[NOTE: To help celebrate our upcoming Anniversary (May 1), this week I'm sharing some of our honeymoon adventures on the Hawaiian island of Kauai.]

Now, before I go on, let me just say to those of you who actually, you know, live in Hawaii, that I’d really appreciate it if you’d help me out here. After all, if anyone should know…]

Ever since I was a kid (um, that’s human, not goat), I’ve always wanted to visit exotic places. Like, er, Mars. Alas, despite the amazing advances in space exploration over the ensuing years, that opportunity has yet to present itself. The bottom line is, when it came time for our honeymoon, Mrs. MZM and I had to settle for something, well, a bit less exotic. So we went to Hawaii.

One thing I’ll say about Hawaii: that’s one place where, I’m telling ya, everything is exotic! The plants, the birds, the scenery – I mean, everything is such a far cry from the sort of things we usually see down in here in Texas (and pretty much the rest of the U.S.).

The Barking Sands

Y’know; when you’re on a relatively small island, at least you can never get lost. (‘Course, you can only go so far before you have to do your fish imitation, but I think you get my meanin’.) After all, on Kauai there’s really only one main road; it starts near Princeville (about the middle of the northern side) and goes clockwise about three-quarters of the way around the island to its westernmost point at Barking Sands. (The rest of the coastline is too rugged for wheeled vehicles.)

There were (and still are, of course!) plenty of great things to see on Kauai. Amazing waterfalls, lush tropical forests, beautiful beaches; we wanted to see it all. Naturally we had our own handy guidebook to show us what to see and do. Therefore, when the guidebook said we should visit Barking Sands, we did.

Now bear in mind, this was 26 years ago. I understand the public may not now be able to actually get to Barking Sands anymore since it’s a military base. (Was it a base back then? I don’t know.) But I do remember standing on the beach at Barking Sands and looking across the water at the island of Ni’ihau. It was late afternoon and very windy, and quite sobering to think the next landfall due west was Taiwan, about 5,000 miles away.

Anyway, I honestly don’t have that clear a recollection of the beach itself, other than it was, you know, picturesque. I mean, after you’ve seen so many beautiful beaches with incredibly white sand, they all sortof run together, if you know what I mean. But there was one thing the guidebook told us that, to this day is still a mystery. I sure wish we still had that book, because it’s something I’d really like to know. 26 years later, it still makes us wonder.

I don’t mind telling you, I’m fascinated by unusual place names. And by now you’re probably wondering, as we were, just how the heck did Barking Sands get its name? Was it in honor of an ancient chief’s dog? Perhaps it was the local equivalent to a dog park? Wait, I know – it was the annual migration point for barking seals, right?

Well, according to the guidebook, it was none of these oh-so-logical-sounding things. Nope; not even close. Now bear with me (like I said, it’s been 26 years), but to the best of our recollection, according to the book the name Barking Sands derived from “the distinctive sound the sand makes when thrown into the air”.

Yep; that’s what it said.

Now undoubtedly your brain is racing along, as ours did that day, quickly reviewing your high-school physics classes and attempting to find some measure of logic behind such a bizarre-sounding explanation. I mean, c’mon; we didn’t just fall of the turnip truck, you know. How could such a ridiculous thing possibly be true? Sound of a dog barking, indeed.

Mrs. MZM and I stood there for a few minutes, pondering the imponderable and contemplating the inevitable. Presently, she looked at me with all seriousness and said, “Well don’t look at me; I’m not doin’ it!”

So What Would YOU Do?

Yes, that indeed begs the question, doesn’t it?

On the one hand, we could have simply laughed and gone our way, never knowing if the act of tossing said sand upon the gentle breezes of the Hawaiian Main somehow magically caused a distinctive sound to whisper upon our amazed ears.

On the other hand, we could also be unwitting guests on the island version of Candid Camera, with a sneaky hidden camera nearby, ready to capture the spectacle of two idiotic tourists who believed anything they read in a book.

What to do, what to do?

Well, not being one to shy from a challenge (although I must admit to checking the area first to see if anyone was watching), I gathered as much dignity as I could muster, bent over and scooped up a double handful of sand, and flung it into the air. We both mightily cocked our ears in order to capture the slightest possible resulting and distinctive sound.

The result was pretty much as you would expect: nothin’.

We looked at each other for a moment with an I-told-you-so look, and I tried it again. Still nothin’. Ah, well. We moved on, back to see the rest of the wonders Kauai had to offer. To this day, I still have no idea if it was a prank or what, inserted into the guidebook just to see if anybody would fall for it. But I can tell you this; it certainly made for a memorable moment.

Still… maybe there’s a lesson here after all.

Dignity; Always Dignity

You know, most of us hate to look ridiculous, especially in front of other people (I mean, it’s bad enough when you’re alone!) But when you get right down to it, what’s the real harm? So what if someone else discovers the truth – that you’re just not all that? (One of the great humbling things about marriage is you can no longer hide it from your spouse.)

Take the upcoming SOBCon for instance. Last year, I remember it as a wonderful, exciting time; meeting new people and hearing some great speakers. In fact, it’s one of the things that helped clarify my purpose as a writer, and not “just” a blogger.

But in some ways, last year’s SOBCon was, well, a lot like a first date. I mean, there I was meeting these folks for the very first time, and naturally I wanted to present my best foot forward, so to speak. I made sure my shoes were shined (there was a handy machine for that in the men’s room), periodically checked my teeth for wayward bits of breakfast or lunch, and generally did my best to keep that watchword, dignity, in mind. Like I said; a first date.

As far as I know, nothing untoward happened (well, no unwitting faux pas that I can think of, anyway). Thus, mission accomplished. (‘Course, the downside is, being that stiff can make one come across with all the warmth of a piece of wood. Just ask Al Gore.)

But you know what I’ve discovered since then? It’s this: playing the fool isn’t so bad! After all, it’s one reason I can relax and have so much fun with my writing now. If you were to compare my earlier writing style with today’s, you’ll see that I certainly have a lot more fun – and consequently have made lots more friends over the last year – simply because I don’t mind acting silly.

Yep; there’s a lot to be said for being upright and dignified. And yes, as hard to believe as it may sound, I can manage it, if necessary. But, if you want to see the real me, well, just give me minute!

So how about it, folks? Are you sometimes afraid of letting go? Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself? Does clinging to your dignity occasionally cause you to miss out on having a good time?

Don’t you wish, for once, you could hear the sand go arf, arf, arf?

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OK; I know it’s a bit late, but if you’d like to come to SOBCon08, there’s still time to register (it’s May 2-4 in Chicago); just click the link for more details. If you do make it this year, come tap me on the shoulder and introduce yourself. Just look for the hat.