The Day I Decided to, er, Get Help
Now, I realize a title like that is likely to elicit responses along the lines of, “Well, it’s about time that boy got some help!” But it’s not what you think. Sorry.
When I was younger, I used to own a 1974 Dodge Charger, exactly like the one pictured here. Except, uh, mine was a dark olive green, and she had a white landau roof. Oh, and she also had a white leather interior (something I’ll never have again).
Now, that was a fun car to own and drive. She had a 400-cubic-inch engine, which was admittedly a bit large; but then again, she was a fairly heavy car. (Back then nobody even thought about gas mileage, and as a young adult, I was mainly concerned with, um, getting there fast.) She has the distinction of being the first car I ever bought new off the dealer’s lot.
You may have noticed I use the pronoun her. I named her Yolanda, of course. (And you have to say it like this: yo-LAHN-da.) Why Yolanda, you ask? Well, I’ll tell ya… keep on wonderin’.
Yolanda and I had some great times together, but she did have one major flaw. I only discovered it the first time I had to perform a tune-up. See, from the hood, it was no trouble reaching six of the eight spark plugs. Unfortunately, due to the size of the engine and the general closeness of the engine compartment (it was packed in there!), I simply couldn’t reach two of them from above. The solution: get underneath the car.
The problem with that was, as you may be able to tell from the photo, Yolanda was something of a “low rider”, if you know what I mean. She was the “street” version of a Daytona race car that was understandably designed with very low ground clearance. Too bad they carried that part of the design over, though. It was a tight fit, with barely enough clearance for my body (as well as my much younger and *sigh* slimmer) tummy.
If it hadn’t been so painful and strenuous, it would have been hysterical watching me skootch my way into position (displaying the amazing talent of moving across the ground using only shoulders and – pardon the expression, but there’s no better way to say it – butt cheeks). Finally, I managed to get where I could see the two wayward plugs, and that’s when I discovered yet another stupid idiotic design flaw challenge.
See, what with the engine mounts, the front suspension, and the stabilizer struts – not to mention the somewhat confined space – I could barely even see the darned things, much less reach ‘em. I spent quite some time considering possible angles of approach, but after wriggling around in every way imaginable, I finally concluded there was no way I could finish the job myself.
It was a tough thing to admit. I mean, I’m a guy – I’m supposed to be able to work on my own car, especially for something as simple as a tune-up. No, really; it’s right there in black & white in the Manly Men’s Code of Conduct Manual, page 72: Thou shalt perform thou’s own tune-ups.
Alas, and darn.
When You Just Can’t Do It Yourself
Has something like this ever happened to you? Well, not necessarily the car repair thing; I’m talking about times when it seems like, no matter what you do, you simply can’t “make it work” (whatever it happens to be)?
The way I see it, you’re faced with three options.
- Give up. Yep, that’s certainly one option, isn’t it? After all, you didn’t really want to, um, accomplish that thing anyway, right? Why not just forget about it? On the other hand, hopefully we’ve all recently learned something from hitting brick walls, though…
- Keep trying. I suppose you can keep trying, but what if you’ve exhausted every resource you have and still can’t do it? Isn’t it time to try something, you know, new? Remember the definition of insanity: doing the same thing while expecting different results.
- Get help. There comes a time when you simply have to look for outside help to get the job done, right? So put the tools down and go find it. The fact is, no matter what the job, there’s probably plenty of people out there ready and willing to help you accomplish it.
Out of frustration (and, er, filled with the impetuosity of youth) I naturally chose option #1.
Well, at least I did at first. See, the frustration of spending literally hours of time, plus the physical effort of squirming around, fruitlessly trying to reach those stupid spark plugs made me want to just walk away and not think about it anymore. Man, was I exhausted! Hey, we’ve all been there, right?
But really, what would that have accomplished? I mean, Yolanda would have eventually started having problems and likely ended up with a much bigger (and naturally more costly) failure to deal with. So, displaying just enough intelligence to skip option 2, I quickly relented and switched to option 3.
Yep; it was time to call on the experts. Needless to say, I never tried doing that job again! From that day forward, Yolanda took a trip to the shop whenever she needed a tune-up.
It was a decision that changed my life!
You Can Profit from Giving Up
Rather than plunging into the Pit of Despair and suffering miserably from ignominious defeat (as well as receiving a somewhat scathing letter from the Manly Men’s Association), I actually realized three profound benefits from that decision.
- Freedom. With more time on my hands I gained a sense of freedom. I had wasted nearly 6 frustrating hours (what can I say? I’m a persistent guy) that day trying to do something I simply couldn’t do. And what’s worse, it would be pretty much the same situation every single time the same job needed to be done. So why waste the time? There were other profitable, necessary or even fun things I was suddenly free to do.
- Empowerment. I know this is going to sound a bit odd at first, but think about it with me for a moment (sound of millions of grinding gears). The fact is, I now knew something about my limitations. In a strange sort of way, knowing that gave me a better sense of who I was. And ya know what? Knowing yourself is always empowering.
- Peace of Mind. One thing Yolanda taught me was that there’s simply no way to keep up with every change there is. As automobile technology changed, the idea of me working on my own car became more and more problematic – I simply couldn’t keep up with it without continuous investment in time, money and energy. Now, that’s all right if I’d been a mechanic. But since I’m not; well, I don’t have to bother anymore.
I trust you realize, of course, that you face these same three choices every day – in your business, your life, and pretty much anything. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is, do you feel lucky?
Tell Me a Story
So what about it? When was the last time you had to make this kind of decision? Did you choose door #1, door #2, or door #3 – or is there another door I failed to mention? What made you choose the one you did? Did you go back and change your mind later, like I did?
19 responses so far
Middle Zone Musings is a comfortable place to stop, have a cup of coffee, swap a few stories and share practical ideas for the real world. I don't ask for much, just a bit of your brain every now and then. Have a seat, take a load off, and relax...
My mantra is and has always been, when in doubt, farm it out. I am so inept at household chores, my wife (believe it or not, this is true) actually discourages me from from doing them. When I sealcoated the driveway, I smeared tar all over the sidewalk between the main driveway and the apron (that stuff doesn’t come off). When I did some weeding in our garden, I mistakenly dug up my wife’s prize sunflowers. For me, giving up does provide a sense of freedom, I guess. My wife definitely gains peace of mind. As far as empowerment, I never really thought about that, but I think you’re right. If you accept your limitations, you free up time and mental energy to concentrate on developing your true gifts. That is not only empowering, it makes the world a better place for friends, family, coworkers. And in my case, subcontractors.
I think I saw Yo-lahn-da riding down the road in my youth! HA! Another great story and food for thought. Asking for help does not come naturally to me. I grew up an only child and if my parents weren’t handy I just figured things out. However, I learned what did not come naturally. Oh, yes, I still have been known to take Options 1 and 2 before moving to 3 (thunking my head wondering why I didn’t just skip to 3 immediately) but I don’t do it as often.
Hmmm… not sure I believe that, Brad, about the household chores thing. But if that’s your story – well, OK; I guess I’ll accept it.
I think you understand the empowerment thing, though!
Karen, I think the best part about Yolanda was that I’d installed an old horn called a Klaxon in her. Whenever I used it, it was so unexpected that people couldn’t help but stare. Lots of fun!
Hey, as long as we’re on the long climb up the learning trail, it doesn’t matter how long it takes, Karen. Just keep climbin’!
Great story Robert!
This one’s easy for me. I’m as impractical as they come, hopelessly so, which means I’ve learned to ask for help happily, whenever it’s needed. I think being female helps in this regard, and I have to confess to having no qualms whatsoever to asking guys to help me with stuff that would leave me baffled.
Joanna
Spring before last we were in dire need of mowing our grass once again. We had a mower, and needed to take it in to the shop before we could get started. Problem: at the time, my husband’s job was kicking his ass and sending him home late every day. Sometimes home-at-10-pm, up-at-4:30-am late. And with my tendonitis, there was no way I was going to be able to muck with a mower. Finally, one day I saw a guy out mowing our neighbors’ lawn. I’m not a people person, and find it difficult to just walk up to strangers and talk, but I marched out there and asked how much it would cost for him to take care of our yard. Now he mows our lawn once every week or two depending on how fast it’s growing, just like he mows three or four other lawns on the street. It would be nice to do it ourselves, particularly now that my husband spends less time at work, but darn it, I’d rather have that time for other things.
So, you’re playing the gender card, eh Joanna? (Just kidding!)
For me, there’s the challenge of trying to figure out things for myself. I just enjoy wrestling with some things, you know? The key learning, though, is knowing when it’s worth the effort, and when it is pretty much a waste of time.
I think I’m getting better at it, especially since I started blogging. The time savings alone (from asking for help) makes it a winning strategy in my book!
Just as long as one doesn’t end up becoming a “taker”, if you know what I mean! (Not a problem in your case!)
Howdy, Heather! Hey, I know exactly what you mean – I just recently decided to, er, hand off the lawn chores to a professional, too. Sigh. Actually hated to do it, but the tradeoff is too good. And, he actually does a better job than I do!
Welcome to the wonderful world of empowerment!
What a great post. Well done and well thought.
My daughter and I recently bought a 62 Olds F-85. I’m not a car guy, but I’m trying to be. I needed to drop the transmission to take it to someone to rebuild it. A friend came over. Everything went smoothly until we got to the top two bolts holding the transmission to the block.
Honestly, it was as if Satan designed this. We spent an hour on just one bolt.
sigh.
But it was fun in its own weird way.
Bob,
I got stuck trying to install a dishwasher once while briefly employed as a maintenance guy. I forgot to read the Manly Men’s Code of Conduct Manual and called my supervisor for help because I could not seem to find the correct fitting to hook up the water line to the dishwasher.
The second time I called for help he told me to come in and get my severance pay.
When it comes to vehicles, I found the 1969 Chevrolet Malibu with the 350 V8 an easier car to work on. We went through three in my family during the late 1970s with my sister getting the first. Dad and I would buy them used and fix them up. The last was a high-performance version my dad and I hopped up. We didn’t put in a new speedometer, though, so I never found out how fast I was going on the I-635 loop around Dallas late at night. But I did come home one day from school (I’d gotten a ride with a friend to save gas) and found the car had been sold.
My next vehicle was a 1979 Ford Courier with a 1.3 liter 4-cylinder engine. Think dad knew what I’d been doing?
-Sam
@Real Live Preacher – Yep, been there! Gordon, you really have to wonder if these auto designers ever considered the millions of folks out there who like doing it themselves, you know? I never understood that line of reasoning. And I’ve heard of worse faux pas, too.
Hey, thanks for dropping by!
@Sam – Yeah, you really need to keep your copy of the M.M.C.C.M. handy at all times. When you reach for a wrench, it should be right there, buddy!
I loved those Malibu’s – one of the best designs ever to come off the assembly line. Chevy Nova’s were pretty easy to modify, too. And the Chevy 350 WAS the best engine – ever!
And I’m guessin’ your Dad, er, knew…
We quit on plenty of things these days — hobbies, projects and worst of all, people.
We look for a way out of every situation, rather than rolling up our sleeves and getting to work.
Red Letter Believers has a blogpost on “When to Quit Your job”
http://redletterbelievers.blogspot.com/2008/06/should-you-quit-your-job.html
I featured this piece at the High Calling website on Friday.
http://highcallingblogs.com/blog/2008/06/06/why-quitting-is-sometimes-good/
@David – Howdy, David; great to see you here!
I think there ARE times when quitting is the right thing to do. But I agree with you – we shouldn’t BE quitters! My point is – there’s a difference.
@ real live preacher – Thanks, Jon! wow, Yolanda finally becomes famous!
[...] Newman – with gritted teeth) developed an electrical problem (I never named any other cars once Yolanda and I parted ways *sob*). Worse, it was something I’d never seen, nor even heard of [...]
yep a 1974 dodge charger with a 318ci, 444 lift cam, 4.10 gears, and a b&m shifter. going to be a 360ci with about 400-500hp
My! That sounds like a sweet ride, Kris! Although Yolanda had a 400 ci plant. But yours sounds faster… Hey, send me a photo!
Thanks for the comment!