The Pain and the Prize
Epiphany (n.) (1) a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something; (2) an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking; (3) an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure
I had an epiphany once.
Back in 1993, it hit me (sound of dull thud); I suddenly and inexplicably realized I would like to finally finish my engineering degree and move into project management. (Up until then, I had been perfectly happy working as a piping designer – a designer of complex piping systems – on various types of industrial facilities such as refineries, chemical plants, etc.) I use the word inexplicably because for the longest time the very idea of attempting an engineering degree left me with cold sweats and an extreme case of the heebie-jeebies (if you don’t know what that means, ask your mother).
No doubt this attitude stemmed from the memories of my first encounter with Calculus (insert flash of lighting and sound of terrified scream here). Up until Calculus (once again: lightning, scream), math and science subjects were usually fairly easy for me, both in high school and even my early college years. But, within two weeks of starting Calculus (and again, with feeling), I was so traumatized that I had withdrawn from school and was looking for a job.
But it wasn’t Calcu- (uh, never mind, you know what I mean); the problem, you see, was motivation.
Motivate can be defined as, “to provide with an incentive; move to action; impel” (from the Latin verb motivatimus, which means a sharp kick in the butt), and if you think about it, it could be argued that motivation is the only reason we do anything. (Ok, I made that up about the Latin part.)
When I started college, the best way to describe my choice of major is that everyone “assumed” I’d be an engineer. After all, my 
dad was an engineer, my mother always worked for engineering firms and as a child I loved building stuff (and, um, taking things apart) – it was just a natural assumption. But I can’t say I ever had any passion for the idea; it was just, I don’t know – an idea like “one day I’ll be a spaceman” (which, alas, is now only a dream *sigh*). So when it came time to face the pain of a difficult subject, such as you-know-what (don’t make me say it), I wasn’t really motivated by a passion for being an engineer. Thus, the obstacle of a difficult subject became insurmountable.
Now step into my time machine and move toward the present by about twenty years. As I said, one day it hit me that I’d like to move into project management. Unfortunately, this required a degree in engineering. Ack! What to do? Here’s where it gets weird, though. To my surprise, the idea of tackling that degree was actually exciting! Huh? What was different?
Ah, you know the answer already; good for you! The difference was the amount of motivation I had. The goal was no longer “get an engineering degree” but “become a project manager”. I was able to move the focus from the pain to the prize, and (almost) that simply, I was on my way. I received my engineering degree in 1996, and in fact it was only the first of three degrees I hold now. Within a few years of that first degree, the opportunity came along to move into project management, and that is where my career has me today.
I didn’t say all the above just to gain your admiration (or your sympathy, depending on how you look at it), but to ask you these questions:
Have you ever had an Epiphany – a moment when your life changed because of a particular decision that was perhaps a long time coming? What was your “Calculus” (bright flash of light, deafening explosion; end of the universe as you know it)? What was it that tipped you over the edge of wishful thinking and motivated you to (if you’ll pardon the expression) “just do it”?
Related posts on this subject:
Turning Dreams Into Goals
Sometimes It Just Takes Awhile…
It’s Nothing a Size 18 Boot Wouldn’t Fix
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Gee, Az – and I didn’t even know there was such a major. But it’s good when you can finally realize where you SHOULD be heading!
This is kinda funny. My calculus was, well, calculus. Multivariable, to be precise. Just couldn’t handle the third dimension. I switched majors from Engineering to Criminal Psychology. Switched from Criminal Psychology to School Psychology. Finally switched from School Psychology to, you guessed it, Engineering Psychology when I suddenly realized (epiphany — *ding*) that’s what I should’ve moved straight from Engineering to.
[...] regreted not completing my degrees there. (There’s a little more about that story in my post, The Pain and the Prize.) As a student, I was a proud member of the 300-strong Fightin’ Texas Aggie Band, which at that [...]
Great post! What a great truth. That’s the trouble with college for so many kids. They’re there because that’s what they’re supposed to do, but they don’t know what they really want yet. Thanks for pointing me here.
Jean, I’ve often thought pretty much ALL college kids ought to travel for a year or so during college. Take a semester in another country or something. Just to see what’s out there and get out of the “local” view so many have.
Ah well, it all turned out OK in the end!
In fact, I spent two quarters at Stanford-in-Germany my junior year. We did a lot of traveling around Europe on vacations and during our three-day weekends (every other week). I spent another month traveling around after the school year ended. Very few (if any) other physics majors did that because it meant a heavy load my senior year–all physics and math courses, but it was worth it.
I ended up dropping out of graduate school after my first semester because I wanted to do more traveling. I did. See Building a Solid Foundation (http://cheerfulmonk.com/2007/11/12/building-a-solid-foundation) for more details. It doesn’t matter when you figure out what you want. The main thing is when you do you’re more than willing to pay the price.
In my case I ended up not going back to graduate school because a Ph. D. in physics wasn’t what I wanted. That was a surprise, but I’ve never regretted the decision.
Great conversation. Thanks!
Even though the desire to travel was a motivator, it wasn’t as strong as my wanting to spend my time doing things I love. My dad hated his job and my mother had a job that didn’t turn me on. I wanted to find something that resonated with me. That was the source of my early drive.
For my daughter it was something similar. We have some land up in the mountains and we spent a lot of time there as a family working on projects, such as planting fruit trees, building a shed, having a garden, building a tractor from a kit (it was small, but it worked fine for maintaining the road), etc. My daughter wasn’t academically inclined, and when she was in high school my husband told her, “No problem. With your background you can always get a job digging ditches and building barbed wire fences.” For some reason that didn’t appeal to her. She was also working at Sonic drive-in at the time and could see that some people were working not just for extra money but because it was their livelihood. So she did go to college and worked hard, and she ended up getting a Ph.D. in biopsychology. She spent her junior year at St. Andrews, Scotland, which did expand her view of the world. But even though I think traveling is a great experience, I don’t think it motivates people to find a satisfactory career. I think it’s more important that (1) they get experience trying things so they can see where their interests and talents lie and (2) they have a chance to see what the alternatives are if they don’t apply themselves. That’s what ended up motivating you, right?
Again, great conversation!
You’re close, Jean. Actually, after working in the field for twenty years, it gave me the chance to actually see where I wanted to go (OK, so I was a slow learner). When I was in college, I couldn’t visualize what that career would be like. The word “engineer” was just that – a word.
On the other hand, the value I see in traveling is in getting people out of their comfort zones. There’s a whole new world out there waiting to be explored! Alas, too many people I know are perfectly happy with their own little view of the world, and would just as soon never leave it.
I agree – great conversation, Jean!
[...] on it (which is a West Texas expression meaning punched it in the nose and stomped it flat). (You can read about that particular epiphany here.) For a few days, I even considered switching to Architecture, but alas, my grades weren’t [...]