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Since today is the end of the work week, and March is about over as well (and it’s a day ending in “y”), it looks like a good time to post something totally frivolous. (Of course, pretty much every day is like that here at the Middle Zone, but what the hey.)

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – the time has come for another exciting edition of… OOB!
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Dept. of Statistical Anomalies

Michael DeWitt points out at Spooky Action that statistical analysis has demonstrated a disturbing correlation between the increase in ice cream consumption and (are you ready for this?) a corresponding increase in violent crimes, including murder and rape.

“Hundreds of statisticians have examined this evidence and not one has disputed the validity of these statistics!”

I guess we should accept his authority on this since he lives in probably one of the consistently hottest places in the United States: Phoenix, Arizona. (Favorite quote heard on the street: “I don’t care WHAT they say about “wet heat” or “dry heat” – it’s punkin’ HOT out there!”)

Conclusion? Well, that’s easy. If you see anyone eating ice cream – Run! Run for your life!

Home Improvement Dept.

If you’re doing a little remodeling in the bathroom, you might be interested in this new line of tiles. Artist Jim Termeer recently created bathroom tiles with designs derived from satellite imagery of major world highway interchanges. Now that’s what I call “different”!

When viewed as art, highway interchanges turn out to be quite beautiful. On the other hand, when viewing these things from “inside the art”, so to speak, you get a different perspective. And after seeing how amazingly complex these things are, the thought that these interchanges are actually real places full of cars all trying to figure out how to successfully get from point A to point B is really scary!

Lost and Found Dept.

Alert the media! I think we found him.

Mathematics Dept.; Anyone for Pi? Division

In case you’re ever at a loss to know the value of pi, you can easily determine it yourself, and without a calculator! That’s right, folks, all you really need are… (may I have a drum roll please) frozen hot dogs!

Pretty simple, really, and according to the article, and it really does work. ‘Course, you have to repeat the process, like, 1000 times!

Let’s see now, assume setup time takes about 30 minutes. Now, if tossing a package of a dozen dogs one at a time takes about 30 seconds, recording the results takes about a minute, picking the dogs up and getting ready to start should only take another 30 seconds. Oh, and cleaning up the mess on the floor should take another hour. (Men, make sure the wife is out for the day. Ladies - surely you wouldn’t be caught dead doing this, would you? Yes, I know - don’t call you Shirley. Unless your name IS Shirley.)

I figure you can fling a dog 1,000 times and have your answer in about, oh, 4 hours and 16 minutes. Sheesh! I could drive to the Wal-Mart in the next town over, buy a calculator, push a few numbers, and have my answer in a lot less time. But then again, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun…

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Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.

And finally, for those of you who are perhaps new to this site, or unfamiliar with the concept of OOB (it stands for “Out Of the Box” and rhymes, appropriately enough, with “boob”), you might want to check out the earlier episodes (#1 will explain it all) …

OOB #1
OOB #2
OOB #3
OOB #4
OOB #5
OOB #6
OOB #7
OOB #8
OOB #9

… and then again, you might not. (But remember, you will be assimilated!)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Ah, Paris in the spring! (Eiffel Tower; the Seine gently flowing by; sound of an accordion playing “La Vie en Rose”)

Talking with the folks over at Liz’s Open Mic last night brought back some fond memories of a trip Mrs. MZM and I took to Paris back in 2000. It’s something I had promised to myself we would do “one day”. (C’mon, admit it; don’t you all have a list like that?)

Now, how we ended up in Paris is actually an interesting, but completely different story (which I will no doubt inflict on relate to you another time); for the time being suffice it to say that we… found ourselves in Paris. Finally, the dream had come true!

We stayed at a small hotel (a decidedly non-tourist one) less than a mile from the Eiffel Tower, and after unpacking we still had the entire afternoon free. Since the weather was rather pleasant (it was early April, partly cloudy, and about 65F/18C), we decided to do the most obvious “tourist thing” first and set out for the Tower. Ah, a beautiful day and Paris in the springtime; it was every couple-in-love’s dream come true!

But as we neared it a storm front began to obscure the horizon, and by the time we reached the tower (a miracle - no lines!) it was completely overcast, while the temperature began to drop rapidly. As we waited on the first level (you have to change elevators at that point, and the line on this level was about 15 minutes long), it suddenly got REALLY cold! The wind was gusting like crazy, a light drizzle began, and I’m sure the temperature quickly dropped at least 20F/7C by the time we made it into the elevator for the trip to the observation deck.

Oh, did I mention the lightning? Uh, there was lightning. Now, you’re probably thinking, “I guess there was a lightning bolt or two.” Nope, what I mean is, “Bubba, there was LIGHTNING!!!” Once it started, it was like being next to the runway at a Christian Dior fashion show. I’m talkin’ multiple flashes, rockin’ thunder, shakin’ structure; the whole shootin’ match! It was really… terrifying overwhelming stupendous incredible something (you know, I am at a complete loss for the proper words… which in itself is a miracle!)

I clearly remember contemplating the ramifications of being inside the World’s Largest Lightning Rod, and during the Electrical Storm of the Century, no less.

(Allow me to add here that this is one of those times when it’s not good to be an engineer – I had to consciously stop myself from analyzing a) the electrical potential in the surrounding air mass, b) the relative conductivity of the gigantic surrounding metallic structure, and c) my pitifully frail body hanging on for dear life to said conductive structure – but I, er, digress.)

You know, sometimes life has a way of providing a little “something extra” when you least expect it; something that puts the je ne se quoi (a term that roughly translates to “that special something extra“) back into life. I mean, when you go to Paris (assuming you don’t go regularly, that is), you just know you’re going to gain some great memories.

But to be honest, this particular experience is something I would have avoided at all costs had I known about it ahead of time! After all, what idiot would purposely go directly into the middle of a huge electrical storm, anyway? (OK, put your hand down in the back, Mr. Franklin; it was a rhetorical question.)

Anyway, it was an amazing experience I never want to repeat again (at least, not on purpose!) – but I gotta say, I wouldn’t trade the memories for anything, either!

Ah, Paris in the spring! (Lighting bolts everywhere, deafening sound of continuous thunder, strong wind gusts, freezing rain, people running for cover…)

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

NOTE from the proprieter: This post is my submittal  for Blog Project: Blogging Mistakes being run by Daniel over at Daily Blog Tips. If you’re interested in learning from other bloggers, then this is one of the best sites ever! Pop on over and check the project rules, then write a post. Not only will you be able to share the benefit of your experience with others, but you can learn from them, and share the link love as well.

The biggest mistake I’ve made (and mind you, this is only the BIGGEST one) was when I ran my first (and so far, only) contest. Readers here at the Zone will no doubt remember with anguish throw darts at my photo fondly remember the infamous Let’s be Brief contest, in which I challenged readers to write a complete story – using only six words!

The mistake wasn’t in having a contest (it wasn’t just a good idea, it was brilliant!); oh, nooooo, it couldn’t be that simple! No, the mistake was that I announced the contest before I had a clue about how to prepare for it! Having participated in a similar contest over at Ben Yoskovitz’s site in December called What I Learned in 2006, I figured, what the heck, I can do that.

Lucky for me that I contacted Ben and asked for advice! Man, was I a rube!

The 3 Main Mistakes (…and these are just the highlights!)

First of all, I didn’t allow myself enough time to advertise the contest. The announcement went up on a Wednesday, and it was supposed to start the following Sunday. Definitely not enough time! I would advise two weeks minimum.

Second, my readership could probably have been counted on both my hands and feet at the time. And I had made no effort to “get the word out” among other bloggers, particularly those with a larger audience than mine (which at the time was practically everyone).

Third, I hadn’t given much thought to execution of the project, how I would handle and publicize entries, etc. I began to get terrified that either a) no one would participate, or b) thousands would! Typical pre-party jitters, no doubt, but still something you should prepare for, just in case the load is high.

Whew, Dodged a Bullet That Time!

Once I realized the fine mess I had gotten myself into, I immediately postponed the contest by an extra week so I would have some more time (the announcement was already out there, so I changed the date with an apology for the oversight). This gave me some extra time to plan.

Then, I contacted several bloggers and asked them to volunteer as judges. This accomplishes three things: a) it adds legitimacy to your contest, b) it enlists their support, and c) it helps get the word out via their readers. Out of seven people who were asked, three agreed, and we were off to a fine start!

Finally, I sent email announcements to every blogger at whose site I’d ever left a comment, asking them to share the announcement with their readers. Never underestimate the power of networking! Just remember, your network won’t just spring up overnight. It takes time, and patience, and perseverance.

(Allow me to add one more thing: if you’re new in the blogging game, you can’t do any better than connecting with Liz Strauss at Successful Blog. Don’t take my word for it – drop by her site and get to know her and her readers. I believe it’s safe to say that connecting with Liz is worth 6 months of networking on your own. She’s definitely a peach! Oh, and did I mention she’s the inspiration behind SOBCon ‘07?)

And the “Close Call” Award Goes to…

The good news is, the contest was a great success; once the smoke had cleared, there were a total of 441 entries from 71 people from all over the globe. The contest ran this year, from Monday, Jan. 18th through Sunday, Jan. 21st. The week prior to the contest, my Technorati rank was somewhere around 300,000. The day after the contest ended, my rank had risen to 62,619 (and this was in just a week!), and it has continued to climb since then to around the 44,000 range.

Of course, on March 1, when Middle Zone Musings moved from Blogger to its own domain, the rank bounced back up to about 1.7 million. (Alas, I had to cut short the celebration when I remembered that the number is supposed to be going the OTHER direction. Let’s see if I have it straight now: small, low number = good; large, high number = bad. So, the thing I’m shootin’ for is a “low” number, which is a “high” rank? I’m so confused.) Anyway, it’s recovering nicely now that everyone has found the new location (you HAVE memorized it, right?)

Y’all come back now, y’hear? And don’t forget to keep those, er, card and letter coming.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Is the Middle Zone having a bad day? Certainly not as bad as the matador in the photo here, but nevertheless there seems to be strange doings afoot.

For the last few days, I’ve been getting a few reports from readers of trouble at the Zone. (Yikes! Alert the media!) When Liz dropped by on Saturday, she got a message that sure sounded like a virus is lurking around somewhere. Tariq gave me a similar report.
 
If you see anything strange (I mean, stranger than usual, of course!), would you kindly send me an email letting me know! (Not that I’ll have any idea what to do about it, but at least I’ll know.)

Thanks!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Alright, I admit it: this is a “throw-down” post! I have been unusually busy for the last two weeks, and the trend continues today. So I said to myself, “Self, instead of your usual feeble attempt at pontificating on life, the universe and everything, why not let others do the work for you?”

Now, since I’m such an agreeable fellow, I agreed with myself this was a rather good idea! Hence this month’s edition of Great Quotes! So if you’re looking for inspiration, something to make you think, or perhaps even a good chuckle or two, then by all means, check these out:

• Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. – Fran Lebowitz
• Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. – Frank Dane
• Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away. – Philip K. Dick
• The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘tics’, meaning ‘blood-sucking parasites’. – Larry Hardiman
• How my achievements mock me! – William Shakespeare
• To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. – G. K. Chesterton
• Love thy neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood. – Louise Beal
• A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works. – John Gaule
• The intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism is alcoholism. – Norman Brenner
• You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience. – Stanislaw J. Lec
• If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. – Donald Rumsfeld
• When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. – Benjamin Disraeli
• The average man, who doesn’t know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever. – Anatole France
• Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom. – Soren Kierkegaard
• You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. – Will Rogers
• Every ass likes to hear himself bray. – English proverb
• Someday we’ll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car. – Evan Davis
• When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. – Will Rogers
• On the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog. – Peter Steiner
• There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you all about it? – Kin Hubbard
• Never answer a critic, unless he’s right. – Bernard M. Baruch
• Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane. – Philip K. Dick
• We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. – Aneurin Bevin

And finally, since this is tax season, here’s something particularly appropriate:

• There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government. – Benjamin Franklin

Ouch!

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

Busy day today, so instead of a post, here’s a quick logic question for you.

What is the opposite of the word “not”?

Interesting question, don’t you think? Try your hand at it - tell me your answer and why. I’ll post my own answer in a few days and we’ll compare notes.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!

I spent an entire summer, many moons ago, wrestling with that ever-popular question, “What Should I Do With My Life?” Since I’m no good at wrestling, a long vacation from my job seemed just the ticket to do some serious soul searching.

On the advice of a former church friend, I (gulp!) volunteered to be a counselor at a children’s camp (hey, I was MUCH younger then… and thus still insane) located in Huntsville State Park, in the heart of the beautiful Sam Houston National Forest in East Texas.

This camp’s format was 7 week-long sessions, which meant I had a different group of 12 to 15 boys each week, aged 8 to 12. From day one, I was amazed to find the entire experience was an incredible adventure! (And let’s just say that if you ever had the desire to kick-start your life’s allotment of grey hairs early, this is the best way I know. Trust me on this.)

One day I was walking alone back to my cabin and, as was my custom whenever I encountered a piece of trash along the trail, I picked it up. No biggie; I did it all the time. I liked to think I can always leave a place better than I found it. Besides, I hoped that my actions would at least serve as an example to the kids.

A few days later, one of the camp Board members called me over. After the usual introductions and preliminaries, he said, “Over the last few weeks we’ve been noticing how you seem to really care about this camp. You’re good with the kids, you tell good stories, and you seem to be a real leader. We’ve even seen you doing little extra things like picking up bits of trash along the trails.”

Needless to say, I was intrigued and quite flattered. I mean, not only had I never done this sort of thing before, but I had no idea whether was even any good at it. Now this guy comes along and says he’s been watching me… (lucky for him I’m not a paranoid!)

But here’s where it really got weird.

“We don’t know if you’ve been aware of it,” he continued, “but we’ve been looking for someone to fill the position of camp caretaker. But we’re not just looking for a handyman. It needs to be someone who cares deeply about what we do here, and has the qualities we’ve seen in you. We were wondering if you’d be interested in the job.”

Now instead of telling you what I did (that would be just too easy!), I’m going to turn it around and then ask you a question. (Consider it carefully; there may be a test later.)

Suppose you discovered, quite by accident, that you were really good at some… thing you’ve never done before. Suddenly, out of the blue, an opportunity to do it for real dropped out of the sky and landed right in your lap.

What would you do?

Note: I’m not asking what the thing would be, I’m asking what your response would be. Oh, and about that test… it’s called “Life”.

You know, it would just be absolutely finer than a frogs hair if you would subscribe to my RSS feed!