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Well, folks, once again the sun sets on yet another exciting month here at the Zone. Thrills, chills, spills – and that’s just what’s happening at MY desk! Just imagine what else has been going on out there…

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!

Note from the Proprietor: Oddly enough, there didn’t seem to be that much unusual stuff come across my desk this month. Probably not paying attention. But what the heck, here’s a few items that might tickle your fancy.

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Dept. of Retirement Planning

(A tip o’ the hat to Dennis McMullin, a fellow Bored Member and regular contributor to OOB.)

Ever heard the old joke about engineers? You know, that they never grow old, they just lose their bearings. Bwa-ha-ha-ha – er, sorry.

Hey, I’ve always believed that there’s got to be something better to do upon retirement than taking up golf (sound of avid golf fans fainting everywhere). I mean, why spend all your money and new-found time just whacking a silly little ball all over the place? And you know; all that walking and everything – why, it’s enough to wear me out just thinking about it!

Hmmm… what to do, what to do…?

Well folks, have I got an amazing source of inspiration for you! Here is a great example of what happens when engineers get bored (link to a flash video clip that is absolutely awe-inspiring!)

And, a word of warning to the spouses of engineers (this one’s for you, Liz!): if you ever hear the phrase, “What’s the worst that could happen?” – well, take my advice: Run! Run for your lives!

Dept. of Transportation

Psst! Hey Buddy! Wanna buy a bridge?

Man, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that one! But now, for a limited time only, you may just have your chance to own your very own big pile of rusty scrap metal bridge!

The town of Soldiers Grove, Wisconsin, is offering a hundred-year-old bridge for sale (click on the photo to see a similar type bridge) for the incredible year-end, no-holds-barred, blowout sales price of just $1. Yep, you read it right, folks! Only $1 for the opportunity of a lifetime!

‘Course, there’s a small, er, catch: you, um, have to remove it. Hey, but think of what you could get for scrap metal value! OR – maybe it’ll look good in the backyard…?

Dept. of Corrections

Well, you can’t say they didn’t at least try to fill a new niche.

Hallmark (yes, that Hallmark!) created a new line of cards for the, um, er, (let’s see… how can we put this delicately?) “recently incarcerated”. That’s “new prisoners” in layman’s terms. (Although – what exactly is a layman, anyway? One who lays? And why are we always using their terms?)

Anyhoo – criminal defense lawyer Terry Cheatham (who says lawyers don’t care?) developed the new line of cards. The story goes on to say:

Among her selections are cards reading “Sorry to hear about your arrest,” and “Honestly, I never knew anyone who was arrested before,” and, simply, “Not You!” A remorseful correspondent could choose: “I know that I have not visited you. But I still care about you … When are you getting out, anyway?”

Hey, I think that last one really captures the true essence, the genuine spirit – the, uh, je ne se quoi (which is a French word that roughly means Call me when you get out) of the thing, don’t you?

Oh, by the way… the cards are, um, not selling too well. What. A. Big. Surprise.

Dept. of Self-Promotion

Did you know there’s a new installment of OOB every month? Yes indeedy! So if you’re interested in an even bigger helping of the strange, the unusual, and the just plain whacko (that is, as opposed to extraordinary whacko), you might want to check out previous editions.

Hey, it’s easy! Just go to the categories list over there on the left and click on “OOB“. In fact, I double-dog dare you! (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions for future OOB items, by all means drop me a line at rhruzek@sbcglobal.net. If I use one of your suggestions, to demonstrate my undying gratitude, I’ll mention your name and link to you.)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

All right, folks, I’ve got a pop quiz for you (sounds of “Awww, gee, do we hafta?”): What do all these images have in common? (And yes, you have to.)

Hmm, let’s see now (you can click on the image for a larger view); clockwise from the upper left we have:

• Fishing
• Throwing
• Boat racing
• Snowmobiling
• Bull fighting
• Ski jumping

Yes, you in the back with your hand raised… Hey, congratulations, you got it in one! Yep, they’re all activities that have to do with… sports!

OK, by now you’re probably saying to yourself, “So what does that have to do with the price of garbanzo beans in Gondwanaland?” Well… nothing, really. (But you may, er, want to seek help for that talking to yourself thing. It’s really distracting.)

Nope, it’s just my way of announcing the next topic for our upcoming What I Learned From… group writing project (sound of drumroll):

The World of Sports

So, tell your friends; tell your neighbors – what the heck; tell your friends’ neighbors! And if you don’t want to be left out, then whatever you do, make sure y’all drop by on Monday, December 3th for the next project kick off.

Hey folks, let’s see if we can increase the number of entries this time; we set a new record last time with 23! Wanna help me make it to 30?

Better get out those thinking caps!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Well, it’s the end of another exciting month, and you know what that means, right? Yep, it’s time for another inspiring edition of Great Quotes. I think you’ll agree they may even impart a bit of wisdom – along with a bit of fun.

So, if you find yourself searching for some encouragement, inspiration or perhaps even just a chuckle or two, you’ve come to the right place! Check these out:

• Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. – Thomas Edison
• After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. – Cato the Elder
• Give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish and you’re a consultant. – Scott Adams
• Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn’t have in your home. – David Frost
• Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind. – Marston Bates
• Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you’ll have to ram it down their throats.” – Howard Aiken
• In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on. – Robert Frost
• A thick skin is a gift from God. – Konrad Adenauer
• Doubt will take you out of activity, but activity will take you out of doubt. – Presley Swaggerty
• The trouble with trying to make yourself stupider is that you very often succeed. – C. S. Lewis
• An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. – John Buchan
• No is just yes with a different coat on. – Robert Hruzek
• There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience. – Anatole Broyard
• A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. – Bertrand Russell
• We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. – George Eliot
• Don’t worry if a man kicks you from behind; it only proves you’re ahead of him. – W.C. Fields
• The future is here. It’s just not widely distributed yet. – William Gibson
• To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. – Jack Handy
• Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. – Cyril Connolly
• The best way to predict the future is to invent it. – Alan Kay

And finally, to wrap things up this month (in honor of it being NaNoWriMo month and all) here’s a little something for all the budding novelists out there:

• I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it. – Lord Brabazon

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

A while back a much-publicized photo book (I would call it a coffee-table book) came out called A Day in the Life of America. There have been any number of follow-up books published since, including one on Australia, China, Israel – well, there’s quite a few.

I always thought it was a brilliant concept, and in fact it was #1 NY Times best seller, with over 1.3 million copies sold. I believe they sent something like 100 professional photographers all over the US on this one particular day to capture images of everyday folks from all walks of life.

But it got me to wondering (that humming sound you hear). What if some cosmic editor decided to do a giant e-book (for a, you know, giant e-coffee table) called A Day in the Life of Humanity. This giant, imaginary book would contain a single photo for every single human being, illustrating a moment of their lives on one particular day. That one photograph would serve time immemorial as a representation of each person’s life.

Unfortunately, the size of the work and time involved for such a gargantuan project means that the editor has to just pick a random moment from each person’s life to immortalize. But here’s the kicker: he gets to pick the moment.

Yikes!

I’ve wrote earlier this month about being in the Aggie Band back in the ‘70’s at Texas A&M University. Well, there was this one game I remember with arch-rival (OK, I admit it: they’re all arch-rivals!) Baylor University…

It was a dark and stormy night (well, actually, it was in the afternoon – but that phrase really grabs your attention doesn’t it?) and the game was *cough*cough* NOT going too well. Baylor had (well, let’s see… how can one put this delicately?) kicked our butts all over the playing field during the first three quarters, and all indications were the fourth quarter would go pretty much the same way.

On top of that bummer, due to the rain, the cold north wind, and the, um, occasional need to scream at the players every now and then (I was a lot more passionate about football back then), my date and I had virtually no voices left. We were both pretty miserable, I’ll tell ya! And we weren’t the only ones, either; even the Alumni stands had mostly emptied out by now.

To be completely honest (something we always strive for here at the Zone!), we were basically just waiting for the game to end so we could get warm and dry again!

Anyway, there happened to be something of a lull in the excitement action boredom during that dismal fourth quarter. My date and I were sitting on about the third or fourth row (the band always sat at the front of the stands) gazing over at the end of the field (where those dirty rats feisty Baylor lads were about to score once more… *sigh*) when I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone walking by on the field in front of us.

Now, like most universities, our football field was surrounded by a running track; it’s where all the players’ benches, support equipment, etc. is during a game. So you always get various and sundry people walking back and forth about their business in front of the bleachers – photographers, players, coaches, the occasional police, and the Yell Leaders (the Aggie equivalent of cheerleaders).

So it wasn’t that unusual for someone to be walking by in front of us. But for some reason, a part of my mind (at least that part of my brain was activated that day!) noted the fact that this person walked up, stopped for a moment, then walked on. A few moments after the fact, it finally percolated into my forebrain, triggering the first twinges of concern.

As it turned out, the guy was a photographer. My concern turned into an unpleasant train of thought. Did that guy just take our picture? I sincerely hoped not! I knew that if so, we had, um, somewhat less than enthusiastic faces. Oh, well, I thought, he’s bound to have better, more photographic shots. The game (finally!) ended and we went back to the dorms to try to cheer up for another day.

The next day, smack in the middle of the front page of the school paper was - you guessed it - that photo of the two of us, sitting there looking like we’d just gotten the news that our grade-point averages had just plummeted into the basement with only 3 weeks ’til finals. I mean, it was just… pitiful.

(Note: I searched the internet and found a photo that pretty much echoed how we looked. Er, without the goofy hats. Pretty sad, isn’t it?)

What are the odds? To think that during that entire two-hour game, this was the photo the paper’s editor decided to use on the front page of the paper! Sheesh! Rats! And maybe doggone!

Well!

So back to that coffee-table book again. What if that particular photo was the one the editor ended up using for his Day in the Life… book? What kind of impression would every reader in the universe get of me?

Probably not too good.

OK, granted that life has its ups and downs, and nobody is going to be upbeat and cheerful 100% of the time. Besides, if you were, then it’s likely that most people would think you either a) were on drugs, or b) have lost touch with reality. It’s OK; I understand.

But the thing I’m asking is, on average, what are the odds a random photograph of you would catch you in an upbeat mood?

I mean, let’s face it; if you tend to have a frown on your face, or tend to complain about life, the universe, and everything – well, then the odds are pretty good that a random moment of your life will lead people to think you’re always like that, wouldn’t you say?

But if you are one of those folks who tends toward a more positive outlook, one that can suffer setbacks but still pick themselves up and keep trying, then the odds are far better that a random glimpse into your life will leave a much more upbeat impression. Hey, it stands to reason, right?

Hey, I’m no expert (nor do I play one on TV), but I know what kind of image I’d like folks to have of me – and believe me, it ain’t blue!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Eek! I almost forgot to mention it!

Yep, it’s almost time for the next What I Learned From… group writing project! Boy am I embarrassed!

Well, folks, I’m tellin’ ya now. So you might want to get started to commencing to moving towards gettin’ ready to begin!

Fair warning: project kickoff is NEXT MONDAY, December 3th! (In case you’re wondering, that’s pronounced “threeth”. Just thought you’d like to know.)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Note from the Proprietor: This is my entry for the Connecting Words writing project instigated by Joanna Young and Brad Shorr.

The idea is to write about words you may have seen (or used) that caused a connection, a conversation, or maybe even a double-take. Doesn’t matter what they might be; just whatever caused you to stop and think for a moment or two.

Hrm. Grbl. Blx.

Well, to be honest, I can’t think of any instance when someone specifically responded to a particular term I used in a post or comment – try as I might. It may be that folks don’t think twice about unusual expressions coming from yours truly (and I’m really not sure what the heck that means, if anything).

But still, I don’t mind sharing a few of my favorite expressions, just to see if it strikes a chord here or there (sound of a D#-minor chord being struck). Hey, you never know…

You see, it’s not so much the use of typical words and phrases; heck, practically anyone can do that. Expressions such as “thank you”, “please forgive me”, “yes”, and of course, “I love you” – well, these are the most obvious and powerful connecting words I know of and will always go a long way toward connecting with other people. (Not to mention a big favorite of mine here at the Zone: A big tip O’ the hat to ya!)

Ah, but being the insane whack job unique individual that I am (and no snide remarks from the peanut section back there!), for me the real challenge is to take already existing connecting words and/or phrases and successfully change their meaning to something else entirely; to bend ‘em to my own indomitable will, so to speak. After all, who’s the master here (he said boldly) – the writer, or the words?

To that end (now there’s a strange phrase if I ever heard one – just who’s end are we talking about here?), I’ll just go down to the basement (sound of creaky door opening) and check the archives (sound of footsteps descending a rickety wooden staircase) for a few examples where I’ve redefined a term or two (sound of rummaging, followed by assorted rattles and crashes and a cat’s startled meow).

(Three days later…)

Hey, I’m back! Didja miss me? No? Er, sorry ‘bout the delay – I got distracted by my old Space Invaders game and got sorta carried away. Uh, where were we? Oh yeah – redefined words!

OK, I’ve ransacked the archives and (rather than turn this into a 10,000-word essay) narrowed it down to four specific words and phrases that I happen to enjoy using the most:

Ironic – made entirely of iron. Perhaps my all-time favorite word. To be brutally honest, I stole got it from Arthur Spooner, a character on the TV sitcom King of Queens. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything in particular; it’s merely a device I use every now and then just to see if you’ve been really paying attention. I must say though, most of the time I think my definition actually fits better than the, you know, actual one. Ironic, huh?

Waxing eloquent – to lay it on thick and polish it to a nice, shiny finish. This one comes from an old Peanuts comic strip in which Snoopy is busily writing his “It was a dark and stormy night…” epic. As a writer, I’m particularly fond of this one since it seems to capture pretty well the ultimate writer’s bane – falling so in love with your own words that you simply can’t stop filling the page with them until there are really no other words to say but you just can’t quite bring yourself to just stop it stop it STOP IT! Er, sorry. But you see what I mean. (Remember my “10,000-word essay” comment above?)

Je ne se quoi (pronounced “je ne se quoi” – does that help?) – various meanings, depending on the context. As a non-French-speaker, I take advantage of my poetic license (2007 license #T-72a073810-x7.5g/s, issued by the State of Insanity) to freely define this phrase pretty much any way I like. I mean, what the heck; it’s my blog and I can do what I want, right? This one came years ago from a Birthday card my sister gave me that read like this: “For your Birthday, I searched for a card with that certain je ne se quoi.” – which upon opening, read, “Card with no money in it.” I’ve been broke inspired ever since. And yes, we still speak to each other.

Voilá – various meanings, again depending on the context. Similarly (oddly enough, my grammar and spell checkers both agree that’s a correctly used word – go figure!) to the phrase above, I usually translate this into colloquial terms in keeping with my own Texas roots. Thus, it could mean literally anything – from “there ya go” to “whack me up the side of the head and call me Bubba.” So far as I’ve been able to tell, though, I don’t think anyone has trouble understanding what I mean – if you know what I mean.

Now, as anyone who is attempting to communicate with the outside world will know, it’s not what you say so much as the response you get from the words you choose (good one, Joanna!) that make all the difference, right?

So in actuality, whether you choose to go conventional, or make up your own vocabulary – the proof is, as they say, in the pudding.

(Although… I’ve searched puddings for years and never found proof of anything. But you never know. In the meantime… uh, better hand me another pudding; I need to keep looking. I, er, happen to like banana pudding with lots of sliced bananas and those little vanilla wafers in it…)
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So what words or phrases do you think of as connecting words? Care to share some of them?

If you’re intrigued by the premise of the Connecting Words Project, why not drop by Joanna’s place and check it out. You just might want to contribute some of your own to the mix!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Today, we in the United States celebrate a national holiday called Thanksgiving Day. As a general rule, there should be plenty of family gatherings, turkey dinners, football games, and parades in abundance.

Interestingly enough, though regularly celebrated far earlier (the first Thanksgiving Celebration was a three-day affair in December of 1620), it didn’t become a national holiday (as we know it now) until President Abraham Lincoln declared it so in 1863.

But in thinking about the origins and significance of the day, I was particularly struck this year by the words of President George Washington as he explained his reasoning for declaring it a special day, in his Thanksgiving Proclamation of 1789 (as quoted in Wallace v. Jaffree, 105 S.Ct. 2479, 2513 (1985) (REHNQUIST, J., dissenting):

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted; for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations, and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have shown kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally, to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Pretty profound, eh?

Anyway, I’d like to take moment and thank all those who have made a visit to the Middle Zone a regular (or yes, maybe even an irregular) part of your lives. My desire is that you gain something worthwhile every time you drop by, whether it’s something deeply profound – or just a giggle or two.

In fact, your visits, your comments and your wonderful and thoughtful contributions to the conversations here (as well as to the General Body of Knowledge) are very deeply appreciated.

God’s Blessings to you all!

Oh, and as always – a big tip o’ the hat to ya!

Back on Monday!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!