘announcer’s voice” here:) So now it’s time to Give… Something… Back… (hey, don’cha just love the cool reverb effect?)

What with the New Year and all just around the corner, I’ve decided to turn this month’s WILF (that’s What I Learned From… get it? Oh, never mind) project into something really special. You know; to find an imaginative way to finish off the old year (and what the heck; kick-start the new one while we’re at it) in a way that not only celebrates the spirit of WILF, but provides a little something extra for everyone who participates.

So I got to thinkin’ (which is probably that grinding noise you heard) – and then it hit me (sound of blunt object hitting back of head).

I’ll turn this month’s project into a

Yes, yes, I know. Right about now you’re probably asking yourself, “What the heck is a blogapalooza?” Well, my fine feathered friends, stay tuned and we’ll all find out I’ll show you!

So without further ado (because as you know, further do makes no sense whatsoever), I present this month’s topic (which should come as no surprise since you guys are, you know, pretty smart; besides, I’m guessin’ you’ve already read the post title):

What I Learned From 2007

“But wait!” I can hear you asking. “What’s so special about that? I mean after all, there’s only about 487,325 (give or take) other bloggers posting on the same subject” (a not unlikely number considering the 80,000,000 or so blogs out there).

Well, Good Buddies; as they say in the funny pages, this is where it gets interesting! Allow me to explain my, uh, plan. No wait – let me put sneer marks around that first: …my ‘plan’.

I’ll start by tellin’ you right up front; this month’s challenge is going to take a bit more work on your part than usual (sound of hordes of readers stampeding for the door). All-righty; I think that went pretty well. Now, for everybody who’s left: Get ready to start your pencils!

Since all WILF projects are about lessons learned, I want to know what you’ve learned and written about on your blogs (or wherever you’re published) over the past year. So for our WILF project this month, that’s what you’ll be writing about.

Looking back at your archives for the year 2007, choose one post from every month you’ve been blogging that best represents a lesson learned. And you don’t have to use your old (should you *ahem* have any) WILF entries; it’s your choice (you can, of course; but you don’t have to).

So what was the most amazing, profound, surprising, whacky, etc. thing you learned in the month of March? How about July? Anything in October? Hey, you get to choose something different from each month! Now that’s a blogapalooza!

And don’t worry; I’m accepting entries much longer than usual; you’ll have 3 weeks to enter instead of the usual one week. (And of course don’t forget; should you or any of your team be caught or killed, or, you know, break a fingernail or something during the execution of this project, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your existence).

Project starts TODAY, December 23, 2007, and continues until midnight CST (that’s -6 GMT) Sunday night, January 13th, 2008.

Here’s all you have to do (please notice the procedure is a bit different than usual):

1. Choose one post from every month you’ve been blogging in 2007. (For example, if you’ve been blogging all year, you get to choose up to 12; if only since July, choose up to 6. Got it?) Use whatever criteria you like: your favorite post, most commented upon, the funniest, most outrageous, or “what you thought was your best work but ended up being a huge flop”, etc.; hey, knock yourself out!
2. Write a sentence or two describing each post you’ve chosen and why. Don’t forget to include the post title and imbed a link to it (you may laugh at that instruction; but if I don’t spell it out, well…). Compile it all into a single article. Please (and if you want to) also include a few sentences about yourself and your blog (and again, don’t forget the link).
3. Choose how your entry gets posted (here’s where it gets fun!)

3.1. The Blogapalooza Way (sound of crowd cheering): Instead of posting it at your blog – allow me to host it for you right here at Middle ZoneMusings! Here’s how:

3.1.1. Send your post to me anytime (in .doc or .rtf format only – please don’t send a .pdf!) at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net right up until the end (operators are ‘standing by’) and I’ll post it here at the Zone, including all the links. (NOTE: I will edit if necessary, but as little as possible, and only to make you look better.)

3.1.2. So your readers know how to find your entry, post a notice (write a teaser, summary, whatever) at your blog and point to your entry here at Middle Zone Musings (I’ll provide the link for you).

OR -

3.2. The (ho-hum) Usual Way: Post your entry at your own blog and send me the link as usual. Please include the phrase “What I Learned From…” in your post title.

Of course I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the usual two rules (to which I will require compliance if you wish me to host your entry here at the Zone; otherwise if you still wish to post the old-fashioned ho-hum way - it’s still just a request):

1. Keep it G-Rated (as determined solely by yours truly), and
2. Be Nice.

OK, by now you’ve probably figured out that by allowing yours truly to host your entry, you’ll get the benefits of all those incoming links (and pointing to your archives, too – always a good thing).

Why would I want to do this? Well, it’s like this.

I really, really, really want to thank you all for your kind and generous support throughout the adventures of this past year here at the Zone. Besides; Middle Zone Musings is most definitely a blog with je ne se quoi (which as you know means blog with no budget). So the links are my Christmas present to you!

After all, that and my thanks (and let’s not forget the ol’ big tip o’ the hat) are the only currency I have. If you can forgive me for paraphrasing the Apostle John here; “Silver and gold have I none, but of what I have, I give to you.”

One last thing… please publicize as much as you are willing and encourage others to join in; the more the merrier, I always say! Let’s see what we can do together to make this a genuine blogapalooza!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!